Thread: Tell Me Why I've Never Been in A Significant Relationship.

Become proactive.
Is there anything you enjoy doing off the net? Do you go to church, play sports, play cards etc.
If you're still in school (college) are there any after school clubs that interest you? Or gatherings from work you could attend?

I made a bunch of sticky notes with my name and number on them, and I was at a collage (For a boyscout merit badge) And I stuck them on the backs, and back packs of all the hot girls
(no one has called yet lol)

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Become proactive.
Is there anything you enjoy doing off the net? Do you go to church, play sports, play cards etc.
If you're still in school (college) are there any after school clubs that interest you? Or gatherings from work you could attend?

Yeah, becoming more social will help a lot. Maybe become more active in your school (student council), start hanging out with people at sporting events. To become more available you have to make yourself more available to others, if that makes any sense at all.

Originally Posted by spockman

My whole highschool career I've never been in a relationship. Ever. Not even a petty one. I did in eighth grade once, but that was when I was like 12 or 13...

Is that wierd? I don't want to just go screw the nearest girl, but what can Id o to make myself, I don't know, more available?

Believe it or not, because you care too much about getting one.

Originally Posted by spockman

My whole highschool career I've never been in a relationship. Ever. Not even a petty one. I did in eighth grade once, but that was when I was like 12 or 13...

Is that wierd? I don't want to just go screw the nearest girl, but what can Id o to make myself, I don't know, more available?

They aren't that great. At all. The sex can good, but they are never meaningful in the slightest. Awkward breakups after senior year, and they're just bothersome and trivial. Get girls, not girlfriends.

Originally Posted by Grod

They aren't that great. At all. The sex can good, but they are never meaningful in the slightest. Awkward breakups after senior year, and they're just bothersome and trivial. Get girls, not girlfriends.

Not true.

You've just had bad experience.

Originally Posted by spockman

I don't want to just go screw the nearest girl...

I think screwing the nearest girl is a start

and telling girls you're available is also a way to become more available. actually, just looking at girls gets the job done.

Originally Posted by Carôusoul

Not true.

You've just had bad experience.

agreed. my last relationship ended bitterly, and even I don't support that mindset

I know a guy who says the same stuff, saying that sex is all that matters. he has no heart for a relationship right now. why? because he's only had one girlfriend (not necessarily your case), and she cheated on him (not necessarily your case, either). I don't blame him, though.

Originally Posted by AirRick101

I think screwing the nearest girl is a start

and telling girls you're available is also a way to become more available. actually, just looking at girls gets the job done.



agreed. my last relationship ended bitterly, and even I don't support that mindset

I know a guy who says the same stuff, saying that sex is all that matters. he has no heart for a relationship right now. why? because he's only had one girlfriend (not necessarily your case), and she cheated on him (not necessarily your case, either). I don't blame him, though.

I don't think sex is all that matters. High-school break-ups are inevitable, and they don't end well. They're fun for a while, I guess.

But don't listen to me. I'm just a negative person.

Originally Posted by Grod

High-school break-ups are inevitable, and they don't end well. They're fun for a while, I guess.

not true.


again.

;_;

Enjoy it while it lasts

Originally Posted by Grod

Enjoy it while it lasts

Doing.

Originally Posted by Grod

Enjoy it while it lasts

have been~ Started dating my gf junior year and we are still dating junior year of college~~

I didn't date in high school.

Then I moved to college and BAM.

So just relax. It'll happen.

Yeah I'm 19 and I know why I havn't, I don't talk for the sake of just talking, and girls certainly arn't the type to go after some quite guy who doesn't make much noise, unless their a rare type. Not that I really trust myself to be a good boyfriend, I'd probably do a crap job at this point in my life.

All I know is that once you begin to be more out-going some of the stress comes off and you find it easier and much more enjoyable to talk because it is less stressful to do and it comes more naturally, it doesn't feel like you have to pressure yourself all the time. (trust me I know how it feels to feel pressured to talk to people in order to improve yourself) You just have to say what you are thinking and not keep it in your head and trust in yourself.

You may not think you have much to say, but you'll be suprised when you pay attention to your thoughts and all the things you feel like saying.

Also Catching girls eyes often makes them think your into them, so maybe they will try and hang near you, as long as you act open and seem welcoming.

Sometimes it's good to be alone. If you've been single that long, honey, God has not found the right one for you yet.

Originally Posted by Grod

But don't listen to me. I'm just a negative person.

Me too. My last relationship ended harsly, fucked me up. First time I found out what love really was. And it was my fault it got taken away. But, anyway, I'm not ready for another relationship soon.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

So just relax. It'll happen.

Originally Posted by aaliyah822

If you've been single that long, honey, God has not found the right one for you yet.

Bullshit. This is why girls should not give girl advice.

In our society the onus is on the male to initiate contact and to advance a relationship. If you are already actively trying to meet girls then I need more information.

Feel free to PM me.

My advice about relaxing is bullshit?

This is the last time I take an interest in your petty high school drama talk.

Peace out.

Well good thing I'm not a "girl" I'm a woman. I saw some people actually trying to help out here and ones that should have never been allowed to carry penises -
Examples would be:
"Bullshit. This is why girls should not give girl advice." - Who let you graduate from the 3rd grade? Shame on them.
"I think screwing the nearest girl is a start"- Only if you think catching an STD is cool and like having your junk fall off.
If someone gives you advise like this run like hell and don't look back-

It is not weird to not want to go and impregnate everything that walks that would be immature and stupid- your actually ahead of most guys your age on that one. Don't digress just for the sake of trying to be one of those idiots. A guy who is into you for the sake of liking you and not just to get down your pants is sexy, if I know you have done it with a lot of other girls I'm going to wonder if there is something emotionally, mentally or physically wrong with you - face who knows what you could have at that point -gross. I won't let you get near me. Maybe it's not so weird that you don't have a girlfriend maybe no one has been genuinely interesting there is more to finding a girlfriend than just liking her rack. Whats the point in being with a bunch of failed attempts? Nothing it will just give you a complex, so why not wait until you feel that someone in truly interesting and captivating and worthy of your time and attention. Getting out and being involved in things is sexy, getting an education is definitely sexy and if you do these things you are also increasing your chances of meeting someone else who is interesting and has goals and dreams and brains and hey maybe even a great rack. Being focused on the things that you love and that you are passionate about will eventually lead you to a person who not only will you be able to have a relationship with, have sex with but also be best friends with . That is the truth.

Originally Posted by Ward

Bullshit. This is why girls should not give girl advice.

In our society the onus is on the male to initiate contact and to advance a relationship. If you are already actively trying to meet girls then I need more information.

Feel free to PM me.

Sort of half right.

Sort of.


Because relaxing and not bothering is required.


But at the same time pro active-ness is needed.

Compromise.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

My advice about relaxing is bullshit?

Yes. What you said pretty much amounts to "do not improve yourself or change anything, just wait for something to happen."

Relaxation is key, but that only comes with experience. Telling a guy who is nervous around girls (may not be the case here, which is why I asked for more information) to just relax is meaningless. It is the same kind of generic relationship advice a mother would give.

The fact is an average guy with girl problems who is approaching a girl for the first time is not going to be able to relax. What they must do is force themselves out of their comfort zone and approach anyway. Eventually they will see that girls are not scary and that rejection is not very painful. With this realization comes confidence and relaxation.

First of all... I wouldn't say women shouldn't give advice, but it should be advice. No comfort-talk.

About all those people going 'well you just haven't found the right one yet'
I'm always a bit put off by that (and I mean that in a respecting way, of course). If you say it like that, it has no real essence. It's just talk to comfort you. It's basically the stuff your mom says to you to make you stop crying

Because really: what does it even mean? 'the right one for you'? (I am going to come back to this)

There is no 'right one for you'. There is no 'perfect woman'. Everybody has flaws. And if they don't have them now, then be assured: sometime in the future they will. Why? Because everybody changes. Both you, as well as the girl. So what was perfect for you once, might change. What was 'right for you' once, WILL change.

And if there WERE a 'right one for you'. Then you'd first have to find and attract her anyways.


So... On to the meat of the question. I'm gonna have you do all the work here. Why have you never been in a significant relationship?

1) Have you been looking? Even if there is no 'perfect one for you', have you at least identified what you want in a relationship? Do you know who you are and what you want in life and in a woman? You say you don't just want to jump any passing woman. So what do you want? Search your soul a bit. Write down a few traits that a woman must have and why. she. should. have. them. (<- important! Makes you look at things in a deeper way... not just 'skin deep')
-->Get to the bottom of your desire. Identify who you are. Identify what you want in a woman. Go REALLY DEEP, and choose a few select traits.

2) When you've identified your wishes, then just go look for the woman that has them. People are people. They don't come in wrapped present-format. They're just out there, going about their business, minding their own life. They don't know you, they don't know you have a wish for this stuff. So you've gotta look for them
--> MEET PEOPLE.

3) Ask yourself: do you have an attractive personality? If you interact with that woman that you'd like to have a relationship with (i.e. who's got her act together, who's got the traits that complement you, etc.), is she going to think 'hey, this could be a worthy supplement to my friends' or 'wow, this guy's amazing, I want to get into a relationship with him'?
Be BRUTALLY honest with yourself here. Don't go for the gratifying answer, and don't just blurt out the thing that you want to hear. BE HONEST:
ARE YOU BOYFRIEND MATERIAL OR ARE YOU NOT? Step out of yourself and your subjectivity for a moment: would you want to be the boyfriend of you? ->If you've answered 'yes': good for you. Go meet women. Attract them. Job all done. Though you should remember: you are NOT perfect. ALWAYS continue to grow. Always continue to get better. Even though you might have an attractive personality, there's always stuff that you can perfect.
->If you've answered 'no' or 'maybe', then we have some work to do... Cultivate an attractive personality.
--> Do some soul-searching, be honest, and admit the truth

4) If you don't have an attractive personality, then we're gonna do some work. We're going to cultivate an attractive personality.
What components should we cultivate?
1) A relaxed, laid-back, confident attitude. There's no need to stress about stuff. Just surf the waves of life. It's fun. And above all: accept everything that happens. It is as it is. Just RELAAAAXXX
2) Have fun! Life is fun, so have fun!
3) Be flirty. Physically touch people, tease people, imply that she likes you and that you're on to her, interpret things she says sexually, whatever. Do the whole shebang.
4) Have your shit together. Don't just do sex, drugs and rock and roll. Don't go through life aimlessly like some sort of vagrant does on the streets. Have a serious attitude also. Have a goal in life. Have a dream. Work towards achieving that. Aside from that, know yourself, know your situation, know your environment, and ACCEPT it all. It is as it is.
(Do note that point 1, 2, and 4 are about life in general, thought they do apply to having an attractive personality also. So you'd do good to do this stuff either way).
-->Cultivate an attractive personality

5) Flirt!
If you just have an attractive personality, but you don't flirt, then she won't see you as boyfriend material. You'll just behave like all her other friends. So attract her already! FLIRT!
--> FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT!!!


I'll just end with my usual closing: good luck, and if you need any help, just contact me or any one of us in here. We're here to help you, mmkay? ^^


Right-o! ... Bye!

-CD

have you made any moves on a girl you like? maybe you could do that...

Great advice CryoDragoon. I feel like I have been owned by the depth of your post.