Thread: anyone fancy a good 'ole joke....

Why was the mushroom invited to the party?

He was a fun guy.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

What's red and sits in the corner?

A naughty strawberry.


Oh, sorry, you said good jokes. My mistake.

haha nice one!!!

what big, red and eats rocks?
a big red rock eater

when is it bad luck to be followed by a big black cat?
when you're a little grey mouse

where is the english channel?
not sure- its not on my TV

there dont worry if jokes are crap...keep em coming! peace

What's green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.


A man walks into a bar. Ouch.


A man walks into a pub. Ouch.


A nun, rabbi, and englishman walk into a bar - and the scene plays out with a tedious inevitebility.


Why did everyone avoid the peice of tar?

He was a cycle path.


I once had a really depressed friend, so I pushed him infront of a train.

He was chuffed to bits.

what's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I dont have a Ferrari in my garage

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.




Q: What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common?
A: They were originally intended for children but it's men who play with them.




You're so ugly, when yo' mama dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering!

Three mints walk into a bar. Pepperint, spearmint and extra-strong. The extra strong mint started boasting about being the toughest mint around, and how he was scared of nobody. Just then a little round mint rolled through the door. The extra-strong mint dived behind the bar. The Peppermint asked
"what's wrong? I thought you were the toughest mint around and were scared of no-one."
"I am," the extra-strong mint replied, "it's just he's a bit menthol".

Originally Posted by Soldier

what's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I dont have a Ferrari in my garage

As bad as that is it made me lol hard...

The word rogering springs to mind for some obtuse reason. I guess that's my joke.

Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Lol, I've got one a lot like that.

A teacher is trying to teach her students proper manners. She has three of them come up to the board. They are given a scenario, they are in a restaurant with a girl, and need to properly excuse themselves to go to the bathroom. They have to give an answer one by one.

The first student says, "Later, I gotta pee."

The teacher angrily tells him that's not polite.

The second student says,"Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom."

The teacher says,"NO! You never use the word 'Bathroom.'"

The third student says,"Pardon me miss, I need to go shake hands with a very good friend of mine who I hope I can introduce you to after dinner."

The teacher fainted.

What's the difference between my left nut and a woman on her period?



...The woman on her period has a good excuse for not wanting to be in my pants!

Originally Posted by Goldney

The word rogering springs to mind for some obtuse reason. I guess that's my joke.

I don't get it...

Do you get MY joke?

Yeah but it didn't make me laugh as much as Solider's did...

That's because soldier is actually funny!