Thread: I'm a self conscious, anxious teen with no self esteem

It ends when you grow up.

Sup.

It ends when you realize that there are people with real problems in the world.

Spoiler for Starvation:

It ends when you realize that you ought to be thankful for having a roof over your head, and food that's being provided for you.



^^^ That's what I would say (and mean) if this thread were not in senseless banter.

Invayddderrr...you're awesome!

However, I would like to add, nothing, that those feelings get worse if we feel we have to be anything that we think we should be.

It's hard to grasp this, but why don't you let the you unfold - if it's freakish and loserish, it might also be really interestingish.

Most of us try to fit with what is considered to be in a spectrum of current ok-ness with our peers, or the peers we would like to be like, and I think to some degree that is unavoidable if we want to have friends - we have to relate somewhere.

So, I reckon, work out the kind of people you would like to be like and hang out with, based on their interests, preferred activities, dress etc and then kind of act like that image. That sounds like a contradiction to the second paragraph up there but really it isn't - basically, you have to unleash the you but with a generalised orientation to the image that you would like to live like, so that you can attract friends.

So yeah, not to put pressure on yourself to be anything other than what your kind of leanings are anyway.

Oh, and I reckon a real big attraction magnet is to become good at one thing. It's a status symbol and women/girls are attracted to status. And I think the status I am referring to is to become adept at something. Doesn't matter what it is because there will be someone out there who will hone in on that 'expertise'. So yeah it might be an instrument, or it might be a sport, or a hobby, maybe just knowing the total deal on ferrets or something, but something you like just for you. And I wouldn't bore everyone to tears over trying to show your talents - I think people eventually pick up that you are skillful or knowledgeable...whatever...but you may not attract the people you think you should attract - you will most likely attract people you can relate to though.

Originally Posted by Titania

'Oh, and I reckon a real big attraction magnet is to become good at one thing. It's a status symbol and women/girls are attracted to status. And I think the status I am referring to is to become adept at something. Doesn't matter what it is because there will be someone out there who will hone in on that 'expertise'. So yeah it might be an instrument, or it might be a sport, or a hobby, maybe just knowing the total deal on ferrets or something, but something you like just for you.'

Thank you for replying

I guess that's music and art for me...

It sounds kinda wierd, but I'm not really bothered that nobody likes me or talks ot me. Some people say they don't like me because they think I hate them because of my eyes. I've accepted that and it's okay because I'm a lone wolf anyway. I think the reason it doesn't bother me that much is because there is nobody that I look at and think 'I wish I was their friend', Or 'I wish I was like them' There is nobody that I can relate to, or share interests with. I feel like i've been born into the wrong genaration.

It's just this completely overwhelming feeling that everybody is staring at me, and pressing down on me thats wierd and uncomfortable

Some people just don't know me

But the people that do - know a completely different side of me


I'm pretty much talking to myself here

Sounds like you're not a lone wolf, because otherwise you wouldn't have posted talking about how anxious and unhappy you feel all the time.

Friends. Make them.

Originally Posted by Shift

Sounds like you're not a lone wolf, because otherwise you wouldn't have posted talking about how anxious and unhappy you feel all the time.

Friends. Make them.

I can't make friends

Why not? I know you mentioned all of that stuff but, say you're sitting somewhere and someone says hey to you. What's keeping you from engaging in a conversation?

Originally Posted by Nothing

I can't make friends

how old are you? and yes you can. fake it till you make. if you really think you REALLY are all those things you mention. Then you'll become more and more of just that. You become what you think about most.

if you can't accept that and actually change your attitude. Then no one should stand around and be your emotional tampon. and before you make friends. see a gynocologist.

A majority of posts you have made since joining have expressed emotional problems and stress.

I highly suggest going to see a counselor as it helps with emotional expression.

For personal advice, I would simply say, straight to the point, that you are your worst enemy in all of this. Take a thought that bothers you and get straight to the reason why it happens. Now, you may already have an insight to this, but there are many who take this and say, "I am the problem.. I hate myself.. I want to be rid of myself" but this is the very thought process that is actually ruining things.

Keep a journal and a thought journal. Try to pay attention to how many times you self-talk in a positive tone versus negative.

What do you think...?

~

You read my mind Shift.
If you truly enjoyed being the lne wolf, Nothing, you would not have poured your heart out in this thread. But I also understand the contridiction.

I was the "loner" and "freak" in school. I was pushed down stairs and shoved into the lockers and had gum thrown in my hair more often than I care to recall. I LOATHED school and ended up dropping out just a couple weeks into my 11th grade.
I'm still a "loner" and "freak" and I'm okay with that. BUT, I *would* prefer it if there was just ONE person I could always to talk about anything. For me, that one person is 2- my husband and my counselor.

Keep in mind that school is NOT the rest of your life. People grow up and mature.
Also, look at yourself... literally. Hang some mirrors up in your room to catch glances of yourself at different times. Several people say you give them the evil eye or look like your frowning. Try to see what they see. It could be simple to correct.
Read books on body language and learn how to carry yourself to project the impression you want to give people.
And don't be so hard on yourself. You may not be nearly as bad as you think and make yourself out to be.
I know I'm not. When I make myself available and approachable, I find myself enjoying the company of others. Just remember too that once you start, you have to continue. Friendships need to be carefully cultivated neither smothered nor starved.

Originally Posted by Nothing

I'm not even picked LAST for the teams - the game starts without me even being picked and I have to go and explain to the teacher what's happened

Lmao! That's terrible.

You need to put effort into life in order to get good results. You can't just think negatively 24/7 and expect everything to get better.

Become an Emo if you're not already one.
You'll find millions of identical friends that way. Myspace would be a great place to start, their are millions of maladjusted depressed teenagers just waiting to share poems and songs about how much they hate themselves, how unqiue and freakish they are (just like all their friends), and you can take photos of yourself looking sad... you could maybe even blog about how pointless and meaningless your life is. You could take photos of road kill and write a poem about how it reflects your soul.

Emo would be perfect for you...
They all think no one understand them too, problem is they ALL understand each other perfectly, they would just hate to admit they are the same as other people... so they prefer to keep up the self illusion that they are somehow special and different and no one could ever understand them. Makes them feel special that way.

You'll fit right in!

Sorry to be insensitive, but stop worrying what everyone else thinks about you, and start living your life for you. It's incredibly self obsessed.

Truth is, no one really gives a damn.
It's your life. Just go out and have fun whilst you're surrounded by all the randy teenagers all looking to explore their identity just as much as you. Just stop whinging, put a smile on your face, and go dance, screw, drink, go mental. You'll only have this period of your life once... make the most of it, and stop being so selfobsessed.

Sooner or later you'll be paying bills, rent, having to keep down a job etc. etc.
Then you'll have something to really be pissed off about.

As soon as you realise that you only have to justify your life and your happiness to yourself... then maybe you'll stop being such a complete bore.

But for now, if you really can't get you're head out of your arse to the point you are crying through your anus...
then go grow a fringe, wear some androgeonous clothing/makeup, and call yourself an emo...

You'll find that self hatred is a really cool fashion statement these days.

Turn your tears into a boringly predictable teenage fashion statement.

Although my guess is... that you already are.

You're 15.... which is about the same age as an old poodle.
You don't see them whinging constantly. Go hang out with some aging poodles... that'll cheer you up.

Originally Posted by spaceexplorer

Become an Emo if you're not already one.
You'll find millions of identical friends that way. Myspace would be a great place to start, their are millions of maladjusted depressed teenagers just waiting to share poems and songs about how much they hate themselves, how unqiue and freakish they are (just like all their friends), and you can take photos of yourself looking sad... you could maybe even blog about how pointless and meaningless your life is. You could take photos of road kill and write a poem about how it reflects your soul.

Emo would be perfect for you...
They all think no one understand them too, problem is they ALL understand each other perfectly, they would just hate to admit they are the same as other people... so they prefer to keep up the self illusion that they are somehow special and different and no one could ever understand them. Makes them feel special that way.

You'll fit right in!

Sorry to be insensitive, but stop worrying what everyone else thinks about you, and start living your life for you. It's incredibly self obsessed.

Truth is, no one really gives a damn.
It's your life. Just go out and have fun whilst you're surrounded by all the randy teenagers all looking to explore their identity just as much as you. Just stop whinging, put a smile on your face, and go dance, screw, drink, go mental. You'll only have this period of your life once... make the most of it, and stop being so selfobsessed.

Sooner or later you'll be paying bills, rent, having to keep down a job etc. etc.
Then you'll have something to really be pissed off about.

As soon as you realise that you only have to justify your life and your happiness to yourself... then maybe you'll stop being such a complete bore.

But for now, if you really can't get you're head out of your arse to the point you are crying through your anus...
then go grow a fringe, wear some androgeonous clothing/makeup, and call yourself an emo...

You'll find that self hatred is a really cool fashion statement these days.

Turn your tears into a boringly predictable teenage fashion statement.

Although my guess is... that you already are.

You're 15.... which is about the same age as an old poodle.
You don't see them whinging constantly. Go hang out with some aging poodles... that'll cheer you up.

Hahahaha

I'm not joking, that was actually really funny

I'm not an emo and I'm not gunna turn into one

Originally Posted by Shift

Why not? I know you mentioned all of that stuff but, say you're sitting somewhere and someone says hey to you. What's keeping you from engaging in a conversation?

Course, then I'll obviously make a conversation but end up bloody mumbling because I can't get my words out.

I try and be an approachable person, I try to look normal and happy all the time, but I can't do it - How can I act like I'm happy when I'm not?

And I swear, I am not an emo

Originally Posted by O'nus

A majority of posts you have made since joining have expressed emotional problems and stress.

I highly suggest going to see a counselor as it helps with emotional expression.

For personal advice, I would simply say, straight to the point, that you are your worst enemy in all of this. Take a thought that bothers you and get straight to the reason why it happens. Now, you may already have an insight to this, but there are many who take this and say, "I am the problem.. I hate myself.. I want to be rid of myself" but this is the very thought process that is actually ruining things.

Keep a journal and a thought journal. Try to pay attention to how many times you self-talk in a positive tone versus negative.

What do you think...?

~

Yeah - I have plenty of journals, packed with random pictures and stuff - it makes me feel better, like i'm sorting my mind out.. unpacking

To be honest

I think there is something actually wrong with me


I have synesthesia, I L O V E music and art

I get deja vu non stop, I lucid dream whenever I feel like it

I actually can't speak a normal conversation - my words jumble up, my heart beats really fast, and I can't pay attention to what their saying.

I feel fine over the net when i'm talking to people, because I don't have to show any expression at all.

Do you think there is some sort of autism or something linked to this

I feel really bad for you, I do, I feel bad for all the people who feel so horrible about their lives. I just want to shake them until they die from laughter...

First off your too damn hard on yourself, you say you have so much to say and express but no one is there to listen. HELLO - there is this crazy thing called the internet, post your poems/ music. Find organizations around your school/town where you can display your creative side. DO NOT GIVE A FLYING DUCK what people think, just DO IT! You also said no one understands what you are thinking (when you write poems) again another assumption, Poetry is all about interpretation. Sign up for a creative writing class at your local college - I know in most places (especially during summer) you can be in HS and take classes at a commy college. You'll be amazed at how many people feel the same way you do.

Secondly - drop the attitude, EVERYONE is insecure in HS, even the populars, EVERYONE is. Everyone wants to belong and no one is truly happy... this will pass, but in the mean time your just going to have to auto suggest a new attitude if you want to stop being so miserable. If you think this could be a depression issue then please talk to someone and get help.

Third - my ultimate advice is to get a pet, some sort of pet, they do wonders If animals aren't your thing, then start exercising or take daily walks. Sometimes just appreciating the world around you is the best medicine!


and i know spaceexplorer was being funny but its true your only 15 once, you will look back and laugh and REGRET if you don't change your attitude. And yes, TIME FLIES, please don't waste it worrying so much!! Keep us posted

OH and your symptoms sound like a person who is naturally good at lucid dreaming (yay) and who has social anxiety. DON'T BE A HYPOCHONDRIAC, there is nothing wrong with you and AGAIN if you do feel this way then GO TALK TO SOMEONE!!!! ITs your LIFE, your one and ONLY Life, no one is going to fix it for you NOBODY but your self!

You MIGHT have an anxiety disorder and possibly some disassociative episodes. If you truly feel these things are interfering with the quality of your life, mention it to your family doctor, your parents, and/or your school psychiatrist.

In the meantime, there are some practical steps you can take: avoid caffeine like the plague, strictly limit fast food/junk food, get some exercise and sunshine daily whenever possible and just practice. Buy a voice recorder and a mirror. Practice speaking into both. And give yourself a break.
I have severe anxiety and talking to people I don't know is extremely stressful. It manifests itself as occasional tics (which to me feel like seizures, but after viewing myself I realize aren't that noticable). When I'm active in my religion I have to go to strangers homes and offer them Bible studies. I also give "talks" during our Thursday meeting when so assigned.

What helps me during my talks are extensive notes, LOTS of preparation and using my hair as a buffer Females don't stand at the podium and teach the congregation. Our parts are "skits" performed with a partner usually sitting at a table. I toss my hair to which ever side the audience is at lol. I'm an excellent speaker (volume wise and emphasis etc) but I still stumble over my words and have a hard time even getting them out at times. But the more I get up on the platform, the easier it is.
It's the same way when going door-to-door (minus hiding behind my hair )

Find something you can focus on besides your discomfort. Practice speaking and learn the "secrets" of body language. And talk to a Dr. if nothing at all even helps. You can get through these awkward years.
They'll be over before you know it!

When I first came across this, I couldn't tell if it was a joke or not. Senseless Banter may have been a bad place to put this. Heck, I still can't tell whether or not you're making it up because you posted it here, and you can't trust most of that. Maybe get it moved to the help forum. There should be people that are there to actually help people, instead of random people on the forum who happen to come across this.

Originally Posted by Invader

It ends when you realize that there are people with real problems in the world.

Spoiler for Starvation:

It ends when you realize that you ought to be thankful for having a roof over your head, and food that's being provided for you.



^^^ That's what I would say (and mean) if this thread were not in senseless banter.

I agree with Invader, HOWEVER, you have to recognize the emotional, illogical machine that the human being is. In what I believe to be an evolutionary trait, people naturally don't take well to being cast out. Our ancestors, whether you believe they were monkeys or even early humans, needed to band together. Therefore, we have a need to be accepted. And posting that picture isn't going to make that need or the emotions it causes go away. It's just going to replace them with stronger emotions. And I don't really think that's what nothing needs.

Originally Posted by Nothing

How long untill it ends?

That's up to you.

If you're discontent with your current situation then you should act towards changing it. Your anxiety in conversations seems to be due to inexperience with that kind of situation, in that case you should expose yourself to such situations as much as you can until you feel comfortable with them.

Don't delay self-improvement, and don't wait for the world or someone else to push you to do it either. Take an active stance, seize control of yourself and be the person you wish you were.

Nothing maybe people do want to connect to you but perhaps you are worried you won't live up to their expectations. So, rather than go through any agonizing realization that you may not be measuring up - you put a defense up - which probably includes your intense look - and people think you are saying 'don't come near me, don't ask anything of me' ...or whatever, and then I guess it works.

It's really hard to go through thinking people may be disappointed when they get to know you more...but do you really want to live your life by other people's estimations...some times for me anyway, I become tired of other's idiosynchrasies - a dysfunction probably. So yeah I am often summing everyone else up and I guess that makes me feel very self-conscious. When I keep contact with others on a light and superficial level I can deal with them and myself a lot more. Sounds pretty pathetic I guess but it works for me.

So, I can relate to what you are saying because I perhaps am very similar. Even now, I just have a lot of aquaintances but no close friends. I think the best option for me anyhow is short sporadic contact with others through work, university, and other groups. I'm just not someone who can interact intensely because I need a lot of time in my own thoughts. But I do need contact to some degree, so if it is light and not too involved, its less stressful if the contacts come and go in a way, and I'm too kind of cold, lol, or something to invest too much in a relationship, it's too draining anyway.

I think a lot of people want something from the other person. Friends get together because the other person provides something, even if its just affinity and feeling good. People date because they want what they think the other person represents or something. So on some level, I don't think I want someone to try and acquire something from me, and I feel reasonably self-contained so as not to want anything from someone else. Of course I could want things but that's where the angst and underlying power plays etc etc start - and I tire of all that. Also, when you become dependent on a relationship you can feel needy, jealous etc etc...and I hate that too.

Don't know if that helps...

btw, thank you for your thread, it has been very therapeutic for me, lol...

can I use your threads to journal my self-analysis...haha...thank you in advance

Thank you everone...

These posts have been pretty helpful

I realise now that I have to look appraochable and happy... I'll fake it untill I start actually feeling happy

Seriously, thank you everyone