Thread: Things to do to visiting Jehovah's Witnesses

all the people that have come to my house have always been polite and wearing formal clothing. hard to shout FUCK YOU in their face.

Aw fuck you's no fun anyway. Be creative. Personally I like the idea of agreeing with them to a ridiculous degree.

Invite them into your house and ask them to sit down. Then dive right into a debate on the existence of God. They will never come back again. I got that trick to work on the local Mormons.

Originally Posted by Universal Mind

I got that trick to work on the local Mormons.

Maybe that'll keep our local Mormons out of our car next time Seriously we were getting into our car about to leave my school then a Mormon on a bike rode up to the rolled down driver's window and talked with Mom.


Open the door, do the usual listening to them talk, then suddenly see something behind them in the sky and have your eyes go wide as you slowly point behind him/her. Gasp "He has come to judge us!" Rant off other Book of Revelations stuff if you wish.

Tell them that you will not talk to them unless you can have the conversation at their house. Then go to their house and do your best to convince them that they are going to Hell for not worshipping the ancient Egyptian gods.

Invite them in. Have a lot of "dark-sided" stuff lying around (astrology, stars, tarot cards, etc). Talk to them about your dark-sided stuff. Explain that you worship the moon oh and btw would they like to try being hypnotized?

Tell them there is no "J" in hebrew.

I've always found it fun to listen to what they say for a while, and THEN start making them uncomfortable as shit. Once when I was at college they stopped by my dorm, and as I was talking to them I was lighting up cirgarette after cigarette, cursing, and spouting off all I hated about Christianity. But I was willing to talk, so may god help them they didn't leave for like a half hour or so.

Those dudes are some troopers.

Stand and watch them kind of blankly as they talk then after awhile realize something then quickly grab some paper and a pen and write "sorry I'm deaf"

tell one of them that you think they're cute. It's best if you're both guys.

Be sure to act real flirty too XD haha wow that made me laugh out loud

Ever since that episode of Black Books I've always wanted one to knock on my door. Drink some Jesus blood with then and toast some Jesus body. Sadly it's never really panned out that way.

When they show up, stand at the door naked while answering it.
See if they stick around

true story:

I was sleeping in the morning summer day, in my underwear drunk as fuck from the previous night partying. The bell start ringing and I drag myself to the door in a half unconsious state, naked from the waste up, smelling like sweat and alcohol.

I open the door and there are two 18-19 yr old girls with huge smiles. I'm wondering : wtf? they seem completely shocked. I am ready to tell them that they have the wrong house when they blurt something about god etc and give me a pamphlet and tell me that if I want to be saved I should go to their church etc. and they leave.

I am confused looking at the papers when I realise I have a "morning hardon" that can be seen clearly under my underwear. I couldn't stop laughing for the whole day...

1. Reverse soliciting: When they come, put on a sort of show for some product you have sitting around your house and try to get them to buy it.
2. Say: "Scientology frowns on you" and cock a gun from behind the door.
3. Print out all the references from http://www.tolweb.com, and give it to them.
4. Ask them why they are obsessed with the worshipping of a Zombie.

Originally Posted by Seismosaur

2. Say: "Scientology frowns on you" and cock a gun from behind the door.

I actually laughed at that.

Heres one far out, outside of the box suggestion, why don't you just act genuinely.



I did once, and I felt really fulfilled. So fulfilled infact that I didn't have to call Samaritans that day.

Tell them that you were just about to call them because they're behind on their rent.

I invite them in to sit at the table, ask them if they want coffee, tea, water or lemonade, tell them I'll be right back, head up stairs and come down with some coke. I do a line on the coffee table and say, "Okay, so who's this Jesus character?"

EDIT: Oh, and I also ask them to please not leave any reading material unless they want it turned into coke straws.

Originally Posted by Universal Mind

Tell them that you will not talk to them unless you can have the conversation at their house. Then go to their house and do your best to convince them that they are going to Hell for not worshipping the ancient Egyptian gods.

Haha, that's a good one, I'll have to try that one sometime.

What I was planning on doing next time they come to my house, I was just going to answer the door and say "Sorry, I'm already a devout Satanist.", just to see what I can get out of them.

First thing you say to them is "Why don't you celebrate birthdays?" Act really indignant about the issue.

Those witness people are crazy they wouldn't stop knocking on my door because they saw me through the window lol

Offer them some biscuits.

Throw a towel around your waist, drape one over your shoulder (like a toga), and then throw on some flip flops. If you have time, put little slits of red marker on your palms.

Then start talking about God (refer to him as Dad).

Originally Posted by Dreamhope11

Those witness people are crazy they wouldn't stop knocking on my door because they saw me through the window lol

Amazing how a something transparent can be used, isn't it?