LinkBack URL
About LinkBacks
Reply With QuoteAwesome.
Relevant subject matter - Serious, but with a hint of humor.
^Best line.Originally Posted by Violajoker
Very nice work.
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 5 of 5
- 05-07-2007 09:10 PM #1Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Gender
- Location
- Texas
- Posts
- 38
- Likes
- 0
Poem! Rip into it, be brutally honest.
Silicone woman with red, acrylic claws
Flashing in ultraviolet sun
Has morphed and stretched beyond all of her flaws
Her battle with nature is won.
Baked at 350 degrees til leathery brown
Veneer teeth in a permanent smirk
Mustn't muss her hair, so she slouches around
Letting others do all the hard work.
She confuses popularity with success,
Any thoughts she has are fleeting
Wonders if she could fit into that dress
If she could just break that habit of eating.
Now I, with my short, self-cut pink hair
Have skin that's paler than most.
And no, I guess I don't really care
How many purses Ms. Hilton can boast.
So I may have been mad when that woman mistook
Me for the XY chromosome type,
But when I see how real women look,
I can take a few "sir"s without gripe.
- 05-08-2007 04:09 AM #2"O" will suffice.
Achievements:
- Join Date
- Apr 2005
- LD Count
- 20+ Years Worth
- Gender
- Location
- Central Florida
- Posts
- 14,934
- Likes
- 2187
- DJ Entries
- 102
"One of the most adventurous things left us is to go to bed. For no one can lay a hand on our dreams."
Dream Journal: DreamWalker Chronicles Latest Entries: 01/13 thru 01/22 - "Tatano", "Indecent Proposal"(Or see the very best of my journal entries @ dreamwalkerchronicles.blogspot)
- 05-08-2007 04:46 AM #3Wanderer
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
- Gender
- Location
- On a journey
- Posts
- 2,040
- Likes
- 0
Most intriguing but style-wise, if you're aiming for rhyming, I'd say it would be better with a feel for harmony in sentence length. That is, the sentences in the verses being built in such a way so that their heard length (not written) is the same. For example:
The only thing you'll find around,
In fields of black and white,
Will hardly ever be profound,
With greyness out of sight.
The rhyming sentences stretch to the same length when pronounced. More so, they're built in such a way that they flow smoothly in general so it's more of a feel for both speech style, wording and harmony in pronounced length.
But aye, what a sad topic it is (in the poem). Modern society...may not be better than the old ages but still not quite where it should be. -.-
- 05-08-2007 04:09 PM #4Callapygian Superstar Achievements:
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Gender
- Location
- Budapest
- Posts
- 1,897
- Likes
- 6
It's really good. I like it a lot.
*............*............*
- 05-16-2007 05:06 PM #5Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Gender
- Location
- BC, Canada
- Posts
- 3,133
- Likes
- 9
Besides the syllable thing, good stuff. Liked the satirical concept, it's sad but it's true.
Lots of talent on this site!
Starry starry night, paint your pallet blue and gray,
Look out on a summers day,
with eyes that know the darkness of my soul.
Posting Permissions
- You may not post new threads
- You may not post replies
- You may not post attachments
- You may not edit your posts
Bookmarks