Thread: DCs Say the Darndest Things

"Everytime you J-walk in Puerto Rico a pedestrian gets inhumanely euthanized."

“Not everyone does greese and not everyone who does is evil”..."god's herb".

This wasn't actually in a dream, but as I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep, I heard a female voice in my head say "Will you please stop grabbing your penis?" That startled me wide awake again.
In an actual dream when I became lucid, I bumped into someone I know and asked them: "Can you tell me what's going on around here?"
They answered: "Four Dars."
I laughed at that and thanked them for a great response, so I then awoke on purpose so I could write it down.
Also, in another dream when I was on a bus, I looked out of the window and saw a field of horses, and there was one horse with his head up a bigger horse's bottom. I pointed it out to someone else, and they passed the message along saying something like: "He's got something up his arse bum."

A very loud, annoying New Yorker is driving his giant SUV very fast through a narrow alley with lots of objects in the way. (Imagine the stereotypical New York accent.)

New Yorker: (Hits Pole) SHIT! WATCH THE METS! (continues driving)
New Yorker: (Narrowly misses trash can) WATCH THE METS!! (continues driving)
New Yorker: (Squeezes through impossibly small space at 50mph) YOUR MA'S A WHORE!! WATCH THE METS!!

Most of my dreams are loud, vulgar, or extremely violent (or a combination of the three.) This next one is no exception. It takes place at a party with an 80 year old grandma, also with a hard New York accent.

Old Grandma: (standing in the kitchen as hot brunette walks by) FUCK THIS BITCH!! SHES A WHORE!! (then she claps her hands in up and down motion to simulate floppy sex and laughs loudly.)
Old Grandma: (Another sexy chick walks by) FUCK THIS BITCH!!! SHES A WHORE!! (Makes same clapping motion and laughs very loudly)
Old Grandma: (repeat same scenareo three more times)

wow Caprisun your dreams made me smile/chuckle and definitely belong here, loved the new yorker and grandma ones. mine are usually without other people or with only short encounters with DC's.

MY LUCID DC'S ARE APPERENTLY SADISTIC, EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT

I was lucid and my DC knew it was a dream and she said (and acted out things) like:

Come on Zez lets kill 'em all!
Hehehe she bled to death
I hate this place, lets destroy it
I killed the girl you like, stupid.....(word I won't say)
Now that I killed the girl you like can we go out?
No serial killer compares to me
I don't know why but everyone's dead, why're you looking at me? OK fine it was me...
I love to see them suffering

All of those things she actually said but you get my point on what she was like in the dream, the smartest DC i've met though.

Originally Posted by Well now what?

I have returned with another experience. This is from about five or six years ago, and it's always stuck with me.

I was inside a mighty cathedral with many of my friends. We were all ghosts except for one, who climbed up to a balcony, and fell off, becoming a ghost. I then noticed an altar and made the following expression about it: "Look, an altar. Ancient Egyptian mummies put that there."
My friend replied: "No, it was created by monks."
Immediately after he said that, from somewhere deep inside the cathedral, I heard monks chanting: "Created by monks."
Then we all flew through the wall at high speed into the next room. Here there was an old guy in a chair, and he was looking at another of my friends who seemed very angry.
"Whoever left the door open upside-down is gonna get a thrashing!" he said. Sure enough, he was next to a door that had been left open and it was upside-down in the wall. The door bore a sign that I think read: "Sorry for locking you in here old man," but I'm not 100% sure about that.

Classic.

Originally Posted by youssarian

Classic.

It seems funnier the second time I read it.

Me: Where were you born??
Girl: I don't know, but my grandmother was born in the back of my parent's van.

Weird.

Originally Posted by TheLucid

Me: Where were you born??
Girl: I don't know, but my grandmother was born in the back of my parent's van.

Weird.

Is my brain not working right or does that not make sense?

Originally Posted by Zezarict

Is my brain not working right or does that not make sense?

I was going to post the same thing, until I remembered that DCs aren't suppose to make sense.

Originally Posted by Zezarict

Is my brain not working right or does that not make sense?

It just bdoesn't make sense.

Originally Posted by TheLucid

Me: Where were you born??
Girl: I don't know, but my grandmother was born in the back of my parent's van.

Weird.

How- How is that even possible?

Originally Posted by mattbrox

How- How is that even possible?

It's not. Unless the van was given to the parents about 20-40 years after the grandmother was conceived.

Why does everyone seem so surprised it doesn't make sense?

lol thats what im sayin. dreams are supposed to be illogical.

Fat Woman: Hi!
Woman: Hi, what do you serve here?
Fat Woman: Oh, we serve all kinds of chips.
Woman: What are those, then. Over?
Fat Woman: Oh, woman.
Woman: What?
Woman: I take women, cut em up, and put them in the chips!

Lol.

Ewwww.

"That only cost an ankle, right? Man, you can't find anything for an ankle these days..."

Originally Posted by redisreddish

"That only cost an ankle, right? Man, you can't find anything for an ankle these days..."

Rev. Jesse Jackson: "Prices are so cheap you can buy a John from Burger King for $1.90!"

"If I play golf, will it cure my boy of cancer?".... I'm not sure if thats funny, or just plain sad :'(

Originally Posted by Kraftwerk

"If I play golf, will it cure my boy of cancer?".... I'm not sure if thats funny, or just plain sad :'(

If you were lucid, you should have replied: "Only on Tuesdays."

Originally Posted by TheLucid

If you were lucid, you should have replied: "Only on Tuesdays."

I was semi-lucid... As in, I knew I was dreaming, but I just went with the flow.