Hi my_reflection,
I refer my sensations regarding the first dream (so many things that they're enough for 10 dreams![]()
It seems to me that you want to discard some part of you: the girl that you're accompanying is a part of yourself. At the T cross-road some doubt emerges, but a part of you is firm in the decision to get rid of something ("I insist that she must be wrong").
You try to convince yourself that whenever that part of you would be required, you can retrieve it: you give the girl your phone number. But at the same time you hope that you will not need that part: the paper is torn, it is not in good state.
You want to distance yourself as much as possible from this part of you: you don't enter the building, but stay outside while the girl is talking to the receptioist. Your fear is that all your personality and mind can be caught in that instituon, not just a single part of you.
In what consist this part of you that you do not want? The answer is in the repository of this part: it is both a dormitory and cultural institution, a sort of museum of ancient things and old traditions to preserve ("Smithsonian"). Is both modern (dormitory) and old (Smithsonian); it's both familiar (the surroundings are known by you) and stranger; it's both open (glass) and close (doors).
You should focus your interpretation on this building, there is the key of what you're discarding. And the disabled boy is the interpretation of what is there.
Then you try to calculate how much of you you're leaving behind: the calculation about gasoline and dollars and that mentioning of the 80% of the way.
Interestingly, at the end you do not seem to have left the girl in the dormitory. She's still with you, at least until the gasoline episode. You try in any way to get rid of her, by paying her the gasoline. But you probably need this part of yourself to have success in something important like job (the "free jobs" posters).
Without this part you feel deprived of an important part: the car, after the dormitory, becomes smaller and smaller, so small that you cannot drive it anymore. You feel without defence if that part of you is not with you: a boy is approaching you and you refuse his help.
In summary, it seems to me that you would wish to change some part of yourself, but this part is so relevant for you and so embedded in you that it is almost impossible to ged rid of.
eXistenZ




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