Wow! That is some heavy stuff! It may be relevant that you witnessed 9/11 because it was so surprising and that may be part of it, total surprise. If so the important questions might be how was your life going at THAT time and how is it going NOW?
As for possible meaning, it could be the shocking and total destruction of your old social life with a blinding awareness followed by nothing. And the fact that you feel fear means it hasn't happened yet but you fear it could terribly.
I don't think 9/11 is relevant. It's most likely the dreaded terror of something threatening to hit your life like a bomb of unimaginable scale. The mass destruction is made great by its closeness to the beholder (it resembles a mass scale explosion because it would so closely affect yourself.) That is my mundane little guess.
P.S.
Your homepage chandlersystems.org doesn't exist




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