Thread: 12/02/07 Mormon Sex Cult

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Mormon Sex Cult
Clarity: 8/10
Importance: 3/10
Sleep: OK

-I'm in my high school english class waiting for my turn to give an oral presentation. It's almost 11 o'clock at night, and I'm the last one to go. The teacher asks me if I'm willing to wait until tomorrow, and I tell him no problem. As the teacher leaves, there is one geeky student who appears to be living in the class room.

The teacher leaves us alone in the class, and I notice several hot Mormon girls. They are having sex with people in order to convert them to Mormonism. Two girls are having sex with the geeky guy, and to my right, a black guy is having sex with two girls at once. I'm hoping they will try to convert me as well, but the girls all seem to be busy.

Just as I'm about to leave, the blond who was with the black guy comes up to me and asks if I'm interested in Mormonism, and I tell her YES!!!! I'm a little disappointed there I only get one girl, but no sooner do I think that than another girl walks up to us. "This is my... assistant." says the blond.

We're both standing, and she jumps up and straddles me. She is very dry, and I only get the tip inside of her. She begins bouncing, trying to force it in, but she's so dry, it's not working. Every time she bears down on me, it hurts like hell, and I'm in danger of getting my penis bent.

She dismounts and walks out into the hall and begins to talk with Kal-el from Smallville. He draws a star system and planet on the wall with his finger, and the blond asks him what that is. "Just some planet, around some star..." he tells her nonchalantly. "That's Krypton!" says the blond, and superman is very impressed someone else knows about it. He's very close to being converted.

-I see a pool of water surrounded by equipment in an underground cavern. Clear crystals break the surface of the water and grow downwards towards the bottom of the pool, until it looks like Superman's crystal fortress.

Once the crystals are fully formed, and energy beam shoots down from above and hits a man, who begins to convulse with his fists clenched. Some sort of powerful entity is entering his body.

Just as the transfer is about to complete, Clarke Kent runs up and hits him with an uppercut, knocking the energy out of the guys body. It flies out in a glowing ball.

A Mormon woman activates an explosive device in the cave to destroy any evidence of what they were up to, since their plan failed. She runs out of the cave as the timer counts down.

-Clark Kent runs into the classroom, and tells us all we have to get out, because the explosion will destroy the class room. "You dick!" I say to him, "Way to ruin a good thing!"

-I'm walking home from the school past Jason's house. Clark Kent pulls up to a police car in a Jeep and has a brief chat with the sheriff about the explosion. He then gives me a ride home in his jeep.

-I see a spooky landscape with twisted trees and shrubs. The Mormons had allowed some guy to join them because he had bought this land. I hear awful screams and howls from strange beasts in the distance, and then I hear the voice of a narrator like in some nature show. He says this where the Swastika Sasquatch lives.

Then I see a sort of sasquatch looking thing huddled in front of a fire. He actually looks more like a cave man. A man walks up and begins to talk to it. The sasquatch man looks like he's about to get violent, so the man pulls out some change from his pocket and hands it to the sasquatch man.

It's only a few nickels and pennies totaling 27 cents, but the man tells him it's 27 thousand dollars, and the dumb sasquatch believes him. The sasquatch goes into his cave to stash his treasure.

-I'm infiltrating a Mormon costume party with a group of people. The colorful costumes seem odd, as I didn't think they were allowed to wear such things. Apparently these parties turn into swinger sex parties at the end of the night, and we're here to see if it's true.

John Goodman is one of our undercover operative, dressed as Strong Sad. He mingles and one of our women operative greets him loudly. He starts going on loudly about what a "swinger" he is, trying to force the issue and get someone else to say something incriminating. The other Mormons just give him dirty looks and say "We don't talk about that...". They surround him and the woman and escort them away.

Since I'm still undetected, I walk up to a group of young single women and feign shock, saying how awful it is that someone would try to sneak in here. Lucidbulbs is our undercover camera woman, and she tries to get me to leave with them, since the jig is up. Instead, I sit down cross legged on the ground, showing her that I'm not going anywhere. I'm sticking around for the sex. The Mormon women really seemed like they were into me.

Lucidbulbs begins to spray me with a disinfectant spray, going overboard and really soaking me with the stuff. "That's what you get if you want to be dirty!" she tell me.

Saw some funny cartoon on mormons before bed. Thier gods are really studly, with tons of hot wives. Then I saw another funny video about magical mormon underpants.