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    Thread: Falling in love in dreams

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      Falco Vance's Avatar
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      Falling in love in dreams

      Obviously this thread has been done before, but I think it needs refreshing.

      Most, if not all of us, have probably "fallen in love" with someone in a dream, waking up wishing we were back in the dream, when later, we wonder at our infatuation. Some of us have dream after dream about the same person. And some of us have even lucidly fallen in love. Besides being an interesting experience (or strange if you have a wife) there are times where waking up is a literal nightmare, a paradise lost. I thought it might be interesting to hear some stories of this, and of people who literally have someone to look forward to at night. To further deepen the discussion, is lucidly falling in love a healthy or safe way to enjoy your nights?
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      This be our finest battle Scarhand's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Vance View Post
      Obviously this thread has been done before, but I think it needs refreshing.

      Most, if not all of us, have probably "fallen in love" with someone in a dream, waking up wishing we were back in the dream, when later, we wonder at our infatuation. Some of us have dream after dream about the same person. And some of us have even lucidly fallen in love. Besides being an interesting experience (or strange if you have a wife) there are times where waking up is a literal nightmare, a paradise lost. I thought it might be interesting to hear some stories of this, and of people who literally have someone to look forward to at night. To further deepen the discussion, is lucidly falling in love a healthy or safe way to enjoy your nights?
      I think it would be healthier to fall in love in real life, but then again, you can control your dreams and the person you fall in love with. I have never personally had that kind of experience, but it does sound interesting.
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      I've had those dreams...they're the sort where you never ever want to wake up, but end up crying for what you've never really had.

      Perhaps they're somewhat damaging to the psyche in the long run, but they can provide comfort as well. Sometimes true love in dreams is a sort of compensation for the love you cannot find in reality. But that begs the question, who's to say love even in a dream isn't real? Perhaps it is simply another form of reality, another level of emotion.

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      I once had a dream where I had brain damage that destroyed long term memory and was addicted to drugs. Me and this prostitute with AIDs decided to marry and have a child so that the three of us would die at the same time. They died first.

      There was a point when I was lying in bed, aware that in another dimension that I could wake up into none of this had happened. But, I ended up deciding to stay with my mistakes and my horrible shell of a life rather than wake up and be alone.

      Yeah, I was a bit depressed at that point in my life.
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      Based on my experiences, there are two possible scenarios of falling in love in dreams. The first experience of mine was when I had a dream about a girl I'd never met before. Even though she wasn't even real, it sure seemed like it, she loved me for who I was, yet it was too good to be true, and I woke up. I never had the same dream again. These kind of dreams can really make you want to go back to that dream again. It is best to just live with it, you eventually get over it. Otherwise, you'll never move on.

      The second scenario is where you fall in love with a girl in a dream, but they actually exist. Normally, after having these dreams, I'm happy for the rest of the morning. I'm guessing that falling in love in a dream, is actually better in many ways than falling in love in real life.
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      Member Cipher_Floe's Avatar
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      Look up Stephen Berlin's Lucid Dreaming Discourses. He's awesome. He has some of the best advice for lucid dreaming. He talks about methods and also dreams he's had. He fell in love with someone while lucid and still thinks about her even though he isn't one for romance.
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      Member JET73L's Avatar
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      This has happened to me (falling in love in a lucid with someone who doesn;t exist, I only remember ever having felt physical attraction, or a strong caring that could have easily been part of a close friendship, for people in dreams that did exist). It's depressing, both when you wake up, or realise you are going to wake up, and if she dies in the dream or leaves because it is a dream and won;t survive you waking up, and would rather disappear of own intent rather than from being woken up from. I'd say, if your lucid self is pretty similar to your waking self, it may give you a good idea of the sort of person you might be looking for, but overall it's pretty damaging. You can;t help it, though, so it doesn;t really matter if it's a "healthy and safe way to spend your lucid nights." (Unless of course, you constantly dream about her, and she is one of the first type ofDCs, who don;t exist in real life. In this case, You really ought to try and break it off and find someone in the waking world that makes yu feel at least as... happy, or not depressed, or whatever.)
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      Falling in love in dreams... meh..

      This actually caused a major problem in my life..
      My ex boyfriend.. i was completley over him.. right?
      I had a dream about him that we were together and happy, and in love. I woke up having a little crush on him again... And it turned into a bigger and bigger crush untill.. well.. thats not important.

      But needless to say i wasnt actually in love with him (hes an asshole, liar, cheater, whore, etc.) But this caused problems for me, because i didnt want to be with him anymore.. but i did at the same time...
      Most of you know my story..
      Anyways... falling in love in dreams with someone real.. i cant say. its different in all cases.
      Falling in love with someone thats not real in your dreams.. that can lead to problems too... like them not really being there, you cant have kids with them, grow old together, they cant hold you when youre sad... etc. its okay to have infatuations.. but full out falling in love.. save that for somebody alive.
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      Quote Originally Posted by DeadDollKitty View Post
      but full out falling in love.. save that for somebody alive.
      If you're familiar with the experience in non-lucids, it's often the case that you can't exactly help it. The brain thinks the situation is real, and creates this ideal character for you to fall for. Maybe your situation with the Ex happened in a non-lucid too, I don't know, but if that is the case then you can understand as well that you have very little control over the events.

      Out of all the times I have fallen for people in dreams though, I can't recall once when I've been 'in love' whilst lucid (I reserve lucidity for badassery and all out awesomeness).

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      Quote Originally Posted by SunshineCupcake View Post
      I've had those dreams...they're the sort where you never ever want to wake up, but end up crying for what you've never really had.
      Jesus I hate that.
      But anyway, me and my friend were talking about this the other day.


      My thinking is, if I can get lucid consistently (someday) I wouldn't have much of a problem with it. I figure the time spent in dreams is really exactly the same as time spent in waking life just depends on what your perception is (and of course vividness and stuff). So if I have a significant other that I see a few hours a day while awake, that's essentially the same as seeing a dream character a few hours a night.


      Now, I wouldn't create someone to love, I would pursue them if they made attempts to contact me, which would be weird, but regardless. Your subconscious is one hell of a... whatever it is.

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      Motherly Love

      I had a dream of being a mother. So, I had a toddler with me and he was just the joy of my life, and I have never had children or felt a love so intense, or so protective, even though I have been in love twice. It was the perfect motherly love, and I think on it sometimes, though I don't feel I lost anything, It does make me desire children even more. Even though, I can't afford to raise children right now. So, I'm sad I can't be a mom yet, but I can still hope to someday have that kind of motherly love.
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      Being in love with someone in a dream is one of the most intense feelings I've ever had. It doesn't matter who it is, it carries over to RL for a day or so. If it's someone you know like your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend, that's a plus. Sometimes its somebody bizarre that you know in RL but would never have feelings for and the next time you see that person, you have a private 'moment' with yourself about them, lol. For me, it can be anybody, either sex. Sometimes its a celebrity, usually someone I barely even took notice of before. No matter who it is, its the best type of dreaming I've ever had and if I could do it every night, I would.

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      I have had 2 types of love dreams

      One is where you fall in love with someone you don't know, this can be the most wonderful experience of your life. But when you wake up it can be so painful. Like loosing the best thing that has ever happened to you.

      The second is falling in love with someone you know. This can be a good thing or a bad thing. If you fall in love in a dream with someone you know, it doesn't mean that your chances with them are any higher than with the person you never met. For instance, falling in love with a teacher, or someone who it's just not going to happen with.

      But sometimes you will have a love dream about someone who you know, and could get with. One of my earliest girlfriends, I asked out only because I had a dream about her, and it gave me the confidence to really pursue her and go for it.

      But there is nothing more awful than those amazing dreams with the people you could never get with, the ones that clearly show your truest desires, those ones are the worst
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      I have had a dream Where I was in love. I cried the next day basically, and vowed to find someone who makes me feel that way who has that aura about her. I have had like 3 more dreams of her everyone of them has had an effect on lucidity. She seems to make me lose control of my dreams like when i was lucid once it ended with me talking to a part of me and waking up in SP, and another was when i was lucid a part of me refused to let me talk to her and another she appeared out of no where and said it was her and she quickly vanished knowing she was my dream girl and spent the rest of the time looking for her in that dream. Its weird despite I vowed to find someone who makes me feel that way who has that aura about her I seen her and not found one of the copys I made her out to be. I see life likes to make things complicated for me

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      I have had dreams where within the dream I was madly in love... euphoric... but then I wake up and it's gone, I don't feel it anymore. However, I've had dreams where I wasn't 'in love' or anything, but I loved someone, either here in waking life (from my past) or a dream person, and I woke up and continued to feel the love. Like a love for a best friend, or a brother....

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      Unhappy Still sad after inappropriate dream

      Falling for someone in a dream can be a wonderful experience but sometimes it can be really painful. As most of you suggested there are 2 possible scenarios-falling in love with a real person or with someone you met in your dream which may or may not exist in real life. However wonderful you might feel in your dream this can bring a depression in your daily life like in my case. This is very possible in both cases due to the fact that the person you fell in love with might already have a boyfriend/girlfriend but also due to the fact that the person may not like you. I think that falling in love in your dreams , even while lucid isn't the best of choices due to the fact that most of us want the things that aren't tangible. For example a celebrity, the girl next door which already had a relationship with someone for a long time. Another reason why this isn't a good idea is the fact that in order to fall in love while dreaming you don't need to know the person nor do you really need to like him/her. Well that is my point but everyone can chose what they want to. I wish i would never have to face this kind of dreams before because i had one last night and will probably feel miserable for at least one week or so.

    17. #17
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      I've never had a romantic experience in a lucid dream (they are still few and far between, for me ) but I've definitely found 'dream girls' within normal dreams. I love those experiences, and don't think there's anything wrong with them. I can't say they've ever really upset me, although it is dissapointing to wake up from them. Rather, they put me in a good mood for the whole day.
      As for being in love with real people in a dream, for me, this has always and only been with people that I actually did have a crush on. Sometimes these dreams have even made me realize just how much I did like them. In fact, a couple nights before I asked out my first girlfriend, I had a dream where I did just that. I had already decided to at that point, but the dream was nice to boost my confidence and reaffirm my decision.
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      Member StrangeDreamsGuy's Avatar
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      I've had dreams where I have fallen in love once or twice, and I am always very sad when I wake up, but after a day or two I always get over it. Never really had a lasting infatuation with anybody in a dream.

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      holy colombus I decided a few minutes ago 2 put up a post in this forum on love then the second I hit It i seen this weird, and anyways I do have weird feelings about falling in love in dreams then the next day I'm really in love with that person, good thing about it is, after having arguments with people you can be nice to them after that, or once I had a dream where my dad was being nice to me, and even though I was angry at him going to bed I wasn't after that dream, dreams are so powerful like.

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      I have fallen in love desperately with my dark animus, not the kind of a person you would like to be with though.
      Brutal, superior, strong, reckless, silent, insistent, but for some reason absolutely charming.
      I don't know if it is a psyhological disorder, but I do know these VERY strong emotions are as very,very rare in real life as they are narcotic.

      As painful as it may be to wake up...I wouldn't change this feeling for anything in dreams or in real life.

      I have fallen in love with a classmate in my dream - a complete macho, it was so disturbing to look him in the eyes the next two days.

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      I honestly don't see why we look down on falling in love in dreams so much.

      I mean, if a person in a dream can simulate the feelings of love and joy and euphoria we get from being with somebody in real life, who cares if they're "real" or not?

      And so what if they're gone when you wake up? People die in "real" life all the time. I still enjoy every second I have with that amazing person. I'd do the same in the dream world.
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      Falling in love in my dreams are the most wonderful experiences I have ever had!
      I am a college student, I have never ever experienced true ''love'' in real life, sure I've had boyfriends, yes. But not love. I sometimes doubt it actually exists. I somethings think it is probably just a made up fairlytale from the movies, and won't happen to me. It seems too perfect.

      Then I dream about it.
      In my dreams I experience true love. I'm not talking about anything sexual here, just love! The type of love where you have the most beautiful connection. It's something so strong you can't even explain. You can just be with each other, stare into each others eyes and know this is love. You can't pysically leave their side, you NEED them. This person completed you. It's like something you see in romance movies, I feel like Bella and he is Edward. I am Rose from Titanic, he is Jack. The amazing stuff i have watched oh so many times. I feel like I am a Classic Disney Princess! That is something I have never, ever experienced in real life. Only in my dreams can I feel this. It is also the only thing that makes me beleive and hope that this type of love does infact, live in reality too. That one day, I will find someone like I have found in my dreams.
      Last edited by DreamSkater101; 07-26-2010 at 05:29 PM.
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    23. #23
      We're All Mad Here Luni's Avatar
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      There was this girl, I'll call her Blake, and I had a very big physical attraction to her (she went to my school). I sent her a rose anonymously, and she found out it was me and subtly rejected me. Something about me being too shy.

      Anyway, I would CONSTANTLY have dreams involving her and her liking me, asking me out, and us kissing and having a relationship...I would feel butterflies and it would be great until I woke up. And then in the hallways at school she would give me this weird lingering stare as I walked by...

      But as for people I have never met before in real life, in one dream I met this girl named Cassidy, and she was really pretty, had wavy long black hair and was really outgoing. It was instant attraction. Again more butterflies. I was so happy being with her in the dream, it was unbelievable... and when I woke up I felt sort of crushed. Like I would never see her again..and I haven't.

      Dunno what they mean at all.
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      Member Lyla's Avatar
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      This is one of those topics I've been starting to avoid when talking to non-best friends, people never seem to understand what I'm talking about when I explain falling in love in dreams. I almost get stranger looks from this than from bringing up lucid dreaming.

      Falling in love with a dream character was harmless for me, I just calmly look forward to seeing him.

      But falling in love with someone I know had a big impact on my life. 6 tiny, innocent dreams, made up more of feelings than images, led me to notice and develop a crush on somebody I never would've noticed otherwise. And who doesn't notice me. I don't even consciously like him, but it's like he's covered in dream fairy dust or something .

      Made up my mind to make a new start,

      Going To California with an aching in my heart.

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    25. #25
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      It just goes to show that in dreams, as in waking life, that the love is actually within us all the time and we project it onto others in our lives or in our dreams. People also fall out of love and this is because we see them as actual human beings who don't fulfill our expectations and our projections. When we fall in love, we fall in love with our idea of the person. The fact that one can fall in love in a dream shows my point.

      But it also can give us great hope; it shows us that we can have love right now, that it is always within us, all we have to do is let it out. We don't need to wait for someone to have this unspoken mutual agreement where each one subconsciously agrees to accept each others' projections in order for mutual seduction. Once the seduction is over, once all the chemical reactions are complete we have to live with real people, not ideas. Then that is when "love" reveals itself for what it really is: a ego fulfillment game. Each person feels trapped by each others' projections and a power game ensues. Each person is trying to be free but to control the other. Then jealousy and anger arise. When it is all over then each person feels deceived and resentful.

      But that is not real love. Romantic love is just delusion and lust disguised as love. Knowing this is very freeing. There is nothing wrong with lust. Go into lust with no delusions and with utmost respect for the other human being.

      Real love is solid friendship and respect. Nothing exciting, just solid friendship. You know and love your friend as he or she is, so you don't project fantasies onto them. You give your friend freedom to be him/herself and you don't try to hold on to them or be jealous like you would with a delusional projection. So if you can lust after your friend and be best friends with your lover, you are lucky.

      So, love in a dream is to be treasured, and to give you hope that you have all the love and bliss you will ever need within you at this very moment! Finding this love and bliss, you can share it with the world!
      Last edited by Dannon Oneironaut; 07-28-2010 at 07:41 AM.

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