Originally Posted by Dianeva
But these metaphors are completely hidden from my conscious mind. So hidden, that when I wake up from a dream, it's like I've seen some movie with a screenplay written by a mind other than my own. And I have to consciously figure out what that person intended the metaphors to mean.
Whenever I recall my dreams, almost every time, there have been events where my non-lucid state of mind is completely different than me in waking life.
In waking life, I'm usually a bit reserved, quiet, often paranoid. I feel weak sometimes, insecure, no direction at all in my life.
But when I recall my non-lucid endeavors, I see murder, confidence, stoicism, and other traits that I think I could never be able to take responsibility for if I ever manage to attain lucidity frequently.
I've seen seen some friends of mine on DV who dream about me, and some may have different views on who I am, probably based on my mentality towards dreaming, or just happening to see what their minds think about me in general, I do see a common trend in that.
Sometimes I wonder if it's my higher self, but I don't want to go that far, but I've noticed that even though I think I have no direction in waking life, some people see that in my non-lucid state, that even though they can't find my objectives, they can sense this augmented behavior of confidence.
And I do feel like the dreams I recall are just a different mind than my own, because whenever I do attain lucidity, it's the only way I know I am me, that it's not some other part of my subconscious that's doing all the dirty work for me, and it irritates me a lot because I feel that when I recall my non-lucid dreams, it's either a repressed ideal figure I want to be, or it could be my subconscious trying to hint myself in the near future.
Because of this confusion between my tendencies and behaviors in non-lucid dreams, it leads me to think if I'm really seeing myself in the future, because honestly, right now, I don't see myself like that at all.
One DV member who saw me in a dream once said that they could gaze into my soul and find that I was free from deceit, but that's almost too hard for me to agree with, because in my non-lucid state, there's so much stress than I have in waking life that it makes me paranoid about the potential of me matching what I do in my dreams.
Sometimes I think my subconscious is very cruel to me, it doesn't like giving me things that easily, which makes me want to give up at times and just shift back to the practical mentalities of lucid dreaming.
Anyway, this most likely didn't help at all, but the fact that you said yours is like a movie written by someone else other than you is something I can definitely relate to. It honestly has led me to more questions on who I am in general, and if other people see me in my dreams in a different way than I am on the forums or in waking life, maybe I'm just the repressed part in waking life while the sporadic and confident part of me does whatever it wants, and it could care less if I'm trying to find it.
EDIT: Sorry for the double post there, had some internet problems for a moment.
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