• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    1. #1
      Hybrid redrabbit's Avatar
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      From me to Her, and other issues with awareness

      What I don't understand is how this all ties together, or if it doesn't, or if I am missing something, or if there is simply nothing to get.
      It feels like a mishmash of every retarded fanboy driven RPG I've ever played to the point that every time I see a Kingdom Hearts
      reference I think of you. This is not to offend you in any way or bring you down, just simply that the sense of awkward wandering
      has left me a self-obsessed compulsive with diminished social skills and no concept of a healthy outlook on life. That, of course,
      is entirely my fault, but I've been given an opportunity to vent and so I shall.
      Through the miles of philosophical, religious, and outright nonsense texts I have poured into my brain I have come to the
      conclusion that EVERYTHING in life is my own doing, my own decision, my own outward manifestation of an inward desire. I knew
      all of this already, but some part of that manifestation seemed fit to comically thrust a copy of The Secret in my hands just so I can
      feel as though I RUINED the secret instead of enjoying it in some relatable fashion at the end of the boss battle and dramatic
      cutscene. If this seems like a rehash of one of my earlier emails then I will attempt to sum up the issues I am having:

      1: Everything is everything which is nothing. You/me/she/it/that are all intangible words interchanged to form language. I'm stuck in
      that thought pattern and have been for some time. Nobody can be bothered to get me out of it because its circular repetitive
      redundant craziness that I've inflicted on myself since junior-high. God-complex, if God were a loner and a nerd because he felt he
      deserved it and created a world around his own self-loathing and rolled around in it for years at a time beating himself up because
      Adam and Lilith didn't work out and he had to bring in Eve to tie together a species.

      2: This one is convoluted, so you can skip to #3 if you wish and probably nothing will be lost--
      2a: You realize this and are attempting to rectify the situation by existing as an otherworldly figure in a sea of shit-madness in an
      attempt to save/love/distract me long enough for me to find true happiness and be at peace with the world.
      2b: You realize this and are here to distract me long enough for me to wander into neverending doom.
      2c: You don't realize this and are part of the construct, inevitably bringing in 2a or 2b by default.
      2d: You don't realize this because it is all in my mind and you are acting of your own human volition for reasons I can't begin to
      comprehend or even sum up in an email as long as this.

      3: If I admit to being able to alter the world around me through sheer force of will it would destroy the severely unrealistic sense of
      balance I've maintained through what are actually catastrophic waves of life, in which I almost always drown, I will lose such grip
      and be sent back to square one or simply move on: I don't know which it is.

      From where I sit, and how I experience things, and what my mind has become, I get the distinct impression that this will go on
      indefinitely, forever, with or without your participation. What I do, why I email, or why I talk to anyone at all seems to be an attempt
      to create some sort of entertainment value. Suffice to say I hold your attention simply so that you have something to pay attention
      to. This process, with the calling and seeing, is ultimately something I can't create (and not just because I don't have long-distance
      calling); the rate at which my mind tries to overstand everything is progressing to a point where I know that things will have to be
      good, pure, and true for me to believe it, not that I know these things very well.
      This is all because, well, I didn't see fit to just try and atone for a self-life squandered. I saw fit to take in all thing and be one with
      it. The impression I get is that everyone who does so becomes either the anti-hero or ridiculously evil. I am insanely average
      (something you never seemed to notice which you could apply all of section 2 to). From that standpoint the only future I see for
      myself is one filled with self-loathing, moping, and the occasional meditation-induced trance/seizure which is a cross between
      martial arts and step-aerobics while my mind attempts to connect to a being living in the center of the Earth which may or may not
      be there at all but they show me how to do the crazy arm-wavy thing I do anyway. When I dream, I dream of you, and a hundred
      different lives together, and I wake up alone and a bit ashamed. I do it anyway. That seems to be a common theme now.
      So, now I'm just ranting and raving, trying to make waves in a system I may have created for myself, and the only thing that will
      hold me back from true omnipotence is the knowledge that it would all become meaningless in the end--that and You. People
      a God, and he is way more powerful and cool than I am, and so I'm sitting behind a monitor at 2:00 in the morning typing this
      instead. It all feels like a sham, and my son makes me forget that feeling. So, for now, I get to spend a lot of time with a kid that
      looks an awful lot like me when I was a baby and vaguely notice how many traits of my father I have taken on and watch and wait
      to see what happens to him that fucks him up so bad so that I know why I'm so fucked only to find that even when I do everything
      right and he becomes fucked up (or not) that nothing bad ever really happened to me and I am this way through self-power, or
      God, or the universe, or that I just can't blame what I have done to my mind, and the world, on anything at all, not even myself.
      My advice: go out, find happiness, look back on the happy little things when you have a moment to kill between vanpooling or
      bathing your kids or whatever, and never worry about it. But if I'm right about any of it, you'll probably be boomeranged out into
      the world and eventually end up right back here simply because I can't find it in myself to change those simple desires in me.
      But, yeah, be safe out there. I know this was not of much use because I already know the answer to #2, but I'll never know if
      you do, so I don't want to ruin it. Take care.

    2. #2
      Member, whatever Luanne's Avatar
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      Your words make me shiver. You have influenced my whole evening in a strange, yet somehow friendly, deep way. Unfortunately, that's all I can say in a foreign language about my current feelings...

      PS. are you still alive?
      Come on! What if Martin Luther King said: "I kinda have a dream... nah, I don't wanna talk about it."

    3. #3
      Hybrid redrabbit's Avatar
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      Ah, yeah. How are you?

    4. #4
      Member, whatever Luanne's Avatar
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      Glad to see it.
      I'm fine, thank you, man of strong words.

      What's the answer to #2?
      Come on! What if Martin Luther King said: "I kinda have a dream... nah, I don't wanna talk about it."

    5. #5
      Member sheogorath's Avatar
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      God, i swear i didn't know anyone else had ever felt this way. This is the exact emotions and opinions that lead me to Lucid dreaming. Looking for something to just get my mind off of her. I too have almost no social skills. I just freeze when i talk to her. i don't know if she knows or not.

      I am alot younger than you ( i dont have a kid...) and this may sound horrible and may be what everyone says, but the best thing to to is to forget, or at least distract. Lucid dreaming has helped me with this a lot. Remember that love does not exist, no matter how strong the feeling. It is just an illusion. The only path to happiness is introversion, and yourself. To depend on others only leaves you vulnerable. Lucid dream about it. Trust me, i have had several on the issue. It makes it better as long as you have control over the dream, and make everything go the way you want.

    6. #6
      Member, whatever Luanne's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by sheogorath View Post
      Remember that love does not exist, no matter how strong the feeling. It is just an illusion. The only path to happiness is introversion, and yourself. To depend on others only leaves you vulnerable. Lucid dream about it. Trust me, i have had several on the issue. It makes it better as long as you have control over the dream, and make everything go the way you want.
      This seems to me like a very destructive advice. Let's all shut the doors on our selves Kafka style, and we'll be happy.

      The only thing I agree on is never to depend on anyone but yourself.

      Instead of limiting your control on dreams, spread it all over your world. World is an illusion too, isn't it?

      Redrabbit, you know the theory, but enjoyment itself is wandering around your Past and Future, while you're standing alone in the Now.
      Come on! What if Martin Luther King said: "I kinda have a dream... nah, I don't wanna talk about it."

    7. #7
      Hybrid redrabbit's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Luanne View Post
      What's the answer to #2?
      The answer for her or for you?

      sheogorath, you're right. She and I have a long and troubled past, and I don't know that it would ever be healthy.

      But... really... I don't know much about where you're from, your lives, or your culture, (either of you), but your responses don't seem natural. The dilemma seems to be spreading all around.

      Ask yourselves, in reference to lucid dreaming and life, if you read it because I asked you to, because I wanted you in my life. What is the likelihood that both of you will become my new best friends, merely because I wished it to be so?

    8. #8
      Member, whatever Luanne's Avatar
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      The likelihood of everything is in the clarity of the goal. And how can a friendship with a stranger be a clear goal? If you put a person or a place as your goal, it will get you nowhere, simply because you're looking outside!!

      When you put a feeling as something you want to achieve, when you focus on that exact feeling - for example, true closeness with someone who completely understands you, CLOSENESS..... and you keep focusing on it; you begin to direct your subconscious mind to notice what you need to notice that will eventually lead you to the achievement of your feeling.

      You are wondering why we read your post and why we chose to reply. Because we as well noticed something that might be of importance to us. Maybe it has nothing to do with you. Maybe we'll start with private messaging, talk about stuff, I will then mention a friend of mine, you'll get interested in her/his story, you two will meet, I'll get out of the picture, you'll become best friends. So stop looking the facts outside, they are misdirecting! Begin to look at the feeling inside and go with the flow.

      Life is not a calculation. It's a feeling.

      Come on! What if Martin Luther King said: "I kinda have a dream... nah, I don't wanna talk about it."

    9. #9
      Member ChaybaChayba's Avatar
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      Through the miles of philosophical, religious, and outright nonsense texts I have poured into my brain I have come to the
      conclusion that EVERYTHING in life is my own doing, my own decision, my own outward manifestation of an inward desire.
      Very interesting conclusion but how exactly did you reach it, could you elaborate a bit more on what steps you took or what experiences you had that made this clear for you? What was your turning point?
      "Reject common sense to make the impossible possible." -Kamina

    10. #10
      Hybrid redrabbit's Avatar
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      I guess Luanne summed it up pretty much, Chayba; I started to become aware that nothing in life could be proven to 100%, and the only thing absolute in this world is the decision to no longer question things. My theory was that individual thoughts or ideas were static in the mind, like a photograph. But if you speed up any single though fast enough it will turn into an emotion, something that can't be created in any finite number of steps.

      As for my own delusion, I guess it started with lucid dreaming. In my dream I saw something I knew to be my real name. When I woke up I experienced sleep-paralysis for the first time. In order to move my body again I had to forget the name, (which leads me to believe that it only exists in a dream-state). Since then I've began to question life in a world where everything has been taught to me and how control of that world is defaulted outwards.

      It may all sound crazy, but I'm really just looking for help now. Letting go of her was my big struggle. Now I just want to know my name, or even just know why I wasn't allowed to take it with me, or why I'm paralyzed when I wake up from certain dreams. Please.

    11. #11
      Member ChaybaChayba's Avatar
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      I wish I could help you but actually I only have more questions. That army wavy thing that you do during meditation where did you learn that? And the being living in the center of the earth what does he or she teach you what do you learn during your trances? Anyway, I've been able to induce sleep paralysis during meditation, I think it's somehow connected.. maybe you had a really intense dream probably about you being with her, so intense you can't remember
      "Reject common sense to make the impossible possible." -Kamina

    12. #12
      Member, whatever Luanne's Avatar
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      Chayba, please...

      Redrabbit, I loved how you described emotion. Look, there is no way someone could understand your whole story according to these few posts, but I sincerely hope one will read them, and spontaneously say the right words that will be 'eye opening' for you.

      If you wish, I hope you do, send me a private message, we'll talk about your dreams and subconscious games we play, and of course, what the weather is like.
      Come on! What if Martin Luther King said: "I kinda have a dream... nah, I don't wanna talk about it."

    13. #13
      Hybrid redrabbit's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by ChaybaChayba View Post
      That army wavy thing that you do during meditation where did you learn that? And the being living in the center of the earth what does he or she teach you what do you learn during your trances?
      I didn't learn it, really. Sad to say, I was getting high with some friends one night, something I hadn't really done since I spent more time with them. I noticed that once I was high all sorts of things bombarded my mind; in the few months I stayed with them I had a number of visions, and the hands were one of them. They would get up and wriggle around, making my arms do a number of clicking and popping noises as each muscle and join stretched and relaxed--I considered it my on way of getting 'out of the high' because it was too much for me.

      I gave up using drugs, they are bad for you in a number of ways, and I don't recommend them to anyone. I'm neither a health professional or a trained master.

      It wasn't till recently my hands started doing it again, and this time there was this mental image of me being pulled into the center of the Earth, and beside me (on my right) was someone, a being of some sort, bright and orange, churning the flow of metal and lava under the Earth's crust. I get a clear picture of them in my mind and say to my arms ("Show me how they do it") and they mimic the motions for me. I can only keep that up for so long, and there is much more (vocalizations, foot movements) that I can't even keep up with. I'm not sure if it has any basis on anything, but it is a form of meditiation I have been able to get into, even if I had to wander into it myself.

      I'm just glad I am able to still do it. I thought after giving up the drugs that I would never feel it again.

    14. #14
      Member ChaybaChayba's Avatar
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      Thats a pretty cool experience, I'm also into meditation, and the arm wavy movements also came to me out of nowhere! It's so cool to hear you also learned it from a vision like me, I figured there must be other people who had this experience. These arm movements and dancing movements really speed up meditation alot.. which is a funny thing as you see all these meditation gurus sitting still in locked lotus position.. .. how could they not have figured this one out?
      "Reject common sense to make the impossible possible." -Kamina

    15. #15
      Hybrid redrabbit's Avatar
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      Someone further along than myself once explained

      "The perfect motion is no motion at all."

      For me, I imagine the arm motions are a way of getting my body in-tune; I feel every muscle and bone and tendon all aligning after my hands and arms do their thing. Perhaps it is a form of meditation that fits into my technological lifestyle, with constant stimulus--keeps me concentrated or at least entertained. The progression from this may be sitting in lotus one day (which I can't do, my legs don't bend that way) and being able to tune my body with no motion at all.

      One interesting part is that after meditating this way, it's as though I can feel the whole room around me in my fingertips. I've never been able to see auras, but that's the only time I can feel mine around me.

    16. #16
      Member Corello's Avatar
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      Wow nice thread.

      Remembers me of my great three years and some months long "I want her back" episode. It made me grow a lot and yet it seems like I am still a mundane crying child compared to the wholessness of my capabilities.

      The reason for reading&answering what you wrote for me would be that it is a great oportunity for me to discover just how far I can get on helping someone solve their problems, and use it as an example for helping myself with my life, or even end up having one more someone to help me with it.

      I also pretty much loved the way you described ideas & thoughts and emotions, you're good with words, you know that?

      The overwhelming size of your post makes it dificult to me to get the main idea, could you make it a bit simple for me?

      Good luck for you.
      "Always refreshing."

    17. #17
      Psychiatric Ward WaterSquirrel's Avatar
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      @Corello: Looks like one of those things where you'd have to get back into the right state of mind to say anything as meaningful as the first post, unless you spend your whole life in such a state (in which case, damn!)

      I had a horrible life-situation until a short while ago... it took ages for my conscious intentions to stop feeling like shit to kick in... and I had to accept the fact that feeling good was indeed pointless, meaningless like the rest of the world, but so was feeling bad...

      As for the chaos, it will hang around for some time..


      Or, a better choice: ignore what I just said and write more! (:

    18. #18
      Hybrid redrabbit's Avatar
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      Ah... well... I find there is an emotion behind writing sometimes. In a word I would call it 'freewriting,' just letting it flow from some place that I can't recognize because I'm too busy spilling words.

      As for the post... I have been in a particular mindset for a while now, and even though the post did not get me out of it I felt that I understood it more after I was able to put some of it into words. She was the catalyst that threw me into thinking about the rest of it. There is a collection of ideas rolling around in my brain and I seem to be missing the right tools to connect them. WaterSquirrel seems to be in a similar situation: chaos.

      Right now my brain is on lock, but let me know what ideas you have. I'll write more as soon as I can.

    19. #19
      Member ChaybaChayba's Avatar
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      I've been there too, what you need to do, is remember your life to resolve the chaos. The state of mind you have right now, is like the result of an equation which is your life. I got into "the art of memory" and mentally visualized a road on which I placed all memories which had an effect on my personality, and then I went from there to add more and more memories until I remember my whole life, it's still work in progress.. I think it's going to take quite a while before I'm finally finished but it's really helping me to understand myself and understand the world.
      "Reject common sense to make the impossible possible." -Kamina

    20. #20
      Eternal Apprentice Awakening's Avatar
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      I think you are brooding too much over it...

      I wanna have a relationship with a woman since 4 years, but it's kinda impossible. I tried to forget her, I couldn't; I tried to love another girl, but the only thing comes in my mind is to share physical things with them and nothing more.

      Then I did a condition: until I have improved social skills above average persons and others things that I consider important, I prefer to live alone without bothering her, so she can be more happy. And above that, I never want to need a person to be happy.

    21. #21
      Member BDK235's Avatar
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      Let me start off by saying that I thing you are a great writer Redrabbit. I don't know if what I'm about to say has any relevance but here's my two cents.

      I've had my heart broken severely on two seperate occasions. One in particular that scarred me to the core of my existence. We were like oil and water. Fought like crazy but at the time in my life i had never felt that type of intense feeling of love. Now that I am older i can truly say that this particular relationship was a stepping stone to get me to where I am now. I won't say that you will ever forget her and personally i don't think thats the point. I don't think you will fully heal if you simply deny what she means to you or the role she played in your evolvement.

      I know its such a cliche but there definitely more fish in the sea. Some who will make you question your existence and some who will define your existence. Fortunately the ultimate decision is up to you. Either decide to move on so you can heal or stay where you are and let the cylce consume you.

      I know my reply only hits on a portion of your original post but my hope is that this advice helps. Even if only a little.
      Last edited by BDK235; 12-01-2009 at 05:41 PM.

    22. #22
      Hybrid redrabbit's Avatar
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      I met a person that altered the philosophies and foundations that governed my reality. Without them comes the difficult task of becoming a whole person on my own, knowing that no such thing exists. I feel selfish and narcissistic for bringing others into this, but, as it turns out, there are some very wise and kind people willing to share very good advice.

      I have decided that it is best not to worry about it. In the event that the world is truly fluid, and words have limited effect on the construction of the universe, then promises can indeed be broken. If it is my fate that promises I have made must be upheld, then I intend to face such a destiny honestly and with an open heart.

      Lucid dreaming... is constructed of finite possibilities. Life must also be so. But above these things and within all must exist an infinite, a hypothesis I'll be spending an eternity testing.

    23. #23
      Night Stalker <span class='glow_000000'>Baron Samedi</span>'s Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by redrabbit View Post
      I guess Luanne summed it up pretty much, Chayba; I started to become aware that nothing in life could be proven to 100%, and the only thing absolute in this world is the decision to no longer question things. My theory was that individual thoughts or ideas were static in the mind, like a photograph. But if you speed up any single though fast enough it will turn into an emotion, something that can't be created in any finite number of steps.

      As for my own delusion, I guess it started with lucid dreaming. In my dream I saw something I knew to be my real name. When I woke up I experienced sleep-paralysis for the first time. In order to move my body again I had to forget the name, (which leads me to believe that it only exists in a dream-state). Since then I've began to question life in a world where everything has been taught to me and how control of that world is defaulted outwards.

      It may all sound crazy, but I'm really just looking for help now. Letting go of her was my big struggle. Now I just want to know my name, or even just know why I wasn't allowed to take it with me, or why I'm paralyzed when I wake up from certain dreams. Please.
      Yes, I also went through a silopsistic episode many times in my waking life. I now realize it's because I would have such vivid dreams with a bunch of DC's, and waking life did not seem much different.

      My Real Name is Nomad. I discovered this, after choosing this as a username and such, when my wife in the dream plane called me this in a dream-flashback-within-a-dream when we were children.

      You probably get SP upon waking from certain dreams, because the sleep is deeper. In my experience, the non-REM dreams are more intense, yet harder to remember. Awareness of the physical realm dissipates, and all the soul knows is dream.

      May you find the peace you seek.
      ya gwan fok wid de Baron? ye gotta nodda ting comin. (Formerly known as Baking Nomad.)

    24. #24
      Member Azzinoth's Avatar
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      You're treating the person with too much reverence.
      They're just a normal person, like you.
      Don't put them on a pedestal.

    25. #25
      Aspiring Dreamer Elem3nt0's Avatar
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      Thats some damn beautiful and deep writing though, i had to share some excerpts of this with one of my friends.

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