Thread: Hello and thank-you

Hello. I am a lover of dreaming.

I'm grateful for this site and what I've been reading here for the last few weeks. I'm 36 years old, and Ive been an active dream student and vivid dreamer for close to 20 years with many many dream journals. Most of the time, I dream with little effort put forth from my part except for the reward the dreamworlds give me during the times I actually write them down. This is always looked upon with favor, I think, because recording them always results in deeper and more profound dream experiences. A favorite dream-author of mine has been Tenzin Wangyal, and I had the honor of attending one of his workshops last year when he randomly came to my town.

I had been slacking in my record keeping, not paying attention and having only fragments, until about 6 months ago when the most important person in my universe, the love of my life, unexpectedly committed suicide. I have lost friends in the past, but I cannot tell you the intensity of the pain that is felt from losing the person you love with all of your heart and soul and wrap your arms around at the end of the day. Immediately following his death, and after more than a week of zero sleep, I began having horrible and terrifying nightmares with my beloved as the star of the show. This has continued ever since. For the first time in my life, going to sleep has been something that I have not looked forward to. The dreams have been choppy and unfocused, with no awareness from me, and I awake in terror and loss all over again each morning. To put it simply, its been hell.

Around a month ago, I read that lucid dreaming can help stop nightmares. While Ive had fantastic dream journeys and have tried many, many hundreds if not thousands of times, Ive never had more than a few brief moments in a lucid dream. However, the invitations are present in the dreamworld- not being able to dial a number, or read a script, or whatever other signs and cues Ive tried to program into my subconscious have definitely shown up, and currently still are. Last week I had good success taking galantamine for the first time with the WBTB method, I discovered myself completely aware but unable to have any personal influence over the dream. It was amazing, and a great relief from the nightmares. In this dream, I saw a small piece of paper with the message "Live now Forever" that I had carried in my pocket for 2 or 3 years during a time I was trying very hard to lucid dream- around 15 years ago. It was the first time I had seen it in a dream and had long forgotten its existence. Strangely, the very next day a friend asked me to perform a live art show with him that night, and when I pulled out my art supplies, the same piece of paper fell to the ground from where it was hiding in a box of chalk pastels, that I have used frequently over the last decade. Strange things are afoot! (YES its in my pocket again!)

I usually have so much success with the length, quality and vividness of my dreams, but because the last six months they have been so spotty and fragmented (and terrifying), I have ordered many herbs and other things to try to assist my efforts. I've got lots of questions about dreaming herbs and supplements and looking forward to your input. I'm also reading a very cool book by Robert Moss called "the Dreamers Book of the Dead" and I have to say that so far, his accounts of how, why and the way that the dead contact us through dreams are eerily similar to my experiences so far. This fuels my desire to master dreaming even more than I have ever felt in my life.

I need all the support I can get in learning this beautiful and very rewarding form of art, and I look forward to being a part of your community.

Thanks again