Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I think I might drop this International Relations class and just stick to Intro to Political Science this semester.

arg I'm bad at taking care of phones I guess. my android is barely working but hopefully getting either a pre owned iphone or a flip phone. my only 2 choices for the price...

I'm getting inspired to make an album. I'm getting a usb keyboard\piano for my computer. today I played piano and some people liked my playing. I play guitar too but need to get one again...

OH MY FUCK!!!!i!

hope that wasnt targeted at me GavinGill...

Originally Posted by oneiroer

hope that wasnt targeted at me GavinGill...

lolno, I was just venting

I'm scared... Everything is volatile, shaky, unsustainable and it gets worse... I don't know what to change, or how to do it, or what to change it into. I don't want to do anything, I just want to hide under my duvet and stay there. I want to be a kid again... I think I have too much freedom, I fuck things up because I can't control myself, I just end up doing stupid worthless shit because nobody's telling me what to do or where to go. I fantasize about getting some illness, because being hospitalized feels similar to the being a kid fantasy... What is wrong with me? The two times I've been at the hospital; once when I had to have my appendix removed, the second when I sprained my ankle... I remember those days as genuinely great days. It was so peaceful and relaxing. I need someone to hold me. I'm just not ready for the future, everything is so, so overwhelming.

Maeni Try some positive affirmations and set small goals for yourself. The future can be extremely overwhelming if you think about taking on all of it at once. There's so many options. So many possibilities.

Gavin and Tiresias, Oneiroer (I still have to copy/paste your name Oneiroer... just can't get the spelling down )

My rant is that I'm still sick. My nose isn't dribbly but my ears are very gurgly. Last night I was sitting down, talking to Miley and an intense wave of dizziness washed over me I am majorly allergic to something. I looked up cold vrs allergy and I have no cough. I'm fairly certain it's allergies.

Another rant is that I'm a bug murderer My room contained or was close to a nest of crane flies of all things. Which I don't understand at all because there's no open containers of liquid anywhere near my room. They kept pestering me while I played my iPad while winding down for sleep. I shooed them for as long as I could but then I started squishing them. They're so delicate that killing them is too easy.

I also have another mouse in my room. While Miley talked with me, she saw it dart out a few times and then I finally saw it. It's just a little field mouse and I'm generally not squeamish about sharing my space. But I recently watched Criminal Minds where someone tortured a person by having rats eat at them. I jumped at every noise last night because of it lol.

Time for food...

New rant: Vagal Vasal Reaction or is that vice versa lol.
I was pulling weeds in front of the garage. They're more like small trees and one of them was being very difficult. I somehow managed to drag my knuckle across the driveway and it split open and bled everywhere. I was calm. I took a babywipe and wrapped it but it was still bleeding everywhere. Then the dizziness and nausea struck, I began shaking and sweating buckets. I laughed at myself and tried to get over it. It struck harder so I laid down on the driveway and elevated my legs. I was still chuckling now and then and rolling my eyes at myself. My daughters girlfriend tended to my finger. Then my bowels went and I ran inside to the restroom. Finally, I started feeling a bit better.

I took the girls to the trailer park to pick up a free TV. It was ginormous and heavy and I ended up trying to help them... then the dizziness returned and I laid in the peoples yard After that I thought, perhaps I did need a stitch or 2 as my daughters friend thought. Hubby was still at work, so I drove to his office. He was still in surgery so I asked his Office manager if they had a nurse available. BOOM, the dizziness and nausea returned. My blood pressure was fine but my pulse was only 60 (very low for me). The anesthesiologist was there so the nurse asked him what he thought. I could see him laughing on the inside. It's way too small for a stitch. But it's deep and on the knuckle. They put a steristrip over it and the Office manager talked with me and brought me Orange Juice which seemed to do the trick.

What the heck?! This is so friggin annoying... but in a humorous sort of way. I kept apologizing to the staff but they were pros about the whole thing. I even got to see hubby at the end and he took my pulse too lol. hehee, I feel like such a child, whining about something so small and trivial. I wouldn't have bothered them but the waves of dizziness concerned me. Usually, it's BOOM and then disappears just as quickly. This time, it's lingering.
Gah!

Sorry GavinGill. I gotta learn the world dosnt revolve around me...

Edit it hope I worded that right

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

haha, yeah, my nostrils changed sides on me last night

I'm actually kind of worried about my bladder/kidney's. There are 6 people living here and only one restroom. When I'm desperate to go and can't, I use a "chamber pot"
My pee is almost brown it's so dark. I don't know if I'm going overboard on the honey or if it's my body flushing out toxins/whatever but it does not look healthy.
And on top of that I have this cold and feel a bit like poo. I told my hubby "no soda, cigarettes or fast food... my body is punishing me for this heresy!"
That's exactly what it feels like. I don't know if it's truly connected or if it's just bad timing... but I figure everything takes time.

Uh, sounds like your kidneys are fucked yeah. Go get that checked out instead of your knuckle lol xD

Rant: FUCK. THIS. SHIT!
Fuck everything. I'm so sick of being a good person and getting fucked over.
Maybe it's karma for all the years I was a total asshole. But it wasn't my fault, I became an asshole coz I was sick of getting shit on.
But I grew past that and try to not hurt people, try to generally make the world just a little less shitty....
And nothing good comes out of it. It's like people take advantage of that, or take it for granted, which just negates the good I'm trying to put out in to the world.

Extra rant: Apparently Xanax is more tightly controlled now, they put it up in to the highest schedule for controlled substances.
WHAT THE FUCK!????? I needed some for a presentation soon.
So, I think about other options, there has to be something.... could get slightly drunk, but I'm off alcohol for the foreseeable future....
I could just not do it.... might be able to get the marks anyway if I show I contributed....
Kava! I remember that was awesome.

Last time I got it, it was illegal in Australia, but you were allowed to import it from New Zealand.
To my surprise, you can.... BUY IT IN THE F'ING PHARMACY!!!!
WHAT!????? It's legal now.
Just proves how ridiculous laws are.
I mean this is a good thing, but Kava is almost exactly the same thing, pharmacologically, as Xanax.
Both are GABA potentiators, except Kava probably has even more potential for abuse because it has an even better high.
And you can just buy it off the shelf, no prescription, nothing!
You also don't stop getting high from it, whereas with Xanax after about a month or so it just calms you down, and you'll never get high from it again even if you take a break from it for years.

Oh well, this is great. Love the numbness when chewing it too, funny feeling. Fuck yeah lawmakers who don't know shit!

lol, Oneiroer. I still think that way too sometimes ("remember, self, it isn't always about you.") It's all good

hehehe, Tommo. My kidneys finally cleared. I think I was detoxing because I realized I actually go through at least 2 pots of water a day (5 cups each). I bumped it up to 3 pots and everything's okay now
My knuckle looks gnarly today. I took off the bandage and steristrip in my sleep. It's very swollen and a little oozy looking. There's still fresh blood in the center but it doesn't run (when you dab it, there's still blood). But yeah, I tend to see a doctor only if I FEEL like something's really bad. Almost passing out an hour after the "trauma" was not normal for me.

Maybe the girl doesn't like to make a big deal about her b-day and keeps it small? Or perhaps she hasn't celebrated much in the past and decided to this year? I haven't told my parents happy b-day for over 10 years but I called my mom this year
Try not to let other people change you. You're a good guy. Don't lose that. You have to live with yourself all of your life. Try to be a person you like
It's awesome about the Kava. But really strange lol. Hope it helps

My rant is that I got the worst sleep in history. I went to bed at midnight; turned off my iPad at 2AM but still couldn't fall asleep until around 4. Then I tossed and turned and kept waking up until I finally gave up at 10:00 What. The. Heck? Grrr My finger is only sore. I don't see that that would have kept me up. Gah!

**EDIT**
Is it bad that I wanted to start a new post so I wouldn't lose my "likes"
I'm disappointed. I've always believed that leaving a wound exposed to the air was a healthier and faster way of healing it. Nope. Bandages with ointment are best. But... but... but I hate bandaids

Damn those past days sucked like hell. I got a bill of 230€ for some totally stupid law and something I didn't even knew about, but well, I'll just rip some 500€ from my country with something different (legally that is), so yeah whatever.
And this thursday one of the 3 company leaders in the place I work for exploded in my face over trivial matters and stupidity, instead of just telling me what the fuck was his problem, and that even though just a few weeks ago everything was just fine and sparkly. Since he's got a Clique I guess they told him whatever crap about me. Funny that he's the one responsible for the personnel of all people, I mean he's all nice and fine until one day he just has some problem like a kindergarten child, blocks out all sense and goes apeshit. So unprofessionel, and that from someone more than twice my age...


In my 2 years in that company I never raised my voice, while I now had at least 3 people do so towards me.
1. was a random dude I don't care about
2. was my instructor. I'll admit, at first he was hard to get along with since he's not good at controlling his emotions, and he has a few other problems as well. But I never deliberately annoyed him, and staying calm despite him raging around managed to actually take him aback once. I showed what I could do, gave positive feedback and eventually, under all the prejudices I heard of from other people and all the rage I actually found an agreeable and quite reasonable, even friendly person. Most importantly, he's not vile in any way.

and 3. was that personnel manager I mentioned above. At first he was all cool and friendly, very good on the outside. Now suddenly he seems to hate me, makes absurd assumptions about me, and he actually went as far as insulting [!] me in front of my instructor and his secretary. As if that isn't low enough he apparently wants to threaten and pressure me with things his nose doesn't belong into. He even tried to sow distrust between me and my instructor, with lies about each other, but since we can talk honestly to each other, his lies ain't workin, so yeah, he now proved himself to be really vile, there is just no justification for behaving like that. If that personnel manager wants a methodological multi-front fight with me he'll get one, and he's not playing on the winning side as there are plenty other people suffering under him in that company, and his intellect is not exactly game-breaking.

Still, at the end of the day it's just sad. I mean, how hard can it be as a personnel manager to simply properly treat your personnel, be honest with them and keep some acceptable behaviour? Apparently it is hard, otherwise I wouldn't feel my apprenticeship turn into fight, and I surely didn't ask for it in any way whatsoever...

Angry rant:

(Pardon my french, I don't usually swear but this seems like a place where we can always open up.)

1. I have to go back to my college on Monday. I don't want to go back to college! I don't want to have to study. I don't want to have to put up with my roommate coming back late every night! I don't want to have to sleep in that hot sticky messy dorm until winter comes and it's a cold messy dorm! I don't want to get up early!

2. Why the hell couldn't I think if a forum post to write!? I was going to write a post about the weird ways my friends were calming to get lucid but then deleted it. I then was going to write a post about if all minds were created equal, but then deleted that for some reason! Then I came here. Stupid fucking ADHD.

3. Why the fuck didn't I lucid dream last night?! I did a half hour autosuggestion session and hit the sack at 10:00?! What did I miss?! I have been lucid dreaming for how long now...? Three almost four years! It shouldn't be this goddamn difficult this far in! Come on, I've had almost 200 lucid dreams. It's basically a given I can LD with that setup. What the fuck gives?! I swear to god this is getting harder.

4. I must remind myself why I made my username 'JadeGreen' Cannot recall now. Fuck!

5. Why the hell did I delete my old account!? Why the hell did I even make an old account. I should have had one account with a congruent dream journal going back all the way to when I started! I would probably have twice as many lucid dreams written down then!

6. Having to accept that I rethought six and deleted it.

7. Why the hell does my artwork always suck worse than a kindergartners doodle. Come on, I've tried so hard. I've learned from my friends. I have learned from my teachers. I have learned from everybody and I still suck. Why does everything I draw always have to look so lopsided and awkward. If it wasn't for that incessant problem I would have finished my goddam dream artwork page by now! Oh yeah, my writers block can rot in hell as well. I can never seem to write anything original.

8. Why the hell was I such a stupid kid? I was always the awkward clueless one?! Why did that have to be me?! How did I get stuck like that? Why couldn't I have just been a normal kid who had friends and didn't act all weird. Now half my neighborhood thinks I'm a retard.

9. Please accept this random collection of letters as a accumulation of the remainder of my rage: BRARRGHAHAGHAHGHAAGHHHABCDEFGHIKLMNOPQURSTUVWXYZ12 34567890QWERTYASDFVVVVVVVVVVV99999996666666SEXFUCK TITSBASTARDBITCHASSCUNTSHITLICKATURDANDCALLITMRDIN GDING!

Did the font on the forum change? It looks different. =/

And I'm looking into getting some financial aid for school, but it seems so complicated I don't even know where to start. D:

all around. I like your #9, JadeGreen. I feel that way often.

Font looks fine to me, Gavin.

No true rants here. My finger's still a little swollen. It bothers me when I go to bed and disrupts my sleep, but other than that it's okay.
Gah! I have to drive almost 2 hours each way to have lunch with hubby and his daughter tomorrow. We leave at 11:20. I hate going anywhere. What's ??? not worse but ??? we're eating at the Indian restaurant. Indians okay. I'd even say it's good and I like it, but ??? I just don't know lol. Their soda is always flat and drinking tea is new to me. Their mango smoothie drink is nice, but it's not really my thing. Drinking, to me, is just as important as the food so I guess that's what my hangup is.

I finally discerned that I go through too much honey. I go through 16 ounces in a week, which is about 4.4 tablespoons a day. 2 tablespoons worth is what's recommended. Oh well. I don't see myself cutting back any time soon I've not had any sugars or sweets though (other than what's added to peanut butter- I have 2 sandwiches a day).

I need to go to sleep but I took a 3 hour nap earlier and don't see that happening any time soon
I should go ahead and find a place to hide my stuff. Food is scarce and the kids will rob me blind if I don't. "But you go shopping on Monday!" they'll say. That's true, but I too need to eat between now and then and I can't help it if y'all eat a week's worth of food in 4 days. And food I save is food I don't have to replace.

Feeling like shit is starting to become a normal thing for me nowadays. Wish I could rant about my life - get everything off my chest - but this iPod is very slow and the computer I have freezes every time I turn it on. Ugh. Maybe I'll post tomorrow when I'm at school; I can use those computers.

Seems like everything is pissing me off lately. Time to just do what makes me happy and not be a total people pleaser...

Originally Posted by oneiroer

Time to just do what makes me happy and not be a total people pleaser...

Masturbation? :0

Why do so many people seem to suck at maintaining a consistent speed?

I like to use cruse control, but even when it's not engaged I still keep an eye on my speed and drive at pretty regular speeds. I'm by no means perfect... but it happens commonly enough that it bothers me where on the highway people are in the passing lane going maybe 60mph. Once they finish passing cars and get over to the right lane, they speed up to 65mph or more. Or I'll catch up to someone in the right lane and go to pass them, then suddenly we're just driving next to each other because the other person started driving faster while I tried passing them.

What really bugs me is when someone is driving right about the speed I'm going, but obviously they're not using cruise control. So I'll catch up to them and be ready to pass, and then they speed up. Then we're fine for a while until they start slowing down and I get over to the passing lane, only for them to speed up again. And I swear that every time the road goes from a single lane to having one or more passing lanes, cars speed up.


This is a semi-serious rant. More of an annoyance. And also a sign telling me that I drive too much. But a sort-of-rave is that I'm finally getting a dash cam for my car. I've been wanting one for a while and finally looked into them. The one I got is just a cheap basic camera, but it should do fine. Just something to record and keep others as well as my self accountable, should anything happen.

@gavingill um...no...

Sefalik. I SO completely agree with your rant!!!! What REALLY annoys me is when I'm boxed in and someone tries to pass me. Seriously, dumby, where are you going to go? That is my biggest rant while driving, but your complaints annoy me greatly.

My rant is that I slept all day. I couldn't sleep day before yesterday, so when I got home from Indian food and battery replacement (step-daughters car battery died so hubby spent hours troubleshooting the problem then ultimately buying a replacement) I fell right to sleep at 7:30PM. I was awake before 4AM. I took my son to his probation check-in then the girls to their job training at 10:00. I came home from that, laid down and slept until now. I woke at one point with a wet face because I had been drooling so much. Gah! lol Stupid allergies.

Hope everyone is having a good day

I am sick of this goddamn erratic sleep I have! I can't fall asleep on time or maintain any kind of regular schedule.
I am going to be fucked when my course starts in two weeks unless if I do something.
I am beginning to consider resorting to timed sugar crashes and potential investment of psychotropics.
I have not met up with the Marie Jane for nearly a year now but maybe I'm overdue for a hopefully more responsible reunion.
I find the fact that all my sentences begun with I in this paragraph rather disturbing.
Insomnia's apparently leads to impoverished sentence composition.

I haven't posted here in a long time, but so much rant-worthy stuff happened today. I'll be concise for a change.

About two months ago now I decided to be referred to a psychiatrist, went to my doctor, she referred me to a psychiatry place, they called me for an orientation. I was to get 5 hours of sleep, but accidentally slept in 40 mins so I had to rush. Got there, couldn't find the place, disoriented for a while, the day already sucked. Finally found it.

It was all about group therapy sessions, which is not what I'd wanted at all. I got so fucking pissed, made somewhat of a scene telling them I was going to leave. They convinced me to stay, felt like an idiot, ended up being booked for a psyc evaluation in a couple weeks.

I'd already realized I wouldn't make it to my first class, but was now going to be so late for my second class there was no point going. Went to the chem building to buy goggles and a lab coat. They were out of goggles so I just bought the lab coat. Or I would have but they only took cash. I asked where an ATM was but the girl working there convinced me that for the first lab there's no way I'll need the lab coat and goggles yet because it's just an intro.

Went to the next class all the way across campus, then all the way back for the chem lab. We needed the goggles and lab coat. I had to pay to rent them, but they also only took cash (who the fuck carries around cash anymore? - apparently everyone but me). Luckily they let me pay next time. In the class I had no idea what I was doing. I have bad associations with chemistry from past high school experience due to being slow and incapable of working in groups. Eventually I did it though, after standing around apparently the only person who had no idea what they were doing, finally I figured out step by step, though I had to ask way more questions than anyone else. And I'm older than most of those people so I felt kind of stupid.

Got home so exhausted (to my apartment which I just moved into last week). Washed my hands and realized the toilet lid was down. I never put it down. Someone had been there. I started looking in closets, under beds, etc to find no one. Texted my dad asking if anyone had been there. Then I realized the ceiling water damage appeared fixed. I looked around the apartment in horror. No one had told me the repair guy was coming, to prepare. Dirty clothes were on the floor. My bed (which the water damage was right over, did he stand on my bed or something)? was unmade. I had a white heavily period-stained sheet covering the window so no one can see in (which I always remove before people come over). I looked in the bathroom and noticed on the floor I had dirty clothes including obviously dirty underwear (sorry but I have to mention this as it's what made it most horrifying) from my last shower I'd forgotten to throw in the laundry. My dad had texted me back verifying that the guy had been there, he'd just told him he could come over without informing me. I texted my dad telling him to next time please tell me before someone is going to come over, told him I hadn't cleaned or anything. I think that's literally been the first time my dad has ever apologized to me and admitted he was wrong, so at least there's that.

Oh but that's not it. Right after I decided to play some Minecraft for a bit. Haven't played it in a couple weeks. About 15 mins in I got an email from Amazon telling me someone had ordered one of my textbooks. Didn't want to deal with going to the post office but I like shipping stuff asap so I was going to. Went to find the book, couldn't find it. Stressing for like an hour looking everywhere for it. I must have thrown it out accidentally (or forgotten to delete the listing after purposely discarding it). Had to write the buyer an apology email and cancel the order, now I'll probably have my account suspended or something.

Now I have so much school shit to do and am so tired. Why is it that the days I don't get enough sleep usually end up being the days I have the most to deal with?

Deviant. I completely understand your sleep rant. It's one I share. And about the "I" complaint. I grumble about that too when I slip into it. It's the writer in me, I guess.

*glomp* Dianeva Wow, you've really been hit hard eh? I'd feel the same way if someone came to my place unannounced. I've been getting better over the years though. I always ask myself: "Does it really matter what a stranger thinks? Will I ever see that person again?" It's nice you got an apology from your dad though!

My rant is a silly one. You know you've been without sex too long when you dream about masterbation instead of intercourse
Other than that, it's same 'ole, same 'ole here. I did get $200. from hubby ($50.'s coming out of my allowance for a month though). My oldest son, Ray is moving to the Mission. He's going to order some clothes on-line then he'll be staying there as of next week. It sucks that he's going to be homeless but it might help get him out of his rut so he can do something with his life. Probation has been pushing for him to do it and there's a lot of drama here at home with Destinee bringing over her minor friend. The rave in that is that I'll no longer have to drive him to counseling every week (the Mission is within walking distance).

Destinee and her fiancee have jobs now, so I'll actually be spending about the same or more in gas until they get their first paycheck. They're looking into getting an apartment near their job.
Then I'll only have Miley at home