Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

That does sound awesome, Tiresias. I hope you get over your cold soon

My rant is that my stomach is very unhappy. I ate a Wendy's pulled pork meal and Gah... it did not agree with me one bit. I thought I had gotten over my ice cream cravings, but nope... I'm stuffed with Wendy's but I'm still obsessed with thoughts of ice cream
Oh well... I'll feed the beast tomorrow. I've already gone way over my caloric intake for the day.

A rave is that I can finally tolerate playing Minecraft PE now. I've been playing a bit here and there for the last few days and I guess I've finally grown accustomed to the graphics/movements. The rant in that is the game requires both hands to play, so I rest my iPad on my legs and look down which has been causing major neck cramps and headaches You also can't play off-line

Other than that, it's been a nice semi-quiet day. Hubby had me help pack for our trip, but that's it. I will be SO happy when this trip is over. There wont be another until Spring

My life is a balls up.I'm a shit person. I'm too fat. I'm a horrible person and hoy fuck am I weak. I'm the weakest person I know. Both physically and mentally. I have such a low resistance to pain and I keep crying. I fell up the stairs today and fell quite badly on my ankle resulting in weakness, dizziness, nausea and my ears ringing. I can't believe all that happened because I fell up the stairs what the fuck I'm so useless and fuck my life. Nothing is wrong with my life except me.

Edit

I'm not okay I'm realy not okay everything hurts so bad and I wish I could make it stop and I really want to make it stop but I'm not strong enough to cut deep enough to kill me I'm not strong enough to do it oh god why couldn't you have made me stronger.

Update.

I fucked up. I tried to cut and slipped and cut my arm real bad. I panicked and holy shit. I'm so scared right now it really shook me off balance. I'm trying to give it up. I'll be okay I hope.

Edit.

The pain I'm currently in is unbelievable. Fuck.

Get to a doctor ASAP. Fat? Horrible? Weak. You, dear, are a wonderful, beautiful, strong person. Hang in there and get to a doc. You might have hit your head or something when you fell. A tumble shouldn't make you feel that horrible unless something more is going on.

Originally Posted by Wishfulthinker

My life is a balls up.I'm a shit person. I'm too fat. I'm a horrible person and hoy fuck am I weak. I'm the weakest person I know. Both physically and mentally. I have such a low resistance to pain and I keep crying. I fell up the stairs today and fell quite badly on my ankle resulting in weakness, dizziness, nausea and my ears ringing. I can't believe all that happened because I fell up the stairs what the fuck I'm so useless and fuck my life. Nothing is wrong with my life except me.

Edit

I'm not okay I'm realy not okay everything hurts so bad and I wish I could make it stop and I really want to make it stop but I'm not strong enough to cut deep enough to kill me I'm not strong enough to do it oh god why couldn't you have made me stronger.

Update.

I fucked up. I tried to cut and slipped and cut my arm real bad. I panicked and holy shit. I'm so scared right now it really shook me off balance. I'm trying to give it up. I'll be okay I hope.

Edit.

The pain I'm currently in is unbelievable. Fuck.

Try using rubber bans wrapped around your wrists or jogging until you give out instead of cutting. It serves the same purpose but it isn't as destructive in the long run.

Hope you feel better soon, bouts of depression can be difficult to deal with. =/

I have running internet!


Chat is down.............................................. ..............................

Will the torture ever end?

grats on internet, Auron!

More for Wishful. Are you still alive?
Thanks for the focus, Gavin. I'm so desensitized to self-injury I didn't even take in the seriousness of the rest of Wishful's post.
In the US at least, doctors are slowly understanding that self-injury isn't about suicide. If you make a mistake and cut too deeply while si-ing, the doctors here will treat the injury and make a referral (usually just a slight verbal nag) to a psychologist.

I hope you're okay.

My rant is that my daughter lost $400. in foodstamps. But we didn't expect it. She lost her card benefits a long time ago, but I'm a pack rat and still had her card. SHe signed up again yesterday but told them she lost her card (not knowing I still had it). They said they'd send her a new one with $191. in 7-10 days. When she heard I had hers, we called to check the balance to see if it was still active and then we'd call the worker and let them know. That's when *wow* we heard the large amount. She walked to the store but the card was declined. We called the number again and the card had been deactivated

It's a rant because they'll have about $30. to eat on for the week. Once I get back from my trip they're going to start applying for work earnestly again. I still hope the girls, at least, are able to move out soon (and take the puppy with them )

For now... back to the DHHR. My kids are applying separately for benefits (I hate that term) because they fight like little kids about who spends how much on what. Destinee's also letting them know she has her old card if that'll speed up thing. Then I have to take Paula to the ER, go to the store then go to the store again tonight for hubby. Gah!
Oh yes... I also need more vanilla e-juice for my trip (the only smell hubby can tolerate), so I'll also be going to Smoker Friendly.

**EDIT**
Scratch more of the above and move it to tomorrow's rant. I forgot DHHR is closed because of election day

Life's good.
Nothing to rant. lol

Yay, TwoCups

I have a new rant. Out of nowhere I have an extremely annoying song stuck in my head "Skinnamardinky dinky dink" (or how ever it's spelled )
Where the heck did that come from?

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Yay, TwoCups

I have a new rant. Out of nowhere I have an extremely annoying song stuck in my head "Skinnamardinky dinky dink" (or how ever it's spelled )
Where the heck did that come from?

Heh, sometimes I get songs from 8-9 years ago stuck in my head, but I have no idea who the singer is or what the song is called, which sucks :/

Originally Posted by AURON

I have running internet!


Chat is down.............................................. ..............................

Will the torture ever end?

It turns out that the answer is a big fat NO.

They got skype though, so get on board already SugarBacon.

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

It turns out that the answer is a big fat NO.

They got skype though, so get on board already SugarBacon.

I don't think my dialup can handle it StrawberrySteak.

Rant. Have been crying for hours. Everyone around me has decided to act strange all at once and I'm having to realise again that you can't really trust anyone. The people who care the most don't really care at all, don't even know why they're still around. The people for whom you stopped doing horrible things to yourself don't understand that it works the other way around too. Trust me, I want to escape as well. But people are all too happy to tell you to stay put before they go away, as though there's any point at all in existing here alone and never moving anywhere. Yet at the same time people think I'm nothing for not seeking to do fun and pleasurable things because I overanalysed things to the point where "fun" and "pleasurable" are as much meaningless noise as sadness and confusion and become more unpleasant than anything; they're lacking and they're incomplete and it's so much easier, so much better to accept being a useless nothing than to get really close to whatever you persist in stupidly wanting but be unable to ever actually reach it.

I am nothing. Failing at every aspect of life, I honestly can't find anything I will succeed at to balance out all the uselessness. Keep telling myself I'll stop with the constant self-deprecation, and I manage for a while but it gets to a point where everything in life is confirming that I'm so horrible I shouldn't even be alive. No, I could be trying harder. I need to go out and do something new. Really try to "get a life." To do what everyone else thinks I should be doing because I apparently don't know how to use my own mind to think with. But I really honestly doubt it would change anything. I want to be done with this. Same story over many years. Maybe it's only that I'm horribly selfish and that's why I don't even want to live life. Maybe I need to find and latch onto some people who really do and I wouldn't have to ever understand the reason why, only care about them. I don't think I'll ever understand. I guess the closest thing I can say to "I understand" is that some part of me wants to understand. There might be something I'm missing and maybe if I wait long enough or look hard enough I might find it. And know. But it's probably nothing.

(Sorry for the unpleasant post. This is just a rant, it's fairly likely that I hardly mean half of the things I wrote. I don't know. I guess I'll see.)

This aggressive guy at work is soooooooooooooooooooooooo damn annoying the shit out of me!! He has absolutely no sense of empathy or knowledge when to stop talking bullshit/stop raging/almost shouting instead of talking... aargh.

Originally Posted by vasiona

I am nothing.

Not true. You're articulate, and capable of clearly expressing a complex emotional predicament. Most people are not.

Being introverted, in a world where the extroverted (unsurprisingly) are the loudest, is not easy. But our way is not inferior to theirs.

Its been so long since I've been kissed that I've forgotten what it feels like.

Whenever I see people smooching on TV I change the channel because a part of me is jealous, and it's just easier to NOT be reminded of how great lips on lips can be.

I know, it's weird.

Only rant is that I feel guilty for not having done anything at all the last two days! And I have a physics exam in two weeks...

Anyway, today was a really nice day. So I'm not going to complain. Hope you all are alright!

I hope the exam goes well

My rant is that I can't sleep. About time lol. We left at 4AM Thursday for the auction. We arrived at around 10AM or so and I went straight to sleep until dinner at 5. Got back by 10 and went straight to sleep again. Did the same thing on Friday. On Saturday I was up at 8 but took a nap from 10-noon and left for home at 3. Made it back by 8. I tried laying down because my eyes burn and I *feel* sleepy... but I can't sleep. My brain wont shut up. Plus, I've been grinding my teeth and have a horrible headache... AND acid reflux thanks to the Wendy's BBQ sandwich I had for dinner.

Another rant is that on Thursday, my period decided to show up 5 days early

It was a nice trip though. One of the couples who go are really sweet. Dinner was amazing both nights. I planned ahead and took some anti-diarhea meds on Thursday and I've been stopped up since I got to enjoy the meals though

Oh yes, yet another rant is that hubby and I forgot our wedding anniversary AGAIN... for like the 11th year in a row lol. I REALLY wanted to remember it this year, but nope. It completely slipped my mind until tonight (it was on the 3rd).

I hope everyone's well.

Why the heck do places like El Pollo Loco and Subway skimp so much on frickin napkins! I buy a family meal or 5 sandwiches and I expect everyone to have a napkin or two dammit!

Welp, I'm at that point in the school year where my work load steeply increases and my motivation steeply decreases. I'm not only swamped with homework, but also swamped with just a butt-ton of regular life things. I'm running on very little sleep, and I hardly have any time to work on anything between everything that's going on. If it weren't for the fact that I have to keep my grades up for my Honors scholarship, I would just check out and not do any assignments the rest of the semester.

I need to staple this poster in front of my face and remind myself it will all be over soon:

I got a little sick this week and had to come home.

The good thing was I got to sleep off all my sickness, had a ton of dreams, both lucid and none, and just relax. It's only Wednesday though.

I also got Lollipop on my phone.

I've been sleeping a ton... no lucids here though But, actually, I'm okay with that lol

I flew in dreams last night... Well, gliding would be more accurate, or wind surfing. I use either a bandanna or small plastic trash bags for those dreams. I just catch the wind and flick my wrists if I want more or less air Those dreams started several years ago. They're not my favorite flight dreams, but they're still enjoyable

Sleeping a ton is also my rant. I woke in pain this afternoon because I had been laying down for too long. I've been up for less than 2 hours but all I can think about is going back to bed Part of that, though, is from eye allergies. I squeezed behind a sideways couch earlier to look for Climbers kittens. One was in distress (it's claw snagged some cloth and it was suspended midair). Then I loved on all the babies before putting them back and *sneezes*, yeah.

I think I'll take a benadryl and go back to sleep for a bit...

Destiny was supposed to be back up online after the update already, the fuck Bungie????? Do you think I have a fucking life or something? You bastards!

Ugh... new rant... extreme vomiting. What's worse is that I don't know why. One minute I felt just slightly nauseous, the next I was grabbing a bag. Then I got the jitters and chills. But my temp is 98.5. No earache, no stomach upset (other than the obvious), nothing.
My first thought was too much caffeine. But I only had 2 pills today, spaced hours apart and the last one was almost 3 hours before I got sick. Too much gingko? I might have taken 3 by accident (usually only take one, but 2 is recommended). I've not been writing things down as I normally do. But, again, that was almost 3 hours before hand.
Could my sugar be too high? I had a large strawberry sundae for dinner (about 5 hours before getting sick). Did my daughters food poison me But that was even longer at some 8 hours previous.

I don't puke. I hate not knowing the reason I tried sleeping, but my vision was blurring which troubled me and I was too jittery to get comfy, so I took an extremely hot shower, thinking I could sweat out some toxins... turns out that's just a myth and now I have a headache. I wont dare take any meds for it. I guess I can try sleeping again...

**EDIT**
New rave... I still couldn't sleep so I got up to make some tea... and blew the breaker. I went out to reset it and there was a different cat sitting on the freezer in front of the window (which we leave open year round for the cats). I approached slowly, talking to her, offered my hand. After a few minutes, she came up and let me pet her. She was very affection starved and even let me hold her. She's quite the fatty! As I looked at her, she seemed very familiar and I placed her almost right away. I'm fairly certain she's one of our old cats- Roroshka (Row-row). She was a muted calico mix with a bent tail and she disappeared some 3 years ago or so. The bend in her tail is now missing (literally, she has half a tail), but she looks the same, only morbidly obese.

Sounds rough, Zhaylin. Hope things pick up soon.=/
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I missed two exams on account of illness this semester, a total of 40% of my final grade. My professor was considerate enough to roll back the marks so now my research paper and the final exam will be weighted more heavily. On the upside, I still have a chance to pass this class. On the down side, the paper and final exam are going to be worth 50% each so I can't afford to fuck up on either.

I was going to do my research paper on revolutionary vanguards and the Black Panther Party, but I ended up missing my medication a few times and I got carried away with some grandiose delusions. I talked to my prof about it and he even helped me simplify the outline, but I think I'd be better off starting fresh with a new topic. I know a great deal about the Black Panthers, it's most notable members and it's collective history, but at this point I'm kind of fed up with it. I keep getting anxious and stressed out whenever I try working on it because of all the baggage, plus it leaves me open to the risk of more grandiose thoughts. So now I have to come up with a new topic, email my prof, wait for a reply, and then... figure it out from there.

Note to self - drink lots of water, eat fresh fruits and vegetables, exercise, start going to sleep at a regular time, do homework in the morning.