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    Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

    1. #16851
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      Anju, a "callboy"? Sounds very interesting
      That's what I need. No sex for some 5+ years is getting old

      Sounds wonderful, Sefalik! I was hoping for snow here, but it's just been raining. Which I don't understand because it's been the perfect temp for snow (32).

      Vasiona. Not to trivialize what your going through, or poking fun of you in any way... you should write poetry. You're very expressive. Perhaps it could be an outlet for your loneliness? I spent most of my life very depressed and I was an amazing writer (IMHO ). I couldn't imagine NOT writing and fought treatment for a long time because of it. And sure enough... age, circumstance, and meds have "fixed me" but I no longer have a creative bone in my body.
      Well, I guess that's not completely true. I gravitate toward open-world and creative games (minecraft, Oblivion, and now EQ2 where I spend a ridiculous amount of time on my homes).
      At any rate, I hope you feel better soon.
      I understand what you mean about acting. But that IS a part of you. I used to stay awake all the time. People thought I had bipolar but it was anxiety and stubbornness (I'd be gaming or reading, whatever, I just didn't want to stop). There was a very fine line. If I'm slightly sleep depraved, I feel "high". I'm more outgoing. I want to take on the world and I'm very personable. On either side of that though, I'm a recluse and second guess everything I say and do. I can't live up to expectations or even previous impressions I made on people while in my heightened state. Age has taught me not to care (as much )
      Anyhow... I ramble.
      Feel better soon.

      My rant is that hubby wont wake up and call me I wont get back on the game until then because I want to hear his voice at least once today and when I get on the game I close my browser (and, thus, my phone).
      I also slept until 7PM (didn't go to sleep until almost noon though) and I woke with a TERRIBLE kink in my neck and a headache. A nice, hot shower took care of those though
      Other than that, life is nice and peaceful.

    2. #16852
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      Some shit with my brother happened. Long story short, he's an asshole I don't see him as a brother anymore. It's gonna take a while for things to heal between us. Ugh. But then Dad gave me this big bear hug and ohmygosh he's never given me a hug like that in years. I felt so loved. <3

    3. #16853
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      I got a week off for Thanksgiving break, but instead of going home and relaxing for an entire week, I've been dragged to Alabama to help my parents clear out my late grandma's house. All of my relatives are in Alabama. I don't know any of my relatives, but apparently my relatives want to see me and my parents at like everything. So pretty much every day I have to go to crap and see these people that I haven't seen since I was like 2 and have been perfectly fine not knowing for the majority of my life. Most of them are at least 200 years old, and I'd rather be back at school learning about computer engineering then spending time with these geezers who probably still haven't figured out how to connect their computers to the "World Wide Web."

      Not to mention that cleaning out the house is no easy task either. My grandma was pretty much a hoarder. Her entire living room is too packed full of random stuff to even enter. She has boxes of old things everywhere, and none of it is useful whatsoever. My parents brought their trailer from Florida to haul a bunch of stuff back with, but it's apparent that it's going to take multiple trips over the next year or so, I imagine. Also, she was a heavy smoker. She smoked from when she was 16 until she passed away at the age of 84. She would smoke in the house all the time. There's a nice yellow coat of nicotine over just about everything in the house. Thank God the smell isn't nearly as bad as it was when we came up for the funeral a month ago, but for the love of God, it's penetrating my clothes and it's almost impossible to wash out...

      Good news is, when break is over, I go back for like 10 days or so for exams, and then I come right back home for an entire month. I should be able to relax then, provided my parents don't drag me back up for another load...
      GavinGill, Zhaylin and vasiona like this.
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    4. #16854
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    5. #16855
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      Yeah, Zhaylin. Do it!

      I think losing virginity to a callboy was my best idea ever, I wonder why I didn't think of this before! The guy was so damn good.
      I was expecting him to do his thing, take the money and leave. It didn't happen that way; it was more like a date. We talked and laughed a lot and the sex felt very natural, there was no awkwardness at all. He was really sweet and patient. However it took like an hour to get it inside as the hymen put up a fight and it hurt badly. We had to change the condom twice as it got soaked in blood and there was blood everywhere. But I actually had a good time.
      I guess I enjoyed it because I was not emotionally involved with him, so I didn't feel insecure about my looks. With a friend/boyfriend, I'd be so ashamed of my body that I won't ever get naked!

    6. #16856
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      Quote Originally Posted by Anju View Post
      ...
      I guess I enjoyed it because I was not emotionally involved with him, so I didn't feel insecure about my looks. With a friend/boyfriend, I'd be so ashamed of my body that I won't ever get naked!
      Your boyfriend will fall in love with you exactly because of your looks and your body and your brain. No matter how yu feel about yourself, he will feel about you pretty darn good.

      Oh, and kudos, anju

      Rant: Im working today
      Rave: I had 2 days off

    7. #16857
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      Glad you had a great first time, Anju. Mine was when I was 17 and I frustrated the hell out of my boyfriend. It took him multiple tries over a couple days to penetrate my barrier I kept making him stop because it hurt so much. I don't remember there being a lot of blood though.
      Did you pay by the hour or somehow else? I live in the middle of nowhere... there's nothing like that here

      Spellbee. Sorry you have to go through all of that work! But be nice to the older generation My hubby's 30 years older than me (71) and he knows more about computers than most people my age. Same is true for most of the people he knows who are his age. You might be pleasantly surprised by some of the stories you hear.

      Astral. That hug sounds amazing. Sorry you're having such problems with your brother.

      My rant is that I slept absolutely miserably. I'd only been up 9 hours before going back to bed in preparation of having to be awake today to have Thanksgiving with some of hubby's employees (they invite us every year). I tossed and turned and had a multitude of disturbing dreams... which I promptly forgot when the dogs barking woke me. I heard the perimeter alarm go off, then voices, so I peeked out my window and I saw 2 guys and a very blonde woman. At first, I thought it was my daughter, Zee... but it was just my sons probation officer (the woman with her backup and a trainee). She comes over, maybe once a week, but I was surprised to see her on a holiday.

      Another rant is that I have to go to that Thanksgiving dinner I say that now, but I always enjoy it once I get there.
      Another is that my allergies are flaring and irritating my eyes a great deal.
      Yet another is I failed my challenge of taking a pic and writing in my journal app for a year. I did make it almost 2 months though. I'm going to take the challenge back up though, but only save a selfie once a week or once a month. At my age, my looks dont change much day to day

      A rave is that I get to eat great food today and have nice conversations with others... that I go shopping tonight (also a rant ) and I'm going to buy more EQ2 "time" to spend on vanity items (in-game purchases)... Oh yes, but I cannot redeem it until tomorrow (double points for black Friday)... another rave is that even though I slept terribly and had some messed up dreams, I also had some good ones- including flying.

      Hope everyone has a great day!!
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    8. #16858
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      Quote Originally Posted by gab View Post
      Your boyfriend will fall in love with you exactly because of your looks and your body and your brain.
      That's exactly the problem. I don't have the looks/body for anyone to fall in love with, and my brain seems to be a big turn-off. I wish so badly that I could give away my brain and get good looks in return. I know there's no use crying over it.. if I'm ugly, I'm ugly. But what would I not give to become one of the good-looking people!

      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      I don't remember there being a lot of blood though.
      The blood was because my hymen was different. Like I said, the opening was too small and the gynaecologist said they don't do hymenectomy on unmarried women. Now I don't want to get married just to become eligible for surgery, so I just decided to go ahead and have sex anyway. The bleeding lasted a day or two.
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    9. #16859
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      Quote Originally Posted by Anju View Post
      That's exactly the problem. I don't have the looks/body for anyone to fall in love with, and my brain seems to be a big turn-off. I wish so badly that I could give away my brain and get good looks in return. I know there's no use crying over it.. if I'm ugly, I'm ugly. But what would I not give to become one of the good-looking people!

      "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!"

      That is not just some silly cliche; it is totally true! Even if you do not see the beauty in yourself, certainly it will be seen by others. One of these (in fact, quite possibly several of them) will, as Gab said, fall hopelessly in love with you, because of the beauty in your spirit, soul, and body.

      Do embrace your own beautiful mind; it will never turn-off any other beautiful mind, and - unlike the physical body, which will simply decay, and become old and frail, regardless of how adored it once was - a beautiful mind survives, and will even grow stronger and more beatiful.
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      So ... is this the real universe, or is it just a preliminary study?

    10. #16860
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      Quote Originally Posted by Anju View Post
      That's exactly the problem. I don't have the looks/body for anyone to fall in love with, and my brain seems to be a big turn-off.
      That's what I thought about myself. Then I started to work at a new place and learned that the whole night crew wants to get in my pants. And I'm pretty sure it's not because of my brains, haha.

      There is always someone who will be attracted to exactly what you have to offer. But you have to by accepting yourself first. Because people pick up that vibe from you.

    11. #16861
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      Gah! Stupid pain. Stupid duodenitis. Stupid gas trapped in my stomach, refusing to come up. And stupid gaming addiction while I'm ranting I slept all of three hours last night before my stomach woke me. I got on the game and played forever, missing a small window when my stomach was okay and I should have been sleeping. But now I have to go out to eat with hubby and his daughter. I don't feel like going, but it would be really nice to see her, so I'll make myself. I will not, however, join them for a movie if they opt to see one.

      Dinner was great yesterday. We left too quickly. Hubby had too much wine, and needed a nap desperately. I got a free e-cig kit out of the trip. The hostess hasn't been able to figure the e-cigs out and even though I showed her how to fill the tank, she no longer cared and just gave them to me.

      And hubby just called back... we're heading out in a few minutes. At least it's a local dive. Hopefully, it's decent (it's new). THEN, I can go to bed if my stomach lets me.

      Hope everyone is having a good day

    12. #16862
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      Not actual rant, just felt like writting a little.

      Ugh weeks are getting harder. I'm getting so stressed, not just because of ALL the stuff I have to fit in my brain, but because of everything. Like always, no logic there, just my brain being an asshole.
      I had biochemistry practices the other day, neither bad nor good. The part in which they "showed" us how to properly dissolve a human body using acid was interesting. The part we talked about protein folding and we had to wait for the others to catch it was just frustrating. Now this week I've three days in a row of practices, more interesting this time, I hope.

      Anyway, I hope next weekend I can try some shrooms I got.
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    13. #16863
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      Quote Originally Posted by gab View Post
      Then I started to work at a new place and learned that the whole night crew wants to get in my pants. And I'm pretty sure it's not because of my brains, haha.
      And the day crew too
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    14. #16864
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      Quote Originally Posted by woblybil View Post
      And the day crew too
      Uhm, was that a rant, or a rave, woblybil?

      Next week I'm working 6 days, which is both, good and bad. But more good. Yeah.

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      Oh man. There's this people I find from time to time complaining about personal issues and wanting to give up. It just breaks my heart, I don't know, I like and try to help them to make them change their viewpoints, but sometimes it is just not enough. I wish I knew how to help more people. On the other hand is crazy how sometimes I give such good advices that I don't even use with myself. What a hypocrite.
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      I like destruction and reality, and one invariably leads to the other.

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      'We die to remember what we live to forget'

    16. #16866
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      Gavin, you fucking retard.

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      Highnoon on that fateful Day.

      Quote Originally Posted by GavinGill View Post

      Gavin, you fucking retard.
      Hey

      Gavin

      Never forget

      You opened this amazing thread. Nothing retarded about that. My RAVE, I LOVE this thread

      At high noon on the 25th of April 2011 you GavinGill wrote


      Quote Originally Posted by GavinGill View Post

      Another forum I frequent has a thread set aside for people who need to vent or go on long-winded rants about whatever it is that's on their mind;it's fairly interesting to read so I thought I may as well start a similar thread here.

      Post whatever it is that you need to get off your chest, be it a non-nonsensical rant about your jackass of a coworker or an essay on how amazing your boyfriend/girlfriend is. It can be as simple as "I hate owls" or a wall-of-text devoted to that funky smelling kid in your class. It doesn't have to be negative either, just post what ever it is that's on your mind.
      -----
      People should leave you the fuck alone when you've (politely) made it abundantly clear you'd rather be by yourself for a bit.
      My gift to Gavin Thanx for this thread

      ♥♥♥

      The song from "High Noon": The song from "High Noon" - YouTube

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    18. #16868
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      Frank said it best

      Do not Forsake me O my Darling



      Frankie Laine 'High Noon' Original Version 78 rpm: Frankie Laine 'High Noon' Original Version 78 rpm - YouTube

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    19. #16869
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      Quote Originally Posted by Anju View Post
      That's exactly the problem. I don't have the looks/body for anyone to fall in love with, and my brain seems to be a big turn-off. I wish so badly that I could give away my brain and get good looks in return. I know there's no use crying over it.. if I'm ugly, I'm ugly. But what would I not give to become one of the good-looking people!
      I think the way you feel about yourself is the way you'll portray yourself. And they way you portray yourself is the way most others will see you.

      In high school, I often felt left out. I had few friends and even fewer close friends. I wasn't athletic, I didn't apply myself so I wasn't seen as smart, and I wasn't good enough for any girl to be interested in me so there was no sense to even acknowledge them. That was my mindset, and I showed it physically. I slumped, lowered my head, hid my face in the shadows of my hair, and mostly kept quiet--even when I was happy and smiling. I can't blame people for wanting to avoid me.

      Years later, I stand tall and am in better shape. I no longer feel that I have elephant ears (ironically, I've even stretched my earlobes to make my ears seem bigger). I don't hate my 'perfectly straight and boring' hair anymore. I don't feel like I need to hide my 'nerdiness' anymore. Someone who knew me then and now once told me my eyes are clearer and darker now. That could just be aging, but I really think most beauty truly does come from the inside, as cliche as it sounds.


      But, all that said, this is still probably useless advice. It's easy to say how we should feel, but it's a lifelong journey actually trying to get there.
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      Quote Originally Posted by sefalik View Post
      But, all that said, this is still probably useless advice. It's easy to say how we should feel, but it's a lifelong journey actually trying to get there.
      Yup. That's the description of how I feel at the moment. It's so easy to give advice but so damn hard to make it useful for youself.


      I think I was a bad person in another life. I don't know, maybe I destroyed a planet or created a virus that destroyed some race, because the things that happen are just plain ridiculous. What did I do, Universe? WHAT?!
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      I like destruction and reality, and one invariably leads to the other.

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      'We die to remember what we live to forget'

    21. #16871
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      Ugh... it's going to be one of "those" days. I just woke up and EVERYTHING is annoying me. I got 6 hours of sleep, but it was very rough sleep. My heater was turned up too high but I was too out of it to even consider getting up and turning it down
      I might have to turn off my lights, block the doggy door and pretend I'm not here. The dogs are especially getting on my nerves and all they're doing is grooming (very noisily).

      I came up with a saying a decade or so ago "Wisdom does not a wise man make. It's the application of the wisdom that makes one wise." Like many people here (and in the world as a whole), I realized that KNOWING what to do is different that actually DOING it lol. It got on my last nerve that I could advise even strangers and that the advice was great, but I couldn't/wouldn't do the same for myself. I, too, felt hypocritical *shrugs*. Then the saying came to me which got rid of that feeling of hypocrisy but left a weird combination of cynical happiness/sadness in its place.

      A rave is that hubby and I went out yesterday. He wanted to see the new Hunger Games movie... but I hadn't yet seen the second one so I watched it on Netflix. We then went to the movies and then to our favorite restaurant the next town over. I wasn't very hungry, so I just ordered a regular salad with no carrots (can't eat them). I noticed right away that there were no cucumbers. It was just lettuce and 2 cherry tomatoes. I didn't think anything of it and ate it but when I got home it hit me that it was also missing the croutons I love so much. I also ordered their Bistro fries but they were shoestring cut instead of the wedges they usually are and they were over-cooked to boot so I couldn't eat them (having no lower teeth is a hinderance in the eating department from time to time). I sent them back. I'm getting more bold with age.
      Ahhh, that explains the missing croutons. The manager told us, when I requested a refund, that they ran out of potatoes because it had been a crazy-busy week. I guess they ran out of other stuff too.
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      So I asked this girl out to take dancing lessons with me... we both suck but it's a lot of fun. I like her, but I'm definitely not in love. Still I've been thinking about her more lately.. I shouldn't get ahead of myself. She's very sweet and I am hitting on her, but taking things very slow. Don't pressure her or anything. Hell we barely text message, she knows I don't like it. But I look forward to every thursday when we go dancing. Last thursday we sat for about 01:15 and talked about a lot of things after class. Then on the way to the subway we walked arm in arm on my initiative (asking her out was mine as well), it felt good and she seemed to go along with it well. I ended up pulling out to get my train card. I wonder how things will end up...
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    23. #16873
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      Feeling really sad that I won't have much free time anymore. I have to get a job - and unfortunately the chances of getting a job during the night is pretty high. Which means my sleep schedule will be messed up, which means no dream recall. Eh, my dream recall was always crap anyway. (No wonder I can't keep up the LDing practises. That, and I'm naturally a pessimist.)
      Zhaylin and Linkzelda like this.

    24. #16874
      strange trains of thought Achievements:
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      Spoiler for My Dad will be going in for bypass surgery this week, on Thursday:

      If I could have anything for Christmas I would wish for a healthier happier family, all the way around.

      It is the ultimate wish for me, because every year I am reminded on Thanksgiving that at the top of my list of things I'm thankful for: my family. I feel very blessed and grateful to have been to be born into the one I've got, truly. Blessed in a way that honestly feels like...pure luck.

      The mere thought of living without any one of them, is just devastating to me at this point.

      Something inside me is saying, "but that makes no sense, it goes against nature!"
      Yet not even that is enough to stop me from breaking down every time I stop and think about it.
      Last edited by acatalephobic; 12-02-2014 at 07:11 AM.
      http://i421.photobucket.com/albums/pp299/soaringbongos/hippieheaven.jpg

      "you will not transform this house of prayer into a house of thieves"

    25. #16875
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      Quote Originally Posted by acatalephobic View Post
      Spoiler for My Dad will be going in for bypass surgery next week:

      If I could have anything for Christmas I would wish for a healthier happier family, all the way around.

      It is the ultimate wish for me, because every year I am reminded on Thanksgiving that at the top of my list of things I'm thankful for: my family. I feel very blessed and grateful to have been to be born into the one I've got, truly. Blessed in a way that honestly feels like...pure luck.

      The mere thought of living without any one of them, is just devastating to me at this point.

      Something inside me is saying, "but that makes no sense, it goes against nature!"
      Yet not even that is enough to stop me from breaking down every time I stop and think about it.
      I can relate to that, my parents are relatively old (64 and 69 while I am 20). Whenever I want to tell my dad I love him and realize my feelings, I nearly cry. It's sad knowing they will pass while I am still young... they, together with my sister are the most important people there will ever be to me.

      Sometimes I feel like it's hard to show my feelings, like they need to be locked up. But I can feel them, and they are real.
      acatalephobic and Zhaylin like this.

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