Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by FryingMan

Thoughts from a guy: he had to ask your *permission* to hold your hand?! "UGH." is how I think the "his version" of your date would end as well!

Some people are more touch-y than others. It seems like you have a definite thing against physical contact. Which, on a "date" especially, I'd consider a very big minus.

Going out on a limb perhaps, I'd say: guys tend to want to express intimacy via touch, and girls with words. So that's one reason perhaps why you didn't feel satisfied that he'd shared sufficiently about himself in your conversation. Most guys don't blab the way girls do when they get together.

If you think "wants to touch me" = "creepy" then I'd say the prospects for dates that aren't "UGH" are going to be pretty slim.

You hate puppets, his only visible interest is puppets…. you love music he's not into music, probably doesn't bode well.

That not only sounds INCREDIBLY sexist, but also rape supporting. Why should men ever have the right to touch women when women don't want to be touched? What is so hard to understand about that? Women are human beings that deserve the right to feel comfortable, regardless of what men ever think or say about it. They would react the same way if women were aggressive and entitled to their bodies.

I decided to text him directly, but very nicely and gently, with a compliment sandwich and thank yous no less, that I didn't like him touching me, and it came off as a bit awkward and creepy. I liked him asking permission first. His reply seemed a bit hurt, with maybe a tint of anger since he used the word "intruded", but I wasn't surprised and frankly, I don't care anymore. I deserve better than to be forced to feel uncomfortable just for his sake.

Honestly, I really wanted to fuck him, and I was even planning on it. I liked the holding hands and I wanted to let him know that I was interested, by touching back. It just got too much with the puppets and more "sneak touching", though. It's over. It was a hard decision, but given how utterly miserable I've been since I've thought about sticking around with him, and how free and liberated I feel dumping him, I'm sure I made the right decision. If this is how bad he made me feel just touching my shoulder, back, arm or hand, imagine how bad the sex would be....

Here I go again, getting into trouble on the non-dreaming side of the forums.

Well, if we're talking about how things sound, that sounds entirely loony. You were on a *date* for heaven's sake, and we're talking about *holding hands*, and you jump all the way to "sexism" and "rape!" If you were in a situation with absolutely no cause for any expectation of even the tiniest amount of intimacy, like, say, *anything but a date* (work, school, the bus stop, any *non date* thing), then yes touches meant to foster small intimacy would be creepy and inappropriate. Note, however, that there are cultures where little nudges and touches are considered part of normal discourse (even [or especially!] between men). Notions of "personal space" vary greatly between people and cultures.

And it's not like he was mashing your chest or groin or anything. He was trying to get close to you in a very slow, delicate way, trying to judge your interest, and he got his answer big time.

Note the critical subtle importance here: it is not that he has the "right" to touch you and get all over you aggressively, but that on a date, yes, there is an implicit approval for tentative, more or less "friendly" initiation of contact, with the expectation that your date partner will not go crazy about it.

In other words, what you seemed to miss, was that he *was* asking, just not with words.

His reply seemed a bit hurt, with maybe a tint of anger since he used the word "intruded"

Yup, not surprised.

You asked for thoughts, and don't seem interested in hearing them, so…good luck!

That's a tough one. Bottom line: go with your gut. If you felt ill at ease, creeped out or otherwise uncomfortable, then there's usually a reason.
Yeah, guys ego's can be fairly delicate. They'll sneak touches and accidental brushes. It never bothered me unless they had an aggressive or entitled attitude.
Like FryingMan said, he was asking (more like testing limits ) without words.

But all of that is ultimately beside the point if you were picking up so many "flight" signals from yourself!
the other guy might just be introverted. He may have hobbies and music but it might take him longer to open up about them. He played an instrument, I imagine he'd HAVE to like some music!

My rants are:
I'm worried about my youngest daughter. She lives in Baltimore where all the craziness is breaking out. They were sitting in the dark earlier. I guess that was to not draw attention to themselves.
Another rant is that the kittens are back in my room. Paula and Destinee can no longer tolerate their loud mouths Squirmy is not happy about it at all. Neither is Pumpkin. I opened up the "doggie door" to my room so she can come and go as needed but now I have to worry about my bird more. I moved him to another spot I think is more secure. *sigh*

a silly rant is that I've broken out in pimples- but only on my temples. :wth: I can't see it can be from my hair because I almost always have my hair pulled back in a ponytail or bandanna
and now the dogs are farting and stinking up my room

I'm falling asleep at my desk, so I guess I'll go to bed.
Goodnight, DV. Hope everyone is safe and well.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

That not only sounds INCREDIBLY sexist, but also rape supporting.

Oh please, come on! That's tantamount to crying wolf, where no wolf is in sight.

Maybe you could have mailed him a form to fill out up front, where he would have had the chance to formally apply to touch you in specific places, under specific conditions. There could also be a "check all that apply" list of your pet horrors (such as puppets), in order to prevent yourself from sustaining avoidable phychological discomfort.

Arg... new rant. Horrible headache. It's from cat allergies When I moved their box under my desk, I was overwhelmed and knew I would suffer, but did it anyhow. I had my head stuffed under the desk for some time, rearranging boxes and blocking cracks.
I don't exactly understand why, but I'm more allergic to kittens than to cats. Maybe it's because of the saliva from mom cleaning them :hmm:

I fell asleep fairly fast... chewed and sucked on my cheeks to an extreme... had a very strange sweet tasting phlegm bothering me... had more Fallout dreams but thankfully, mostly of exploring and not of gore... briefly woke because the dog was staring at me lol... then woke for good at 6:40 when my cellphone alarm went off That was for yesterday. I forgot to turn the alarm off

Now I'm waiting for the Benadryl to kick in and I'm about to take some Tylenol to help it along.
What a way to start the day

And just a friendly reminder... this is RRC&C, not ED.

**EDIT**
Oh yes, add to rant: allergy eyes. I got worried about my bird right after I got into bed. I just put on my headlamp instead of turning on the lights. when I picked up Birdies cage to move it to an even higher shelf, the light freaked him out and he started flapping like mad... and I got a face full of bird dander i had JUST cleaned out his cage a couple hours earlier. How he produces so much dander is beyond me.

Rant? I'm so busy to type up all my dreams up on DJ... And everyone ate all my macaroons that I made yesterday!!
I only had four.

Originally Posted by tommo

lol it is offensive, but oh well. I've heard worse. You tend to learn to move on fairly easily and ignore vain assholes. Although yeah it gets to you sometimes.

Welp... sorry; I was thinking it but didn't want to say anything. Though I'm glad you explained it a bit, because I have noticed this before on some people but never knew what was actually happening. It's far less 'weird' now that I'm a bit less ignorant. I don't mean to intrude, but as the onlooker, if someone would have caught me staring at their eye and mentioned, "Oh, did my eyes go all crazy there? Yea, that one's basically blind, so the muscles never developed," (or something along those lines), the situation would end up much less awkward for both sides. Probably easier said than done, as is the case with most things.


Anyway, rave: 100% on my electronics theory test and 100% on the lab test last week.
Rant: I wasn't thinking and set the plastic lid to one of my containers over a hot stove top the other day. I haven't had time to even bother with it yet, so I'm just not using that section for now. But over the weekend I need to get it cleaned. So... how do I remove caked on plastic from my stove top?

I think FryingMan's point wasn't that you should 'get over' the feeling of being creeped out by spontaneous touching, but that it is a common thing on dates, therefore do not, at least, be surprised by it. In other words, you probably need to find a way to deal with it, maybe preemptively since people will not see it coming that you would feel uncomfortable by physical contact. Clearly, you should go with your gut and you should not be forced to accept certain things that make you uncomfortable, but when you do have feelings that differ from the norm, you have to find ways to deal with the situations that arise from that, myes?

Rant: I can't take it anymore... Since my job changed at the beginning of April, I've been deteriorating again. I notice now that I no longer consider most of my days to be good days. Oh, time.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

That not only sounds INCREDIBLY sexist, but also rape supporting. Why should men ever have the right to touch women when women don't want to be touched? What is so hard to understand about that? Women are human beings that deserve the right to feel comfortable, regardless of what men ever think or say about it. They would react the same way if women were aggressive and entitled to their bodies.

I decided to text him directly, but very nicely and gently, with a compliment sandwich and thank yous no less, that I didn't like him touching me, and it came off as a bit awkward and creepy. I liked him asking permission first. His reply seemed a bit hurt, with maybe a tint of anger since he used the word "intruded", but I wasn't surprised and frankly, I don't care anymore. I deserve better than to be forced to feel uncomfortable just for his sake.

Honestly, I really wanted to fuck him, and I was even planning on it. I liked the holding hands and I wanted to let him know that I was interested, by touching back. It just got too much with the puppets and more "sneak touching", though. It's over. It was a hard decision, but given how utterly miserable I've been since I've thought about sticking around with him, and how free and liberated I feel dumping him, I'm sure I made the right decision. If this is how bad he made me feel just touching my shoulder, back, arm or hand, imagine how bad the sex would be....

Few things:

I know being called creepy, even jokingly, will make me retreat into my shell. I also know that within my circle of friends, we are all very touchy-feely, and it is almost expected as the norm, though I see how that is crossing a line for you. I'm married, and our situation is pretty different, so it has never crossed my mind, but I guess in a dating environment I would be a bit more respectful for even a few dates rather than assuming anything.

The puppet thing is odd. I've studied phobias (while pursuing my masters, not for fun), and there are so many ways to resolve that. My phobias are linked to specific instances that cause very specific reactions, so maybe you have that too and need to address it. My biggest fear is of needles followed by stuff hitting my eyes due to my eye condition, and I got this fear because I had to have an injection in my eye for stitches... twice. Last week, I had to have a suture removed from my eye following surgery, though I no needles were used during it, the stress of it was very real and painful. I endured though because he was a doctor. Needles are harder to get over, and I am sort of okay with having that fear.

Originally Posted by FryingMan

Well, if we're talking about how things sound, that sounds entirely loony. You were on a *date* for heaven's sake, and we're talking about *holding hands*, and you jump all the way to "sexism" and "rape!" If you were in a situation with absolutely no cause for any expectation of even the tiniest amount of intimacy, like, say, *anything but a date* (work, school, the bus stop, any *non date* thing), then yes touches meant to foster small intimacy would be creepy and inappropriate. Note, however, that there are cultures where little nudges and touches are considered part of normal discourse (even [or especially!] between men). Notions of "personal space" vary greatly between people and cultures.

And it's not like he was mashing your chest or groin or anything. He was trying to get close to you in a very slow, delicate way, trying to judge your interest, and he got his answer big time.

Note the critical subtle importance here: it is not that he has the "right" to touch you and get all over you aggressively, but that on a date, yes, there is an implicit approval for tentative, more or less "friendly" initiation of contact, with the expectation that your date partner will not go crazy about it.

In other words, what you seemed to miss, was that he *was* asking, just not with words.

Mainly I had a problem with the fact that you seemed to come across as saying that women are yappy and men are touchy (gotta love those simplistic black and white gender roles), essentially saying "Shut your yappy trap, woman, and let me touch you when you don't want to be touched".

I just had a problem with the way he tried to be so secretive and sneaky about it. It wasn't as much about the touching, per se, as how he tried to go about it. Being sneaky about it is incredibly disrespectful to me (like trying to pull one over on me, instead of being honest). Granted, I do have a problem with people touching me in general. Regardless of gender, it's creepy no matter who does it. ALL strangers and public acquaintances are creepy to me when they touch me at all. My body is not yours to touch. Sometimes I feel like yelling out like Kuzco, "NO TOUCHY!!! NO TOUCHY!!!"

I honestly have no understanding of why people feel the need to touch complete strangers. I guess that's extroverts for you. Quite clearly, I am an introvert through and through. I would like to point out, also, that there are some cultures where touching like that is taboo, and people generally keep their hands off respectfully, as it is deemed and invasion of personal privacy to do otherwise.

I understand that dating is a different situation, especially when you expect to fool around soon, but I wish men would learn that it's not unreasonable to only touch when there has been explicit verbal permission to do so, especially when just getting to know each other. It's just plain common sense. Ask before handling somebody's possessions or property. With permission and respect of boundaries, it's fun, not creepy. Besides, given the potentially unsafe position women are always in whenever they date a man, it's understandable to be a bit gun shy. https://youtu.be/UTULoJlD_V4

I think my creep and terror senses coming from the puppets in that puppet room is what really set me off anyway. Before that I was happily holding hands with him down the sidewalk, starting to get used to being touched. Sadly, now whenever I'll think of him, I'll only be able to think of the damn puppets.

I was terrified of puppets ever since I saw those creepy Jim Henson production previews before muppet movies in the 90s. They were so weird and scared me so much, they practically traumatized me. Puppets are like my creepy clowns, or marionettes. Sesame Street and Lamb Chops are okay, and fun to watch, but some muppets stuff, Timmy The Tooth, Big Bear (whatever that was), The Wiggles, ALL traumatizingly scary. I watched a lot of creepy puppet stuff like Timmy The Tooth as a kid.

If anything though, it's slowly acclimating me to the experience of being touched by someone. I would just FAR rather be the one in control.


Rave: I bought a peach tree today, just after work. That's the best perk about working at a nursery; you get a discount on anything you want to grow or use in your garden... and I want to grow a BIG garden. I want to supply as much of my food needs as possible, since I have a fairly big backyard to try it in. Everybody's useless lawns could be used for crops to feed so many people...

Personally, Deery, I think the answer is in the question. You mentioned that you were comfortable when he asked permission first to hold your hand. I don't see any problem with that at all. If you have slightly more strict boundaries than he does, and if he doesn't mind asking permission first, that can be y'all's "thing." As long as it's mutual, I don't see the big deal.

As for the puppet thing, and the creepiness of it, that's between you and you. If puppets are just TOO creepy, then don't go as often. See if y'all have other things in common. My bf loves to shoot deer (srs no pun intended lol!), and I so incredibly do NOT. But we love watching movies, gardening, and going to the opera and fancy restaurants. He can go hunt with his hunting buddies, and ofc, I have my DV thing that he could give 18 fucks about . In the end, it works out just fine.

edit: Omg I just read your rave. I used to work in a nursery and I miss it so much! You know, I made up my mind when we bought our house that we'd not only make the entire back yard a veggie garden that is also pollinator-friendly, but that we'd also do so in the front. It's not to the same degree yet, but we have a pear tree in the front, herbs, tomatoes and even watermelons. Even if they are not as prolific, being in the front yard which gets more traffic, fruit and vegetable plants are just as beautiful as decorative shrubs and grasses. And in some cases, will come back each year.

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

Personally, Deery, I think the answer is in the question. You mentioned that you were comfortable when he asked permission first to hold your hand. I don't see any problem with that at all. If you have slightly more strict boundaries than he does, and if he doesn't mind asking permission first, that can be y'all's "thing." As long as it's mutual, I don't see the big deal.

Yeah, I hope to find a guy sometime who is cool about it, and mainly just a guy who's nice and has passions in common with me. The best thing that ever came out of this, though, is that it's destroyed my desperation. Up until now, all I ever wanted was for a hot, physically attractive guy to find me physically attractive and want to fuck me. I felt ugly and unwanted for so long and NEEDED that validation from a guy I found cute so desperately. I got plenty of my fill from him, though, and it made me realize that that wasn't enough for me. Not even for the short term. At best, he was boring. He wasn't into music and art anywhere near as much as I was, so there was nothing to talk about, except glib comments on things around us. At worst, I've already mentioned. Hopefully this lack of desperation sticks around for longer than a couple days. I doubt it, though.

As for the puppet thing, and the creepiness of it, that's between you and you. If puppets are just TOO creepy, then don't go as often. See if y'all have other things in common. My bf loves to shoot deer (srs no pun intended lol!), and I so incredibly do NOT. But we love watching movies, gardening, and going to the opera and fancy restaurants. He can go hunt with his hunting buddies, and ofc, I have my DV thing that he could give 18 fucks about . In the end, it works out just fine.

Frankly, I'm surprised people aren't chiming in saying "yeah, puppets are totally creepy as fuck". I thought it was self evident, like how we all agree as a people that clowns are creepy and never cool anymore. Why is this just a "me" thing?? lol

Haha no idea. Maybe it's the idea that puppets are humans in a costume, or a human hand in a costume. The outside is a freakishly happy fluffy thing, but inside could be any type of human. So the whole unknown factor?

Idk, first thing that popped in my head.

heh, I never understood the clown fear, so I can't comment on puppets either
Grats on the pear tree!!

Laura, sefalik. There would be hell to pay if someone ate all of something I made!
Maybe try to knife, Sefalik? Sounds like a mess. Major grats on your test!

My rant is stench. I think the kittens are starting to use the restroom on their own and that's why their bedding smells so foul. I slpet all day but the smell kept waking me 9seeing how they are directly under me)

My headache went away though, which is awesome... but the phlegm is worse than ever. My PND must be allergy related.
Another rave is that I picked up an Arctic Orange milkshake from McD's when I picked up my son. I't s very yummy

The dogs are doing amazingly well with the babies, but they're still stressingme out too much so they're currently kicked out and very unhappy about it.
Heh, onw of the babies is curled up sleeping on one of my shoes. They're a bunch of cuties.

I had a fear of religious idols in childhood. Not surprising that I grew up to be an atheist. Now I don't fear them, but I still find them creepy.
Btw, clowns and puppets are creepy as fuck!

I was afraid of nuns as a kid. I went to a Catholic school, and they use to roam around wearing these funny hats, dressed like penguins. And they use to have this angry face on all the time. I use to think that perhaps they have forgotten that Halloween was over and that's why they wear the same costume over again. I wanted to tell them that but i was afraid. I wanted to tell them "Halloween is over, you can take the costume off now." I remember one time a nun slapped me in the back of the head. And other times i've heard nuns screaming at kids, ringing the bell on their ears. Nuns can be pretty scary, no joke.

Nuns are mostly evil.

oh yeah, an old rave. Those blood blisters I wrote about... they completely disappeared the very next day. Blood blisters usually stick around forever so I was surprised they were reabsorbed so quickly!
I got some great sleep last night. I had flying dreams and sort of fallout dreams except with vampires and werewolves... I was one of the vampires, but I channeled a werewolf, lol, when we accidentally stumbled into their territory. We were trying to leave very quickly, but then I lost all the kittens. They buried themselves in some snow and I had to stick my hand in deep, dark mounds.

That's one of my irrational fears: holes. you never know what's in them. People who hand fish catfish amaze me. I'd never stick my hand in a watery hole. There's no telling what you'd pull out.
At the same time, I have a great love for boxes of all kinds Who knows what kind of treasures or secrets they hold.

A rant is that I'm hungry but my usuals aren't interesting me in the least. I have a headache so I need to eat *something*
I'm also freezing and need a shower. I NEED to do my friggin laundry but I can't afford to go to the laundromat. My son gets paid on the 5th, but it will only be for 4 days, so I'll have no financial relief until 2 weeks after the 5th
I need new coils.
My b-day was yesterday and even though we don't celebrate, old habits die hard and hubby usually gets me something a few days before or after. I might actually ask for some tomorrow.

Why am I so friggin cold! Just checked... it's 36 degrees. *shivers*

Originally Posted by Tiresias

Few things:

I know being called creepy, even jokingly, will make me retreat into my shell.

Literally the worst thing a girl can say to a guy I think. Just crushes every ounce of your self-respect and confidence.

Deery, I think you should maybe think about the possibility that your attitude, maybe subconscious body language or tone caused him to feel uneasy touching you.
The reason it could seem "sneaky" is that he didn't feel confident. Now obviously that's on him too, he's not confident enough. But you can ease things along and not be so stand-offish as well.

Just my thoughts....

Originally Posted by Tiresias

My biggest fear is of needles followed by stuff hitting my eyes due to my eye condition, and I got this fear because I had to have an injection in my eye for stitches... twice. Last week, I had to have a suture removed from my eye following surgery, though I no needles were used during it, the stress of it was very real and painful. I endured though because he was a doctor. Needles are harder to get over, and I am sort of okay with having that fear.

Don't tell me you have the same thing as me? There's probably tonnes of reasons to get stitches in your eye, but I've only heard of it for my eye condition.

Originally Posted by sefalik

Welp... sorry; I was thinking it but didn't want to say anything. Though I'm glad you explained it a bit, because I have noticed this before on some people but never knew what was actually happening. It's far less 'weird' now that I'm a bit less ignorant. I don't mean to intrude, but as the onlooker, if someone would have caught me staring at their eye and mentioned, "Oh, did my eyes go all crazy there? Yea, that one's basically blind, so the muscles never developed," (or something along those lines), the situation would end up much less awkward for both sides. Probably easier said than done, as is the case with most things.

Yeah I've actually been thinking about that recently. There's one girl who's literally the only person in my life ever who has treated me exactly the same after noticing my eye, as she treated me before noticing. Well, minus the crush she had on me :S. The reason is she has a cousin who has the same (or probably at least similar) thing. So she understands it....

I also realised a while ago that people are usually only afraid/awkward/etc. of things they are ignorant of/don't understand. I've been wondering how to bring it up to make it less weird.
That's actually a good way to say it I think, what you said. I'll use it next time I notice someone noticing.
I wish I could always tell when it happens, but I can't since.... yeah I'm half blind. lol

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

I decided to text him directly, but very nicely and gently, with a compliment sandwich and thank yous no less, that I didn't like him touching me, and it came off as a bit awkward and creepy. I liked him asking permission first. His reply seemed a bit hurt, with maybe a tint of anger since he used the word "intruded", but I wasn't surprised and frankly, I don't care anymore. I deserve better than to be forced to feel uncomfortable just for his sake.

Honestly, I really wanted to fuck him, and I was even planning on it. I liked the holding hands and I wanted to let him know that I was interested, by touching back. It just got too much with the puppets and more "sneak touching", though. It's over. It was a hard decision, but given how utterly miserable I've been since I've thought about sticking around with him, and how free and liberated I feel dumping him, I'm sure I made the right decision. If this is how bad he made me feel just touching my shoulder, back, arm or hand, imagine how bad the sex would be....

It does sound for the better. If you don't like being touched then you shouldn't be dating. Giving him false hope is selfish. Then again so is he for pushing your boundaries. I wouldn't expect a man to constantly ask for your validation in order to touch you somewhere, that's weird. You're not going to sit down and talk about that. Sounds like your loss. Good luck though, maybe you can meet someone at an art conference.

This reminds me of when I went on a date with a girl and I held her hand, but she pulled back. From that point on nothing developed. I eventually confessed to her though and got rejected. Luckily she was nice and did not call me or creep or anything like that, so I respect her for that. And I respect myself alike for taking action and creating clearness for the both of us. Needless to say, I told her we won't be friends. She let me down two times, why would she not do that a third time right. I still see her at my study nearly every day and things have gotten a little awkward. You win some, you lose some. Mostly won this time, I learned to dance and I am an experience richer.


If I make the rest of my tests well this year I will be going on internship around July the 13th. Got so much to do, I'm so busy... looking forward to it though. I should stop smoking weed every day though, I wonder how I'm keeping up. hahaha

Not really a Rant or Rave: My brother doesn't dream like me. His has been asking me all different questions about SP, WBTB and WILD but, he doesn't want to hear anything about my dreams. Who would've thunk it. He just says that I dream too much.

Originally Posted by tommo

Don't tell me you have the same thing as me? There's probably tonnes of reasons to get stitches in your eye, but I've only heard of it for my eye condition.

My retina detached and none of the doctors caught it before it damaged the optic nerve. I went through five surgeries, one of which failed was very bad.

I think it is genetic as my nurse for the one that failed was my mom's cousin with the same thing as did my dad's nephew.

Originally Posted by tommo

Literally the worst thing a girl can say to a guy I think. Just crushes every ounce of your self-respect and confidence.

Yeah, saying the word "creepy" to a guy generally makes him shut down, I've noticed. I've only said that to two guys, though, and I won't do it again.

Deery, I think you should maybe think about the possibility that your attitude, maybe subconscious body language or tone caused him to feel uneasy touching you.
The reason it could seem "sneaky" is that he didn't feel confident. Now obviously that's on him too, he's not confident enough. But you can ease things along and not be so stand-offish as well.

I've read that "stand-offish" body language usually stems from low self-esteem and shyness, and I heartily agree. I don't feel like any guys ever notice me or ever find me attractive when they see me, most of the time. I feel like most of them must be grimacing with disgust when they see me walk by, especially if they're attractive to me. It's not like I'm a bitch or don't care, I just have a really hard time feeling like I'm worth a guy's attention, so I feel like a total gross idiot if I EVER tried to flirt with a guy, or even look at him directly in the eye for too long. I feel like he'd easily find me disgusting or weird. Also, it's hard to feel safe with a guy when you feel like ANY guy you're trying to date could potentially be a rapist/stalker/abusive creep. It happens all the time. My mom was always super protective and fearful of me ever going out on my own, and when I first when on dates she absolutely NEEDED to know his full name, age, phone number, address, where we were going, how long I'd be staying, call often, etc, because she consistently expected the worst from any man who was with me. Now, don't you think any of that factors into why I don't trust men? Don't you think there's a real danger a lot of the time, given our society, and how violent and abusive MANY men are? I'm not saying my mom was right, but it has affected me. I'm just saying that men need to understand how dangerous it is for women to put themselves out there, and not be so judgmental, selfish or aggressive. Not all guys I dated were ever touchy feely like him, especially so early on in dating. In fact, most weren't.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Now, don't you think any of that factors into why I don't trust men? Don't you think there's a real danger a lot of the time, given our society, and how violent and abusive MANY men are? I'm not saying my mom was right, but it has affected me.

You need a therapist. This is not a healthy way to live at all. I have lived in areas with a lot of rough violence, like in New Orleans where there was pride on January 2nd, when only 3 or 4 people were murdered, setting their numbers lower for the year. I don't carry a weapon, and I have never felt unsafe.

If you automatically assume all men have a penchant towards violence, you will never be comfortable or happy. Do you work? Does this affect that?