Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by yuppie11975

I'm coming up to two weeks cigarette free. The only thing is I've been experiencing these weird pangs of anxiety, I think it has to do with my quitting nicotine?
I get that weird sensation in my stomach. I don't really feel overtly anxious in terms of my mentality, it's mostly just the physical sensation of anxiety.
Has anyone else had this before? Hopefully it goes away by itself

Yeah, It means you're starting to live again ^..^

I hope everyone is well or doing better.

Yuppie, GRATS, on giving up those cigarettes
I don't think I ever had that stomach thing before.

I saw the allergy Dr. It was a nearly annoying venture. I drove the 40 minutes there only to be told that they don't do skin testing for food allergies and my appointment was supposed to have been cancelled (it had been on there end, but no one called to inform me).
I told them, I have lots of allergies, in general, so I might as well make the most of the trip.

Dr. "I never tell people to get rid of their pets. There are things we can do to help manage symptoms....."
Dr. "Oh, there's lots of mold in your house? Burn it down."
Me:

I actually think one of the biggest contributors to my allergies is my bird. Dr. told me to get him out of my bedroom, but there's nowhere else for him to be. SO, I'm going to start cleaning his area and cage every day/every other day. I've never seen an animal produce as much dander as he does. Forget the cats, cockatiels are the worst lol

Rant: In order to do skin testing for allergies, I cannot take any beta blockers for a month. I also have to discontinue allergy meds PLUS my Cymbalta a week beforehand (seriously, Cymbalta?). I can do all of that, but going even 1 day without Cybalta brings back my anxiety surges and back pain.

Rant: He also recommended Zyrtec and Flonase. Good googally zyrtec is a million times worse than Valium for me. I have never been so comatose. So, yeah, that's definitely NOT going to work. Back to Benadryl for now. The Flonase has been helping though.

Rave: I finally like my new tank (I thought I posted this already lol). I looked around for temp setting suggestions and finally tried that with the stainless steel mesh. I also got a smaller tip (not the tapered ones I prefer, just not as wide).
I've been trying to get another plastic canvas lanyard made up but egad!- it's so friggin annoying. I bought some polyurethane to coat the side in and just opening the can gave me an instant migraine. I lightly coated one panel. Several days later, the panel still reeks of the stuff SO, I bought some Loctite spray adhesive to try but I've not had the energy to tackle it yet.
I decided to crank out a crochet lanyard in the meantime. It's made me realize just how much my new tank leaks lol.

Meh: I'm back to eating real food.... and back to being bloated full time. I'll also treat myself to a fountain coke every now and then if I'm getting fast food.
Oh yeah... because that was one of the more interesting things the allergy doc said. He said it's rare, but mold exposure CAN cause stomach bloating and upset. So, I'm done guessing for now until more testing can be done.

hope you doin good , cuz I dont

Man finding a job is a pain
I'm so fuckin nervous and shit , what job would be better ,what to prioritize over what
aaaaaaaaaa

I wasted all those years of lazing around , I couldve learned to draw and work out and shit like that but AaAAaaAaAaA

Even if you were in your 80's or 90's, it's never too late to change habits. It might get HARDER, lol, but there is still time and hope.
I'm 43 years old and I'm still growing and changing and learning new things.

Bom bom bom... Rant: Caffeine is now contributing to my rising blood pressure I think. My pressure gets worse as the day draws on. 2 days without it, my pressure was around 140/90. ON caffeine, it's 150/102.
I took 70mg Vyvance today. It was WONDERFUL!!!!!! I wasn't hyper or overstimulated, just calm, awake AND focused. My pulse took off right away with a resting number of 100-110 (my normal resting is 90-100) but my BP was fine... until this last hour. Now it's back to 150/102.

Curiosity: I've been consistently taking my pressure and I've noticed something I think is odd. My pulse is the same as my diastolic pressure (bottom number) 90% of the time. Why?

Rave: I'm debt free with hubby for the last couple weeks. It is SO nice getting my full $200. a week!!! I have money for necessities, some fun items (yarn, lol) AND I'm going to have money to start saving.

Rant/Rave: I'm still really loving my drip tank. I'll be saving a ton of money from switching to it... but, I have to rethink my lanyards. 1) I haven't mastered filling it. Not even close so 2) it leaks like a sieve. It completely soaked the crocheted one I worked up. It's been "drying" for 2, 3 days, and it's still greasy wet. I'll have to hand wash and hang it properly.
I have that spray adhesive stuff. Could I spray it on BEFORE I start crocheting or just wait until it's done? Depends on how stiff it makes it, I guess. But would it do any good? I guess I'll have to try and see.

Rant-in-advance: I see my sleep Dr. tomorrow. I'm going to really fight for my Provigil. But I already know what he's going to say: 'For 3 months, sleep from 10PM-7AM and see if that helps your fatigue.' I'll protest and say I kept that schedule for 6 months last year when I was taking me kids to work. I was STILL sleepy... but worse, I also had EXTREME brain fog and mood changes (for the worst lol). He'll counter with: 'That was before you got your CPAP machine. Try again.'
Hopefully, he'll surprise me, but I doubt it. West Virginia is a major hotspot for Opioid abuse. Most Dr's wont prescribe anything heavier than Tylenol (without codeine) or Ibuprofen even after surgery or injury.

Hope everyone is well. Later taters.

I am dying to get back to Brisbane and start university again. I only have two weeks left but the time has slowed to a crawl now that it's so close and I'm thinking about it all the time. I can't wait to see my friends and actually have something productive to do with my time again. For the last couple of months I haven't even really gotten to speak to anyone other than my parents. I don't mind my parents, but we definitely grate on each other when we're in such a confined space for months. I don't really believe it's natural for an adult to live with their parents, especially not after they've already moved out. It just doesn't really work very well.

That's just my experience anyway, I can't speak for everyone

Rave:
We managed to get the house sold at double the price which is good, especially after the scare of the partial government shutdown. A family member found a job within a month, and they want them to work next week, so I’m happy for them. Now that they’re safe and sound and have a pretty nice financial backup, I can start going face-to-face on some jobs that actually responded to me, and hunting relentlessly. It’s unfortunate that I might have to get used to the pay rate being a little lower, but maybe it’ll convince me to get as much residual income as I possibly can.

I think I might get into AutoCAD in the future as I have some experience with 3D programs already. Thankfully, the concept of software agnostic approach exists, so I would just need to get certified and build up experience over time. But, things are still a blank canvas, so I guess it’s more stuff to add to the platter.

"Too many chefs in the kitchen." "Too many Chiefs, not enough Indians." I heard both all my life and I understand it so much better now that I have 4 adult kids living with me.
I stay in my own little bubble. My room has my microwave, water heater, oven etc. I leave my room only to take care of the animals and to use the restroom. So, those sayings don't directly affect me. But good golly my kids are always going at it. "It's your turn to clean the over, you used it last; why does no one clean the counters; yeah, they work but that benefits THEM, they should still have chores for the household!"
And, having lived on my own for 23 years, I can honestly say I would rather be homeless in woods than move back in with my parents or other relative; so, I understand your frustration Yuppie. I hope time starts speeding up for you.

Link, so glad things are looking brighter!! Much success on those jobs prospects.

Rant: I did not get my Provigil. But the conversation didn't go as expected either. He doesn't even seem to care about my schedule or habits. He just thinks the pressure on my machine might be too low, so I have to return next week so he can raise it. I still average about 5 episodes (an hour) of apnea. After he raises it, who knows how long he's going to make me ride it out before asking again. I don't want to seem too desperate, but I know what works. But who knows, maybe the machine will work miracles.

Rant: I have to go to the store in 30 minutes. At least it should be a fast trip.

Rant: I gained 3 pounds since my gastro appointment. I can't wait for the weather to get better so I can start walking again. Oh, I can't forget to pick up some distilled water tonight...

I had a rave, but forgot it
Oh well. Life is still good despite the rants.

Congratulations on the weight gain Zhaylin, that's awesome to hear. I'm very happy for you. What's the situation with you and eating solids at the moment?
I've managed to put on around 5kg since I've been home. I weigh 80kg now which I think is pretty healthy for someone who's 6 foot. When I get back to university in a couple of weeks I'm going to start cutting though (losing all the excess fat so that only the muscle remains). That's really the least fun part of the process. Bulking is fun because you get to eat whatever you want as long as you work out, but I'm not looking forward to being on a calorie deficit and doing lots of cardio. Anyway, hopefully it doesn't take too long and the results look nice enough

Oh also, my bank did this really weird thing. I purchased this item online and it went through and it's being shipped to me, but the bank hasn't deducted the money from my account for some reason. It's been a few days now and still nothing. Hopefully it's some sort of weird glitch and they don't pick up on it

Wishing everyone well

I'm in a rut. Vacation got me all lazy and I can't snap out of it. I'm not getting anything done thats good for me. Just wasting away watching the pile of shit I need to deal with build. Lucids are far inbetween, though pretty good once they pop up. I'm allready behind on what is going to be a heavy year at school. Not making any music..or being very social. I haven't been on DV much either, I can only LD regularly when I'm where I need to be in life. And spending time on here feels like a waste when I know I'm unlikely to LD anyway. So I waste time on other more braindead stuff instead.

I watched a lot of It's always sunny in philadelphia which is great. However it makes me dream about the gang at night, which can be..... disturbing.

I don't need advice, just to vent a little. It's SO frustrating to be knocked down and unable to get yourself up and going again. I want to play the game again.

Oh. And as is the holiday tradition I went ahead and got myself addicted to nicotine! Great! Now I have to quit that on top of everything else because a pack of snus which lasts me about a day costs up towards 10$ in my country and I can't afford it.

A couple of nights ago I decided to get high, sometimes that gives me the vigor to get back in the game. But it ended in an introspective bad trip and no improvement. I don't really mind the bad trip so long as I'm alone... I've had some very fucked up trips and I know how to deal with my mind at this point so I almost enjoy it. In a weird masochistic way it can be nice to spend an evening wallowing in your own shame, guilt, paranoia. It's fascinating how fucked up of a person I am when viewed from the right perspective. A total maniac headed nowhere good. Luckily that's not what I see when I'm sober *gives ego a big hug*

It definitely bumps me down a few notches, makes me more self conscious for a while. But like always I'll be back to normal and pretty soon. After all it's not like I know how to be better... if I did I would be. So I can't really deal with it anyway. Also, my life is pretty sweet so my karma can't be that horrible

Originally Posted by LighrkVader

I watched a lot of It's always sunny in philadelphia which is great. However it makes me dream about the gang at night, which can be..... disturbing.

I used to love that show! It's like a glimpse of how hellish life and people can really be. But yeah, I wouldn't want to dream about those people, or to know them IRL for sure.

Haha, absolutely. I'm on season 8 now so things are getting pretty dark

I just noticed the Diamonds and Rust thing you have written over your name. Where is that from? It reminds me of a song I have been slowly working on for years, called Glitter and Dust. I'm always looking for new ideas for that song.

It's actually the name of a song - which was written and originally performed by Joan Baez (one of the hippie chicks - not sure if she was at Woodstock or not, but she was of that generation) and then later done by Judas Priest - that's the version that caught my attention. I like the juxtaposition of a diamond among rust or trash - it seems to be what life so often consists of. You have to dig and rummage to find the bursts of perfection that make it all worthwhile. Divine sparks hidden in the dark world of inert matter, like earthbound stars.

Nice!

Lots of inspiration to be found. I'll have to read through the lyrics later looking for diamonds

Maybe I'll pay tribute. Glitter and dust, a ruby in rubbles of rust? Rhymes better and also I'm pretty sure the righteous 20 year old I was when I first started writing that song would have been pissed off if I gave De Beers Company free commercial content hahahah

Edit: My song isn't really about diamonds though. More about a feeling of disconnect that was building for a few years back then, I saw the world with new eyes but didn't know what to make of it. I felt like I was misplaced in a dream and needed to wake up. Though I didn't know what that meant. So both the past,(dust and the future(glitter) all felt worthless and vain. The diamonds came later

Originally Posted by LighrkVader

both the past,(dust and the future(glitter) all felt worthless and vain. The diamonds came later

That works then - I was gonna say, glitter is cheap surface decoration.

Even if we're not lucid dreamers or regular dream journal users, we stay for the community

i hope everyone's well.

I had my appointment with my sleep doctor yesterday, and just as I thought... he wants me to use the new air pressure setting for FOUR months before looking into other things *harrumph*
He also said my thyroid levels were a tad high (still within normal range) which is good because I don't want to take the med any more. Go ahead and bring menopause on, Body. But my B12 levels were a bit low (but also within normal). He wants me to add 2000 IU (or mg) once a day.
Gah! Four more months of feeling like my body's made of lead. At least my head is mostly clear though lol *sigh* Now, if only I could sleep through the night. This new habit is just too weird. By 9PM, I normally CANNOT keep my eyes open. I fall asleep at my desk. I lay down and wake up just enough to make it to 10-11PM- fall dead asleep only to wake up at 1-2AM
I don't fall back to sleep until 6-8AM and remain passed out anywhere from 12-3PM
This has been ongoing for several weeks now.

I also have to remember to ask my allergy Dr. about IgA immune deficiency. My mom has that (recently diagnosed).

Rant: I REALLY dislike Dr's in today current climate of herding the patience in and out as quickly as possible. I left my sleep Dr. almost depressed. I tried to go over some questions and concerns but he didn't even look at me for most of it as he fiddled with my machine. He gave me curt round-about answers. At first, I blew it off as him being of a different nationality. My primary Dr. is the same way and he's foreign. But then I made myself recall similar behavior from apple-pie American doctors (gastro and OBGYN). My hubby's in the medical field. I know what burocracy (SP!!!) from the State and insurance providers is doing to the field. Doctors (by and large) no longer have time to hold their patients hands and be HUMAN. It's very sad.

Yuppie DON'T congratulate me on weight GAIN I want to get down to 125. I was 153... then 143... then back (as of yesterday) to 146 Going off my liquid diet and getting away from walking is doing me in.
I CANNOT handle that diet anymore. But I do look forward to my walks once the weather stablizes. I need to do something every single day for 2 weeks for my habits to stick. If I start walking now, I'll just frustrate myself into quitting. Once day it's pouring down rain, the next it's snowing, the next it's icy I can handle light rain and I LOVE walking while it's snowing. It's just not safe with the ice though.

Rant-ish: On Sunday, the kids let the dogs out to go potty and left the door open for them. Some time later they ran into the house and the girls (several rooms away) cried out "Dear God, what is that SMELL?!!" I could smell them from my room, lol.
Then the dogs ran into my room and I was... Nope! The puppy was soaked in skunk spray. I took him outside and poured 2 cans of my Tomato Bisque soup on him. But the water was freezing cold. Inside, the girls had just gotten a shower so there was no hot water.
So, in my room the dogs had to be. Momma dog licked tomato residue from the pups coat lol. An hour later, I dragged him into the shower and gave him a good scrubbing. Their pillows are ruined though... and I don't quite have the heart to through them away yet.
It was the strangest skunk smell though. It was almost artifically chemically and kind of burnt smelling- as if the pup was skunked, then ran through a chemical plant and then through someone's burn pile (we burn leaves and some trash in this area).

So, I was self-conscious at the Dr.'s yesterday. I had had 2 showers and was "blind" to the smell (what is the proper term?). Maybe that's why he wouldn't look at me Afterwards, I went to a gas station. There was a line with several burly men. Some looked to be oil riggers, others, hunters. After I paid, the checkout lady turned to her co-worker with her nose in the air and asked "what IS that smell?" I said, "Sorry, that's probably me. My dogs were skunked last night." she was mortified but laughed and told me "you poor dear!"
The men behind me were trying desperately not to even crack a smile but you could tell they just wanted to bust out laughing.
Ahhh, the joys of country living

when the original dreamviews began (thought it was around myspace era) half the posts were people bitching/fighting about drugs and religion

Sorry about that Zhaylin, I remember your old picture of you where you looked rather skinny. I never would have considered you to be overweight, so I figured you might have been trying to put a few pounds on. How tall are you? 150 pounds sounds like a pretty healthy weight for the average female .

PrisonPlanet, I stay away from that side of the forum now (I can't even recall the name at this point in time, it's been that long).

Yuppie, no worries I'm 5' 5 and 150 is on the cusp of being overweight. 125 is underweight but I spent the majority of my life at 98. 98 will NEVER happen lol and I don't want it to. I was always dizzy and generally much worse off than I am now. But my joints didn't hurt like they do now. 125 seems do-able. I have a connective tissue disorder (Ehlers-Danlos Type 3) so the extra weight is killing my knee.

Rant: My daughter-in-law just talked me into driving them to and from work until their next paycheck. She sweetened the pot but I'm still seriously annoyed.

Rant: I smell poop. Someone stepped in some or an animal pooed in some hidden space (maybe even the vents). It's weird that this poo smell is annoying me more than the skunk smell did/does lol

Rave: I slept fairly well last night. I crashed at around 3:30AM. I woke up at 11 and took my CPAP off... and fell right back to sleep until 4

**EDIT**
Extended Discussion. As soon as I clicked Submit, the forum came to me

Rave:

A District Manager e-mailed me to see my availability as an Assistant Store Manager. The salary range alone is enough for me to live at my own place. But, I have my family, so I can see how things gauge out before I do that. I’m going to contain myself until there’s more communication between me and the DM, but I’m glad I’m getting headway. If I am lucky to get this position, then it justifies all the risk with my other job I had potential in to help out my family instead. Especially that hellish experience in South Carolina where we saw someone devoid of a conscience and acuity to be thoughtful for others she’s delegating.

I’m going to contain my excitement, and still look for other jobs while preparing for this one. If they’re just asking for my availability, and the DM went straight to e-mail me, then I should be optimistic. I’ll tell my SO about it too, and I’m sure she’s going to boom with excitement. I'm prepared for the worst case scenario, I think, but here goes something!

Rave:

A District Manager e-mailed me to see my availability as an Assistant Store Manager. The salary range alone is enough for me to live at my own place. But, I have my family, so I can see how things gauge out before I do that. I’m going to contain myself until there’s more communication between me and the DM, but I’m glad I’m getting headway. If I am lucky to get this position, then it justifies all the risk with my other job I had potential in to help out my family instead. Especially that hellish experience in South Carolina where we saw someone devoid of a conscience and acuity to be thoughtful for others she’s delegating.

I’m going to contain my excitement, and still look for other jobs while preparing for this one. If they’re just asking for my availability, and the DM went straight to e-mail me, then I should be optimistic. I’ll tell my SO about it too, and I’m sure she’s going to boom with excitement. I'm prepared for the worst case scenario, I think, but here goes something!

I hope everything works out, Link

Rant: One of our cats, Mojo, started stumbling around and had a seizure last night. We started the death watch and said our goodbyes. She went behind a recliner and we thought that was it. But she ended up moving herself onto a chair where she slept for a few hours. My son (who lives in the room she was in) got up to use the restroom. As he returned, he saw her go into one of the AC vents. Lovely. Thankfully, it's winter. The cold will slow down the decay process which will hopefully hinder some of the smell.

Rant-ish: I'm sick or something. I've been sleeping for nearly 2 days. I have a little phlegm in my lungs, a slight cough, an almost total loss of appetite and thirst, some nausea but that's it. If this is the flu, I can definitely live with it!!!

Rave: At least one of the girls got their tax return back. They switched their car insurance provider and I might have to drive them to work on Monday, but that should be it. I am off the hook (knock on wood). Paula sweetened the pot by bribing me with $100. I can't do that though. I put $25. in my tank, so as long as she reimburses that, plus give me maybe $10. we'll be square. I hate being "honest" sometimes. $100. extra would be really nice right now

Rant-ish: But to get any money, I'll have to go to Walmart later. I just want to crawl back into bed.

( Rave ) Life is going pretty good! Finding Uni studies a bit weird at the moment, not too interested in the topics like marketing and entrepeneurship, but besides that I'm happy.

Rave: Two more days until I get to go back to university!

Glad y'all are well

I ended up hibernating for nearly a week. My cough never progressed. Never had any major problems. I just couldn't wake up for anything.
I'm back at around 80%. I'm still fairly exhausted, but I can actually stay awake for the most part.

Rant: I'm stuck on taxi duty for the rest of this week until Monday or Tuesday. They were approved for the insurance, it's just taking a while to switch over for some reason.

Rant: The dogs still reek They enter my room and I get an instant headache. It's not so much skunk, just smelly dog. Kierra got another shower tonight. Pup will get one tomorrow.

Curiosity: There's something dead in the yard. It has no fur, no legs, no tail, just a nub of a tail with a bit of fur. It's too big to be the kitten the lost, but not quite big enough to be Mojo. It's skinless like a chicken breast and one of the weirdest things I've seen. I'm almost ready to sniff it to end the mystery, except that would just be disgusting seeing how we've had a bit of a thaw and a lot of rain (and, well, it would be disgusting regardless lol). I'm thinking it might be a skunk. Did the dogs kill the one that sprayed them? The missing head is a bit concerning. Animals eat the brains of their kills for extra nourishment (actually, I'm going to have to google that again, it's been a while). The dogs eat well and so do the cats. hmmmmm...

Rant: I'm back on my, mainly, soup diet and no sodas. The bloat is driving me bonkers again. I'm not going too crazy with it this time though. At least not right away. I'm also eating yogurt and Tapioca pudding and jello. I'll also continue snacking on my pickle potato chips until the bag is gone or they get too stale (the bag's almost 2 weeks old now).
Blah.