Thread: Most likely no chance to get a girlfriend in my life?

Way to generalize what men and women like, lol. That may be the norm, but there are always exceptions to the norm, and not just a few.
Also, there is a big difference between being attracted to someone only because of how they look (shallowness) and being attracted to someone because of what kind of person they are. Both men and women do both of these, men aren't the only ones who are shallow, and women aren't the only ones who care about more than looks.

I think that confidence is key. You don't necessarily have to be a social butterfly to get a woman's attention, just be confident. Carry yourself with confidence and talk to people with confidence. I imagine that this is very difficult for you but having a negative attitude is not attractive and is not going to help you get a girlfriend. It sounds to me as though a lot of your problem is mental. But that means there's hope and the situation is entirely in your hands!
By the way, stop reading dating articles on the web. They are all bullshit.

[Shrugs] So long as you maintain the outlook you so candidly expressed in the below thread, I assure you your chances are none.

http://www.dreamviews.com/lounge/150...w-average.html

Originally Posted by Aristaeus

[Shrugs] So long as you maintain the outlook you so candidly expressed in the below thread, I assure you your chances are none.

http://www.dreamviews.com/lounge/150...w-average.html

Oh.. thanks for the link, I do not feel bad about OP anymore.

One common mistake among guys is to think of girls as some kind of intimidating project, where they have to "impress" them because they are such "goddesses" etc.
I am very sure that this is a significant turnoff to most girls, I think girls want a guy to seem independent and have a strong confident personality in general.
You risk coming off as creepy if you show signs that you "need" a girlfriend;
flirting and relationships should be an extra plus, not something essential for your well-being.
Even people who normally have regular relationships can have "dryspells" when they neither give nor get much attention, and that's when you need to have a stable life in general, so that you can still feel happy about yourself.
Ironically, it is this kind of independence that tends to make you appear interesting and attractive.

Your interest in a particular girl should not be on the classic and all too common level "OMG she is so perfect and fantastic, how should I do to get her interested?" - instead, try to be more like "hey, she is cute, maybe I should flirt a little with her and see what happens".

Before you start worrying about girls, you should make the rest of your life as awesome as possible, so that you truly feel proud about yourself and feel a high self-esteem.
Flirting and relationships becomes much easier if you feel genuinely good from the beginning.

What the hell? You're never going to get any women at all with that attitude man. I'm not trying to be negative, but its just the law of attraction. Girls find guys attractive just by looks too, thats not just how guys roll.
Instead of accepting what you see as failure, get out there bro and make some progress. Up your day game and talk to more women, become more familiar with them. Sitting inside and pouting about it doesn't do a thing. I'm telling you this man because I know alot of guys like you, and once they got out and did stuff that all changed for the good. Ask any girl and they'll tell you that they like a man with confidence. Very few girls like shy guys. As Yuusha said, you gotta be independent and confident. This is a trait that is noticed before much of anything else in a man when it comes to pre-selection. If you want to attract women, you gotta stand out.
Another thing, once you start talking to girls and becoming more familiar with them, do not have clear intentions with them. If you're in a conversation and your main objective is to get a girls number and thats all thats going through your head the entire conversation, its going to screw things up and you won't get it. There's a strange power with game when it comes to winging it.
Believe in yourself man.

Guys who are successful with girls have usually got a good headstart and been naturally social from the beginning, and also probably grew up with a lot of friends of the opposite sex.
This kind of headstart can make them develop a strong belief in themselves and their abilities to attract girls, and you notice that kind of confidence in people, and this is definitely attractive.
I am a guy and even I think that confident and relaxed girls are way more attractive than the stiff and unfriendly ones.
Seriously, if some girl with a hot body etc appears tense and looks like she would get mad if someone so much as talked to her, then I lose all interest in her.
I am sure that a lot of girls get similar reactions when a guy appears that way.
I mean, how attractive will a guy appear if he slouches and looks super-stiff and socially awkward all the time?
Not that much, I assume.

My point here is that your attitude towards yourself is very important - I am sure a lot of people in this forum have noticed that they are often treated in certain ways based on how they act and feel themselves.
And I honestly almost never see good-looking people get any noticeably different treatment just because they look good - instead, it is usually the people who seem friendly who are treated well.
Of course, people who are good-looking and look generally healthy can get treated quite well in the beginning, but those people tend to be very friendly themselves as well.

I mean, how attractive will a guy appear if he slouches and looks super-stiff and socially awkward all the time?
Not that much, I assume.

My point here is that your attitude towards yourself is very important - I am sure a lot of people in this forum have noticed that they are often treated in certain ways based on how they act and feel themselves.
And I honestly almost never see good-looking people get any noticeably different treatment just because they look good - instead, it is usually the people who seem friendly who are treated well.

You are right on point Yuusha, and believe it or not, attraction has alot to do with psychology. That being said, if you can understand the psychology within it, you can take control of the game in a sense. Body Posture plays a big part in this psychology. Slouched over and super stiff immediately translates to almost anyone that that guy or girl that is slouched over has 1) no confidence 2) Very little control of his life and 3) Is not very liked by others.
As unusual as it may seem, those 3 factors really are what makes you attractive to other women. Alot of it has to do with this thing called Pre-selection, it lays deep inside the mind of a woman. First off, when you are really sociable with others and everyone knows you, this displays status- and holy crap does it have power. This is why you see alot of male celebrities who aren't really attractive at all, yet they're still picking up the babes. It's not all about the money, but when a guy does have money that too shows that he has status and is liked by many people.
I could go on for paragraphs, but you get the idea. This isn't some "How to be Attractive" workshop, so I'm not getting all into it.

i'm mainly attracted to women who are true to themselves. even if it means being insecure at times.

I'm sorry you feel this way, voByJunior2013. I hope you don't mind but I'd like to point out a few misconceptions I've noticed in your explanation about how women are attracted to men. The first point I should make is that one should be wary of what they read online. Article writers are, more often than not, not credible to tell you, among other things, what people are thinking or feeling. Especially about attraction. Sexuality is very diverse and there is no one type of person that will attract all women. I suspect that the second and third sentences you gathered from the article are little more than over generalizations rooted in sexism and stereotypes. That doesn't mean it's false but I want you to keep in mind that many relationship related articles found online often make people feel bad about themselves. The "women are into jocks" so-to-speak idea persists because of such media. It's what encourages men to spend money making themselves be different in hopes of attracting a partner.

Why do you think most women tend to gravitate around social guys? Maybe it's because they're social too! Surely there are women somewhere else, and we know that introverts and extroverts approach and connect to others differently. There are ways to meet potential dates without being social. Confidence helps one branch out and meet new people, online and offline.

Have you considered joining a dating website? If it makes you comfortable you can disclose your condition up front. Being disabled prevents you from dating the wrong type of person for you, and that's okay. Be positive. I'm sure being disabled has taught you many things about yourself and other people. I imagine you have other great characteristics. You should list a few, and see that you have plenty to bring to the table. Disabled people date. I am related to and know several disabled people that have partnered, one of which also has difficulty with communication. You deserve to date like them too! Give it a try! Love doesn't find you, chance does. I believe people find love more often when they make the effort and search for a partner than they do waiting for someone to fall into their arms. If you're really concerned then I recommend talking with a certified psychologist, or hey, how about a match maker! Lastly, feel free to click this link which includes my scanned documents that I think might help you develop a clearer perspective on yourself: DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Handouts. Want a little encouragement to put your foot forward? Try these videos:

Can't talk well. Oh man...

I used to think that I would never get friends or girls because I don't know SH*T about general things that most people know about.
I do not watch alot of movies so I can't relate with that, I am not super in to music and bands so nope not that either... Gossip about celebrities no I don't even know the names of celebrities. I am interested in the weird stuff like sexual psychology, lucid dreaming, meditation, philosophy..

But I can't talk about this stuff with women... Oh man I should give up on life and die alone.

That is what I used to think. However most of the stuff above haven't changed!

What has changed though is my understanding of what women ACTUALLY respond to.

I learned this from Real Social Dynamics on Youtube or from books, for example: https://bookofpook.neocities.org/

What you need to understand is that it's NOT WHAT you say, are, look like or earn that matters for making a girl attracted.

It's HOW you present it. It's very subtle things that makes girls or people in general drawn to you but you can learn all of that.

To summarize it all one could say: Have FUN BE POSITIVE! And don't be in your head limited by all your thoughts and fears.

But my point is, you don't need to know the perfect things to say in order to make girls like you, you just have to feel good being you and expressing yourself and then these POSITIVE emotions will transfer to the girl and she will be attracted to you.

I used to be weird and overthink and even stutter by just talking to my best friend, now I have gone through a big change and well my point is, ANYONE CAN DO IT.

The best way to meet and learn how to relate to women is to go out to clubs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lqo86IvOJ0

Another way is to just be generally more social with most people that you meet and perhaps there will arise an oppurtunity to ask a girl out for a date and you can start there.

Also to bend your reality a little bit.

Yes men works like lightswitches, we can see a girl and be attracted immediatelly. (LOOKS matter - Most men look at this.)
And women are more like volumenobs they need a little more time to get attracted to a man because she risks having his baby in her belly for 9 months!
However a guys behavior can create instant attraction in a woman (BEHAVIOR matter - Most women look at this.)

Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRK8eiS_f_g

I hope this get you inspired, Tyler changed my life. I hope he can change yours as well.

Peace.

You mustn't think of relationships as a game, just be yourself and let everything flow freely, everyone is different and love flowers from the most unexpected places; worry less and be more patient.

VoByJunior, I am sorry people blame the fact that you still never had a date at the age of 30 still on your negative attitude. That is obviously not true. Many men with depreciating attitudes find girlfriends.

Since your 30, what you need, is a new approach. Maybe you want to register on an online dating site. Good luck.

Originally Posted by Occipitalred

Since your 30, what you need, is a new approach. Maybe you want to register on an online dating site. Good luck.

Yes this is a very smart idea, put yourself in a pool of people looking for exactly the same thing!

Are you not even capable of speaking to people you don't mean to impress? Why not try and talk to a girl you aren't really that physically attracted to? What if you guys have a lot of common or there's something about her you like? Why not go out on a few dates just because fuck it? You haven't dated anyone before, what do you care if it is anyone that you actually seriously desire to sleep with? You might find that you like them a lot as a person, and find something more than just a sexual partner, but an actual companion that can share your life experience with you. If you wind up breaking up, then you have all the more experience to go out and do it all over again. You're being overwhelmingly negative with your attitude, you just need to do something you aren't actually comfortable with. You don't have to be a social butterfly to socialize. You just have to make an honest effort to relate with somebody, to get across to them that you are a human being too and that you recognize they are also human. It really isn't any harder than that. You might get rejected, it happens. However, when you're older, you find people in all kinds of circumstances. Perhaps going on a date with you will take their mind off something, or they were looking for somebody and felt as hopeless as you did, you really never know man. Don't pretend to, you're only hurting yourself by pretending you do.

I used to be a very negative thinking person myself, after getting a concussion from getting hit in the head with a discus I went through the worst depression I've experienced to date. I've had several depressive episodes since then, but none as bad as it. For about 5 years I was so socially awkward and had such anxiety from it that I was totally crippled. 3 years in, I made an honest effort to start socializing again. 3 more years later, and I can make small talk and be in social situations without much awkwardness at all. It all changed because I tried to improve my social skills, and after taking some big first steps, it got much much easier.

I got another concussion when I was in the Army. Thankfully this one was more minor and didn't have the same crippling effect on my mood and world outlook, mostly because I already had built up skills from being in a similar situation and knew how to combat it. I am one of the weirder people around me know, I don't have many close friends, just 2. Everyone I come in contact with lets me know at some time or another that I'm really fucking weird. I just act differently than everyone else, and my mind is very scattered and I make strange connections during conversations and often go off on another topic that seems related to me, but nobody sees how the two are related until I point out how. Despite this, people don't try to not hang out with me, and if they do then they aren't my real friends. Everybody I surround myself with loves me, and I love them. It is easy enough to try and control myself and act more normal in the presence of others that might not be so warm to my odd behavior. So if you are afraid that you are weird, and think that it will keep you from being able to socially connect with others, you really are selling yourself short man. Maybe you just have low self-esteem, but that all stems from and feeds off of the fact that you are so negative and refuse to do anything to change it. It makes you feel worse, and you know it has to. What do you honestly have to lose by going out there and trying to talk to somebody? Feeling awkward for a little bit? Feeling awkward is natural, there isn't a single thing wrong with it. Giving in to the panic of feeling awkward and wanting to withdraw and isolate yourself does have something wrong with it, because it hurts you as a person.

Come on man, give it a shot!

I second RSD they are the shit. Building core confidence is the key mate. And don't be yourself . Be your BEST self! Aim for the fucking glory.

Originally Posted by voByJunior2013

I read articles in the web that talk about how women are not attracted to men the same way Men are attracted to women. Men instantly are attracted to many girls as long as they are beautiful. Women need to know them and talk to them first to develop attraction.

PS i also see it in real life. women always gravatating to the social guys.

But what if you're not a social butterfly guy and you are disabled(can't talk well). That means there is about no chance that a women will be interested in you ever. And that's just really hard to accept.
it sucks

PS i'm not a teen . i'm age 30+ and i've never had a date

I believe that if you believe it, it'll happen. So what I advise you is to not believe that you can't get a date or relationship; Rather, do the opposite! Have faith that it's possible for you to and that you can and then do it. Believe it. There are over six billion people on the planet now, and I believe there's one for you.

Just a little faith, So tiny yet it grows.

mustard-seed-faith.jpg

Did you ever read the Bible verse Matthew 17:20? It's what I'm working out of.

Let me tell you a thought that might bend your mind a little bit.

Nothing is right or wrong, good or bad, everything just IS. But we want to assign things a concept, a meaning in order to forget the chaos and the uncertainty that life itself actually is. We don't know where we are so we give our place names, galaxy, solarsystem, planets, part of the world, countries, cities, streets.
We don't know who we are so we give ourselves names, identities, a sense of self, an idea to why we are better than others or less than others.

But worst of all, we SEEK for OTHERS to tell us who we are and when we let society (which is a mental construct of our own making) decide what makes us valuable, we lose our power..

So from this super weird ego theory and philosophy inspired from the greatest product by the owner of the biggest pick up company in the world (Tyler from Real Social Dynamics - The Blueprint Decoded), we can conclude: You are free! Stop the inner chatter of judging, comparison and thinking about who you are and just let go and be in the moment.
Because in the moment without thoughts and when you are just being you, everything just IS. And that is a really freeing feeling.

This feeling is not better than any other feeling though, it's just a matter of choice from your side.

So when you are with a girl (or in any situation) you can choose to suffer the pain of THINKING. (about your ego)

OR

You can suffer the pain of taking RIGHT ACTION.

Life is suffering and you will always have problems, the only thing you can change is the way you look at these problems.

Very eastern philosophy I know.

This is why people don't get happy when they get what they get, because we don't realize that the JOY and HAPPINESS is in the experience and the action itself, not the result. "ohhh so excited to get my first kiss!" -> Was that it?!
"Ohh so excited to ge my first lucid dream" -> Was that all?! "Ohhh so excited to get rich!" -> Why am I still unhappy? "Oh so excited to get famous" -> Why haven't I changed?

You can't get enough of what you don't want!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Njc5w1WRzYw