I feel ya man, I've been there when I was at uni. |
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I am a second year student in uni and I need advice on becoming more social. Normally, I'm pretty quiet and introverted and not that outgoing tbh. So far, I have like 3 friends at Uni and they are part of a larger social group which I am not, and they tend to hang out and do things together. I don't want to spend my time alone or aloof, but maybe I guess I feel somewhat intimidated by the fact that they have their own group and I don't. I want to be more social but I don't want to force myself or shoehorn myself into a group they already have. So what's the best way to become more social? I have joined a fencing club and had dinner with some people a while back, but haven't expanded on it yet for example. Whenever I see acquintances, I can't get up the courage to start a small convo, I start feeling kind of anxious. What's wrong with me? I'm just so bored at university. |
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I feel ya man, I've been there when I was at uni. |
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Last edited by slash112; 01-23-2018 at 01:07 AM.
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Not gonna lie, small talk is hard for me honestly. |
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You cite boredom as the noxious stimulus motivating you to be more social? You don't have to be social to overcome boredom. You also don't have to be social to be accepted by society. That said, it is admirable you are trying to push yourself out of your comfort zone and having anxiety is natural when trying to do this. I don't see anything wrong with you. |
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last year, I made a friend on the dorm who I saw regularly. This year, we live off campus, so I haven't been able to see him as much(last semester, we only hung out once and I understand he has his own group of friends) but nonetheless, I want to invest in this friendship. What are some things I can do to do so? I'm kinda hesitant too as I feel like I might annoy him by asking or he might think I'm too needy on him or something. |
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Are you aware of any mutual interests that you two share? It's generally a pretty easy in. If you both like the same type of music, for example, ask if he wants to go to a gig or something. Even if you just find something that you think he'd be interested in - share it. |
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We do. It's just that I fear he might be too busy. |
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I noticed all the friends I have just went up and talked to me to start a friendship. How do I get better at that? |
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The psychologist Jordan Peterson gives some great advice in this video: |
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Last edited by Laurelindo; 01-31-2018 at 05:34 PM.
Stephen LaBerge's Full Seminar in Russia, 1998
Стивен Лаберж - Осознанные сновидения. Весь семинар 1998.
Fellow fencer who happen to flow between introvert and extrovert here. |
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As the beginning of wisdom is to "to know that you know nothing," so too the beginning of awakening (for lucidity) is to know that you are not awake. - Stephen LaBerge
Even if small talk may seem 'boring or pointless' its actually quite a useful skill, in most jobs you will have too meet new people, and being able to make a client or customer comfertable is going to make your company more successfull, So if you think about it more as a skill that you need to work on and try as many times as you need too, Sometimes I will ask somebody for a meetup like 6 times before we get together and do something, and after the first few times it usually gets easier meet ones a week and do something you both enjoy, or you can invite lots of people once a week to do something fun like a grill or casual football or something, nobody will be mad at you for trying to set something up :-) |
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Try start hitting the gym/start a sport. Having better looks can give a ton of self confidence and it makes you feel great both inside and outside. It's also a way to make friends and has TONS of health benefits which gives other benefits etc etc. |
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Very interesting piece of advice there. For a long time, I used to do the opposite. I would assume that the people I met disliked me, or were annoyed by my presence, which was almost never the case. Being friendly and having a good attitude is very important when meeting people, so I think this tip could be very helpful. |
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Last edited by Conceptor; 02-07-2018 at 06:46 AM.
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