sedrick
Member

A family brought two live turkeys to church one morning.

A little girl showed me a way to age myself immediately. (It was only one way. You couldn't get younger.) The aging process required the use of a very small frog, which the girl and I found hopping around on our living room carpet. I tried to catch it, but it hopped out from between my fingers and his under our couch. When I tried to retrieve it, a regimented line of tiny black scorpions came marching out to challenge me. I withdrew in fear and waited. Finally the frog came out again and I caught it in a box.

Then the girl and I went to our church and sat next to my friend on a piano bench. A bunch of people were watching us. I told my friend my plan to age myself and how it involved the frog. The girl watched eagerly. I inserted the box which contained the frog into what appeared to be one of those yellow carts that holds mop water. Instantly, two things that looked like a pair of stockings shot out of the cart and hit the wall. My friend said they looked like his mom's underwear. The little girl laughed hysterically.

Then by some process involving electrical switches I aged myself to be about twenty or twenty-one.

I dreamed I discovered an easy way to lucid dream. It involved taking a supplement and inducing a coma-like state. I tried it one night and it worked beautifully. Since it was my first "lucid dream" I was guided through a sort of instructional manual on the in's and out's, do'sand don'ts of lucid dreaming. I recall getting insanely excited, but I never ACTUALLY became lucid.

I lived in a Minecraft world.

It was very early morning and I was at a friend's house, sweeping off the porch. A man drove by on a tractor, pulling something.

I was working at a butcher plant. The plant was open-air and was on a dock on the banks of the Mississippi river. We dumped the entrails down holes directly into the water, where they were swept away downstream.

My grandpa had only a moth left to live, except when he told me half of the month had gone by.

Someone was making a new version of Lord of the Rings. it was turning out horrible. The orcs were basically people dressed up in chimpanzee suits. Sauron was a huge ugly monster and he had a wife. He ate his own spit.

I was sent to live in a bookstore. There was an all-boys' section. As sort of a personality test and to see if I had what it took to live there I had to fight a Pokémon boss battle. I did horribly. Some obese teenager pushed me over from behind. I remember being a bit surprised by that.

A screaming man came riding over a hill on a tractor and started shooting maniacally at me with a machine gun. I ducked underneath a car for protection and started saying my prayers.

I worked in a very fancy pastry shop. The walls were sort of a pastel red and there was lots of gold trim. Lots of sunlight streamed through the large front windows. The shop was owned by a guy I know. He had a big hole in his forehead, about the size of a lemon. It went all the way down to his brain. There was a Wes Anderson museum a few doors down to the left of the shop, and I was excited about getting off work and visiting it.

My family lived in a really neat antique shop next to a vibrant brook in a weird lonely gnarly forest. The brook flooded one day in the spring and flowed into the store. One lady's display was ruined. I went to go see her. Everything was destroyed by the water, except for a very neat old professional film camera. She gave it to me. I went up to a different floor of the building and found my friend lounging on a balcony. I wanted to test out the camera so I filmed him. Then I rewound the tape and watched the playback. For a bit, we saw my footage, but then it abruptly cut off. Apparently there was different footage underneath mine on the tape. The image cut to two young women laying on a bed in their underwear, touching and fingering each other. I instantly turned off the camera and yelled, "I didn't film that!!"

In another house in those same woods there lived an extremely ugly old witch. Her daughter, (yes, her daughter!) was protesting against her mother's overweening desire to cover her daughter in shredded cheddar cheese. They argued back and forth heatedly for a long time. The witch stated that when she was her daughter's age, she too was covered in cheese by her mother. With that, she shrunk her daughter, scooped her up and stuffed her into a ziplock bag filled with cheese. She rolled her around in there for a bit and then let her out and put her back to normal size. Then a narrator-sort-of voice on a voice-over deadpanned, "no one could ever mistake the old lady for a normal human being".

I could jump really high and effortlessly but only if I constantly gave a thumbs up with both my hands.