AnonUser
Lurker

Before I begin this, I'll provide some much-needed context for you fine readers. I have been dreaming lucidly since I was eight after an accidental experience of dream control, and have been doing so on a nightly basis since I was ten, nearly eleven. Since that time (I am now seventeen, will be eighteen in July), my capabilities and understanding of my dream world had expanded to such a degree that I'm more comfortable in dreaming than I am when I am awake. Recently, though (about 2 and a half weeks ago in real world time, to be exact), I was killed in a dream by something that I cannot remember, and have forgotten everything about my dream world that I did not write down anywhere in the real world. My dream logs from a psychology assignment from sophomore year have been instrumental in my re-learning of this separate reality of mine, and I hope you enjoy reading about my experience as much as I enjoy being able to undertake it. Unfortunately, I don't think I have enough time in the day to be able to write out the full extent of my dreams, but I will try and get down as much as I can as regularly as I can.
At the present day, I have gone to a school for the disabled called Yamaku, which is the setting of a semi-popular visual novel called Katawa Shoujo (which I recommend to anybody who enjoys a good read, and a heart-wrenching, immersion-filled story). I have been associating myself mainly with the characters of said visual novel, but a few people from my real life are also present. Not to mention, other fictional characters. This is perceived entirely in the third dimension; my mind has successfully (albeit subconsciously) rendered even two-dimensional, cartoon characters into something that may as well exist in the real world.

(Day 1 of 2)

I'm beginning to become accustomed to the pasty walls of the nurse's office. It's a little comforting to be able to wake up in an environment where I don't feel like an odd-ball. I turned onto my side to get a look at Misha's cot and say "good morning" to her, but she was still out like a light. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, in addition to working herself way more than necessary, she got herself a punctured lung... her and her confidence, I guess. I hope she turns out okay; Hanako was going absolutely nuts over the subject last night. With a half-concerned/half-disappointed sigh, I stood myself out of bed and headed out for breakfast. Thankfully, the nurse wasn't there this morning, so his usually intrusive behavior didn't happen either. That was refreshing.

Nothing particularly interesting happened on the way over. Nothing really happened in the lunch line either, except for Seiji venting to me about a very low grade that he had gotten on his most recent history test. He almost whacked Maro in the face when he threw back his arms in disgust, and I have to admit that holding back a few chuckles was not as easy as one would think. Once I got my food, I decided that the obnoxious clamor of everyone else was a bit much for me; plus, Lilly wasn't even there early like she usually was, neither was Kenji (though I don't think I'm unhappy about THAT one).

Instead, I chose to wander the halls of the school. I mean, they won't let me take classes there anyway, so it's not like I'd have sounded weird if I told someone (honestly, mind you) that I was exploring the building. Only as I was going up and down the corridors did I notice the feeling of similarity that was EVERYWHERE. Everything feels so... plain. With the exception of one or two things, of course; that painting on the third floor is still really abstract in an intriguing manner, and the library still has a characteristic smell that can only really be found in a library.

On the bright side, the people at Yamaku are anything but dull. I peered into a few classrooms, but there were just teachers getting ready for the day to begin in a short while. Mr. Nomiya had a furrowed brow, though, and was grumbling something into his cell phone. For some reason, I get the sense that he was gesticulating stupidly before I had looked, or had slammed his fist on the desk a few times, or... something. Nomiya is "out there," to say the least. Rin, unable to use the art room while Nomiya was on a call, had sat herself on the staircase to the roof. I tried starting a conversation with her, but trying to make small talk with Rin is like trying to teach astrophysics to a paperclip. Bored out of my skull, I decided that it was time to get less public and have some fun. It was raining out, but hey, things that super humans do look cooler in the rain, right?

Much to my surprise, I bumped (literally) into Hanako and Lilly when I carelessly darted out the door at the bottom of the roof's stairwell. They were on their way to class, which I thought was odd at first because of the 15-minute wait until the day began, but then I remembered that this was Hanako I was talking to. Fifteen minutes of barely any interaction were fifteen blissful minutes to be cherished. I couldn't help but smile to them when I realized that she [Hanako] was finally coming out of her shell with people other than Lilly and I (Hisao doesn't count, because he's really become more an extension of Lilly as of late (that being said... now that I think about it, why the heck wasn't he there with her?)). Since I've seen other people write down their exchanges with people in dreams, I suppose I will too.

"Hi Connor," Hanako whimpered, a faint smile visible on her face despite her best efforts to conceal her scarred face with a look to the floor tiles. I raised my hand in greeting, then fought off the urge to slap myself for doing so while Lilly was there. Stupid, stupid behavior...
"Oh, hello Connor," Lilly followed up, making no attempt to conceal the warm grin that she wore for most every conversation. I suppose that if you're blind, and you have no way to tell what you look like, maintaining an expression that is generally perceived as positive when you display it must have some type of positive reinforcement behind it. I almost waved at her, but stopped myself. It may have been a week since I've gotten here, but I'm still not used to someone not being able to see me.
"Hey guys," I answered casually, keeping about two feet (I think) of distance between us. I didn't really intend to keep a conversation going, but I like these two, so I let a little small talk slide. "How come you missed breakfast this morning?"
While Hanako was mumbling to herself, trying to think up a good way to word up an explanation, Lilly took the reins instead. She lifted her chin slightly before telling me, "Oh, we didn't miss it. We simply didn't attend." I think my silence may as well have served as the equivalent of a blank stare, since she went on to clarify after a few seconds that, "Hanako wanted to try her hand at making something."
Impressed, if not surprised, I gave Hanako some praise, only to witness her cheeks redden ever so slightly. She doesn't do this quite so often in my presence anymore, but complement her on anything besides her grades or friends and she'll turn red as a cherry tomato.
Not wanting to make my scarred friend any more embarrassed, I decided to let this be the end. We said our goodbyes, and our see-you-laters, and I resumed my route to the outside.

The rain felt good against my skin and clothes. It was a refreshing chill at first, but then became a wetness that made me feel... tranquil. Like everything would flow through my days with as much uninterrupted carefulness as the droplets on my fingertips. I'll not go on too great a tangent though; this is a journal, not a novel. My plan for the day was simple: a few minutes of practice with accuracy, speed and control, alternating between the three with two minute breaks after every completed set.

Woods being nearby the campus is such a convenience. For the 6 - 7 hours of schooling, while everyone is stuck with their noses in textbooks, I'm out jumping from branch to branch on the trees, cutting through whatever sized rocks I can manage and practicing "supernatural" powers - stuff like energy beams and teleportation. The raindrops felt like pins and needles while I was jumping around, never mind the occasional branch that I was stupid enough to whack myself against. I spent a good while in there, just practicing and re-practicing, but it was so boring for some reason. Normally, I can't get enough of it. This time I felt the oddest craving for interaction with my friends.

That ["friends"] being said, yes, I do call these characters made by my subconscious mind my friends. They feel just as real as anybody I've met in the real world, and I see little point in addressing them otherwise. Anywho, I found myself headed back to the main grounds before lunch had even begun. I figured Joe or Robert (to of my friends from the real world) would be lounging around doing something hilariously stupid, and I am certainly not one to object to funny stupid behavior. Even if they were nowhere to be found, I wouldn't have minded popping in to see if Misha was feeling okay anyways.

Emi, careless as always, was running about the track when I reached it. She was operating with so little regard for the weather making her t-shirt very see-through, as well as the fact that she was ditching class. Of course, me being stupid little old me, I couldn't help but go on over to ask what on Earth she was doing. She didn't even realize I was there, since she was so focused on her running. If she did, she certainly didn't want to talk to me, though I don't think Emi would be the person to purposely not talk to someone even if she hated their guts. For a moment, I briefly considered showing her the speeds I was capable of running at, but decided against it. Last thing I need Is Emi Ibarazaki clinging to my side like I'm her idol...

I left the track without a word before she was around the other end of the track so that she would have no chance to see me if she hadn't already. Evidently it worked, because there was no call back. By now, I have a pretty good mental map of the campus, so I didn't mind looking down while I walked to admire the pretty sight of the wet grass. Again, I felt that calm feeling pass over me and relaxed a great deal. The weather had changed to a much lighter drizzle not too long before, which meant that tilting my head down let the drops of water sprinkle onto my neck. It got me to shiver once before I was comfortable with it, and for a moment, I didn't want to lift my head because of it. An accidental bump into the side of the medical building convinced me to shut my desires up, though.

Since I was already there, I went into the brick building and proceeded to the nurse's office that I had become so familiarized with over my week's stay. Three cots from my own, Misha stirred uncomfortably when she noticed my presence. She was awake, but she certainly didn't look like she wanted to be. She forced a weak smile at me, making me feel guilty that I hadn't been able to do anything to help her condition. I sat on a chair near her side, as close as possible without making for an awkward air so that she wouldn't feel any need to raise her voice.

"You're here early," She whispered out as she exhaled. That made sense. Apparently there's a brain hiding behind the cover of those drills of hers, and it really functions. She was whispering so that she didn't have to waste breath on speech; she was still taking the same breaths as before, sacrificing only a bit of volume. Which, given our distance and the emptiness of the room, wasn't much of a problem.
I nodded and placed my palm on her forehead, which I (for some reason) had expected to feel hot, but actually felt just fine even though my hands had been made cold by the weather outside. "Yeah," I confirmed, "it was a boring day. Thought I'd come say hi, and... just check on you."
Misha smiled again, but this one looked genuine. Shizune wasn't able to be around much anymore, thanks to classes, so any meaningful interaction was well met with her. I expect that this is where her characteristic "Wahaha~!" would have come in if she hadn't had the sense to preserve her oxygen. Her head slowly shifted in place, nuzzling affectionately against my palm in thanks. "I'm fine," she assured me, taking in a slightly deeper breath so that she could fit more into her next sentence. "Is Shizune doing well in *inhale* her classes? *inhale* Do you know?"
"Nah, no idea," I regrettably declared with a shake of my head. "Haven't really been able to talk to her much, since... well, you know."
She shrugged and rolled her eyes as though she were disappointed in herself for having asked such a silly question. I suspect she's so used to being able to understand Shizune that even if she is a translator, she forgets that others don't know sign language so well. Even if she wanted to talk to her, it'd be a lot of effort on Misha's part unless she took things very slowly. I briefly considered telling Misha that I've been trying to learn what signs I can, but decided not to. I don't want to accidentally assure her of more than is possible. "I'm sure she's do- *inhale* doing just fine. *Inhale* She's top of the c-.. *inhale* class, after all."
Well, she was right about that. From what I know of her, Shizune more than likely brags about her marks at whatever opportunity she can get. I can't help but chuckle once at this, resulting in another uplifting smile from Misha. As it turns out, she's very nice to talk to when she isn't screaming and "wahaha~ing" at you without realizing the obnoxiousness of such actions.

If I wrote out the rest of our half-hour long conversation, this would become a very long post, so I will stop there. At about 1 PM, when classes were almost out, I began to pace about the entrance of the main building to wait for someone to hang out with. Not long after, the bells began to clang, and I could just barely hear the loud exodus of every student from his/her class in near-unison. I also imagined that Lilly and Hanako would probably be leaving after plenty of the others had cleared out. I felt/feel like I should have probably taken that into consideration, but then an idea popped into my head. I walked into the sea of teenagers and navigated my way beside the doors, waiting for Shizune to pass. Misha had made me feel sorry for the two of them; separation from one's closest friend when they're a 5-minute walk away must be a dreadful feeling. Eventually, I spotted her dark blue hair among the crowd of heads, reached in, and pulled her out as gently as I could by the arm. She was going to slap me, but I put my hand over her wrist before she could.

Hilariously enough, Shizune's hands began flailing about in her practiced methods of communication that were futile on just about everybody who wasn't deaf (not to mention Lilly). I held up a finger to tell her to stop, which worked after a moment, then reached forward and tapped on her binder. I mimicked an opening book with my hands, and she got the message. She must've known what I was thinking, because she tore a paper from her notebook and began writing down on it. With a force that was way more than necessary, she thrust out her arm and dangled the paper before my face. I took it from her calmly, though I couldn't escape how odd her need to be so assertive was.
"What in the name of all that is logical could possibly have been so urgent as to require you manually pick me out from a crowd??" I could almost hear a chastising voice behind the scribbling on the sheet, which made it feel all the sillier when I looked up and saw Shizune's face puffed up and red. I took my time writing down my response to aggravate her, knowing fully well that she was probably staring over my shoulder while I was doing so.
"Calm down, I just wanted to know if you wanted to come and see Misha with me. I'm going to see if Hanako and Lilly want to come too."
"I'll go with you, but please try and find some way to tell Lilly when I'm talking with Misha so that I won't be interrupted and irritated. That's the last thing she needs."
"Yeah, I will. You're right."
With a final nod of parting, Shizune followed the crowd out to the yard and went to the medical building while I stood in wait for Hanako, Lilly and Hisao. They didn't show up for some time, and I was left pacing for a bit until I took it upon myself to go looking. My first guess was that they would be in the tea room, but that guess was incorrect. Knowing that only one possibility remained, I went into the library for my second time. Sure enough, the three of them were having a very awkward conversation with Yuuko. (God, she's such a mess.) Or at least, Lilly and Hisao were. Hanako had been searching about the shelves, and reacted immediately to the door's opening by turning and waving sheepishly. I waved my hand like I was doing a mind trick in return.

The rest of the details from this point to the medical building are unimportant and uninteresting, so I will skip over them.

We quietly entered the office (except for Lilly, who had an uncharacteristic stumble when she knocked her foot against Shizune's books on the floor) to find Misha and Shizune writing notes back and forth. Once Misha noticed the three of us coming in, she looked up at us and prompted Shizune to do the same with a raising of her finger. Both of them were smiling, which was very nice to see. Such things feel like they're becoming more of a rarity for everyone... which is sort of sad, now that I think about it.

And of course my train of thought now turns to Hanako, who had just been taking a turn for the better. All of a sudden, now that she's being as open as she is, everything goes to crap. That attack a few days ago changed these people. So much fear is inside these walls, and I'm supposed to be the saving grace of all of this uncertain air. I think people here are having a hard time smiling because they know almost as well as I do that all I can do is soften the blows, not deflect them. Still, they give me this look of confidence that kills me on the inside. Especially Hanako's... I know I've shown her how to keep herself safe (barriers, jumping, etc), but it just doesn't feel like enough. Hell, a few tricks like those weren't enough to keep Misha from being harmed. If anything, they were what gave her the overconfidence to challenge something well beyond the whole lot of us. I've got to get stronger, I've got to re-learn my strength faster, for their sake.

Anyways, that was quite the tangent. It's relevant, though, so I'll keep it in here.
Misha made a few quick signs that got Shizune to hand over the paper. The weakened movements of Misha's hand were so depressing to witness. She took about forty seconds to write out her message, then handed it over to Shizune, who handed it to Hisao after a quick scan of the words.
"Hey, guys," Hisao read aloud in a soft crackling voice, broken by the lump in his throat that didn't want to let him tear up, "I'm happy you all came to see me. Wasn't expecting it."
At first, it didn't make sense why Misha had wrote down the words when the four of us could hear her. Then it occurred to me that she had become so accustomed to translating for Shizune that it had probably become a priority for her. This was both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.
Hisao started to say "We're happy to see you too," but I cut him off and took the paper from his hand. I wrote down the response that he was going to give, and handed it to Shizune, who handed it in turn to Misha after a quick read. I think Misha knew why I was doing it, which made it slightly satisfying when she flashed me a grateful smile before she took the page in her hand. I winked at her to acknowledge that her suspicion was true, which only made her lips curve wider. She read my response aloud, wrote down hers, handed it to Hisao through Shizune, and he read hers. Occasionally, Lilly would speak, and Hanako would write for her. We continued the rest of the conversation this way, and I couldn't help but feel a little tingly on the inside while we were.
"So, Shizune, what's it like being the student council?" -Hisao
"Very funny. If you must know, I'm so stressed that I'm surprised my veins haven't exploded thanks to high blood pressure." -Shizune
"I'm so sorry to hear that." -Lilly, through Hanako
"Why? It's exhilarating." -Shizune (this got a good laugh out of us all)
"You're f**king weird, dude, you know that?" -Me
"Connor! Language~!" -Misha
"It's anglo-saxon, if you must know. By the way, I can't beLIEVE that you wrote the tilde." -Me
"I can't 'beLIEVE' you called me a 'dude!'" -Shizune

Yes, the entire conversation was done in this manner, and I can honestly say that this was the happiest moment that the six of us have ever served together. No fear, no anxiety, no vein-bursting blood pressure, just laughs, note-passing and tildes. We stayed in that room writing to each other for the next three hours. If the nurse hadn't told us (well, everyone but me) that we were overstaying our welcome, we probably would have continued until Shizune's notebook was totally empty.

On our way out, we wound up splitting - Hanako and I together, Lilly and Hisao together, and Shizune by her lonesome. We said our merry farewells, and I took Hanako to her room while Hisao took Lilly to his (though I suspect his intentions were much different than mine). We spent a minute or two getting ourselves in comfortable positions on the ground, then prepared for a night of games. Playing cards, chessboards and even a backgammon set were laid about the floor around us. We played a long game of chess (which I lost embarrassingly), four or five games of War 2.0 (a card game that I made up in the seventh grade), and only one particularly boring round of backgammon. As it turns out, neither of us were good OR entertained at that game.
Since it was about 7:30, I decided to take my leave. It had been a fun day, but all of that thinking earlier made my brain want to rest itself. Incidentally, that wasn't a very good combination with the short practice session that I had had in the morning (I say short, but it felt like hours). I hugged Hanako goodbye very briefly, then wasted no time getting back to the nurse's office. I had expected Misha to be asleep, so had she, but apparently she wasn't. Maybe it was because she had slept in, and I just hadn't known about it. Either way, I hardly said two words beyond hellos before letting my head drop to the pillow and drifting off to sleep.
Interesting concept, going to sleep to wake up.

Now, it has taken me approximately three and a half hours to write all of this out, so I do not think I will be able to document the second dream. With any luck, I will increase my typing speed and be more able to get more content down in the future, but for now I must stop. I hope this has been an interesting experience to read, at the very least.