escarlett
Lurker

I’m so confused right now about myself. I’m not sure about my own identity anymore. It all started with a dream that seemed to be real. Like it was a lost memory that my brain tried to recollect. And it went like this. I dreamed about the day I was born. It was in a delivery room. The doctors were there and I saw the light that’s being used in the delivery room. The doctors were like foreigners (for I am an Asian and they were Caucasians. I grew up in an Asian country). One of the doctors handed me over to an assistant doctor. I still could remember, he was wearing eyeglasses and he took off his face mask and smiled at me.
That dream went into another dream. My second dream was I was in the street. I was like lying in a stroller. I didn’t know who’s with me for I did not see his/her face. We were about to cross the street when the person who was with me got hit by a car. I actually did not see how it happened. I only heard car engine that suddenly stopped. And I heard people crying for help. That’s the end of my dream.
My mom told me I was born in our old house and only the midwife came to assist her. But in my dream I was born in a hospital. She said I was born and grew up in the same country but in my dream, I was born in a foreign land, a snowy land- I am living in tropical country.
Before two of my siblings used to tease me with “adopted child” and “child of a broken bamboo tree” – it means your mother left you somewhere and no one knows who your parents are. She also said when I was born, my feet went out first before my head. In my dream, well, just like most babies, my head went out first before my feet. Ridiculous but it's true. But I did not mind them for I was so sure that I was not an adopted. Besides, my parents love me so much and I am the favorite child. So, I didn’t give any meaning to my dream. And I had forgotten it already for it was many years ago. Until just this year, I had another dream. There was a woman who came to our home. I’ve heard a lot about her but I never met her in person. I was not interested about her. Well, she has a very good reputation. She’s rich, she’s beautiful and she’s smart. She came from a decent family. But she was not like the type which I want to look up to. She came and said to me she’s my biological mother. My mom told me it’s not true. I was not an adopted and she’s my real mom. But the woman insisted that she’s my real mom. She said she had been looking for me for so many years. She even hired a private investigator just to find. I told her that she must be mistaken. I told her I was not the baby she was looking for. Then, she cried and begged me to believe her. She came up to an idea to had me and her a DNA Test. She asked a DNA sample from me. I just gave her a sample to prove to her she was not my biological mother. After some days, she came back with the DNA Test results that showed “POSITIVE”. She’s my biological mother! I wasn’t able to take it right away. I still insisted that I was not her baby and I was not an adopted child. She cried and asked me why I still did not believe though the DNA results proved I was her daughter. That’s the end of my second dream.
When I woke up, I said to myself it was only a dream and nothing more. After some weeks from that dream, I dreamed about this woman again. But this time, in my dream, I started to accept the fact that she’s my real mom. We were on a vacation in a beach resort. I was with her, my mom who raised me up and my boyfriend. Though she was there, I was still closed to the mom who took care of me for so many years. Though she was with us, I acted like she was not there. She felt out of place and walked away into her cottage. I was guilty for not treating her the way I should had treated her. I told my mom and my boyfriend that I would follow her. In her cottage, she was just lying on her bed and she was so sad. I asked her what’s wrong. She only said she’s not feeling well and had taken medicine. She told me to go back to my boyfriend and to the mom who was with me since I was young. She said she would be fine. I went back outside and told my mom and boyfriend that I would be taking care of my biological mom for she’s sick. And that’s the end of my dream. That made me more confused now. Aside from the feeling of being outcasted by my other siblings and the differences of our attitudes. And though I love my parents and they love me too but I really don’t feel like so close to them. I don’t feel parents-child connections. I feel like I am not part of the family though I am the apple of their eyes.

I was so concerned about one of my guy-friends, knowing that he was dating a girl that might had ruined his life. I heard a lot of bad things about this girl. I loved my friend and I didn't want him to get hurt again. After the most painful breakup that he had experienced from his past girlfriend that made some changes to his attitudes which only me could notice, I never wanted him to experience that pain again. He was badly hurt when he realized the woman he loved so much only used him as a rebound to get even with her ex-boyfriend. He was willing to marry her but the girl left him to get back with her ex again – the man that she really loved. So sad that though my friend was so in love and faithful to her, this girl only played games with his heart only to make her ex realized that he was still in love with her.

Then, here came another woman that could make him to cry a river again. We, his friends had been trying to warn him about his new girl but he never listened to us. He even kept on defending her. He was too blind to see the truth for his strong desire over this woman. As a christian, I had got nothing else to do but to pray for my friend. And after a few nights of praying, I received an answer through a dream.

In my dream. The woman that he’s currently dating was crying. And she was chasing my friend while my friend kept on avoiding her. I really could feel how my friend felt in my dream. He was hurt and disappointed. He was mad and sad. I felt it all, too. He was so faithful to her but he discovered a skeleton in her closet that turned him off.

Two days after that dream, a big secret of this girl was revealed. There was a dirty old man who claimed to be the real boyfriend or the first in the line of my friend’s new girl. He was so furious and said the girl cheated her with my friend. But my friend didn’t know about this. All that he knew was that the woman loved him too and she was faithful to him when she actually was not. The old man also said that he had been sending out money to support her studies, etc. They were in a long-distance relationship. And for nine months being together, he already had sent almost a million dollar to this girl. He really loved this girl and he wanted to give the world to her. He said the girl promised him to marry him. This man sent a message to my friend through a micro-blogging site that said, “Tell your girlfriend that I want my money back.”

My friends and I were trying to defending my guy-friend and we told the old man that our friend didn’t know about him at all. And our friend, like him, was just another victim of this woman. He told us that it was not his intention to ruin my friend’s reputation. He just wanted our friend to know the kind of woman that they both loved. He admitted that he felt sorry for our friend.

The girl used the old man to get money easily while he used my friend to get the job she had always been dreaming of. My friend was so able to do it for her. She pretended that she really loved both my friend and the other guy for her own advantage. She’s indeed, “Best Actress in a Pretending Role”.

On the other hand, when my friend realized that he’s not the only man of his girl’s life, he decided to cut his relationship with the woman and to focus on his career for now. But yes, he was left with his heart broken into pieces again. The latest thing I heard about the girl is that she's dating a another millionaire that she can have in her hands from her new man.

Since I was a teenager, I had been dreaming about plane crushes. There were lots of planes crushing down. All types of planes- fighter jets, commercial planes etc. Sometimes the planes were cut in two. There were times I dreamed that the tail of the plane went ahead before its head, then it fell down. But what I was wondering about was that all of our neighbors's houses and buildings were being ruined by the plane crushes but only our house left standing. And the people came to our house as refugees. That dream kept on coming back.
And now, we always can hear plane crushes and lost planes every now and then in the news. I wondered if my dream was actually about the things that would happen nowadays.

I could still remember on the 7th of July 2010, I had a dream. I could see nothing but darkness. Yet I heard voices of people shouting, “God has come!” They were obviously in panic. I heard their footsteps. I could tell that they were running. I was so afraid that the LORD passed me by – you know Rapture of the Church. Not everyone will be caught up in heaven but only those who live a holy life. “BE HOLY FOR I AM HOLY.” 1 Peter 1:16

Suddenly, I was taken out of that darkness to a very bright dimension. I really saw how I was transferred from a dark place to a bright place. It was like I was inside a dark tunnel, then I went out from that tunnel. In that bright dimension, I could not see its end. I smelled a very fragrant thing. It’s like a mixture of flower, perfume and something I could not tell what it was. I also heard voices humming but I saw no one. I, then, realized that I was floating in the air and was wearing a white garment like in the hospital. But it sleeves were long.
When I looked up, I saw a very bright light. That Light came near to me and I to the Light. I heard a very powerful voice from it. It’s so big that it filled the whole of that endless dimension. Because of it, I understood why the prophets in the Bible always said that the voice was like many waters and like thunder. The voice spoke to me in different languages and dialects which I could understand. I can speak and understand english, filipino -tagalog and bisaya dialects. The voice said to me, “It’s time!” I did not get what did it mean actually. I thought it’s time for me to die but I was wrong. For I am still alive. Then the voice uttered words again but this time I couldn’t hear it clearly.
The Light was gone. I saw a vision. I was like watching the screen in a cinema. I could still hear the voice while watching the vision.
First, I saw portraits of people with writings below their faces. I didn’t understand the writings but I could comprehend that those were their names.
Second, I saw a mountain. I saw a red ribbon-like thing that encircled the mountain from down to the summit of it. Then it went upwards to heaven.
Third, I saw a very big book with black covering. It opened on its own and turned pages on its own. I didn’t understand the writings but the words were written in gold and it also glowed. I thought maybe that was the book of my life or the Book of Life which is stated in the book of Revelation.
The vision was gone and I saw the bright Light again. The Light told me in bisaya dialect. He said, “Tell My people that I am coming very soon.”
After that, I was awaken and back in my dark room.The fragrant smell lingered in my room for a few seconds. When I looked at my clock, it was exactly 3 am, my sister went back home. She has been leaving and coming back home because of her job. She gave me a book entitled “Heaven Is So Real”. She told me to read that book. That’s how I realized that the big black book I saw in my dream was a Bible. I have been reading books of Rev. Neville Johnson, founder of Living Word Church. In one of his books, he talked about the incense of the LORD which smelled very good. I thought the fragrant scent that I smelled was the incense of the LORD! Last 2013, I learned about this Angelica Zambrano who died for almost 24 hrs and was taken by the Lord Jesus to heaven and hell. She talked about a hall where the faces of the saints were there with their names written below their portraits. Which so happened that I also saw in my dream.
Before, I thought my dream was just a simple dream created by my imagination. But when I heard about the testimonies of those people like this, that’s when I believe that my dream’s real. It’s not just an imagination. Now, it’s up to you, guys, whether you believe in me or not. I’m just sharing this.