• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views
    Tab Content
    OneUp's Activity
    Visitor Messages
    About Me
    Community Hall
    Dream Journal
    Tab Content
    More Activity

    36 Visitor Messages

    1. View Conversation
      Hi OneUp, your pm storage is full so i couldnt send u a message!!
    2. View Conversation
      Hi OneUp Wanna join the Spellbee's LD comp? We got another one coming soon. The thread is in the Lucid Games - section of the forum now.

      PS. Your PM box is full lol
    3. View Conversation
      Yeah, I'm actually thinking about a better idea about how to dilate time, we will see which one I do first.
    4. View Conversation
      She wouldnt be worth the fight if she wasnt!

      Hmmm... Interesting. I tried my watch for that too, but it was always better at keeping the dream stable, and if I fiddled with it when the dream was unstable, it would wake me up.

      Right now I am trying to get to the hyperbolic time chamber from dragon ball z. Almost got there this afternoon but was awoken by the children. I like the idea of a direct conversion. I have thought about adding a "time left" in dream to a HUD and then when I dilate time I have something to change.
    5. View Conversation
      Here is a thread I made about Zödra (Linking doesn't work here, google :Zodra rules dreamviews and it will show up). I don't know. I have had a lot of battles, but I just killed one of the fighters on my team, so that is kind of an ongoing battle. One of them literally only joined up to kill me, so I need to purge some more enemies Had to fight invaders a few days ago. Hoping to use a silver key (HP lovecraft) to change the settings in my dreams.

      Any luck with the time dilation? I have had mild luck with that, but nothing ever consistent.
    6. View Conversation
      Good luck with that man. I am also trying to get back to multiples a night. I had a little lul due to a bad tech I was working on (a lazy tech, but it had good results at first), now I am reestablishing my fundamentals and the world helps. Zodra has been good. Been defending it a lot lately.
      my DJ just got a make over, so it actually points you to zodra if you want to read. Haha.

      Been accomplishing anything awesome in dreams lately?
    7. View Conversation
      Sup oneup! How have you been? How goes dreaming?
    8. View Conversation
      Wassup OneUp
    9. View Conversation
      Probably asleep at the time you get on lol. Been sleeping earler lately
    10. View Conversation
    Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 10 of 36
    Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 ... LastLast
    Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 ... LastLast
    About OneUp

    Basic Information

    About OneUp
    LD Count:
    1+ Every Night
    Im 19, im just a dude keepin it real, trying to change the game. Creative naturally, always relaxed, only positive vibes. Stay Chill.
    I have at least 1 Lucid Dream every night.
    Other Stuff:
    I'm 5'11 and I'm also a Freshman in college. I love sleeping, chilling with friends, and hitting the gym.
    Lucid Dreams that have been recorded on here: 156
    Country Flag:
    Houston, Texas
    Making House,Chillstep, and Trap. Lucid Dreaming, Girls, and Longboarding.
    Lucid Living, Chillstep Artist, Oneironaut, Skater, College, The Gym
    How you found us:
    Giz Edwards from youtube and just randomly searched one day


    "If we doubted our fears instead of doubting our dreams, imagine how much in life we'd accomplish." ~Joel Brown
    "Your background and circumstances may have influenced who you are, but you are responsible for who you become." ~Darren Hardy

    Stop saying "I Wish", Start saying "I Will"

    "Let men tremble to win the hand of a woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart" ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

    -Become Lucid in every dream every night
    -Dilate Time
    -Continue to have a dream plan for most of my lucid dreams
    -Have at least 500 Lucid Dreams before December 2016


    Total Posts
    Total Posts
    Posts Per Day
    Visitor Messages
    Total Messages
    Most Recent Message
    01-05-2017 04:00 PM
    General Information
    Last Activity
    04-11-2017 05:28 AM
    Join Date

    135 Friends

    1. 4199  4199 is offline


    2. 4thDimension  4thDimension is offline


    3. AlexaMtz  AlexaMtz is offline


    4. Alysendra  Alysendra is offline

      Spacetime Witch

    5. Astaroth  Astaroth is offline

      Tripping balls.

    6. AstralMango  AstralMango is offline


    7. AURON  AURON is offline

      Luminescent sun chaser

    8. Aziq  Aziq is offline


    9. Azul  Azul is offline


      • Send a message via Skype™ to Azul
    10. Bharmo  Bharmo is offline

      Student Oneironaut

    Showing Friends 1 to 10 of 135
    Page 1 of 14 1 2 3 11 ... LastLast

    Community Hall

    Points: 2,943, Level: 15
    Level up completed
    Level up completed
    Points required
    Level completed: 65%, Points required for next Level: 107
    Overall activity: 8.0%
    Activity last 30 days
    Overall activity: 3.0%
    Activity last 7 days
    Overall activity: 3.0%


    All Points for user
    Points for User
    Points for every day since registration
    Points for Friends
    Points for posting Visitormessages
    Points for Referrals
    Points for threads/posts
    Points for threads
    Points for tagging threads
    Points for replies
    All Points for miscellaneous
    Points for Misc
    Dream Journal
    Points spend in Shop


    06:10 AM OneUp has earned 4 Points for User points

    07:31 AM OneUp has earned 10 Points for Misc points
    05:40 AM OneUp has earned 22 Points for User points
    05:40 AM OneUp has earned 10 Points for Misc points

    12:40 AM OneUp has earned 20 Points for Misc points
    12:40 AM OneUp has earned 17 Points for User points

    05:20 AM OneUp has earned 5 Points for User points
    05:20 AM OneUp has earned 10 Points for Misc points

    07:50 AM OneUp has earned 2 Points for User points
    07:50 AM OneUp has earned 10 Points for Misc points

    06:50 PM OneUp has earned 30 Points for Misc points
    06:50 PM OneUp has earned 23 Points for User points

    04:40 AM OneUp has earned 5 Points for User points
    04:40 AM OneUp has earned 10 Points for Misc points

    02:00 AM OneUp achieved Populated Wall
    01:11 AM OneUp has earned 7 Points for User points
    01:11 AM OneUp has earned 2 Points for Misc points

      Point Market Statistics


      Active Purchases

    View OneUp's Dream Journal

    Recent Entries

    Stuck in another Dimension

    by OneUp on 01-31-2017 at 06:30 AM
    Just a heads up, this dream literally felt somewhere between 1 day and 1 week long. When I awoke from it I was late for class so I couldn't recall all of it perfectly, but I knew for sure it was at least 1 day long. I'm not going to type all of it because so much happened, and it would take forever, but this is the summed up version.

    1. I was somewhere walking in a stretch of grass on the side of a massive freeway. My mom, dad, and sister were walking in front of me. The sun was shining bright and the sky was clear. Suddenly my father turned around to talk to me, "It's your sister's first birthday son" he told me. "What in the fucking hell" I thought to myself. In my fathers arms was my sister, who now no longer looked 15 at all. She didn't look 1 year old, but rather she looked around 4 or 5 years old. Still, I was at a loss of words. "This can't be real" I told myself, but somehow, something inside of me simply KNEW that it was. I proceed to become extremely freaked out as I look around and enforce the fact that I knew that this was all real. My critical thinking skills were extremely high at this point. but I didn't become lucid.
    My attention is weakened by the fact that half of the sky is now near pitch black. "There's a heavy storm coming in, we need to get back now!" my father yells. With that we all start running back from where we came. The clouds were approaching us extremely fast and definitely seemed to be going faster than us. A minute or so later the sky is covered in pitch black clouds and it looks like nighttime. It didn't rain though, contrary to my expectation. We continued running and minutes later turned the corner where we went inside of some building. The inside of this building heavily resembled the stock market building in NYC, but the color theme was different. People were everywhere, some were working, some were just socializing. I noticed that there were other families here as well, and they all looked rather concerned.
    At this point I sit down somewhere, and my sister follows. As she sits next to me I regain deep thought about what is going on. "This has really happened. I'm somehow stuck in another dimension with no idea of how I've got here" I think to myself. A feeling of intense fright overcomes me and I begin to cry, harder than I ever have before. I feel so lost, with no idea of what to do. I exchange conversation with my sister after I calm down, and am surprised by her cognitive ability for her age. We had no problem holding a solid conversation, although I have forgotten what we talked about. It then hits me, my mother and father were acting way different from usual. Their personality far less energetic, and they seemed as though they were not happy with their life at all. This stressed me out even more.
    I take my sister with me and leave the building. It is still dark outside. I walk around another corner and come to a dark two-story house. As I walk inside I recognize my boss. "Bryan, what are you doing here?" I asked. "We're having a get together party for all Walmart employees" he tells me. I see it in him too, he's acting way different. He just isn't acting like himself at all, and his personality mirrors that of my parents. I see many of my coworkers in the living room of this house. One of them notifies everyone that it is time for the toast. She begins talking and telling of how she's loved walmart so much. Other coworkers share their love for walmart, and I soon grow frightened once more. Everyone here is acting the same. It's as if everyone is extremely bored and unhappy with their lives. The energy in the room is dead and happiness and positivity are completely absent.
    I take my sister and go outside in an attempt to regain my calmness and sanity. Everything is wrong. Everyone is acting different and mundane. Fast forward and I am now inside of a restaurant with my mother, father, sister, and all of my close friends. As we had all walked in, we tell the waiter we need a table for 8. She leads us to a table for 8 and we all sit down. My friends are all acting like they normally do, however, they sit at a different table than the one we were assigned too. I am now sitting at an 8 person table with just my family, and all of my close friends are sitting at another 8 person table directly in front of us. "Yo, what are you guys doing? Why aren't you sitting over here?" I ask them. "Dude relax it's not a big deal" my best friend Dylan says. All of my close friends then re-engage in conversation with each other, excluding me.
    The waiter then proceeds to ask my family and I what we'd like to drink. She stood out to me, clearly. Her energy was vibrant and I could see it in her eyes; she was alive, unlike almost everyone else I had talked to so far. Her hair was long silky and black, and her eyes a piercingly glowing green. I've forgotten what my family members requested to drink, but I asked for water.
    Fast forward by a huge amount of time and I am now at work. All of the lights in the store are off, and I can tell by looking through a nearby window that it is dark outside as well. The only light coming in is from the full moon far above me in the night sky. I see one of my other managers, John, taking inventory and just checking the store out. He is out of uniform and seems to not care at all that I am just standing, some 10 feet away from him, not doing any work. Seconds later a group of my coworkers come by and ask for my help on fixing some light-machine. I proceed to do my best to fix it. By the looks of it, the machine emitted strong neon red, green, and yellow lights when working. Much of it looked to be disconnected including the many wires that accompanied it. I did my best and attempted to reconnect everything with the help of my coworkers, but even then, the machine did not work.

    Note: This is literally just a fraction of the dream. It lasted much longer than this, but as I mentioned earlier would take forever to type. The fear I experienced within this dream is still partly with me now. Right as I awoke from the dream this morning I literally almost cried due to just how scary this all was. I was also very disoriented as well as the dream felt more real than this waking reality. I feel that part of the fact that this dream was so long is because, in the dream, I knew that everything was real(definitely see possibilities for future use in my LDing journey). It was quite odd that even though practically all of my critical thinking abilities were present, I was not lucid.
    Also, like I said, I left out many things. There were many other places and many long walks going to these places. One thing I know for sure now, is that anything is possible in dreams, as I've always thought.

    The French Man

    by OneUp on 01-26-2017 at 06:34 AM
    I had just entered into a very large and ambient room, fully lucid. About 75% of the floor in this room was a pool area, and at a first glance it seemed fairly deep as the water was darker the deeper I looked. I looked around the entire room, this time noting my surroundings completely. To my right, near the other corner of the room, was a woman that appeared to be in her early 20's. She had long black curly hair and a nice outfit on as well. Looking to explore to the fullest extent, I jump into the water without hesitation. As I do so, a thin pool noodle manifests around my body and I find myself landing in the water and floating without effort. I look back at the woman and notice that she is now watching me. "You need to stay in that until you're ready to advance to the next stage" she tells me as her voice echoes across the room.
    "Well shit, whats the next stage" I thought to myself. I look back at the water and really observe it. After a few seconds of doing this I force myself under, along with the noodle, and look around with my eyes wide open. I can feel the water encompassing my body, but it doesn't hurt my eyes or irritate them in the least; it's effortless. While I'm under, I see what I can only describe to be a pool, under the pool I'm currently floating in. It looks very trippy in the sense that it doesn't make sense, but I highly admire it's design. It reminds me of how underwater caves look when an area of freshwater is above an area of saltwater. Seconds later, I resurface. I swim over to the other side of the room and climb out of the pool. Before me there is a set of small stairs that lead to an open doorway that I can see leads to another large room.
    I walk up the steps and into the next room. The room is empty for the most part, and there is no pool. I see a dude on the opposite side, pacing back and forth with his head down as though he is extremely mad. On the wall behind him there are two doorways. My curiosity leads me to go into both rooms. I walk into the room on the left first, and upon doing so, see that it is a very large and empty spaced restroom. The floor is covered in white tile that looks to be a tad bit dirty, and the walls are white. In the farthest corner of the room sits the toilet. In the complete opposite corner is the sink accompanied by a mirror. I walk over to the toilet and see my phone wrapped in brown toilet paper, on top of it. I pick it up and immediately notice that the brown toilet paper is wet. "Wow, that's a little nasty" I say aloud. I unwrap the toilet paper off of it and proceed to wipe off my phone screen which is wet and smells weird.
    After doing this I begin to make my way out of the restroom. Just before leaving I remember how my tattoo is always messed up or completely absent in my dreams. I look at my forearm and see that it is indeed messed up and roughly half of it is gone. The font of my tattoo is also extremely sloppy, as though a kid drew it on. It no longer read "Are you dreaming?" but now rather "Ar eaming?" with most of the remaining letters extremely faded. I look next, at my hand, which has several drawings on it, all of which are drawn in a thick dark green ink of some sort. I distinctively remember one of these drawings being a butt with a visible pink butt-crack. "Wow, what the hell is this doing on my hand" I said to myself.
    Outside of the restroom I can still hear the mad dude, walking around, now saying stuff to himself. I am not amused. The idea suddenly comes to me that I can create portals. I proceed to walk around the restroom with my hand open, touching the walls with the intention of creating a portal like the ones from the games "Portal" and "Portal 2". I attempt many times, but alas, my doubt brings about my failure. I walk out of the restroom now, and walk right past the mad dude. I get the intuition that he has ADHD or something, but I'm not sure why. The other door is now only steps away, and as I walk into it I find myself going through a short but really dark hallway. As the hallway ends, it opens up into a staircase. As I go up the staircase I see that on the left of it, there is the interior of a giant public plane built into the wall/building. There are many rows of closely placed seats and it perfectly resembles the inside of a public passenger jumbo jet.
    When I get to the top of the stairs, I am confronted by an obstacle. This obstacle seems to be a collapsed pillar. I stop for a moment and think, "Holy crap, this all feels as real, if not more real than waking life". I then remember, I don't have my time dilation watch on me and that I need to meet and talk to the "Dream Council". I reinforce a strong awareness and climb over the fallen pillar. It takes me a few tries, but within a matter of seconds I get it. As I climb up and over, and land back on the ground, I find myself now on the second floor of this building. I seem to be inside of some sort of indoor playground-gym, and it's packed with people. This room is slightly bigger than the previous one and it has two floors. The indoor playground area is on the first floor, and the gym is on the second floor. I look around and appreciate the nice diverse color scheme of everything.
    It then occurs to me, "I should ask the dream a question" and so I do. "Dream, tell me something that I need to know" I yell out whilst thinking out of curiosity what everyone around will do. I didn't expect an answer as I felt a doubt inside of me, but contrary to my expectation, I got an answer. A lean muscular man emerged from the elliptical section of the gym and approached me. "What do you want to know?" He asked me in a heavy french accent. I think to myself, "What do I want to know?" The few seconds of silence and deep thought were interrupted as he said, "How to achieve the vibration stage?". While I did want to learn that, and was extremely surprised by him even mentioning that, I replied "No, I want to get my time dilation watch". Without hesitation the man said "Easy" as he handed me a harness, "Climb this wall first, and it's yours". I turn around and see a rock wall about 6 feet in height, and I know what I have to do. I give him the harness so that he can properly place it on me, and get ready to scale this wall.

    Just then, my alarm goes off and wakes me up into complete disorientation.

    Note: entire LD, as usual, felt as real, if not more real than waking life.

    An Unprecedented Megalopolis

    by OneUp on 01-05-2017 at 06:56 AM
    1. It's nighttime and I am standing in a field of grass. In front of me there is a group of small houses, and in 3 of these houses all of the lights are on. It's so dark that I can barely see anything else, and the moon is absent. After a few more moments of just standing in place I start to feel a creepy vibe, like I'm being watched. I feel as though someone or something will be coming after me soon. I turn around and am about to get on my motorcycle, but I can't find my helmet. After feeling around for a few seconds I finally feel my helmet. As I look at it I realize that it is literally so dark that I can only see the outline of it. I put my helmet on and get on my bike.
    My gut instinct is getting stronger regarding the feeling that someone is coming after me. I start up my bike and start going forward. Just then a red truck comes from behind me and is now coming at me at full speed. The headlights on this truck are blinding, and I instantly turn back around and pull the throttle. My bike is now speeding up and reaching full speed, but ahead of me I see dangerous obstacles. All around in the field in front of me I can see large pieces of elongated metal, and I realize that if I fuck up it's going to be bad. With no other choice I keep going, now weaving through the field of metal. The truck is still close behind me, but it's getting closer. Suddenly I notice a really large piece of metal only feet in front of me. "There's no way I'm going to get over that" I think to myself. Seconds later I hit the metal and fly off of my bike and into the air.
    Now I am in 3rd person perspective. I see myself faceplant into the ground, followed by the truck flying over me and getting completely totaled as it rolls and slams into more metal that I had somehow avoided. A brief period of confusion overcomes me, and I suddenly find myself on the road next to where I had just crashed. There's a loud noise in the distance, and it's growing even louder every second I stand still. I look up into the sky and see 3 or so fighter jets approaching my area. A random male voice tells me "Get out of the area now!". The ground suddenly becomes lit up with red circular lights and I quickly realize that this is the targets of the jets.
    The noise of the jets is now incredibly loud and still growing. I start running away. In front of me the road ends and gives way to a cliff. Past this cliff is an enormous city. Bigger than any city I have ever seen before. On top of that the city is the 2nd most futuristic of its kind that I have ever seen; but still more futuristic than the city in Total Recall. I look up once more and see the jets fire missiles towards the area which I still have not fully evaded. I am now fully sprinting. Moments later, just as I jump off the edge, the missiles hit. I successfully escape the present danger, but now am faced with a new one. Now I am free falling, with nothing to save me. As I look at the city I realize how far I must be falling. I have now been falling for 30 or so seconds and still am no where near the ground. If I were to take a guess on how much longer I would be falling, I would guess it would be another 10 minutes at least.
    At the bottom, on the ground, I could see extremely busy roads filled with technology I could have never even imagined before. Even now, I cannot explain it as there was endless amounts of detail. Looking forward I saw what looked to be the main area of the city. I see many skyscrapers that make waking life skyscrapers look like ants. These buildings were so enormous in size, unlike anything I have ever seen before. Meanwhile, I am still falling. I hear a voice in my ear, "Activate gliding sequence" and suddenly, large black wings are ejected out of my sides. I am now no longer falling, but rather gliding. I go towards the heart of the city and am now flying past robotic things and flying ships as well as much much more. It was all so much to take in.

    The Alley

    by OneUp on 01-04-2017 at 07:24 AM
    1. I am inside of a car, in the backseat. There is a girl sitting to the right of me, as well as a girl in the passenger seat up front, and another girl driving. We are on the freeway going pretty fast and I am just chilling enjoying the ride. Up ahead there is an exit that leads to a town that is very will lit. As we continue driving, we see not far in the distance, a shootout taking place. It seems to be a huge gang versus a whole squad of police cars. This is all taking place in the middle of the road a little bit ahead of us, but surprisingly enough there isn't much traffic considering there's barely any cars on the road. Nevertheless, the cars that are ahead of us are at a complete stop for the most part, and a few cars are driving around the scene to avoid it.
    "This has to be a dream" I think to myself without a doubt. I am now lucid, but still in the car. The girls in the car now start freaking out heavily and are in panic mode. "Just veer off to the right and drive through the grass" I tell the girl who is driving. She doesn't listen. I repeat myself, this time in a more urgent tone, "Just drive into the grass and go towards the town" I say with a loud voice. She then finally gets it and listens, but she doesn't go to the town, instead she drives past the town and we are now on some road that is completely dead with no other cars in sight. I decide that its about time for me to get out of the car, so I tell the girl driving, "Just pull over I'm getting out."
    Once again, she doesn't listen and just completely ignores me. We are now headed towards a dark alley that has a long bridge going over it. I can clearly see that this alley is pretty dark, and it strikes me as very sketchy. Seconds later, in the middle of the alley that we are about to enter, I see an extremely huge dude wearing some sort of creepy ski mask, and a matching creepy all black outfit. Normally I wouldn't be too intimidated by this as I am lucid, but this guy looks about 9 feet tall and looks like he weighs about 500 pounds of pure muscle. At this point I have decided that I am no longer going to wait for the girl to stop the car, I am just going to get out. The other two girls that were in the car with us are now gone and it's just me and her.
    As I open the back right door to get out, the girl suddenly stops on a dime. I get out of the car and look down the alley which starts just about 20 feet in front of where I am standing. The huge 9 foot tall guy is now sprinting full speed towards me. I glance at the car and the girl is now gone. It's just me. "Fuck this shit I'm not staying to find out what happens" I say out loud. With that, I look to my right and see a huge building that, as usual, is an architectural masterpiece. I jump about 10 feet into the air in order to climb onto the ledge of the building, and am successful. Just then as I am about to continue climbing, I see two men wearing red bomber jackets flying towards me. I then hear an extremely deep inhuman voice say "Block his awareness"
    The instant this is said, I lose lucidity and am now just trying to escape the area. One of the men wearing the red bomber jackets has now landed 5 feet away from me and is walking towards me as though he were on some sort of mission.

    Train Ride

    by OneUp on 12-30-2016 at 06:10 AM
    1. I was riding on a train. This train seemed rather futuristic and its entire interior proved this well. My sister sat next to me and we, or rather should I say I, had no idea where we were going. I looked out the train window to my right and saw a highly futuristic city with endless architectural masterpieces and buildings. Outside the sun was beginning to set. I remained sitting down, but I was in complete awe of the city. Suddenly the dreaminess and oddness of this entire situation stuck out to me, "This is a dream" I told myself. I looked through the window once more, but this time really taking everything in. As I looked to the far left through the window I could see a huge vortex in the sky. It was made of colors of red, orange, yellow, but mostly black. "Wow, looks like a black hole" I remember thinking to myself. I was surprised even more when this vortex began moving across the sky at a rather medium-like pace.
    I turned and faced my sister. "Dude, count to 4" I told her. "Okay" she said without questioning. In my head I expected her to go past the number 4, and within seconds I was proven right. The whole reason I did this was to test the expectation effect once more as it had been a while since I've directly influenced the dream. After this my sister promptly said "I'm lucid". Suddenly the train stopped, but it was only for a minute or two until it resumed on its path. I remember seeing my manager Bryan on the train. He had told me not to leave my "juice" on the train ledge, and "especially not in plain sight of the train employees". A while later the train stopped and I got off. As I did so I thought to myself, "Wow that was an extremely long ride". Looking back at it now, I am confident that the ride lasted well over 10 minutes. My sister never got off the train, only myself and a few other people did.
    Not far ahead of me I saw a huge gas station. The outside was made of black and green glossy bricks, and it too had a futuristic look to it. As I walked inside I was immediately alarmed by the sight of a robbery taking sight. 4 guys had their guns drawn at a receptionist in the bank area of this gas station. "Huh, a full bank inside of a gas station" I thought to myself. I decided to take part in this event, so I let the adrenaline come through me as I sprinted for cover near the back of this gas station. I ended up all the way in the back in the stock room, and as it turns out, everyone else went there too. Among these people was my good friend Josh. We we both crouched down taking cover behind something, and he was only about 3 or 4 feet away from me.
    "Bro, BitCoin has been surging lately" he tells me. "Really?" I reply. "Yeah man, some reports say that it's expected to reach 2,000 for a single bitcoin by sometime next year" he says. "Damn bro, if I would've known. I'm going to have to buy some to get in with the profit making" I told him. As you can probably guess, at this point I indulge a little too much into the dream and I almost lose my lucidity. I notice that we have all been waiting in this backroom for quite some time, so I get up and jump over the obstacle I was crouched behind and begin to walk out.
    As I come back to the front of the store I see that the 4 robbers are now just walking around and looking at stuff
    . About a minute after this I lose lucidity due to the fact that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.