Xox
Momentum

I'm in NY house's family room, just coming out of the bathroom. However, the location is actually GMU even though my family is there. The sun is very bright in the room, it's all naturally lighted. As I leave the bathroom, I look outside to what should be the backyard and I see Felix. I'm completely shocked, my spirit is soaring, the sunlight is my feelings, spreading out. I notice he has a different hairstyle. His hair seems to be parted on one side, which is a really funny look. His eyes are also blue, but it doesn't strike me as odd. He's doing yardwork of some sort, near the grass. I'm on a high. He catches my eye and smiles/waves, I walk a bit closer as I smile and say hey. As I approach him, my visions shifts so that I can see him closely. I see his figure clearly, his whole upper body - mostly shoulders - is ridiculously big. Like, pushing possible human proportions. It seems to get biggest around his broad shoulders and back, and then shrink down immediately. I think, jeez he's huge. Like a giant. I am in awe. A bit of a blur after that. I find out that Felix actually lives right there, at GMU's border, instead of off campus. He's with his parents. Of course it makes no sense, but I just accept it. I have a blurred image of his parents, who seem to be really nice. My parents decide to invite his family over for dinner that day or something. My feelings were the most prominent in this dream; they would soar, soar, higher than they've ever been. My head was dizzy. I was engulfed with a storm of emotions. I was so glad he was there. Transition to a hall-esque place in which his family has come. Actually, I'm waiting their arrival. When they arrive, I remember one thing pretty well - I did something. I don't know what it was. But I tilted my head, and I saw Felix smiling down at me as he entered the dining room in the hall. I remember it was really significant, because what I had done was such a "Rabia" act, that I knew he would smile, charmed. I felt great, as I always do when I reveal something about myself to him. I hovered around a little. I thought, man this is such a great time to talk to him. I can spend the whole time talking to him. As the song goes,

and in the darkened underpass, I thought oh god my chance has come at least. But then a strange fear gripped me and I just couldn''t ask..

I went outside to check the food out. I was nervous and scared. The food was all spicy, Paki food and I wondered why my parents chose that, as it'd probably be to spicy for his family. I hung out, talking ot a few people. I was slowly becoming lucid. Shit sucked. But..I was still on a high.

I woke up directly as this dream was fading, and I was like: yes, my first real dream about Felix this whole goddamn summer. Must tell Gus.
~

I was shopping at Pathmark, looking rather bummy as I aways do at grocery stores. I remember very clearly, thinking about what to get and going through the isles. The pathmark looked weird, it was out in the open. No roof or walls. As I paused to look at cereal, two loudly conversing guys went down my isle. I became wary as they paused at the end, not talking anymore and eyeing me. After a while, I glanced up at the taller one who was staring. First thought: wow, he's really good looking. He walked over to me, and started talking, looking very amused. "...Rabia! from 804? Wagner?" First, I was shocked he remembered my name because it had been 5 years and only met a couple of times. Second, I racked my brain to remember him, and my brain instantly gave me a false memory. Very weird. I was like, "Oh my god! It's you! I can't believe you remember. Sorry about my appearance..blahblah." His friend sniggered when I referred to myself as bummy and then promptly walked away. So my guy says, "Yeah, I remember smoking with you and discussing Dali!" I get a sudden sepia image of us blowing smoke and laughing, in the dark. Once again, I am shocked he remembers. We talk during the rest of my shopping trip and we have a growing mutual attraction.

At some point I go off to this outdoors restaurant area, where Mitty is playing cards on one table. I walk to the other end, and I see Father with his friends on a long table, discussing a business deal. I am afraid my dad will see me with this guy. I walk away, and meet up with this guy again. Our feelings are hung in the air, and I walk to say goodbye to him. It's all dark and we're around a foresty edge of an area, lots of people.. Curiously, it kind of resembles GMU woods. I walk down a pathway in the grass, leading to woods. This is where we are supposed to say farewell. I vividly remember a little silence, and then he grips me and kisses me on the forehead, for a rather prolonged period of time. I think it's really sweet, he's holding me as well. He lets go and I look up to him, and he's just smiling, waiting for me to initiate a kiss. I start to head towards his face, when for some reason my dream fast forwards to when the kiss is over. We exchange some kind of contact info, and he's off. I became pretty lucid after the kiss, and I feel liberated enough to do as I please as he's gone (trying not hurt a DC's feelings? What the fah). I fly into the air and swoosh back into the area where family is. I fly around a lot. It's great.

~

It's the fourth of July again. The fireworks are going off, but it's gray and rainy. I'm a little upset at my parents for some reason. It's nighttime, we are all outside somewhere when I saunter off. Fahim may be there. I walk off to a place right next ot the ocean. The water has leaked through the tiny wall. I lay down, right in the water next to the short, thin wall as the water pours. There is a pleasant homeless man right next to me, wearing a raincoat and tiny hat. He's not old, maybe 30's. I'm laying down and I can't move because I get terrified of the water. I feel like I'm going to be swallowed up by the ocean as I lay there, and actually sense myself slowly sliding towards the colossal gray mass of raging water. I fear trying to get up will permanently slide me into it. I wait for my parents to come. My father comes and rescues me, I try to play it off. I talk to him as if nothing's wrong, he gives the homeless man $20. Then he stares at his wallet, at a hundred note, and says..should I give a hundred or twenty? The homeless man looks at us, amused. I say, "Of course a hundred.." I see the bills in front of me, homeless man is grateful. Finally, I say, "Yeah, give me a hand getting up." It is such relief to get up. I look back to where the thin wall is, and I see most of it before me had already been swallowed by the sea. But I'm still holding my father's hand and it feels safe. :')

I'm just having the same dreams over and over. Many about Zooni, where she is alive again in one way or the other.

And recurring dreams about going back to school, some time passing, and not seeing Felix, and becoming anxious/feeling dread.

Every night, man.

I'm back in middle school. I see all my friends from there and I'm a little confused because I seem to be able to recall which high schools everyone chose to go to. So I wonder, how is this possible if we're still in middle school? Come to think of it, i kind of remember going to high school..? I dismiss the thought and talk with my old "friends." Suddenly I'm on a bus. The bus is really big and I lay down on a huge seat. It's like one of those travel buses instead of a city bus. I am laying down facing the back right in the front, there is a blanket wrapped around me. I figure I am going to IS 27, but its weird because it's not like a city bus. I'm in a half-way sleep when Felix enters. I'm in a bit of shock, and I only see his back. I can't look at him in the face since I'm supposed to be sleeping! Nevertheless I get a pretty big rush, and stare into his back in slight panic as he puts his stuff down. I cover my face with my blanket a little as he turns around and recognizes me (as I always do when I sleep), but I'm asleep so he doesn't rouse me. I feel around for my metro card in silence but I can't find it, which worries me. What if I have to get up before he leaves? I look a mess (haha). I fall into the halfway sleep again and kind of recall him getting off. As he does, I rush to the bus driver and talk to him about Feef. I ask him to tell me what stop he got off on. I feel content.

The bus gets off in a pretty big parking lot, and I see the Forbes twins. I'm not really sure why we got off in such a place, but I hang around, still happy about glimpsing Feef. The dream has shitty recall at this point..and I remember showing up at school. The cafeteria lady gives me a paper with a key and tells me I've gotten a single at Tidewater (or rather, I read so). This is great news! I exclaim my joy.

My friends and I are in a huge gym that reminds me of CHS's gym, we take our seats on the ground. Gus and I are laying down, we're expecting to see her lover, Al, perform at whatever event this is supposed to be. The event's about to begin and everyone piles in, but I don't recall seeing Al and her hopes dampen. Suddenly a guy comes and looks at her, smiles, and sits down. I realize it's actually Al, noticing he looks like he just shaved. I'm surprised he decided to sit next to her out of all people, and they start talking. I'm up on a bleacher now as a break commences and everyone seems to go off to get food or something. I think this is a great opportunity. When Al and Gus come back, I realize Gus keeps saying "Ten minutes." Al says, "WHat about a lunch or something?" Al has a skeptical air and Gus has a passionate air. Then Al says, "Okay, what if I wanted to take you ice skating," and he seems really genuine about it, and Gus and i both know this is a huge turning point. I'm shocked he asked, really. Then Gus gets too passionate and says something along the lines of, "Kiss my knees and promise me you will come to visit." To VB, I assume. I knew I have to intervene because Gus is getting carried away. So I lay myself down, drawing attention, look at Gus, and say quietly "Stop it. You're scaring him." Gus calms down and they go off somewhere, I'm on top of a bleacher with a couple of my friends. There's a black-guy-giant taller than the bleachers talking into the phone, and I figure he's harmless but my friend tells me he's been talking crazy stuff. I listen in and he seems ot be discussing being pissed off at someone and adderall..ok then.

Dream transitions and I'm on a dinner table, with Gus, Jess, and her sister VA. I'm surprised VA is there because her and Jess don't really get along. We're discussing where we are going ot eat after going out, and I offer to find a couple of decent restaurants in Arlington. I recall going on yelp and only being able ot find restaurants with a small amount of ratings. I find a really good Swedish one, but then I wonder what Swedish cuisine is like.

A fragment: being in my new single room in Hampton roads after a long night of partying.
Frag: Accidentally leaving Randy numerous messages on his tumblr ask box, even though he doesn't have a tumblr, and fearing he will figure out its me. (esp. since I didn't hit anonymous button)

The night before I dreamt about move-in day. I had moved into blue ridge and discovered no one had moved into my 222 room. That guy who's a female version of Helen was there along with Randy. I was pretty pleased with the fact Randy and I would be so close. Blue ridge had a huge ground floor with escalators. Nothing too important happened.

Scattered Dreams, recall has already improved slightly so that's encouraging.

Earlier on I remember a few nightmares with snakes.

I'm in school, visiting, not really sure what school it's supposed to be, nothing looks familiar. It's a hot summer day with bright sunshine and my parents are here. I'm walking around when I see my old French teacher and decide to go say hi to her, but I approach a stranger's back.. Then my old math and French teacher call out to me. They are sitting close by and I go say hey! to them. They ask me whether I've heard about the new place ot eat and I'm like, what..Cinnabon? They say it's a place I've probably never ate at before and decide to take me there. We walk and I look down at my clothes, realizing I'm wearing a really shirt sundress. I wonder how I managed ot get away with wearing this in front of my parents..and wonder whether I should go back and change. We make our way across a street and the whole dream goes dark, that is, dusk settles in suddenly. I realize we're in front of some outback steak-esque place; I never dine in those kind of places. Dreams transitions.

It's nighttime now and my dad and I are getting something from Cinnabon. We are in a carnival type place, but it's still my college. We make negotiations about what to get and debate over how long the line is. No events of consequence.

At some point my parents are gone, I'm in a weird little movie theatre kind of place. Rita's trying to order something from the waiter whilst laughing hysterically, the waiter turns out to be Al. He shares the amusement and laughs a lot as well. I head over to a little Paki banquet, really dark, kind of like a lecture hall with food in first row. I inspect some kabobs and they seem unfresh, Kamran tells me they are form his dad and to check out the ones on the right side as they are fresh. They look all right so I take one. My dad's there as well, and he tells me we should hurry, and I wonder what his reaction is to me knowing everyone. We leave.

Now for some reason me and Gus have gotten back form a club, we're in a dark lobby wherein some guy proceeds to criticize my appearance. I encourage him to be honest, and then when the lights turn on I give him a really loud yelling.

It's move-out day again, seems I'm outside of Truman/Kennedy. There is a child that is my brother who's misbehaving so he's sitting in the corner. A couple of doctors arrive, they're half-Polish (as I figured form their last name) and half-Paki (as I figured form what they look like). It was really funny because I took note of their names and thought: yeah, this is a detail I'll need ot remember for my DJ. My dad looks at them admirably and i think about how he idolizes doctors.

There are a bunch of fragments and stuff that I just can't access.