Help with a song

I hope this is in the right place, feel free to move.

I made it with Reason 4. This is the intro and verse, I'm going to do a pre-chorus and then a chorus and go from there. My female freind is going to sing the piano part, but with lyrics. The tempo is 97 bpm, it's in 5/4 and A minor (but I am going to another key for the prechorus, I am thinking either Em or Dm).

The problem is it sounds a little hollow, and I need someone to critique it. Please help me, DV.

Thanks in advanced.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjMdR_kqnHU

I know youtube quality sucks, please recomend a good hosting site.

You should use a real bass for the bassline if you can. Reason doesn't have any real sounding bass tones, and at least imo synth basses make everything sound cheesy(unless your going for Seinfeild).

Same goes for the acoustic guitar. Fake acoustic sounds never sound as full as the real thing. If you don't want to or can't get real instruments I'd fuck with the sounds and make them more synthetic sounding.

The guitar that;s playing those longish chords has no sustain/is all attack. I would change that instrument.

You might wanna fuck with your drum tones a little too. I'm not a good judge though, I don;t like drum machines.

I can play the bass myself, no problem there. The AC guitar could be a little harder, but not impossible. If I were to use a real guitar I could do some strumming paterns, instead of the straigt 'strum', which I have now.

Real drums are harder, but not impossible. How is the song itself?

Add real bass. I notice this problem a lot when I write music...it feels like it's just missing a big piece, and it sounds hollow (not this video, but just music with this problem in general). A good bassline will help. You could also make the drum part a little more complicated, and in the orchestra-ish synth part or piano part, you could add lower notes, which would help fill the gap, I think. Hooray for not 4/4.

Hope I could help. ^_^

Aside from that, it's very cool and spacey. I'd love to hear a finished version, and I really like the layers.

My brother is a drummer, I am going to have him write good drums. I just needed to put some drums in there as a place holder. But I think I'll keep the drums in 4/4, I think that the synchapation sounds cool. I am also going to add a real bass, and rewrite the bass in the 2nd section. I am also going to record the guitar with a real guitar.

Thanks for the comment, and it was supposed to sound spacey. I tried to make it sound like Pink Floyd, Muse and 30 Seconds to Mars all at once.

So the problem is not with the actual writing; just that it needs to be recorded with real instruments. Cool. My uncle is letting my borrow a few of his mics and preamps, which are wicked high quality. I'm also getting Protools. I'll post any updates. Thanks.

Good work. I enjoyed the majority of the piece, especially the beginning of the second verse. That made me feel gooood. Not in a warm and fuzzy way... but in a different, good-feeling way.

I would try losing the chord track for the second part. And/or, as another poster mentioned, add sustain. - (Just realized that you already addressed this.)

I thought the transition from part 1 to part 2 could have been smoother.

I probably would change the notes that occur from 7 seconds to 10 seconds. Although I did think it sounded decent, I would have preferred something a bit less... dissonant? I doubt I would still think it sounds good if it didn't have the part/measure(s) immediately following it. It seems you would need something to somehow 'build up' to that sequence of notes in order for them to be justified.

Anyway, I do look forward to hearing this when you are done.

Sorry - posted twice by accident.

One of the biggest problems I have is writing lyrics, and writing melodies to the lyrics. Which do I do first? Are there any paterns that vocal melodies tend to follow? I really need help with this?

New song, I plan on recording the guitar or bass (or both).


I will write vocals and a melody for the vocals, once I get some help with that (see prev. post) :P

I like this one, but it's different than the first. I'm working on one that is kind of heavy metal-ish, and the other is simple and alittle cheezy. I will post them in a few days.

Hmm. I actualy came up with some vocals for that... if i can have teh audio file, i could sing it and upload it.