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    1. #1
      Member Dimmy's Avatar
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      A short story of mine, hope you enjoy.

      Thought i might post a story and see what u cats think, comments welcome. Here goes...

      Movie Food:
      Donít let it Happen to You

      The lights dim and the chatter of the patrons die. A theater full of eager movie goers nestles into their seats and prepares to enjoy the feature presentation. The familiar sticky floors and faint odor of stale pop corn welcomes the audience to another authentic theater experience. Dancing hot dogs, popcorn and soda capture the screen; their masterful and hypnotic boogie mesmerizes the viewers and leaves them in aw. Now the opening scene and the opening of treats commence. Bags of licorice, buckets of popcorn, cups of cola, and boxes of chocolate treats slaughter the silence of a once hushed theater. An annoyance quickly becomes a disturbance and possibly even a motive, when a timid room begins to scream with the sounds of snacks. Each crackle, each crunch, each slurp, and each rustle, a shove closer to the edge. A lesson learned all to well by Olí Johnny Simpson, OJ as his friends call him.

      Olí Johnny was an enormous fan of the movies and would regularly spend his free time there. His parents remember him as a shy and mild mannered young man. Others may remember him as an eagle scout, a yo-yo enthusiast, or a promising amateur film maker, hoping to make it as a director. Olí Johnny had a bright future, like headlights in the night careening toward success. This was all shattered in one night when three paths met at a crimson stop.

      As the story goes, OJ was on his way to the theater because a movie he was dying to see had just been recently released. He donned his brand new bowling shirt and some denim. It was a crisp October night. The moon was scarlet and full, an ideal evening for couples to crash at the movies. Johnny was the first in the theater and hurtled to the best seat in the house. While waiting he yo-yoed for a bit. After a few minutes of unaccompanied eagerness, the seats began to fill. A couple stumbled in and sat right behind Johnny. He was surprised to see the massive amount of snack food with them. They could barely see over the gargantuan pile of goodies. It was Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, high school sweet hearts. She was the head of the cheerleading squad and he was captain of the wrestling team. Both came in wearing their blood red lettermen jackets. The dimming lights were accompanied by a smile on Johnnyís face. Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle went the licorice bag as Ron opened it during the previews. Slurp, slurp, slurp went Nicole during the love scene. OJ was becoming furious. Every five seconds his viewing pleasure was disrupted by some sort of rustle, crinkle, or slurp. How many interruptions could one person endure? It seemed as though the rest of the theater was oblivious to the crimes being committed, but Johnny was turning red with rage. He stomped out of the movie and into the restroom to try and calm him self. The door slammed open and Johnny stepped in; at once the distinct smell of public bathrooms battered him. He tried to disregard the ceilings plastered with toilet paper and attempt to calm down, but it was no use. Ron and Nicoleís intolerable offence ruined the movie, spoiled his night, and squandered weeks of anticipation. Surely such an act canít over be looked. OJ sat in the stall rubbing his chin with a grin on his face. With a flush of the toilet he left the bathroom and made his way to the parking lot.

      Twisted steel wrapped around a tree. An accident. Bright red pulses of light brightened the ditch where police arrive to find a bizarre scene, as if out of a movie: the drivers face bloodied by the wheel and yo-yo string tightly wrapped around the neck, a hunched over rag doll with a pom-pom patch on her sleeve, a shattered windshield littered the ground, and a corpse in a blood stained jeans and a shredded bowling shirt lay incrusted with broken glass a few yards from the fist of burgundy metal. Three teenage casualties, why?

      Movie food, such an innocent seeming snack yet it has such dangerous draw backs. Is that buttery crunch worth the chance? The fact is that 3 out of 5 people are annoyed by loud movie snacks but it only takes one to do something about it. Next time youíre at the movies, skip the nachos and go for the gummy worms. Remember friends donít let friends get loud snacks. Movie food, donít let it happen to you.

    2. #2
      Member Kaniaz's Avatar
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      Heh.
      I spotted a spelling mistake!

    3. #3
      Member Dimmy's Avatar
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      hmmm, well what is it so i can fix it. by the way, what did u think, and no worries i can handle honesty.

    4. #4
      moderator emeritus jacobo's Avatar
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      i like it, but i don't get what happened there at the end. did he sit in the back seat and give ron the ol' yo-yo noose?
      clear eyes. strong hands.

    5. #5
      Member Dimmy's Avatar
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      well this is what the reader is intended to imply from what the story gives, OJ was in the back seat as ron and nicole rode off in the car. OJ pops up and starts to strangle ron, ron looses control of the car and smashes into a tree. oj is thrown from the car out the winsheild, all three die. i tried to give enough deatails so the reader can peice together what happend with me narating the whole struggle. and by the way, did u pick on the repetion of the color red and strong action verbs that imply a crash. i also think that the forshawding maybe a lil bit too strong. the characters names are from the oj simpson trial, oj and his two victims ron and nicole. also. anyone pic up the slurp slurp slurp durring the love sences?

    6. #6
      Member Kaniaz's Avatar
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      It's "aw". It should be "awe". Not exactly a huge gaping mistake, but it still is one.

      I liked that story, for some odd reason. The idea is very original (to me, at least).

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