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    Thread: The Murder

    1. #1
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      The Murder

      Trying to finish this story so badly >.< lol, but my mind it just doesn't let me... I keep getting sidetracked by all these other things lol... anyhow here's a story I've been trying to finish writing, it's not that great, but whatever... maybe some typos here and there:
      Originally posted by TheMurder

      RING! The alarm clock rang, and I woke up. I immediately ran to the calender and checked the date and then I cheered as I put my fist up in the air in excitement. I went downstairs and ran to my mother, \"MOM! It's my birthdary! It's my birthday! I'm six-years old now!\" I yelled with happiness, \"well good morning birthday girl\", Mom responded. \"I can't wait until I open my presents, and eat the cake! YUM!!\" I once again yelled with happiness, \"Well first eat your breakfast, listen I'm going to go buy you a cake, I won't be long. If your father wakes up tell him there's food in the fridge\". Afterwards she left off with her black coat. *

      I was home alone with Dad-Dad- he sometimes hits me and is mean, I have a few scars to prove it, luckly he didn't wake up this time. Although when I went up to his room he was pale, but his veins were black, I was starting to get worried, even though he was a bad father. Then I heard my mom come in, she looked different. She came in with the cake, and a worried expression on her face. I was wondering what was going on but I didn't say anything. *

      It was nearly noon and my father still didn't wake up. My mom went upstairs and tried to wake him up, then she came downstairs, dialed a number, and after a while the ambulence came, asked a lot of questions that took hours to answer, covered his face with a blanket, and carried him away. That's when I thought I saw a person at the window, but I guess it was just my imagination. My birthday was becoming a disaster, my mother was with me at home and we blew out the candles, she explained to me about my father and how he isn't going to be here anymore. I was going to the bathroom at about 6 o'clock at night but then decided to look inside my parents' room, that's when I found the injection needle on the floor... I still had memories of them of when I went to the hospital... I kicked it out the window just the same way I kicked a soccerball, didn't like them. *

      I felt like going outside for a while, and wondered why dad will never return... I was somewhat happy though. Then I looked at the ground and picked up a picture, it was a picture of a woman, a woman I didn't know. When my mom came running outside, I came to greet her, \"Hey mom!\" then she gasped, a gun fired and blood all of the sudden dripped over her dark, black clothes. I looked to see who had fired the shot, and that's when I saw the guy, the guy that just simply ran... ran away. After he ran away, I turned to my mom, lying there, bleeding endlessly, blood dripping everywhere over her beautiful clothes, and heard her last words, \"I... love... you... Emi\" I had been holding her hand, and all of the sudden it became heavy... and cold... like somewhat just froze her immediately... I cried endlessly. I was traumatized, and that's when my birthday had become the anniversary of my parents' death. *

      A day had past, and I was sent to the orphanage. I had nothing to do but read a newspaper, it said many things like, \"Angry man fires employee\" which was 2 weeks ago and for yesterday it said \"Woman dies in front of child\" along with \"A woman commits suicide, has strange D--\" I stopped reading after that, because a person interrupted me, \"Here's your food, Ma'am\". He then tripped, and accidently dropped the orange juice on the newspaper and when I went to pick it up it broke apart, \"I'm sorry Miss, I'll get you another one\", he apologized, \"No thanks I don't feel like reading it anymore\", I replied. I was a bit angered, nevertheless worser things had already happened. Many years passed and I was 30 years old, it was my birthday. *

      I was walking across the street and I bumped into a 50-year old person and dropped some papers he was holding. \"Sorry, it's my birthday today\" I said as I picked up his papers, \"let me guess you don't want to get older?\" the man said, chuckling. \"No, it's not that it's just that my parent's died on this day\", I replied, \"Wow! that's terrible... well... if it makes you feel better.... which it probably won't... but 24 years ago was the day that I was fired... never mind... well, how exactly did they die?\". \"My father died of unknown causes, but I think I had seen something in the room before, to bad I should've said something, but then... my- my mother...\" I started breaking up, \" was shot\". \"What a terrible disaster! hmm... maybe I can help.... here's my card\" somehow, he talked as if we had already met, \"You'll get a second chance, well... sorry but... got to get to work\", and he disappeared. \"Second Chance?\" I wondered. *

      I read the news paper first... it was an old one about how someone won the lottery and got a company or something. Then I decided to go to the address on the card. Before you know it I was standing in front of a large building, I entered the building and I went to the 12th floor, just as the card instructed. Then I entered the office. *

      \"Ah, Ms.Relevart, I finally get to see you again\", the mysterious man said with a smile. \"Mr.mit\", I said \"please call me Enicham, listen we've been working on a project- a time machine- this is what I meant by second chance\", he said as he once again smiled. I was thrilled with the news, I-I can save my mom, I thought excitedly. \"Please follow me\", he said. There was something about him though... I didn't know what it was... maybe his smile... but I didn't care... because I got a chance to save Mom. *

      He took me to a room, \"Here is where it all happens, the time machine\", he said, \"Now when was it that your parents died?\", once again there was something about him \"umm... February 10,2005\". As soon as I said it he quickly pressed buttons, and pushed levers on the time machine and with a DING it was set. Afterwards he went to a cabinet and got something that looked like medicine, \"Here take these\", he told me as he gave them to me *
      \"What's this?\" I asked. *
      \"We can't have 2 people in the world with the same DNA... also you have to take this otherwise the time machine can kill you\" *
      \"Oh\" *

      After a while of preparation I entered the time machine. The machine hummed and all of the sudden I felt that I was disappearing out of this world, it felt as if my body slowly turned invisible, and my mind slowly drifting away. I eventually fell unconscience, and when I regained conscienceness I-I was...in an alley... I couldn't recognize it... but I felt I was close to my house. My eyes... they were so tired. I felt that I was going to fall unconscience again... and as I slowly drifted away in sleep... I heard this woman and this guy... what were they talking about? so... strange... and then I felt something furry... I opened my eyes... and it was a black cat. I no longer felt sleepy at all... I fully opened my eyes... then all of the sudden these images scattered across my brain, almost immediately... I freaked out. *

      I looked at my hand... I don't know why... I looked at the object in my hand. The sun was up. Then I felt something around my neck... an arm... a black... dark arm. A black dark arm that came out of the wall of the alley, the wall behind me. I couldn't tell what it was... but all of the sudden I felt like I was losing a grip on life... I felt as if I was dying. Then those images flashed through my mind again... those images with me... me and the blank look, the blank pale look, and slowly the sun set down. I opened my eyes quickly... it was all just a dream... I looked at the nearest clock... it was 3:00 PM... afternoon. *

      I stood up... it was too late to save my father, I then wondered if he could've changed personality. I heard a car rush by me... it went by really fast as if it was rushing to get some place. I wondered where it was going to go... but I got out the alley. I've got to save my Mom I thought. Wait... where was home I wondered... I had forgotten all of the sudden. *

      I tried to remember and remember but nothing came up. Where was home? where was it? I couldn't figure it out... Why couldn't I remember? Thus I began my search. How could I begin my search though, how could I? I didn't know where home was... I didn't know the address... I put my hands in the pockets of my dark blue coat and to my suprise there was a paper in there. I looked at it and read, \"Jermaine-\" \"Meow!\" the cat dropped on my head... I dropped the paper... and the wind blew it away... \"Damn you cat!\", I scolded it... I tried to chase the paper but when I looked at where it was... it was already gone. I went to the gas station and bought a map... and looked for Jermaine... I felt positive that that was the address to my house for some reason. *

      I found Jermaine Road... but then I just realized I had no money... my money was already too advanced for this time, and would be considered fake. I couldn't get a cab... I had to walk. Luckly, to my suprise, Jermaine Road was just 2 blocks away. I quickly ran there... even though... I knew that I would have to eventually run down the road... and so I did. I ran down the road, seeing many people... one with a familiar face... but I kept running, although I eventually tired out... I went into another alley and leaned against the wall... and then all of the sudden everything started to move upwards... it took me a while to realize I was going downwards rather. Everything started spinning... and slowly I drifted off again... when I opened my eyes... it was 5:30 PM... what had just happened? I couldn't figure it out... but it was 5:30 I had to get going... and I just ran down the road... and passed by the window of a house. That's when I realized I found the house... my old house... 5:59 PM. *

      The wind kept blowing... 2 papers stuck together were being blown, then seperated, and one fell upon the hands of a child. The sky was dark... it was going to rain... and at 5:59 PM it would be nearly night-time. It was very dark... and behind the child, at the door, I saw the murderer... I remembered the black coat that the murderer wore clearly, I took out the gun and pointed it at the murderer, Click! took out the safety, 6:00 PM. Then Bang! I shot the murderer... I was nearly happy until I realized something... the child looked at me... and then the murderer... the sky was dark... my coat looked black... then I realized the mistake I had done... I turned around and I ran away. *

      I was the one that killed my mother! I killed her! I was... I was... a murderer... then that word started echoing in my brain... and it kept going again and again. At the same time I remembered the black coat my mom wore... the one she wore to hide herself... how did she know? how did she know to protect herself from... the murderer... it echoed again... and it kept going again, until it was no longer an echo... it was a voice. *
      \"Murderer\" the voice whispered in my brain. *
      \"Murderer\" *
      Then it started to rain and thunder. Splash!Clash! *
      What had I done? I killed my mother why? why?! I started crying *
      \"Murderer\"\"Murderer\" *
      the drops kept falling *
      Splash! Splash! *
      Just like the blood that dripped from my mom... *
      \"Murderer\" *
      the voice kept saying as I looked at my veins... my black and dark veins *
      \"Murderer\" \"Murderer\" *
      Clash! the thunder pounded and shaked the buildings on the street *
      Splash! Clash! \"Murderer\" *
      my eyes spun round and round... *
      thump---thump, thump--thump, thump-thump, thumpthump... my heartbeat grew faster *
      The police ran out of the house, I just kept running... and running... where I went... I didn't know *
      lightning kept on striking, \"Meow!\" a cat shrieked out *
      I entered an alley... rain pounded faster... and faster... and my breathes were starting to become shallow... more and more shallow as the seconds passed by... *
      thumthumthumthumthum *
      \"Murderer\" *
      I kept on breathing faster and faster... and faster without a stop... the police found me. *
      I reached into my pocket. *
      tumtumtumtum *
      my breathe kept on becoming more and more shallow. *
      I grabbed the only escape... *
      \"Murderer\" *
      \"Lady give us the gun!\" *
      I grabbed the gun... took out the bullets... *
      \"Murderer\" *
      my veins became darker *
      I threw the gun at them *
      then I took one last glance... behind the police... the malicious smile from the old and young guy... *
      \"Murderer\" *
      and reached into my pocket and took out a knife.
      And that's the end ^_^

    2. #2
      Member The_Director2004's Avatar
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      Very interesting! You're a great writer!
      Last Five Movies Seen:

      Bonnie and Clyde (1967) A-
      Julie & Julia (2009) B
      Synecdoche, New York (2008) B-
      Kansas City Confidential (1952) B
      Force of Evil (1948) B-

    3. #3
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      Originally posted by The_Director2004
      Very interesting! You're a great writer!
      Heh, thanks ^_^' anyhow... I just finished it... reread the first post to read the completed and editted version.

    4. #4
      Member AstrologicChaos's Avatar
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      good

      That's very good! I love stories that deal with time travel, that make you think. Like how you think you're changing something, but you end up doing everything the same.

    5. #5
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      Re: good

      Originally posted by AstrologicChaos
      That's very good! I love stories that deal with time travel, that make you think. Like how you think you're changing something, but you end up doing everything the same.
      Heh, thanks, yeah... stories that deal with time travel are really cool... that's why I made this one... lol...

    6. #6
      おやすみなさい。 Achievements:
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      Wow, omedeto! That's like, the best thing I've ever read in weeks -- and I'm not just, as my Dad often puts it, "blowing sunshine up your ass".

      Um...I was gonna rate it, but then wasn't sure which represented top-notch, 1 or 4...didn't want to put the wrong one.

      Write more when you have a chance, Deji!
      Now permanently residing at [The] Danny Phantom Online [Community], under the name Mabaroshiwoou.

      Adopted OvErEchO, ndpendentlyhappy
      Raised ShiningShadow

    7. #7
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      Originally posted by Rakkantekimusouka
      Wow, omedeto! That's like, the best thing I've ever read in weeks -- and I'm not just, as my Dad often puts it, \"blowing sunshine up your ass\".

      Um...I was gonna rate it, but then wasn't sure which represented top-notch, 1 or 4...didn't want to put the wrong one.

      Write more when you have a chance, Deji!
      roflmao Ramu, "blowing sunshine up your ass" that's hilarious... it goes 1 the lowest to 4 the highest... it should've been 5 but bleh messed up lol I just got another story idea that's interesting... I just need to get it further developed...

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