Lucid Dream Poem, give me your 2 cents :)

**OwenLucid** · 05-29-2012 10:51 PM

A poem I wrote for english, about Lucid Dreaming...sorta
tell me what you think

The Creative Dreamer
by, Lucid Owen

Total darkness covers my vision, like a blanket of black I am swallowed.
My mind recites the long day and I let it, for I am trained for this.
Another blanket is now resting its tired threads on me; one filled with lead. It contains my once squeamish body and forces me down
Deep,
Deeper,
Deepest.
Until my body is at a complete still, lying like a weightless leaf on a forever still pound.

What was once an ocean of black is now a rainbow of colors, my mood changing to match. The chorus of Eric Whitakers symphony dazzles me, seducing, daring me to pass my tired mind over to the night.
I have mistakenly seemed to slip,

I cant,

I’m

Trained…

Consciousness returns just in time;
It’s almost time to step into another world, another life, the life of another, the world created especially for me,
by me. The lucidity hits me like a newborn opening its eyes at last.

Yes. I am now free from the cage of waking life. Free to spread my wings in sleep.

**Arilou** · 05-29-2012 11:11 PM

Thats very nice

i like the language you use and the descriptions!

**OwenLucid** · 05-30-2012 12:17 AM

Originally Posted by Arilou

Thats very nice

i like the language you use and the descriptions!

thanks! love this site for how fast people reply, I often have troubles with non-rhyming poems, so thanks for the positive feedback

**roman67** · 05-30-2012 07:52 AM

Nice poem. I liked it. Keep it up.

**OwenLucid** · 05-30-2012 09:08 PM

Originally Posted by roman67

Nice poem. I liked it. Keep it up.

thanks man

**Spyyko** · 05-30-2012 09:48 PM

You have an impressive writing talent. Kudos, OwenLucid. That was brilliant.

**OwenLucid** · 05-31-2012 01:35 AM

Originally Posted by Spyyko

You have an impressive writing talent. Kudos, OwenLucid. That was brilliant.

Thanks a ton Spyyko! that means alot man

**Mancon** · 05-31-2012 01:36 AM

Your poem was quite good
It was deep...easily understood
I like the imagination
Gave me a good sensation
So keep writing
Quite exciting.

**OwenLucid** · 05-31-2012 02:36 AM

Originally Posted by Mancon

Your poem was quite good
It was deep...easily understood
I like the imagination
Gave me a good sensation
So keep writing
Quite exciting.

Thanks a lot Mancon! means a bunch coming from you

I'm thinking of writing more when i have some spare time

**Dojodoj** · 05-31-2012 04:34 AM

I always thought it was cool to bring lucid dreaming into everyday things like drawing as an example. This is awesome, it's really good and it has a nice flow to it. I'm looking forward for more if you post them ^^

**OpheliaBlue** · 05-31-2012 05:45 AM

Beautiful poem OwenLucid!

Moving to Artist's Corner to do it proper justice.

**Phion** · 05-31-2012 06:14 AM

Good stuff, keep writing!

**OwenLucid** · 05-31-2012 10:30 PM

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

Beautiful poem OwenLucid!

Moving to Artist's Corner to do it proper justice.

AWSOME! thanks a lot Ophelia!!!

**OwenLucid** · 05-31-2012 10:32 PM

Me too Dojodoj! I can't believe theres not waaay more! and yeah ill deffinitly upload more thanks to the awsome feedback!

**tommo** · 06-02-2012 08:03 AM

Yes, someone can actually write poems! Well done! Descriptions were perfect.

**OwenLucid** · 06-02-2012 09:11 AM

Originally Posted by tommo

Yes, someone can actually write poems! Well done! Descriptions were perfect.

Wow.

thanks a lot for the compliment!!! Do you write any poetry yourself?!?

**tommo** · 06-02-2012 10:40 AM

Yes. Bad poetry.

**OwenLucid** · 06-02-2012 01:58 PM

Originally Posted by tommo

Yes. Bad poetry.

haha Im sure its not bad, you should post some!!!

**tommo** · 06-02-2012 09:26 PM

Maybe one day.

That drool makes me a bit aversive though.

**RebelSeven** · 06-02-2012 10:02 PM

I think you have great poetic language

Some constructive criticism?

I think the comma is misplaced in your first line? The way it is now implies that black blankets are swallowed.
"Total darkness covers my vision like a blanket of black,* I am swallowed."

The phrase "is now" in the line "What was once an ocean of black is now a rainbow of colors" could be changed to something else to give the line much more power, feel the difference to: "What was once an ocean of black bursts into a rainbow of colors".

Same with the next line "my mood changing to match" In what manner does it change?

I think more action in the line "Consciousness returns" would be beneficial too. I love the thought of night seducing away your consciousness, it's beautiful. The return of your consciousness is the climax of that struggle and could use some highlight.

You definitely have the skill, you create delicious visual metaphors like the lead blanket and still leaf, you should definitely keep developing this skill. Thanks for sharing.