Do you remember, baby, when you were a little girl, and I was well not exactly a young man, but a younger man anyway, I used to take you up high to the top of that dirty greying lighthouse, and we would look out to sea, and imagine what it would be like to travel far out on a ship to exotic warmer places and have all kinds of adventures together? I used to feel so good about those times when I baby-sat you, me doing something good for a change, given my bad boy reputation that had followed me into adulthood. I still cannot believe your mom trusted you in my care, and maybe she shouldn't have, although nothing bad happened back then - it's not that I am a pedophile after all! I used to be at my best behavior with you, and those times we spent together seemed so innocent, carefree and precious. You laughed a lot, and I loved to hear you laugh - nothing inappropriate about that.
Then the winter would come, the merciless subarctic winter, the endless night, and a madness would come over me. I stopped coming around, and wondered off looking for trouble, occasionally getting an odd job on an ice-breaker, almost forgetting about you - or maybe that was not it, maybe I was protecting you even then, staying away for your own good. Thus, you never really got to know my dark side. Did you think that I was as good as you were, just older, and perhaps even wiser - foolish innocent girl!
When the winter was over, I would always come back to you, drawn like a moth to a flame, to the very opposite of who I was, and your poor mother would welcome me back. Must have been tough for her as a single parent, working as hard as she did to keep up the facade in front of you that the world was as good as you imagined it to be. I still cannot believe that her warning bells did not go off, surely she must have heard my reputation, and from what I had heard your father had been like me in so many ways, so you would think that she would have learned the lesson of keeping a man like that away from her precious girl? I suppose, she couldn't afford to turn down my offer of free baby sitting, or maybe she had a disposition that caused her to trust the wrong men, although ... Perhaps you inherited some of your wisdom from her after all, perhaps some sixth sense told her that you would be safe with me, and that something good might come out of this strange association of ours, even if her neighbors kept warning her that I was no good - nosy busybodies!
I suppose it was inevitable and fated that you would fall in love with me, when the hormones hit and you started feeling those womanly instincts. I should not been as surprised as I was when you first kissed me, smack on the lips. But I was shocked, since I had never thought of you like that before, not consciously anyway, I swear - as I said I am not a pedophile,and you were still so young and innocent, whereas compared to you, I was an old geezer! My eyes became large, and even though it hadn't started to snow that year yet, the madness came over me earlier that year, and off I went to sea by myself, leaving you behind, heart-broken, your inner light temporarily dimmed despite the early season - you should have been still enjoying the sunshine before the arctic winter - I have never forgiven myself for taking that season away from you, baby.
When spring came, I couldn't stay away, and I realized I was addicted to you, a growing addiction that I can't deny any longer. The busybodies would have their field day (spring fall romances were not common in our conservative little town), I had never cared what they thought about me anyway, but I did care what they said about you. You probably don't even realize how many brawls I've had to defend your honor, and how many so-called respectable ladies I've had to shut up with some shocking snippy comment that at least temporarily stopped their tongues from wagging like the tails of mongrel dogs!
After thirty years of marriage to you, my love for you remains as strong as ever, baby. I never did take you for granted, and the more years I get from you, the stranger it feels - why would you stay with such a weird old man, my light one? Did you know that I love you so much it hurts, even worse than that damned rheumatism of mine- oh, don't laugh, I'm serious! I am too old now alas to climb that old lighthouse tower with you, though on the bright side, I am also too old to run off whenever the sun disappears, and you have to put up with my grumpiness all year long. Not that you seem to mind, strangely enough. Plus, you always knew that all you have to do to shut me up whenever I rave like a loon is to give me a kiss, you rose of mine, and the dark will turn to light once again.
"There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea
You became the light on the dark side of me
Love remains a drug that's the high and not the pill
But did you know that when it snows
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can be seen?
Baby,*I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray.
Ooh,*The more I get of you,
The stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the gray." (Kiss From A Rose by Seal)