Thread: Short Story: A Thousand Pearls

I liked it. It was funny and painted a nice picture in my head. ^w^ Especially the 1st part of the story.

"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light."
I'm glad that you could brighten your mother's day.

Interesting story about domestic oppression and spiritual freedom. Despite its flaws, the article nevertheless proved to be somewhat entertaining, in mine opinion. Good parallelism.

I have written mine notes and edits below. Mine notes are in purple, the edits in blue.

Spoiler for Critique:

“Today is gonna be an awesome day! “,(no comma needed here. Also, ending quotation mark) my husband exclaimed, because he was going to play baseball with his buddies. Of course he was going to drag me along to serve the beer for his buddies. However, his meeting was quickly ruined. As soon as he had prepared everything on the field it started pouring with rain. They We quickly fled into the next covered building to a nearby shelter and he ordered me to get the umbrellas out of the car.

By the time I arrived there the sky cleared up and the shower turned into a gentle drizzle. I paused for a moment to admire the sight. Perhaps it was more than a moment. There was something deeply fascinating about it, how the drops on the trees reflected the sunlight. Like a thousand pearls (certain phrases can sound much more powerful when put in their own separate sentence).

I did not return to him, but I was happy.




“Today is gonna be an exciting day!”, (again, no comma needed) my husband exclaimed a week later, because the final of the baseball championship is was going to be broadcasted this evening. After he had made himself comfortable on the couch and turned on the TV … nothing happened, he quickly seized the remote and hit the power button. But nothing happened. The box had no power despite being plugged in. He immediately ordered me to rush to the fuse box.

I didn´t need to walk all the way to notice that the fuses were not the problem. From the balcony I could see that there was a power outage in the entire city, and the sky was pitch-black. Actually, it wasn´t that dark at all; quite the opposite in fact. A very special light filled the night sky. Without any spoiling from the town’s city lights (rolls off the tongue better) I could admire how the stars were sparkling sparkled. Like a thousand pearls.

I did not return to him, but I was happy.




“Today is gonna be a very decisive day.” ,(outside comma needs to be moved inside, and the period removed) my husband whispered into my ear the next morning, because he gave me an ultimatum. Either I carry out his wishes more carefully than recently from now on, or he will seek a divorce.

I decided to take took a walk through the town to clear my head, but also to look for a job in case I was single soon. I found a poster which advertised advertising a singing contest for today. Being quite experienced in singing an experienced singer, I spontaneously decided to sign in audition.

After my performance I received thunderous applause. I was once again captivated by this intoxicating sight. The beaming faces of the audience, especially the males ones. Like a thousand pearls.

I did not return to him, but I was happy.

Thanks for the feedback guys. And thank you Aristaeus for all the improvement suggestions.

I think most of Aristaeus' suggestions are helpful, but I would leave 'like a thousand pearls' as you had it, because it doesn't work grammatically as a separate sentence.

Just a side note for you, Aristaeus - I'm not sure if English is your second language or if you're just using old English, but you may want to check your usage of mine/my:

My vs Mine

Difference between my and mine

That's a cool story - the kind of a story that makes you reflect on things. Actually at first I thought that the expression "ordered me" in the 1st paragraph was a poor choice of words, but then as I kept on reading I understood it was important for the story.
It's a great short story thank you for posting it