• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




    Results 1 to 5 of 5
    1. #1
      Officer of the Lucid Art. Achievements:
      1 year registered Referrer Bronze Veteran First Class 5000 Hall Points
      PhantomBPR's Avatar
      Join Date
      Oct 2005
      LD Count
      5
      Gender
      Location
      I'm stuck in Folsom Prison
      Posts
      143
      Likes
      0
      Looking for reviews only PLEASE NO ADVICE OR SUGGESTIONS!

      I wrote this poem out of boredom and is not my best work. I myself think it sucks, but I'd like to hear your opinion on it:


      The Comedy of the Heptalogy
      Seven men sat around a table arguing amongst themselves of who was the most powerful.

      Said the man in auburn:
      I amongst you am the best
      I make the most stalwart man fall into rest
      My magic is delicious and of many’s tastes
      Through time it brings about destruction and hate.
      Once it sets in, one cannot easily let go
      I become natural, like blood that flows.
      I can bring ruin to a kingdom in a matter of days
      Leave scholars and philosophers lost in the haze
      I am the one who to the top I shall soar
      The best of you am I, Belphegor.

      Said the man in violet:
      It be me, whom which the power belongs
      My magic is spoken throughout poems and songs
      The power I hold is that of a hex
      Make the most virtuous man susceptible to sex
      From age to age I have been known
      From the weakest peasant to the highest on throne
      The urge to satisfy my call can destroy
      That powerful warrior is but a horny schoolboy
      My hex has brought about boils and pus
      Worship me all, for I am the great Asmodeus.

      Said the man in orange:
      I define you all the leader be me
      I am the urge for all to be completely free
      I dwell within all longing for action
      In every imaginable way of satisfaction
      I send men to bring down their enemy’s town
      Steal the women, the riches, the fame, and the crown
      I make men fat, sickness and in style
      And all along they are wearing a smile
      Grow large and gratify, give yourself up
      To me, the almighty Beelzebub.

      Said the man in green:
      You all are wrong, for I am the top
      I can bring all your powers so that they never are stopped
      I work in a way most easily defined
      Show what the enemy has on his other side
      How he is better, stronger, and more ecstatic with life
      My hex is the bringer of a grand amount of strife
      Through this way all hate is realized
      Burning within they will terrorize
      The leader of this table, I am your man
      Bow down to me, the Leviathan.

      Said the man in gold:
      Sadly Leviathan, I am the better of you
      I channel my power in way, making you the fool
      My power lies in thy riches and gold
      A single coin can bring a war of the world
      Through that one coin lays my power
      It grows increasingly stronger by the hour
      And all your magic can be found in this way
      Through the fetish of items I do pave
      And my power will bring about, hate, war, and famine
      Remember my name, the great one Mammon.

      Said the man in sapphire:
      You men are quite wrong; the power lies in thy self
      The evil within brings the longing for wealth
      The belief that you are quite better then most
      Make you the prime candidate for I to host
      The lack of apology the dark love from within
      The better you are, the worse is your sin
      Blinded by me, they become arrogant
      They seek no advice, unknown they are ignorant
      They go off and destroy the world, to a pulp of pure gore
      Follow me, I am pride, I am Lucifer.

      Said the man in crimson:
      ME BE BUT EVIL
      ME BE BUT HATE
      ME BE PRIMITIVE HUMAN MISTAKE
      ME BE THE FIRST
      ME BE THE WORST
      ME BE THE GOD’S VARIABLE CURSE
      ME THE POWERFUL MAN
      ME BE THE HATEFUL MAN
      ME BE THE ULTIMATE MAN
      ME BE…….

      ….and then an old woman walked into the room and yelled “SATAN! “
      Crazy, but that's how it goes!
      http://www.dreamviews.com/community/...ad.php?t=16317
      Total LD's [6]
      Random [3]
      WILD [3] (at least, I think they were WILD)

    2. #2
      Officer of the Lucid Art. Achievements:
      1 year registered Referrer Bronze Veteran First Class 5000 Hall Points
      PhantomBPR's Avatar
      Join Date
      Oct 2005
      LD Count
      5
      Gender
      Location
      I'm stuck in Folsom Prison
      Posts
      143
      Likes
      0
      Would someone please say SOMETHING about this?
      Crazy, but that's how it goes!
      http://www.dreamviews.com/community/...ad.php?t=16317
      Total LD's [6]
      Random [3]
      WILD [3] (at least, I think they were WILD)

    3. #3
      moderator emeritus jacobo's Avatar
      Join Date
      Dec 2003
      Gender
      Location
      little mexico
      Posts
      2,683
      Likes
      2
      review: i stopped reading after 4 lines. and since you don't want advice.... there ya go.
      clear eyes. strong hands.

    4. #4
      Dreamer italianmonkey's Avatar
      Join Date
      Apr 2006
      Gender
      Location
      italy
      Posts
      669
      Likes
      1
      DJ Entries
      1
      i don't know the difference between advice and review, sorry language problem.

      doesn't look like the descriptions fit a lot with the meaning of the names of the devil - at least for what i remember, that's not very much. there are also more names properly related to devil if you want to make 7 without mammoon and leviatan but don't remember anything, only mephistophel.)
      the rythm sometimes get lost (or accents fight toghether like cats and dogs)

      apart of this, the idea is nice, in its kind.
      Monkey Is BACK!

    5. #5
      Officer of the Lucid Art. Achievements:
      1 year registered Referrer Bronze Veteran First Class 5000 Hall Points
      PhantomBPR's Avatar
      Join Date
      Oct 2005
      LD Count
      5
      Gender
      Location
      I'm stuck in Folsom Prison
      Posts
      143
      Likes
      0
      Quote Originally Posted by italianmonkey View Post
      i don't know the difference between advice and review, sorry language problem.

      doesn't look like the descriptions fit a lot with the meaning of the names of the devil - at least for what i remember, that's not very much. there are also more names properly related to devil if you want to make 7 without mammoon and leviatan but don't remember anything, only mephistophel.)
      the rythm sometimes get lost (or accents fight toghether like cats and dogs)

      apart of this, the idea is nice, in its kind.
      [/b]
      I've gotten that alot. It really doesn't have to be that. This was just me dealing with the writer's block that plauged me about a month ago. As you can see I don't do very well under writer's block.
      Crazy, but that's how it goes!
      http://www.dreamviews.com/community/...ad.php?t=16317
      Total LD's [6]
      Random [3]
      WILD [3] (at least, I think they were WILD)

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •