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    Thread: Poem

    1. #1
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      Poem

      No second chance,
      No spot of glory,
      No romance,
      Just a meaningless story,
      A simple life,
      But with a twist,
      A carpenter knife,
      And a slited wrist,
      A broken home,
      A troubled teen,
      Nowhere to roam,
      But in between,
      With no open door,
      No where to run,
      They all ignore,
      His life is done...
      Brandon

    2. #2
      bleak... nerve's Avatar
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      although the topic is pretty...over-used, this poem is pretty good, it's got nice rhymes. very catchy.


      Ignorant bliss is an oxymoron; but so is miserable truth.

    3. #3
      Rotaredom Howie's Avatar
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      Originally posted by Paperdoll EP
      although the topic is pretty...over-used, this poem is pretty good, it's got nice rhymes. very catchy.
      It was good!!! that was your first post? HI!

    4. #4
      Member privatexeyes's Avatar
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      it's incredible.
      much better than my poetry.
      though the same kind of topic.
      oh well...
      im rambling.
      great job!
      did you notice how we're all changing?
      yet still we are the broken ones.
      -naya-
      techboy is my daddy!!!
      i luff being adopted.

    5. #5
      Member :: astounded ::'s Avatar
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      I don't know if you want constructive criticism, if you don't then close your eyes real quick.

      Slited is not a word, should be slit. You rhyme 'home' with 'roam' and for some reason that is pretty obvious and simple rhyme, like you just picked the first word you could think of that rhymed with home and let the poem go with that. The last line makes the poem seem unfinished which may seem like a nice effect, but is generally a bad thing. Just because he is being ignored, doesn't neccesarily mean his 'life is done'.

      Otherwise it's some nice rhymes, nice flow, good job.
      [link removed]

      The dream is real, my friends. The failure to realize it is the only unreality.
      Adopted by Lomebririon

    6. #6
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      He means that people ignored that his life was done...as in he commited suicide...

      Great poem! Rhymes blended in perfectly in my opinion...
      If I hadn't made me
      I'd be more inclined to bow
      Powers that be would have swallowed me up
      But that's more than I can allow...

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