Thread: Some lyrics I wrote

Yes, I'm a teenager in a teenage band and I'm the lyrics writer and I just wanted to share and get some feedback and some of the stuff I've written.

I know this is pretty amateur stuff but I've had positive feedback on it:


Mother Mary

Mother Mary, your son’s been wronged
The son of god’s been played upon
Messengers on bikes
Door-to-door converters
Let bullets slip when they’re thronged

And then some nights, I wonder
And then some days I wonder

Ballets of slogans and dialog
Shadows of suits begin to flog
“I’m experienced”
“I cannot say…”
I often wish there was a prologue

And then some nights I wonder
And then some days I wonder

Those kids over there’re drugged
Seems they’ve never been hugged
“Tell me, how’s it feel?”
“Y’Life’s gonna get fucked up”
They’re fine; just a little unplugged

And then some nights I wonder
And then some days I wonder
And then some nights I wonder
And then some days I wonder

Tell me
Why’s it I’ve been wronged…

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Infuse

I don’t miss my goddamn youth
“Don’t touch needles
Don’t talk to anyone”
Never faced to see the truth

Issues, news, taboos
Blues, booze
Infuse judgment
“Revel in your glory today
for tomorrow, you’ll lose…”

Reality taunted my syndicate
“Oh, no malevolence
Oh, no melodrama”
Don’t try to give me my kismet

Teacher, teacher!
I need a grade!
If I don’t get one my life’s a ‘nade
Just one little tug – be afraid!
It’s either that or pour some nightshade

Issues, news, taboos
Blues, booze
Infuse judgment
“Revel in your glory today
for tomorrow, you’ll lose…”

Revel in your goddamn glory
‘cause tomorrow, you’re gonna lose

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Last one. This one I submitted to a poetry contest and got into the top 32 in the US and was invited to the final judgement to see if I would win some money but I thought (and still sort of do) that it was a scam. Could someone tell me if it's really that good?:

Tools of the Universe

Could it be that what we see
Isn't what it always seems
So just maybe
We could amend
What's left unseen

If you could break
What's never been broken, would you?
If you could witness
What's never been seen, will you?

What if we could see subjectively
And make ourselves believe
That the world we see
Is just something we're just imagining

Should you deem the things I believe?
If you don't perceive
What I see
Is to perform before being achieved

If you could break
What's never been broken, would you?
If you could witness
What's never been seen, will you?

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Since none of you know me I'm looking for some really honest feedback (I do anyways, but most people can't bring themselves to be brutally honest)

Thanks


~Lance