When i was young and naive, I often said "I wish i were home" when I found myself somewhere uncomfortable. People would nod and agree, saying how much they miss their folks. This made me unhappy because eventhough I was saying HOME, I did not mean my house. I didn't know where i did mean, but I knew i didn't want to be inside my house. There was no comfort there. Eventually my statement changed to something that sounded more complex..but more correct. I began saying "I wish i wasn't here. I don't want to be at my house, or at school, or here. But I want to be somehwere else." No one seemed to comprehend and heaven knows I didn't quite get it either, but it was true. This was something I said to try and explain how I felt when i was undeniably lonely, scared, hurt, or just plain uncomfortable. It was also the reason I sat in bed, curled up and crying until my eyes burned. It was the cure and the cause of my pain. Where is a girl to go when she longs for home..and knows not where to find it? Home is not where you live, but where they understand. It took me years to figure that fact out. Home is not one certain place with four walls and a sturdy roof. It is a feeling that starts in the depth of your soul and spreads until you cannot control your smiles. It warms your body from the inside out and works as a band-aid for the pain others cannot see. Home is in the hearts of your best friends, the ones who cried all night the day you could have died. Home is in the words your role models speak when they see you're hurting..even if you're trying to hide it all. Home is in the touch of an old friend when you haven't been held in so long. Home is glancing at someone and them smiling because they can feel your pain. When love is present in all its abundance; overflowing onto you until you can hardly take it, that is when you are truly home. So when I ask to come to your house, when i ask for a hug, when I say I love you out of the blue; what i really mean to say is that you make me feel right at home. I mean to say that you see right through me, and even if it scares me to be so vunerable, I love you for trying. I mean to say that I built up these walls to see who would take the time to break them down, and seeing you remove every brick I pile up breaks my heart in the best of ways. I just hope that me being a coward doesn't make my love for you seem watered down. Loving you is all that keeps me going sometimes...I hope that's okay.