• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

    View Poll Results: What do you think of my styale of writing

    1. You may not vote on this poll
    • Perfect don't change a thing

      0 0%
    • Very good but could use some tweaks

      0 0%
    • Ok but definate room for improvement

      0 0%
    • It wasnt bad but you have a lot of work to do

      0 0%
    • It was pretty bad and you should go take some writing course

      0 0%
    • Ive heard better poetry on the back of a cereal packet!!

      1 100.00%
    Results 1 to 3 of 3
    1. #1
      Member Kevyboy's Avatar
      Join Date
      Aug 2004
      here - where else?

      I just need some feed-back on it

      Its a peice of free verse, and i was inspired by my boyfriend and also it was a dream i had after 5 hours with him on the phone.
      I appriciate all constructive critasism because i am tring to improve my style of writing. Thank you in advance,

      "I lay there, on the soft sand, by the lapping waters of the beach; safe in the knowledge my love is by my side.
      As the warming glow sun slowly begins to dip behind the horizon and shadows grow across the land, I feel my hand gently clasped.
      I sit up. Two enthralling arms tie themselves around my waist like an all encompassing blanket of protection. Iím powerless in its embrace. I have never felt so protected, so safe, so loved. The two of us just sit watching the glory of the sun fade for its long nights slumber. I feel like a stampede could not tare down the tribute to Venus herself.

      Two souls sharing one space.
      Two hearts going one place.
      Two minds in loves embrace

      The sky morphs into a fiery red display of pure power. The moon awakens from its dreams. I turn and look deep into the soft, warm, inviting eyes of the one I love. I can see down into where the depths of souls dwell.
      Of where emotion burns.
      Of where love is born.

      I see the passion burning bright;
      Radiating the fiercest of light;
      Of which could easily scare off the night.

      Our bodies close, our hearts even more so, I lean in and close my eyes.
      This is what Iíve been waiting for. Two pairs of lips, softly touch, caress, entwine.
      I feel our bodies soar higher than any angel could ever dream, surrounded by the power of love and light, which this meeting of souls has made.
      I never want to leave this moment, but I know I must, if only to soar once more.
      I open my eyes and gaze upon the owner of my heart, my soul, my star, and I know we both felt the pure intensity of our connection. Speechless we sit, just holding each other with the stars watching us, protecting us and I know;
      He is my destiny.
      He is my life."
      Sweet is love when all is sane
      Sweet is death to rid the pain
      Pain is death when all is well
      Pain is love when all is hell

    2. #2
      Member Awaken's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jun 2004
      The fear farm
      So thoughtful and heartwarming Great writing.
      In this crazy world if they don't consider you mad, then you have no confirmation of your own sanity, do you?
      Imagine if this crazy world thought you were sane?! Oh my God, worst nightmare!
      -David Icke

    3. #3
      Member gameover's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jun 2004
      you didn't have an option for "Art is not a good or bad or right or wrong, and whats important is how you feel about it"

      I really enjoyed it. Very nice.
      I'm in Chasing Mars, one of Chicago's best [link removed - ask for permision]indie rock bands[/url]! <------CLICK FOR FREE MUSIC


    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts