Thread: Total Bull...

Another paper for Adv. Composition, this time we had to tell how to do something in five paragraphs, and it was supposed to be funny.. I wrote a paper on how to write about total bull... here it is:
How To Write About Bull.


The first step in writing anything, even a paper of nothing but bull, is to choose a topic. It can be anything, from describing a piece of paper, to writing an essay on something so irrelevant that it’s amazing anything can be accomplished with it, and that is total bull. The originator of the bull must also always remember that it takes a sarcastic mindset to write about total bull, because otherwise the paper might actually seem relevant to the topic, and that is NOT the essence of bull. So, without ado, this manuscript shall teach the reader how to write about bull.
This paper will now give an example topic, so that the student may understand more completely how to effectively blow their way through a five paragraph essay while not really saying anything of great magnitude or of relevance to the subject. To seem ironic, and to ramble, the example is now designated as a bull, and it shall be greatly exemplified. So, for the readers enrichment, here is the example paragraph.
“The malevolent eyes of the male bovine seemed to flare with effervescence when they beheld the graceful movement of the lustrously colored cape, and the bull’s puissant legs mash the face of the earth into a pile of grit, as it charges forward, bellowing its rage for all to hear.”
This is a prime example of bull, for, putting that clause into uncomplicated words will generate the very simple sentence of: “The angry bull ran forward when it saw the red cape move.”
How was such an small sentence transformed into such a lengthy and descriptive paragraph? By the power of one awesome tool of writing, a tome so great that it’s usefulness is only matched by that of the writing utensil. This document of unclear insanity is also known as a thesaurus. A writer’s greatest ally is found in this cleverly designed book, for all one has to do is find a nondescript, commonly overused word, look it up, and BAM! The essayist obtains instant access to several synonyms of the same conceptual idea. As such, the most boring of topics and the most inane things to describe can instantly seem as amazing and cunning as a dragon, or as beautiful and majestic as a rose. Truly, a thesaurus is the creator of the bull’s greatest friend, for this paper cannot even begin to describe the many, many ways with which a writer can write about total bull using a thesaurus.
The reader of this document will have learned several things after having read this paper, but almost none of them will be very useful (except for using a thesaurus), and few of the ones usable are very useful indeed. Many of the words and sentences manipulated in the writing of this document did not say anything relevant to topic, for this was a paper of bull, and true bull in itself is nothing but the essence of rambling along pointlessly about nothing. In all honesty, this manuscript can be considered nothing but complete and total bull, and the reader should think of this if he or she has ever the need to write a paper of bull, and incorporate some of the techniques used in the scripting of the paper. Take heed of these words now, and go away.

It looks better in a word proccessor, but you get the general idea...