the Gods of my Life

The Gods of my Life
My mom, dad, teachers, and leaders
My friends, and the rest of man
They all thought they can, but they
Couldn't teach me enough
Bluff for me enough
Couldn't leave me alone
But this is where I sadly stand
Taking in all the crap and stuff
A new blackness where my light once shone
My mind's beginning to break and disband

Wanting to give me more
And to hurt me more
Can't give me enough, I said
It's too much, it blows my head
So much, I can imagine that it bled
Why do I live like this?
Devoting myself to a belief, and eventually coming to ditch and diss?
The crowns of heaven, the kingdom, salvation degrading to shit and piss?

Wanting to control
Wanting my approval
So insecure, they were
Always asserting
Conflicting opinions resulting in a blur
It's like a struck up intellectual flirting
Emotional hurt is an understatement
Enlightenment ain't here, it's just an idea
It's like it arrived and immediately hollered "See ya!"
I realized that I can't rise, can't shine in another placement
Got no position to make a statement
Of truth

And endless marathon of words
To me alone
It seems
That I am indeed alone
And prone to disease that can only bring
Darkness disguised in light, but not another fight, I said
I am
Here to learn that only I can help myself, feed myself
Protect myself
Mine alone to earn

When they reflect from my mouth
They're waitng to be trampled upon
Then frown
It seems like my life has been spiraling down, going south
It's all too realistically common
To rise and fall
To rise and fall
Finally, I can settle...

The Gods of my Life - Eric M. Lee 10/9/04 (Ya, a while ago, dug through old files)