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    Thread: A story. :)

    1. #1
      the life to live. Rozzy's Avatar
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      A story. :)

      This is my second attempt at writing a story. I am not very good so I decided to post in here, that way everyone could give me some constructive critisism. I will be posting segments of the story as i go along. I don't have the story completed yet, so I guess we'll have to see what transpires from this. Hope you all like it!

      They stood in a circle, huddled against the cold. "Why does Bernald keep his house so damn cold?" whispers James. "How does he not freeze his ass off?!"
      "Shut up James," Janicia replied, in a harsh tone. "If you can't stand the cold, then go home." "Okay!! Sheesh..." James said under his breath. "Okay, enough of this child's play people, we have a mission to complete!" Leo replied. " Now everyone no there position, and their tasks, so in five we're going to split."
      The group consisted of four people. Leo the leader of the operation. His 'ability' consisted of moving objects with simply his thoughts. He was was the one who came up with this whole operation.
      The second person in the groups was the temptress, Janicia. Her 'ability' is known as the 'illusionist.' She can make you believe she isn't truly there. Not only can she blend in to her surroundings, but she can also stick out. She can make it to where only one person can see her, and she can "seduce" anyone, just by one look.
      The third person in this already masterpiece is known as James. James is aan educated, self-proclaimed gentleman. He is sweet and caring but don't underestimate him. He is the 'brains' of the group. He can easily, figure out anything you put in front of him. He pulls it apart in his mind, and puts it back together, thus he knows the object inside, and out.
      The last contributer to the group would be Danny. Danny's ability seems simple, yet is crucial for the operation. He has the ability to not only control electricity, but also create it.
      The five minutes were up. "GO!" whispered Leo in a harsh tone.
      Instantly, Janicia headed up the stairs. She opened the office door and stepped out. She then headed towards the elevator rushing past people who didn't even take a second look.
      James, already in his buisnessman suit, sauntered out of the room, casually stepping into the hallway blending in with the people surrounding him.
      Danny sighed. "If only I could just blend in like that." He muttered under his breath.
      "Ahh, but Danny, if you were like them, I wouldn't need you would I?" Leo smiled at him, reassuring his buddy. "You're right Leo. You always are." He smiled timidly back. "There you go." grinned Leo. As Leo stepped out, Danny muttered under his breath, " Here we go..." At that very moment, all the lights went out in the entire mansion. Danny steps out into nothingness.

      To be continued...
      Last edited by Rozzy; 10-11-2009 at 11:36 PM.
      War never solved anything... except slavery, oppression, genocide, communism, fascism, and nazism
      Quote Originally Posted by Bearsy View Post
      Feel free to help yourself to all the GTFO you can stuff in your pockets as you're walking out the door
      [CarmineEternity] 4:54 pm: I LOVE ANA
      Quote Originally Posted by NeoSioType View Post
      The reason people don't like questioning their beliefs is because it threatens their inner security. People have a habit of looking for what only comforts them.

    2. #2
      ex-member
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      I won't make any real comments until you post more.

      But, I suggest a little bit of formatting.
      Bollocks.

    3. #3
      the life to live. Rozzy's Avatar
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      haha never did finish this. and i am horrible at formatting. it's like trying to get me to capitalize. it's just not happening. lol
      War never solved anything... except slavery, oppression, genocide, communism, fascism, and nazism
      Quote Originally Posted by Bearsy View Post
      Feel free to help yourself to all the GTFO you can stuff in your pockets as you're walking out the door
      [CarmineEternity] 4:54 pm: I LOVE ANA
      Quote Originally Posted by NeoSioType View Post
      The reason people don't like questioning their beliefs is because it threatens their inner security. People have a habit of looking for what only comforts them.

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