My Poetry Page

[Zhaylin]

I'm always worried about losing my poems. I don't write anymore, unfortunately. Maybe posting some of my oldies will get me feeling creative again as well as storing them safely where I can't lose them. The first poem in my collection was written for school in 1987 "Angels I'd love to be an angel With beautiful, silken wings And live way in in Heaven In a Haven full of trees I'd fly around the kingdom Riding a beam of light And watch my friends Who live on Earth And see that they're alright I'd be a perfect angel, Obeying every rule And if I really had to I'd even go to school I'd make some friends And keep them They'd never be hurt nor teased For even in the City of Peace Friends are what We really need." Now jump ahead to 1989 "If Anybody's Out There If anybody's out there, Listening to my prayer First off I'd like to thank you For you're the only one who cares. My parents tongues are slashing, Shattering all my dreams At times I'd like to curse them, At other just to scream. They say my plans are stupid, They say that I'm a snob I fear they're right and then we fight And afterwards I'd like to sob. My fathers hands are brutal They hurt with every strike He calls my brother many names We'd like to take a hike! I know they've got their problems But so do the kids they borne; I wish they'd stop and think Before they hit, before they scorn." 1990 This was written for a story I wanted to write but never did. "Niawa The gods, they gathered 'round the moon Earth is born, day, night and noons. Primitive creatures made from the earth Man and woman, holy births. The Heavens shine above with war Demons roam the earth in scorn The Evil god wants to reign Niawa fight, balance maintains. Water tumbles from the sky Most man and creature have hence died The world is cleansed, no more askew The demons buried, life starts anew... Not True." Skip a bunch of emo poems... Now it's 11/07/1991 I was 17 years old and had run away from home. I was living in some water drainage tunnels under the streets of Pensacola, Florida and my boyfriend at the time told me many tall tales about adventures he had taken with a friend. His stories helped inspire this poem. "Cave Hell The memories that were made here, the time that we shared, Still longing to do more and willing to dare We experienced good, survived the bad, We froze and fought but we'll always be on top Never-ending tunnels Ever-lasting tears We'll say farewell to sorrows We'll throw away our fears I hear a whistle blowing Only time will tell We'll be in a box-car rolling Somewhere between here and hell. [Dedicated to "Quint, Hawk and W.D. May your adventures never die and the road never end. And may we all be young and free forever.]" Skip a bunch more emo poems 1993 An excerpt from a Novelette I wrote "For Love, For Life Unicorns dance at twilight high the elves and fairies drawing nigh Words of wisdom echo past This land called Peace, forever last Embrace me hard, embrace me long Keep me safe from all ill wrongs From thunder, rain and creeping things, Monster, bullies, thieves; No harm to me or those I love I beg of you, please keep." (It was the prayer and escapism of a young teen who was kidnapped and sold as a sex slave) Skip yet more emo poems This next one was written 07/29/1997 I was working as an exotic dancer, drinking every night and one night I saw where my life was heading if I continued. "Tears of a Child Daddy won't you play with me I need your love, why can't you see? Not only tears or endless strife Your silence cuts me like a knife Mommy, I'll be good today Just never, ever go away I'm not found in any bottle But I'd love a shot of mollycoddle I don't ask for much, you know But through your love, I learn to grow Just some patience and a little time And maybe, please, a soothing rhyme? The kids at school have marvels to tell About family times; how all is well None have a tear to brim a single eye Why push me away, the harder I try? Haven't you guessed that I love y'all yet Or is that something you'll never 'get'? I know you both have lives that bind Please remember your child, don't leave me behind." Another Novelette excerpt. Written at around 1995 "March For Freedom [a song] Allow me, friends, to tell you a story The story's about love and also of freedom Our planet is riddled with plagues and diseases Our people are dying, they're filling the streets But we'll march on, march to the light March for our lives and our freedoms Our heartaches wont last long we'll one day know peace For this life's like a nightmare from which we'll escape. We've gone on and lived what fate's chosen to give us And our lives may be rough, but our souls are enduring We have prayed for the strength to be able to make it And make it, we will, with Christ on our side And we'll march on, march to the light March to our strength and our courage The Lord is our staff, we can draw on his love Oppression, behind us, we will rise above! Our spirits are high as we travel to better The place is like Heaven, it's meaning is peace There are many a person who stand in our way But with God in our hearts, He will show us the way So we will march on, march to the light March to the city of beauty In Heaven, above us, His armies are strong Christ sets a new course, the angels joining our throng!"

[Zhaylin]

"... And Nothing More Within my walls, I hear a sound Some nightmare creature, therein bound? "No," says I, "'Tis just a mouse "Come to nest in my wee house." So I laugh to spite my frightened fear, my childish woes, my stomach- queer But then, a voice says, from within my walls: "We delight in dread and dire squalls!" "'Tis just the wind." Says I, "And nothing more "No sounds of cries, or shrieks, or roars. "No beast within my home doth dwell! "No evil chiding. No evil tales." "'Tis just the wind and nothing more." And yet the noise within my dwelling swells To a clamor befitting a hundred hells "No wind," Murmurs I; my voice a rasp "Perchance a storm." And then I gasp For falling to the floor in mounds the plaster of my walls crash down! My heart leaps fro at a deadly pace My skin turns pale- a hanged mans face. I think I see eyes within my death-dark walls Are those opened mouth in feasting calls? "No." Moans I, whist I shake my head "'Tis just a storm." Says I, with dread. "'Tis just a storm and nothing more." No larger than a cat- the creature, leaps to my floor, the Devils feature With the head of a man and tail of rat, scale covered body and teeth of bat: It looks upon my throat, in need; the hell sent creature- Satan's seed... And as my fingers touch my dwellings door more monsters come- in droves, in scores "No!" Cries I. "'Tis just a dream! "There is no cause to fret or scream! "A dreadful dream and nothing more "'Tis mere imagined visions of death and gore." "'Tis just a dream and nothing more!" Yet my hand still twitches in horrid fright, whilst my heart and soul doth curse the night Bound by fear, I cannot flee! I am hypnotized by all I see. Then they seize my throat and tear my chest "Leave his bones!" Cries a creature. "To feed the rest! "Our dirty work has just begun "So let us kill the good and have our fun!" And the creature, more like demons, Still emerge from holes, their bodies steamin' As if newly born from hell- their home: My house, their gate, our earth to roam My life, no more; our earth, their own." By far my very favorite poem. Many people think it was inspired by Poe, but I have never read "The Raven" lol I was very sleep deprived when I wrote this and the words just "came" to me. It was written sometime in November or December 1997

[Zhaylin]

Here's another long one. It was inspired by the success of the one before it lol. This one always felt a little too "forced" and I've never been completely happy happy with it. It was written, 12/17/1997 "Evil Eyes One winter's night, so dark and dreary I stumble from my bed, still weary 'Tis Christmas Eve, yet my heart doth dread The sight mine eyes t'will see beyond my bed. T'were no stockings hung from my [small] fireplace T'was not a glimmer of light to caress a child's face "What child" I bethink. "I am now all alone. "Left to wonder the halls of this old, haunted home." My spirit, in danger, of eternal brimstone I hear a rap upon my floors "What beast be thee?!" My soul implores I see no demon, however, just a tiny ball Rolling into the heart of a too vacant hall Mirthless laughter fills my ringing ears My body shakes, fear brings forth tears For in the shadows lurks my long dead child Light dances in his eyes gone wild Evil eyes and soul defiled But t'was the evil I spied on my own ghastly face Because my own bitter soul I did severely debase? For the heart of the spirit is seen through the eys And I have lost my defenses. I have lost my disguise. My boy stands before me with a silent bequeath: He wants me to join my lost family; to embrace him in death His trembling hands weld a phantom-like knife The monster, my son, how he longs for my life Vengeance is his and my terror is rife "Be gone, you ghoul! Go back to hell! "Can you not see I am now faring well?! "I am not ready yet!" I rant and rave "Find someone else to fill a grave!" My boy merely trembles as if a leaf He seems overcome with unbearable grief He stands stock-still, makes not one sound Yet I still sense movement all around. My dead t'were rising from the ground. Then finally, my son approaches Talk of loss, he slowly broaches I stumble back, his touch I fear Then scores of moans mine ears doth hear. I dread the questions to which my dead need answers Of yesteryear- of macabre disasters Whence my sanity had slipped and I went mad From which there on out life turned so bad... My family, no more, pain t'was all I then had. He pulls me in an embrace as mist bowing my head, my forehead he kissed. "Poor father," says he. "See the pain in my eyes? "Because of your deeds, you are now Satan's prize." See, my lad t'was not evil, he merely sought my redemption For I had murdered my family with no trepidation My moppets and my wife I had so thoughtlessly slayed Now my crimes against God shall be utterly paid My family dragged me to hell on a path I had paved." It was painful for me to write that lol. It is worse than bad lol

[Zhaylin]

This next one was written in 1995 when I was pregnant with my first daughter. It turned out to be a morbid sort of lullaby I sang to my girls. "Ballad of Time and Love You're my little baby My precious baby girl You sleep both days and nights But your life's still such a whirl There'll come a day When you learn the way Of growing up Of being tough Just promise you wont doubt your part In our family and our heart. You're my little baby My precious little girl Now when you go about Boys heads do twirl Please dont cry When some say goodbye Your heart will mend You will not die Your spotlight will draw nigh- aim high That day is drawing nigh. You're still my little baby My precious, precious girl I've grown old and you've grown up My memory's in a swirl I've done my job I've seen it through Now it's your turn There's much to do A husband have you found for thee and children for your knee. Hush now little baby My precious, much loved girl I know things now are tough But my wings 'round you I'll curl Thought my job was through, I said It's just anew in Heaven's stead From here I'll watch you night and day All harm I'll keep at bay... I pray." Then I had a nasty split up with my kids' father in 1998 "Myths and Fools Wherever there's love I'll show you a lie Just a myth on which Only a fool shall rely For at the moment of capture There's felt only grief Not a glimmer of hope Just a prayer for relief." And then I worked as a stripper and had a bout of sleeping around. Summer of 1998 "Untitled A fuck, a friend A heart to mend Still looking To settle down Lonely heart Not a romance to start Just a string Of one-night stands Dark light, hungry eyes Many faces, all disguised But I'm merely a fantasy An easy bang behind the bar A pole, a rail My soul on a nail- If only they knew How I'm dying inside." Eventually, my beliefs changed. I no longer believe all good people go to heaven. I don't believe in a fiery hell. I definitely don't believe people become angels when they die All of the poetry I wrote after the untitled one above were religious in nature. But I'm too tired of typing to record them right now lol

[Zhaylin]

I finally felt creative the other night and wrote a song. The beat doesn't quite fit with the lyrics though. The beats are at a solid rythme (?) of 8 no matter how they look when read. Desperately adrift and dreaming Lost, confused, my heart is screaming Misery and fears abounding Life could not be more astounding Toward bitterness I am abounding Wolves are howling at my door Tears, like rivers, do I pour Release me now, I dare to pray For comfort, peace and love wont stay Winter now is almost over Life and love must find another I am weary to my core Life and dreams, I'll have no more. -November 15, 2009 A.D.B.-