• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

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    1. #1
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      Some of my general poetry.

      Please comment, here are a few of my favorites.

      All written by myself, of course.

      Sword through heart, blood dripping cold,
      Staggering, struggling through pain, torture,
      Move, move, move, MOVE, his body he told,
      Pulling the blade, burning like a scorcher.
      Heart stone hard, strong by the cooling blood,
      Numb and hollow, soul evaporating into Night,
      Snickering, bound to earth by the dark flood
      Of dead souls ascending upward, but despite
      The will to die, chained to this earth eternally,
      Red blood turns blue, face masked like a stoic.
      Truth be told, black fear lies in the mask internally,
      Charging into battle, vain attempt to only be heroic,
      Frozen solid, shattered, soul flowing out into the dark,
      Ultimately perishing, the fire in his eyes, out like a spark.

      I make the deal, I give my soul
      In return eternal life is bestowed.
      All the power in the world is my goal,
      I mock the weak, I feel as it flowed
      Through my body, the power I have gained.
      Consumed by it, my undying face is masked,
      Though a horrible sensation only remained
      In my hollow self, the power I just basked
      In pained my body, the blunder I had made,
      I could not feel, nor touch, nor sense.
      A fallacy of life, Fate’s limits forced to fade.
      Lost and alone, broken, hollow and dense.
      I am the weak one, I am cursed, an illusion,
      A shadow of the contract and soul infusion.

      The drops of rain pour down as the blood
      Drips from his hardened wounded soul,
      A lonely spirit wandering through a flood,
      Searching for a place, trying to reach his goal.
      Dark clouds cover up the light of the night,
      Doors close shut, the dim firelights burn out.
      The wandering spirit left alone with no fight,
      Howling wind and rain throwing him off route.
      He travels, crying out, but nobody will assist
      This howling ghost, unable to find his way home.
      Continuing on, enduring the cold rain and mist
      He reached a village with a castle, lit as he does roam.
      The door opens wide, a kind, powerful hand extended,
      The spirit grasping tightly, his life as a ghost has ended.

      Hands pressed against the cold windowsill
      Watching in awe the rain pouring down.
      Darkness drawing near a cold chill
      Runs across my back seeing a white gown
      I know her spirit lingers yet, so close.
      So close, so out of reach, not of this world.
      Love has boundaries? To this I do oppose
      Knowledge of spirits in my mind unfurled.
      I watch the storm, on my face a grin grows,
      Night upon us now and what a dim night,
      No moon shimmers on the rain, no wind blows,
      Only a cold frozen ghost sparkling bright.
      The glass shatters, all life ceases to move,
      With her at last, for eternity I will prove.

      The moon shines in a brilliant crescent shape,
      So brightly the dark side is a visible sight,
      My island in sight, my eyes so large do gape,
      My castle fire lit shines through the dark night.
      I take my silver blade, endure my sharp pain,
      Fight for all that is dear to my burdened soul,
      Clouds fill the starry night sky with cold wet rain,
      Persisting forward, never overlooking my main goal.
      The sun will not rise, though the dark clouds do fade,
      The moon glowing vividly, illuminating the land,
      Surrounded by deep water, the cool air it does raid,
      Though all who despise it, my castle does stand.
      This island of mine, veiling a lustrous water oasis,
      Hide souls of the sands and skies, wise and sagacious.

      I have many others, but those are some of my most recent and favorite

    2. #2
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      any comments???

    3. #3
      Member CoLd BlooDed's Avatar
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      Aug 2006
      BC, Canada
      Don't expect to get many comments when sharing your stuff here. Plus, this is poetry - this is an art - first and foremost you should be writing for yourself, right? The audience, and the subsequent feedback from the audience, is all byproduct.

      My criticism to you is to step out of the box and set aside the 'ABAB' rhyme scheme. Your vocabulary is good, and your meter is on par, but to do all your poems (thus far) ABAB with 14 lines makes it repetitive and boring. Whatever message you're trying to convey - assuming there is one - is lost in the stoicness of your presentation.

      Try to do a haiku or a free form... doesn't even have to rhyme. Poetry is an extension of your creative soul. Let it free.

      Starry starry night, paint your pallet blue and gray,
      Look out on a summers day,
      with eyes that know the darkness of my soul.

    4. #4
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      Yah. I have a few that aren't in that form, but I was trying to write them almost as sonnets(but I wasn't concentrating on the iambic pentameter aspect). Yes, the poetry is for me, but I always like any constructive criticism, so I can improve.

      thanks for the comment though!


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