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I wrote this for Valentine's Day for my girlfriend. Do you think she'll like it??
(No Name)
Honestly, I'm not going to lie
Say hello when I mean goodbye
Make me forget the world all around me
I really do like you, do you see?
Cannot remember my own name
Make my mind go up in flame
With your voice, which is so fine
Will you be my Valentine?
I do want criticism, if I don't care about a 7.0 quake in Haiti, I definately don't care about a harsh opinion.
As I already said, it is good. And it comes straight from your heart, that's what really matters. Girls love that stuff :D.
The very act of posting this suggests that you do care about other people's opinions; if you really were such an edgy uncaring motherfucker as you seem to think you are, the opinions of others would mean nothing to you. But if you've not posted this looking for criticism, the only thing remaining that you could receive is validation. Maybe try dropping the ridiculous act, huh?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus of Suburbia
The poem itself I found cliché and unremarkable.
You are a horri- you spelled definitely wrong. You should probably make sure you spell your poem right too. As for the poem, I don't really understand it. I'm not very artsy though so it might be very good.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus of Suburbia
I meant by that that I won't be sad or mad or anything if you think it sucks, I'll try to improve it instead.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiza
Super cliche. That may not be a bad thing though.
Would I be awfully wrong in assuming the way it's done is influenced somewhat by musical lyrics, to certain rock bands?
No, not lyrics. I knew it's cliché, i really didn't like it that much to start but wanted to get some opinions before throwing it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Carôusoul
You should remember that this is valentines day you're planning for. It's almost a requirement for it to be cliche.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus of Suburbia
I suppose, but I'd really rather it be more un-cliché (so to speak).Quote:
Originally Posted by Carôusoul
From your heart, son, not from others.
By that did you mean that I should start over or that I shouldn't?? Hard to tell if you're saying don't worry about what others say or if you're saying don't be so cliché.Quote:
Originally Posted by guitarboy
from your heart... make it about her, not a generic poem. could still be cliche, just make it identifying.
Hey, Suburbia. Sorry about that little thing I did up there. I thought you said "I do not want criticism" and that's where I was coming from with that.
Okay, will do. I'm rewriting it.Quote:
Originally Posted by guitarboy
It's okay ^.^Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiza