• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




    Results 1 to 14 of 14
    Like Tree1Likes
    • 1 Post By hellohihello

    Thread: Is it Good??

    1. #1
      Member Achievements:
      Referrer Bronze Tagger First Class 5000 Hall Points Veteran First Class
      Jesus of Suburbia's Avatar
      Join Date
      Mar 2009
      LD Count
      192837465
      Gender
      Posts
      1,309
      Likes
      248

      Is it Good??

      I wrote this for Valentine's Day for my girlfriend. Do you think she'll like it??

      (No Name)
      Honestly, I'm not going to lie
      Say hello when I mean goodbye
      Make me forget the world all around me
      I really do like you, do you see?
      Cannot remember my own name
      Make my mind go up in flame
      With your voice, which is so fine
      Will you be my Valentine?

      I do want criticism, if I don't care about a 7.0 quake in Haiti, I definately don't care about a harsh opinion.

    2. #2
      Come n' go gal lucidreamsavy's Avatar
      Join Date
      Apr 2009
      LD Count
      Many
      Gender
      Location
      In a cold, cold place...
      Posts
      1,683
      Likes
      530
      DJ Entries
      50
      As I already said, it is good. And it comes straight from your heart, that's what really matters. Girls love that stuff .
      If you see a strange typo in my post, blame my iPad for that.

      Short story series about LD'ing:
      http://www.dreamviews.com/artists-corner/140705-short-story-series-community-involvement-needed.html#post1990516

    3. #3
      Dead Roach Samuel Achievements:
      Made Friends on DV Referrer Bronze Veteran First Class 5000 Hall Points
      Kiza's Avatar
      Join Date
      Feb 2008
      Gender
      Posts
      945
      Likes
      16
      Quote Originally Posted by Jesus of Suburbia View Post
      I do want criticism, if I don't care about a 7.0 quake in Haiti, I definately don't care about a harsh opinion.
      The very act of posting this suggests that you do care about other people's opinions; if you really were such an edgy uncaring motherfucker as you seem to think you are, the opinions of others would mean nothing to you. But if you've not posted this looking for criticism, the only thing remaining that you could receive is validation. Maybe try dropping the ridiculous act, huh?

      The poem itself I found cliché and unremarkable.
      A turd with a bullet in it ain't exactly 5 O'Clock News Ray

    4. #4
      q t pi
      Join Date
      Dec 2008
      LD Count
      90009
      Gender
      Location
      Paraguay
      Posts
      1,897
      Likes
      24
      DJ Entries
      5
      Quote Originally Posted by Jesus of Suburbia View Post
      I do want criticism, if I don't care about a 7.0 quake in Haiti, I definately don't care about a harsh opinion.
      You are a horri- you spelled definitely wrong. You should probably make sure you spell your poem right too. As for the poem, I don't really understand it. I'm not very artsy though so it might be very good.
      cygnus likes this.
      if you can read this then you are about to be punched

    5. #5
      Member Achievements:
      Referrer Bronze Tagger First Class 5000 Hall Points Veteran First Class
      Jesus of Suburbia's Avatar
      Join Date
      Mar 2009
      LD Count
      192837465
      Gender
      Posts
      1,309
      Likes
      248
      Quote Originally Posted by Kiza View Post
      The very act of posting this suggests that you do care about other people's opinions; if you really were such an edgy uncaring motherfucker as you seem to think you are, the opinions of others would mean nothing to you. But if you've not posted this looking for criticism, the only thing remaining that you could receive is validation. Maybe try dropping the ridiculous act, huh?

      The poem itself I found cliché and unremarkable.
      I meant by that that I won't be sad or mad or anything if you think it sucks, I'll try to improve it instead.

    6. #6
      Banned
      Join Date
      Jul 2007
      Gender
      Location
      The Weak and the Wounded
      Posts
      4,925
      Likes
      485
      Super cliche. That may not be a bad thing though.

      Would I be awfully wrong in assuming the way it's done is influenced somewhat by musical lyrics, to certain rock bands?

    7. #7
      Member Achievements:
      Referrer Bronze Tagger First Class 5000 Hall Points Veteran First Class
      Jesus of Suburbia's Avatar
      Join Date
      Mar 2009
      LD Count
      192837465
      Gender
      Posts
      1,309
      Likes
      248
      Quote Originally Posted by Carôusoul View Post
      Super cliche. That may not be a bad thing though.

      Would I be awfully wrong in assuming the way it's done is influenced somewhat by musical lyrics, to certain rock bands?
      No, not lyrics. I knew it's cliché, i really didn't like it that much to start but wanted to get some opinions before throwing it out.

    8. #8
      Banned
      Join Date
      Jul 2007
      Gender
      Location
      The Weak and the Wounded
      Posts
      4,925
      Likes
      485
      Quote Originally Posted by Jesus of Suburbia View Post
      No, not lyrics. I knew it's cliché, i really didn't like it that much to start but wanted to get some opinions before throwing it out.
      You should remember that this is valentines day you're planning for. It's almost a requirement for it to be cliche.

    9. #9
      Member Achievements:
      Referrer Bronze Tagger First Class 5000 Hall Points Veteran First Class
      Jesus of Suburbia's Avatar
      Join Date
      Mar 2009
      LD Count
      192837465
      Gender
      Posts
      1,309
      Likes
      248
      Quote Originally Posted by Carôusoul View Post
      You should remember that this is valentines day you're planning for. It's almost a requirement for it to be cliche.
      I suppose, but I'd really rather it be more un-cliché (so to speak).

    10. #10
      .. / .- –– / .- .-. guitarboy's Avatar
      Join Date
      Sep 2008
      LD Count
      Over 9000
      Gender
      Location
      Homeward Bound
      Posts
      1,571
      Likes
      49
      From your heart, son, not from others.

    11. #11
      Member Achievements:
      Referrer Bronze Tagger First Class 5000 Hall Points Veteran First Class
      Jesus of Suburbia's Avatar
      Join Date
      Mar 2009
      LD Count
      192837465
      Gender
      Posts
      1,309
      Likes
      248
      Quote Originally Posted by guitarboy View Post
      From your heart, son, not from others.
      By that did you mean that I should start over or that I shouldn't?? Hard to tell if you're saying don't worry about what others say or if you're saying don't be so cliché.

    12. #12
      .. / .- –– / .- .-. guitarboy's Avatar
      Join Date
      Sep 2008
      LD Count
      Over 9000
      Gender
      Location
      Homeward Bound
      Posts
      1,571
      Likes
      49
      from your heart... make it about her, not a generic poem. could still be cliche, just make it identifying.

    13. #13
      Dead Roach Samuel Achievements:
      Made Friends on DV Referrer Bronze Veteran First Class 5000 Hall Points
      Kiza's Avatar
      Join Date
      Feb 2008
      Gender
      Posts
      945
      Likes
      16
      Hey, Suburbia. Sorry about that little thing I did up there. I thought you said "I do not want criticism" and that's where I was coming from with that.
      A turd with a bullet in it ain't exactly 5 O'Clock News Ray

    14. #14
      Member Achievements:
      Referrer Bronze Tagger First Class 5000 Hall Points Veteran First Class
      Jesus of Suburbia's Avatar
      Join Date
      Mar 2009
      LD Count
      192837465
      Gender
      Posts
      1,309
      Likes
      248
      Quote Originally Posted by guitarboy View Post
      from your heart... make it about her, not a generic poem. could still be cliche, just make it identifying.
      Okay, will do. I'm rewriting it.

      Quote Originally Posted by Kiza View Post
      Hey, Suburbia. Sorry about that little thing I did up there. I thought you said "I do not want criticism" and that's where I was coming from with that.
      It's okay ^.^

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •