Poem: I Love...

[irishcream]

I love the sound of your voice, I love the warmth of your smil like the summer sun. I love the colour of your eyes, the laughter in them when i make those sharp remarks. I love it when you walk into a room, and my world stops turning. I love the way you smoke, and leave me in a clouded haze. I love how you appear by my side, just when i decide i need you most. I love the way you speak wordlessly to my troubled soul. I love everything about you, I love you, because you are what you are, and i am what i am, and that is something unique. The places you take me, no one else can find. You touch my soul, in places no one else can see. What do you all think? I'm not sure about the last verse.

[Identity X]

I would say the best verse is the last, however it is quite different in style to the other verses, which carry simple, concise messages that do not necessarily describe the inner reasoning, and, although this verse is perfect, it has somewhat of a loose end and perhaps you should think about closing the poem with an additional decisive closing verse. Just nit-picking, really, but I'm also a poet and I wish others would be as critical of my work. Oh, and you must be in love... Edit: Oh! And you like Keane! I love that song, especially the first lines and the verse you state. Brilliant, and very, very significant.

[irishcream]

yes, i love keane, do you have their album? i think that's one of the best songs on the album, 'Your Eyes Open' is another good one. 'you think your days are ordinary/ and no one ever thinks about you/ i see your point about the verses, but that's how it is with him, no matter how much i try to put how he makes me feel into words, it never comes out right. Suffice it to say, 'it just is' the last quote i made up on the way back from a walk this afternoon, i spotted him from the top of a hill, and laughed, so that's where that came from. An additional closing verse? will need to work on that one. thanks for the tips!!

[Mickeys_Elbow]

You paint pictures well with your words, while reading it makes very vibrant images. "the laughter in them when I make those sharp remarks" would have to be my favorite line. It says so much with such few words. The last lines make your love sound very private, and personal, which works well with it just unexpectantly ending. Sort of like "here was your preview but now it's over" and it leaves the reader wanting more. I think you should leave it as is...

[irishcream]

The last lines make your love sound very private, and personal, which works well with it just unexpectantly ending. Sort of like \"here was your preview but now it's over\"[/b] i agree with this, it is a very private thing, and it's not something i choose to discuss, except in a very roundabout way. i feel that to shout it from the hill tops would somehow taint it, make it mean less. not so great. thankyou for your comments though, they are appreciated.