• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

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    1. #1
      Member Identity X's Avatar
      Join Date
      Mar 2004

      Poem: Down To Earth

      Hey, this one was for a competition... the theme: Gravity

      Gravity, gravity,
      your strength back to earth it beckons
      nine point eight metres per second

      Just joking (sorry to those I have put off already)

      Suffers the same as all my poems, I think; incosistent if existant rhythm, although I really do like the last verse.

      Anyway, here it is. Enjoy:

      See him;
      See the lines on his face.

      In the light,
      They are cracks casting shadows on his skin,
      Dark and hollow,
      Like his eyes.

      And all the scratches,
      Scrawled across his face,
      Are a thousand memories,
      Aching for life.

      When he was young,
      He was tall;
      Chasing the moon,
      Chasing dreams.

      And these memories,
      Now dull and dry,
      Were alive;
      He lived them,
      He loved her.

      But now she had returned,
      To the earth from whence she came,
      And he too,
      Slowly, surely,
      Is sinking,
      His heart, his scars, his bones,
      Are victims of gravity,
      A long way from home.

    2. #2
      Member Mickeys_Elbow's Avatar
      Join Date
      Dec 2004
      Always changes...
      Wow! I love the transition in this poem. It starts out simply describing an old man, then it begins to explain his age. It's great how it suggests that he isn't old because of his age, he is old because of what he was and what he lost. The metaphor between gravity and life is just perfect too (that is what you intended right?) I also like that the only way you really say he is old (the rest of the poem you showed) is in the line "when he was young". Good job!

    3. #3
      Member Identity X's Avatar
      Join Date
      Mar 2004
      Thanks for the praise.

      Without blowing my own trumpet, I am pleased at how I interpreted the theme, specifically the realisation of the last verse, but I still feel that the poem is somehow... inadequate. It needs some tidying up, and, more importantly, some regulation of verse and line length and an integrated rhythm (I'm just waffling now).


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