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    Thread: girls tell me when a guy should make his first move.

    1. #1
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      girls tell me when a guy should make his first move.

      scenario: it's either the end of a date or could possibly be a longer date depending on if the guy is going to make a move.

      Now in the past The girl will give me a sign by leaning closer or leaning in. looking at my lips etc. This usually prompts me to make a move.

      Are all girls the same way? Do some girls want something to happen but not give any of these signs. I'm asking because the last date that I ended the girl wasn't even facing me. and we just kept talking. it was getting late and I had to work in the morning. She gave me NO VISIBLE SIGNS she wanted anything to happen. So I ended it. the next few days she looked dissapointed and then asked me out for another hang out.

      If you are a girl do you give signs to a guy. if it's the end of the date do you act stuck up but expect something to happen anyway? if so, how can I tell the girls who want something to happen compared to the ones that don't.
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      if you don't detect any signs don't do anything. you'll either end up looking like a fool or causing anxieties or tension to worsen, or both.

    3. #3
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      I was asking girls foo
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      Too bad. You get dudes to answer your thread.

      Is this girl you're hanging out with shy? I've found shy girls are difficult to read. I just move slowly: hugs, take her arm in mine occasionally, playfully poke her. Once it's more clear how she feels about me, I'll progress or back off. If I'm really stumped, I'll initiate a frank conversation about how we feel.
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      Quote Originally Posted by Man of Shred View Post
      scenario: it's either the end of a date or could possibly be a longer date depending on if the guy is going to make a move.

      Now in the past The girl will give me a sign by leaning closer or leaning in. looking at my lips etc. This usually prompts me to make a move.

      Are all girls the same way? Do some girls want something to happen but not give any of these signs. I'm asking because the last date that I ended the girl wasn't even facing me. and we just kept talking. it was getting late and I had to work in the morning. She gave me NO VISIBLE SIGNS she wanted anything to happen. So I ended it. the next few days she looked dissapointed and then asked me out for another hang out.

      If you are a girl do you give signs to a guy. if it's the end of the date do you act stuck up but expect something to happen anyway? if so, how can I tell the girls who want something to happen compared to the ones that don't.
      All girls are not the same. I'm one of them, and I can't even read them some of the time. Some girls will give you signs that they want you to make a move, some won't. Sometimes its because they're shy. Sometimes its because they have a big ego. Some girls will act like they want you to make a move simply so they can reject you. It is totally within the realm of possibility that a girl would give no visible signs that she wants you to make a move, then act stuck up when you don't.

      If a girl isn't giving you any clearly readable signs, find a way to test the waters. Make physical contact by putting your hand on the small of her back or on her shoulder when your walking and see how she responds to your touch. Make a slightly sexual joke and see how she reacts. Sometimes a girl is unsure if she wants something to happen or not, so you have to make the move and win her over. Confidence and charm go a long way. One thing you never want to do (I've seen many guys make this mistake) is to ask for a kiss or if its ok to kiss her. It totally ruins the mood and comes off unconfident - just go for it.

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      ^^^ Exactly this.

      It's okay to make a move, or at least indicate you are interested in the relationship progressing.

      It's likely she wouldn't go on a date with you if she wasn't expecting you to at least hint at your attraction towards her.

      Let her know, just as hermine_hesse said.

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      ... Why does everyone want to wait till the stereotypical "end-of-date doorstep goodbye" anyway? It's so cliche. When the vibe is right, just go for it. And even if you go for it and it's not quite right, she's more likely to forgive you for being a man than for being a wuss.

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      Well from my small experience, i would say show her ur intrested in her. Look into her eyes a bit longer then normal person would, and go with your face a little bit closer, show her that u wanna kiss her. And if she comes closer aswell, it's basicly green light at that point.

      If she doesn't like u in that way, atleast u can still be friends. Every girl is different, so there is not really a writing rule when u should make ur first move, feel it out a bit. If she is having a good time on ur date, that's already a good sign!
      Watch her bodylanguage aswell, this one is quite important and helpfull.


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      As Bruce Lee said: 'Don't think, Feeeeeel'.

      Try not to look for signs with an analytic mindset.... you'll just know from feeling it. Stay flexible and adaptable; respond in the moment to what you feel... not from analysing the stuff back home. Intuition over analysis. Yeah, this is shite advice, but I've no idea how to explain what I mean by: 'feeling the interest'.

      As for showing your interest, go with what you feel inside. Show it to her... only from her reaction can you judge whether it's too full on, not enough, bit weird etc. It's a two way sort of game... you act, she reacts. You learn and adjust. Whereas, if you keep all your interest inside, then you'll be imagining how the situation will turn out from your assumptions about her or females in general. By waiting for her to prompt you... she's being the 'actor' and you the 'reactor'... turn that around. ^_^

      Importantly, try not to see women as robots... where specific commands and actions necessarily mean a specific thing. They're not that simple.
      Last edited by Wolfwood; 07-07-2012 at 06:14 PM.
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    10. #10
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      You can always just reveal your erection and she what she does. That's how chimps do it.
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      Quote Originally Posted by hermine_hesse View Post
      One thing you never want to do (I've seen many guys make this mistake) is to ask for a kiss or if its ok to kiss her. It totally ruins the mood and comes off unconfident - just go for it.
      I have found the opposite of this true in my own experience.

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      Quote Originally Posted by Phion View Post
      I have found the opposite of this true in my own experience.
      Well, like I said not every girl is the same. I guess if the girl is interested asking for a kiss won't dissuade her, but if she is on the fence then I think it might. Anyway, all the girls I've talked to say they hate this.

      Quote Originally Posted by Omnis Dei View Post
      You can always just reveal your erection and she what she does. That's how chimps do it.
      I would have been disappointed, OD, if you hadn't showed up with a post containing the word "erection."

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      I say just go for the kiss too. I try... if it doesn't work, worst is a slap. That's actually happened to me once before.
      Last edited by Wolfwood; 07-08-2012 at 01:59 AM.

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    14. #14
      Xei
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      Actually I go for the punch if they refuse.
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      You can tease her about a kiss without directly asking her. If you make a joke you can test her interest in the possibility without flattening the mood.

      Girls tend to enjoy feeling as if they're being seduced, which means rather than want permission, they prefer to feel as though they're providing token resistance and being won over. Propositioning a girl for a kiss is sort of like you're asking "Are we there yet?" It's better to test her openness by being facetious and then going forward when she reveals she's open to it.
      Last edited by Omnis Dei; 07-08-2012 at 02:22 AM.
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      Quote Originally Posted by hermine_hesse View Post
      One thing you never want to do (I've seen many guys make this mistake) is to ask for a kiss or if its ok to kiss her. It totally ruins the mood and comes off unconfident - just go for it.
      I'll kill the guy who does that to me, no matter how close we are.
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      Quote Originally Posted by Original Poster View Post
      You can always just reveal your erection and she what she does. That's how chimps do it.
      Works like a charm

    18. #18
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      Quote Originally Posted by Wolfwood View Post
      As Bruce Lee said: 'Don't think, Feeeeeel'.

      Try not to look for signs with an analytic mindset.... you'll just know from feeling it. Stay flexible and adaptable; respond in the moment to what you feel... not from analysing the stuff back home. Intuition over analysis. Yeah, this is shite advice, but I've no idea how to explain what I mean by: 'feeling the interest'.
      This, this, THIS. We can theorize forever, different people can give you different theories with more or less general applicability, but ultimately all that matters is the circumstances of the moment. For example, while I tend to agree with hermine_hess about not ASKING for a kiss, a friend of mine who basically operates at all times from a position of "nervous awkward shy sweet dude" does this and it works fine for him, and when I've talked to girls he's dated they all say it all seemed exceedingly cute. Of course, to get to that point anyways the girl would already have to be tolerant of how he acts, so it makes sense that'd work too. Point being, there are NO rules, every girl is different, and ultimately what you should really just do, as cliche as it has always sounded, is be yourself. Do precisely whatever you feel is right to do at the moment and accept whatever the outcome is. If you feel it's a good time to go in for a kiss, then just freaking do it. If she rejects you, so what? You can't possibly seduce every single girl you attempt to. If you try very hard, you can be fake and potentially work your way through, but then you're always having to be fake with that given girl, which is exhausting and unsatisfying. Just accept that some girls will like you and some won't and it all becomes very, very, very simple.
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      I think you can guess if she really like you especially in your case cause she ask for another date or hang out so for me it really means that she also likes you. why she would ask if she don't like you too?

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      I agree that it can ruin the mood, since some people might like the spontaneous feeling, however if I was in doubt I would just ask. Guessing and being right is probably the best thing, but then asking is the second best. Asking and getting a yes is probably better than missing the hint and doing nothing, and asking and getting a no is way better than trying to kiss someone who doesn't want it at all.

    21. #21
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      I wasn't exactly asking about theory. I was asking girls... based on their own experience, and on what they like. It was answered. thanks.
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    22. #22
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      End of the day your a man, and you should act like a man. Just use good judgement and kiss her. If there are signs all the better, if not it all depends on your judgement. Girls think a lot....if you get rejected no big deal you move on. I also have no gf so maybe you shouldn't listen to me
      Last edited by EricB; 09-23-2012 at 09:35 PM.

    23. #23
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      These responses are simultaneously overly simplified and over-complicated. There is no "magical" moment to "make your move." The mentality behind the phrase "make a move" is destructive to your success (potentially) in the first place. There is not "a move" there are a series of things that you do throughout a date. In order to consistently have stress free, successful dates (whereas success as defined as any form of having a good time in the context of an interaction which is beyond conventionally polite "friendliness") it's necessary to not have such a linear, old fashioned way of framing how a date should go in your mind.

      There's no mysterious gaze, or series of steps you have to take to get a kiss from a girl. (I'm assuming that's primarily what the original post is referring to by a "move") One thing is critical on any date- TOUCH. You have to break the touch barrier. Have you ever had a date that felt like it was more of a hang out than a date, and at the end, the kiss felt like this big event? Do most of your dates end up feeling like the kiss is this big event? "Aaalright, here it goes, we're walking to the door... should I do it? What if she turns away" yadda yadda...

      It really is because you did not have enough physical contact with one another. I mean this in a completely non-sexual manner. You can't very well expect to go straight from a handshake to a kiss on the lips just because you spent a couple hours together talking. Yet so many guys do, and some are lucky, but most others crash and burn and never figure out why. Well, in my experience, the majority of the awkwardness or uncertainty comes from a lack of touch. Start simple. If it's a girl you know already, a hug is probably fine when you greet them, then throughout the night, find excuses to make CASUAL physical contact. That doesn't mean to be grab-assy, overbearing, or very touchy-feely. Obviously, gauge whether or not, and what type of physical contact is welcomed. Point to something across the room from you, lean in next to her, and place your hand on the small of her back. That way it's not creepy, and doesn't feel awkward or unnatural. You know? Things like that.

      If you're sitting side-by-side, let your leg be touching hers. If she's not interested in you, she'll likely move her leg away, or she may show more subtle signs of disinterest. Little cues like that are important. If you build up a lot of physical touch throughout the night, a kiss will feel natural. And for the record, the "make your move at the end" mentality is going to do you no good either. Sometimes that just happens to be the best time, but in general, it's best to go for your first kiss in the MIDDLE of the date. Very big- a kiss should happen in the MIDDLE first. So try to think of physical contact as happening in different parts. If you do one part before it's previous part, it's going to come off as weird, forced/uncomfortable, or otherwise awkward.

      For example, Part one- hands, forearms, leg-to-leg. So things like a fist-bump if she says something you agree with. "What? I like superman 2 the best too! *fist bump*" Or, "did you ever play that game when you were a kid, trying to smack the other person's hands before they pull them away? It's like this (play the hand game)" etc.

      Part two would be like, placing your hand briefly on the small of her back, dancing face to face with hands on her waist, or if you're in a bar and it's loud, press your cheek to hers when you talk to her.

      Part three would be when you are mutually both comfortable enough with the type of physical contact you have been having, that you can do so throughout the date, and a kiss will just feel natural. Obviously, don't necessary try to do exactly those things in exactly that order, just do what feels natural. The escalation of touch will happen more quickly than you likely think.

      I don't know how to explain it. But I can explain that a kiss will always feel like an "event" that you have to think through and plan, and time if you just jump straight from little or no physical contact, straight to trying to kiss her. It will ALWAYS feel strange when you do that. A kiss should be no big deal. If you make it into a big thing, she may even pick up on that, and it may make her uncomfortable. It should feel natural, and that HAS TO start with building up mutual comfort with physical touch. If it feels awkward for you to put your hand on her thigh for a half-second, then it will feel awkward when you try to kiss her. Touch, and the escalation of touch is of critical importance. I can't stress enough how necessary it is, and it's something which is so overlooked, I'm nearly certain no one else will mention it, because it's not something you should have to think about. It should happen naturally. When you ask a woman everything that

      If she's giving you non-physical cues as other people mentioned before, (and if she's interested, you will receive them early on in the interaction, so PAY ATTENTION) reciprocate those with non-offensive, but also not awkwardly conservative physical contact. If you expect to kiss, you can't expect to do so comfortably without having the mutual comfort of being able to be physical with one another (and I mean that in a non-sexual way.) Try it, I guarantee you will find a kiss a lot less of a mental/emotional burden during the course of your dates. I'm sorry this was so poorly written, I'm a bit scatter-brained tonight. If I can clarify any further, please don't hesitate to send me a PM.
      Last edited by Rainman; 10-02-2012 at 10:06 AM.

    24. #24
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      Me, When I used to laugh or smile on whatever that a guy is talking to me,, ahm you know when we're comfortably being with each other

      Can't elaborate T.T dunno how to explain urghh..

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