Thread: Tell me about Eye Contact.

You gotta look away every now and then. I have this one friend who just stares.. and stares.. and stares.. I think sometimes he forgets to blink, too. It's so unnerving. I don't understand how he thinks it's okay to do that.

I think I have terrible eye contact because I always think better if I look away. I think a lot of people don't really make eye contact and its not too big of a deal. Maybe if you are kind of an awkward person it would make it more awkward and make it seem like you are uneasy but in a normal conversation if you are showing other signs of interest then its no biggy. Just go with what feels natural, if you focus on how much eye contact you are making you may come across as creepy by overdoing it.

First thing's first: Eye contact is very important (IMHO).

With another guy, in casual conversation, it shows that you are engaged, and that you are not hiding anything by not able to look at him straight on. It often shows that you are sincere in what you say, and that you're not looking all around the room while trying to think of the right thing to say at the right time.

With women, it's just as important. Any strong woman will tell you that there isn't much more unattractive than a guy who can't look them in the eye. It gives them the impression that you are timid and shy which - while they might find it cute - just doesn't display the sort of confidence that most women respond to.

Personally, I think eye contact is relevant in all sorts of interaction, whether it be casual or intimate. How you look at a person while you're speaking to them usually tells them whether you mean what you say, or are even comfortable saying what you're saying. Even if you're just flirting/joking around, looking them in the eye tells the person that you're comfortable and confident, which goes a long way.

Of course, you don't want to just stare. You have to find a sort of equilibrium that shows you're not just fixed in, like a psychopath, but most importantly shows that you're not too afraid to look someone in the eye, when you're being sincere or comfortable talking to them.

Originally Posted by hellohihello

...When it's a girl it's easy and they usually tell me if I have nice eyes so I look forward to that.

I think that may be part of your problem. If you've been told, all your life, that you have attractive eyes, perhaps you subconsciously connect eye contact with sexuality and you're afraid of giving guys the wrong idea.
Lack of eye contact with other males could also show you are submissive to them- that they are the alpha figure in your group (rightly or wrongly, that's an impression you might be making).
It could also indicate (again, rightly or wrongly) that you're insecure.

Practice on your closest friends, on friends you feel are your equal, or friends you feel somewhat superior to.
Eye contact says a LOT about people so it's important to get a feel for it.

hm... i've never really thought about it much. Maybe you should just not think about it and you'll end up naturally making eye contact at moments you should, but not sit there staring into their eyes to the point that it's creepy.

Ahh I get it. I have been homeschooled most of my teen years sadly, that's when I really needed to socialize and really haven't talked to anyone

I never understood the thing about eye contact - how much is too much, too little, too long, too short - I've always just done it without thinking.

The only times I ever really 'avoid' eye contact is when my lazy eye comes back when I'm really tired, which SUCKS. I need to get another subscription for contacts and I'll be fine.

I keep terrible eye contact :/

I'm never sure when I should look away, and things seem too personal when I look people in the eyes. I'm just overthinking it though...

Originally Posted by lagunagirl

Maybe you should just not think about it and you'll end up naturally making eye contact at moments you should, but not sit there staring into their eyes to the point that it's creepy.

Very true. Eye contact is a natural thing. Forcing eye contact makes it unnatural, and sometimes obviously so.

Personally, I have to look at someone in the eyes when I talk to them. It's when I pause, or if there's silence between us that I look away. O put it well:

Of course, you don't want to just stare. You have to find a sort of equilibrium that shows you're not just fixed in, like a psychopath, but most importantly shows that you're not too afraid to look someone in the eye, when you're being sincere or comfortable talking to them.

I tend to avoid eye contact. I didn't even notice it until a friend of mine told me. I don't like looking into people's eyes too much - unless of course they're hawt eyes ^^

But I used to be awkwardly shy when younger, and had problems with bullying, so that's expected from me.

I do, however, use eye contact to determine someone's interest in or receptivity about me. I have stories of finding gay boys and making out with them through eye contact, so go figure.

You know what I hate?

I hate when you're kind of passively noticing someone that hasn't yet noticed you, and just as you're about to look away, they look at you in that same instant. So the first thing they see when they look at you is you looking away from them, and you have to wonder if they think you turned away just because you saw them looking toward you, looking at them.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

You know what I hate?

I hate when you're kind of passively noticing someone that hasn't yet noticed you, and just as you're about to look away, they look at you in that same instant. So the first thing they see when they look at you is you looking away from them, and you have to wonder if they think you turned away just because you saw them looking toward you, looking at them.

Yeah things like that can get pretty awkward. It's like when you are looking at something and then you think someone is staring at you, but you can only see them in your peripherals and so you look at them and then they actually weren't looking at you and then they look at you while you are looking at them to see if they are staring at you.

Originally Posted by kingofclutch

Yeah things like that can get pretty awkward. It's like when you are looking at something and then you think someone is staring at you, but you can only see them in your peripherals and so you look at them and then they actually weren't looking at you and then they look at you while you are looking at them to see if they are staring at you.

LOL. Yup. That too.

Seeing is an art form.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

You know what I hate?

I hate when you're kind of passively noticing someone that hasn't yet noticed you, and just as you're about to look away, they look at you in that same instant. So the first thing they see when they look at you is you looking away from them, and you have to wonder if they think you turned away just because you saw them looking toward you, looking at them.

Oh man, this is terrible. In september I did that and a girl asked me if I liked her

I hate it when you catch somebody staring at you, then you look away and back after a moment and they're still staring at you. Like they're either suspicious, checking you out (guys do this), or trying to challange you in some way. When that happens I just want to yell "What the fuck you looking at, buddy!?" During dinner time my mom used to always do that to me and my parents would get angry at me for telling her to stop.

I keep minimizing this page as I write this because there's this jerk who sits next to me who always likes to read what I'm reading/writing. In fact, he just did so but luckily I had this text scrolled to where he couldn't see. I hate that guy.

Be considerate of how you use your eyes people.

Ha! My kids would definitely sympathize! I used to have two computers, side by side, so I could monitor them while I was on. I can merely innocently *glance* at the screen and my brain captures the entire gist of what's being written or read.
They got to the point, that they would turn the monitor slightly away from me when they were emailing and we always laughed about it... but they were also annoyed.

On the computer privacy, I think it is important for kids to have privacy in what they are doing on the computers. Many times when they are hiding something, it is not something innapropriate, but rather just something personal.

My [then] 12 year old daughter started receiving a lot of out of state phone calls. It was from a guy named Jimmy who lived in New Jersey. When I asked her about him, she said he was one of her classmates but moved.
Several months later, I found out he was about 18 years old and she met him on Gaia. If he was on the up and up he was going to move to our small town and attend the local college. I told her she wasn't being fair to him and that she needed to tell him the truth.
Instead, she simply disappeared from the poor kids life- no email, no phone calls, no texts, nothing. She told him she was 16 (or 17 can't recall).

So, obviously, I don't agree that kids should be left to their own devices... especially not my kids. You give them an inch and they take several miles.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

My [then] 12 year old daughter started receiving a lot of out of state phone calls. It was from a guy named Jimmy who lived in New Jersey. When I asked her about him, she said he was one of her classmates but moved.
Several months later, I found out he was about 18 years old and she met him on Gaia. If he was on the up and up he was going to move to our small town and attend the local college. I told her she wasn't being fair to him and that she needed to tell him the truth.
Instead, she simply disappeared from the poor kids life- no email, no phone calls, no texts, nothing. She told him she was 16 (or 17 can't recall).

So, obviously, I don't agree that kids should be left to their own devices... especially not my kids. You give them an inch and they take several miles.

Well, I didn't mean that they should not be checked on and they should be left to their own devices, but rather they should have some space to do what they want and not have a parent looking over their shoulder every 5 seconds.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

My [then] 12 year old daughter started receiving a lot of out of state phone calls. It was from a guy named Jimmy who lived in New Jersey. When I asked her about him, she said he was one of her classmates but moved.
Several months later, I found out he was about 18 years old and she met him on Gaia. If he was on the up and up he was going to move to our small town and attend the local college. I told her she wasn't being fair to him and that she needed to tell him the truth.
Instead, she simply disappeared from the poor kids life- no email, no phone calls, no texts, nothing. She told him she was 16 (or 17 can't recall).

So, obviously, I don't agree that kids should be left to their own devices... especially not my kids. You give them an inch and they take several miles.

You let her go on that place :O Oh my. That place if I can remember correctly, is full of pedos.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

My [then] 12 year old daughter started receiving a lot of out of state phone calls. It was from a guy named Jimmy who lived in New Jersey. When I asked her about him, she said he was one of her classmates but moved.
Several months later, I found out he was about 18 years old and she met him on Gaia. If he was on the up and up he was going to move to our small town and attend the local college. I told her she wasn't being fair to him and that she needed to tell him the truth.
Instead, she simply disappeared from the poor kids life- no email, no phone calls, no texts, nothing. She told him she was 16 (or 17 can't recall).

So, obviously, I don't agree that kids should be left to their own devices... especially not my kids. You give them an inch and they take several miles.

Well no wonder.

The average stare is 1 second and 3 seconds is when people start to feel uncomfortable. In studies, a good 2 seconds with a smile is perfect to give a comfortable impression.

Empirical evidence for the win.

~

Originally Posted by O'nus

The average stare is 1 second and 3 seconds is when people start to feel uncomfortable. In studies, a good 2 seconds with a smile is perfect to give a comfortable impression.

Empirical evidence for the win.

~

Looking away every 3 seconds seems to quickly in my opinion : /