Ask Me For Financial Advice

I've spent over 1,400 hours worth of my time reading financial/investment books, have been to Dave Ramsey's financial peace university seminar in New York four times and have a positive cash flow that makes distant relatives call me occasionally wanting to "hangout sometime". I have a few real estate properties in my portfolio and am working on buying about 10 kiosks in my local mall to add to that. I shook hands with Donald Trump when I was 13 and was personally taught how to "properly" tie a tie by him as well. I play the stock and bond market (paper assets) in addition to purchasing property assets (real-estate). I'm very "uptight" about my money so I tend not to buy clothes unless I need them or a car unless I need it. About a month ago my 1993 Nissan Maxima took a permanent dirt nap so I went and got a 2002 Silver Grand Prix, - I do not have a car note. You may ask me questions related to CD accounts, the stock and bond market (and minor securities), as well as real-estate.


If I don't know something, I'll tell you I don't know.

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I had no idea, Jeff. What should I do to minimize the impact of student loans? What's the best way to pay for college?

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Originally Posted by Abra

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I had no idea, Jeff. What should I do to minimize the impact of student loans? What's the best way to pay for college?

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Well as a female, I think the best thing you can do is to use your beauty. Start putting on a lot of makeup and get yourself a pimp and work the street corners. You'll be out of debt in 2 months tops.

Next question!

I need the college question answered too.

Different response. u - u

I have $3000 dollars saved up. I'd like to invest. What should I do?

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Originally Posted by Xox

I need the college question answered too.

Different response. u - u

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This is a very good website (e-book) for learning how to do just that, I took your personality, age, and level of debt in mind.

Hahahhaha

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Originally Posted by PhilosopherStoned

I have $3000 dollars saved up. I'd like to invest. What should I do?

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You should take that $3,000 and visit a casino with good slot machines. Statistically speaking, more millionaires are being being in the casino than in the stock and bond market. $3,000 was enough to put down for a house (to rent out) 10 years ago but now that figure has tripled...and that's just for your average run-of-the-mill 3/2. Use $1,500 on tokens to put in slot machines and if you're losing more than you're gaining once you've already shoved out $1,000...I recommend taking the remainder of your money and investing it in a good "How to get rich quick" scheme. Preferably one based out of Nigeria.


Next Question!

Should I keep working for cash and go on disability and not pay taxes?

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Originally Posted by grasshoppa

Should I keep working for cash and go on disability and not pay taxes?

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No, if you want to cheat the system...get a low-wage job at a restaurant and claim a bunch of kids (that obviously aren't yours) as dependents. And regarding the taxes...pay half of your taxes and attach a note saying "I.O.U" as you submit your papers to the government every year. Do this every year. As long as you'll owe them, they'll never be broke.

You have been helped.

Next Question!

I'm broke. How do I fix this?

And if you give me a flippant answer, I'm going to be a very sad panda.

Guys. I think I got trolled. ;______;

How do I make money online?

Do I even need money? O.o

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Originally Posted by slayer

How do I make money online?

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The only serious response in this thread.

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Originally Posted by slayer

How do I make money online?

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Google "Get rich quick programs" or "Get rich quick schemes" and find one based out of Nigeria. They have the best opportunities coming out of Africa, especially for those willing to shovel out money online to make more back.

You have been helped.

Next Question!

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Originally Posted by Man of Steel

I'm broke. How do I fix this?

And if you give me a flippant answer, I'm going to be a very sad panda.

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Having no money is not the problem. It's a symptom of a bigger problem. First we need to identify what that problem is.

1. Poor mentality
2. Broke mentality

The poor mentality means that your programming is hardwired to make sure you don't have two red cents to rub together now, for the rest of your life.

The broke mentality means that you just don't have money right THIS SECOND. This is the lesser of two evils when comparing both mentality's and this is the one I'm guessing you're suffering from.

My first suggestion is to see a doctor, these mentalities are just that "mental-ities". They are mental diseases which repels money from you like how Dick Cheyney repels truth. This is a serious mental disease and upon your diagnosis, you will more than likely be given prescription medication to ease the bond between you and money. If the doctor DOES diagnose you has having this mental disease, you can apply for disability (though you won't get very much because your disease causes you to repel money. So whereas they may send you a $1,200 dollar check, when it reaches your mailbox it might be around 20 - 30 bucks. This is why I recommend seeking a doctor as soon as possible)

To kind of put you in the right direction, I recommend you watching the movie "The Secret" to start you on the right path.



Also one thing that may help is by telling yourself you are a money magnet. Now the first 10 or so times you try and say this you might stutter because of your disease, which is why I still recommend seeking professional help.

You have been helped.

Next Question!

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Originally Posted by Unelias

Do I even need money? O.o

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Yes!! You want a family someday don't you? Money is critical for sustaining your future children's most basic needs (halo, strippers, alcohol). So you definitely need money.

You have been helped.

Next Question!

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Originally Posted by Jeff777

Yes!! You want a family someday don't you? Money is critical for sustaining your future children's most basic needs (halo, strippers, alcohol). So you definitely need money.
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I have to correct you here Jeff, I have no need or plan to make a family. However, you are still right because those basic needs you listed affect me too. :/

I quess I need some money after all... curses.. *sad panda*

Damn Jeff. You're lucky The Lawyer got banned or there would be a class action lawsuit here. I tried the slot machines. Didn't pan out. So I wired $1000 to some overthrown king in Nigeria. You better hope this works out or I'm coming after you with a shottie. I would take legal action but I don't have any money :mad::mad:

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Originally Posted by PhilosopherStoned

Damn Jeff. You're lucky The Lawyer got banned or there would be a class action lawsuit here. I tried the slot machines. Didn't pan out. So I wired $1000 to some overthrown king in Nigeria. You better hope this works out or I'm coming after you with a shottie. I would take legal action but I don't have any money :mad::mad:

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I assure you, all of my advice is sound. I am currently attending the Wharton University school of finance in Pennsylvania and showed my professor this thread (via email) and he was rather impressed.

In all seriousness, this thread is about to get a move to Senseless Banter here in a minute.


I expected better of you, Jeff. :(

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Originally Posted by Merlock

The only serious response in this thread.

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That's pretty cool! But something confuses me...does it cost to take the job? Because some jobs on there only pay like $10 and it seems kind of pointless to bid on something like that...

A lot of sites like that have a premium membership of around $10 dollars a month that lets you bid on more jobs per month and lists your bids higher. It's a good idea if you really want to do it as a major source of income. I don't know that one in particular though....

So...I have to pay to get paid?

No. You can place bids and take jobs for free. They'll take a commission out of your pay if you don't have a 'premium' membership though.

So if I take a job that pays like $100, and I don't have a premium membership, then they'll just take some money out of the $100? Is there like a certain percentage they take out, or is it random?

There is a fixed percentage. Nothing up front for most sites and the percentage varies. If you end up doing a lot of jobs then you will surely want the premium membership because it will be cheaper than paying the percentage for one medium sized job. There are a lot of sites so shop around. look up free lancing sights on google and look around.

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Originally Posted by slayer

So if I take a job that pays like $100, and I don't have a premium membership, then they'll just take some money out of the $100? Is there like a certain percentage they take out, or is it random?

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Rule #1 of freelancing: you do everything yourself, from finding the work to doing it.
That includes taking care of all details.
And that includes reading the freelance site's rules and all.

So, aye, don't ask questions here. Everything is always written up. There are always help sections, etc.

But the typical mechanism is a fixed percentage from what you get paid in any given project (like 1%, though obviously differs per site) taken by the freelance board since, you know, they helped you find the work.

I was just getting an understanding of how this all goes on...

This sounds alright...I'll look into it more.

It's legal right?

Yes, and plenty make a living off it.

Ok last question...what are these kinds of sites called?

Topic locked at the OP's request. Feel free to start another asking more about your specific question, slayer.


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