Switching to different approach: will question reality more

So working on dream recall has not been very successful for me, and I am not too surprised since I've had a lot of stress and trouble sleeping lately.

So I am thinking to switch my focus for a while to questioning reality. Given how crazy weird life appears to me at times that shouldn't be too hard.

I am thinking of setting a goal of improving my questioning of reality withing the next week or two, and am thinking to report back my progress in this thread. If you have any suggestions or encouraging comments, either is welcome.

My current thinking is:

I go through doors a lot, and I would like to see whether I can use going through doors as a reminder to question whether where I came from and where I am going makes sense.

Also I want to focus on looking for the weird: looking for things throughout waking life that seem almost too weird so that they could be a dream. And so I am thinking to think about how they could be dream signs and how this could be a dream, and then think about whether there is any compelling reason to assume that it is not a dream, and such.

Do some reality checks mainly prompted by either doors or weird stuff, and we will see how that goes. I recently had been so absorbed in the stress of life that I had not been doing reality checks or questioning enough, but we will see whether this intension will help enough. I could also set an iPhone alarm, but I would rather not do that since I have too many alerts already, so I will see whether I can improve without an alert.

That's a good idea about doors, though don't forget to do an reality check each time when waking up too. ;)
Good luck!

What you're trying to do is called "developing" prospective memory. It's actually one very important type of memory for all lucid dreamers because it relates to the intention we have to remember something in the future, in your case to question reality every time you go through a door.

There are some tips if you want to increase your association:

- Use as many contexts as possible. Recall works under principles of context, that's why sometimes it's so hard to remember something said at work/school when you're at home, and when you experience a similar scenario you're much more likely to retrieve the memory. In your particular case: don't stick to the routine of the same doors every time: open that door that you normally don't open, and question yourself about it.

- Reflect and reality check out of the blue. Prospective memory is stronger when associated to events, but spontaneous recall is also very important to form an habit. I don't know if 2 weeks will be enough, as habits tend to take longer to become automatic, so keep going!

- Plan. Prospective memory is associated with organization. If people plan their intentions ahead, it's much easier to the brain to recall them, because you have a better sense of time. Prospective tasks based on time, although weaker than those based on events, are still a great help. You can try and count how many reality checks you do per day. The number doesn't really matter, but you're strengthening the intention by adding a small "pressure" to it.

- Question yourself: don't just rely on doors and weird stuff, in a dream you don't really realize stuff is "weird". You have to get used to question everything, even things you take for absolute. That doesn't mean you got to be in ninja mode all day, but simply be aware of you're "position" in the universe. Why you're here? Where are you going? What are you talking about with that person? Why am I in my car? This brings another advantage: the fact that you're more aware increases your ability to recall past events. Just try it for one day and you'll amaze yourself. If you focus on being aware you can easily fill 2 pages of details about a 10minutes trip of bus.

Good luck!

PS: You've just read this post. Are you sure you aren't dreaming?

Thank you. Just a correction of an earlier statement of mine: when I said next week or two I did not mean that I mean to give up in one to two weeks or expect full success by then, but rather that I want to re-evaluate in one or two weeks - to see if I need to adjust my approach and how much progress I have made or not.

Just had a minor success: questioned reality three times this evening due to walking through doors, and a moment ago thought: "I am exceedingly sleepy, that's because I took NyQuil earlier this evening unintentionally when I planned to take Mucinex. Which is exactly the type of excuse that a dreaming mind would come up with, and this mental fog is just like in a dream." While a reality check showed that I am probably awake, but I think this was a good start.

This morning my four year old son played with a door knob and thus we lingered in a doorway longer than usual. Alas, I did not question reality at that time. However, in hindsight I realize that it would be a very logical dream sign after I had set my intension to reality checking at doors it would have been logical for me to dream of my son causing us to linger in a doorway longer. I did four questioning reality type activities thus far today, including a moment ago when I realized that while I think I was alone in the elevator when I came down for lunch, but I had not been paying enough attention to remember that for sure, and that means I was not aware enough, and there were of course doors involved in the elevator. Even though I do not remember the elevator ride well, I confirm that I am probably awake now.

Edit: Crap, I again missed the elevator ride. There would have been at least five doors bet tween the cafeteria and where I am now, and I was on autopilot throughout. On the bright side, such a discontinuity, as if ai teleported from the cafeteria up here is much like what a dream would dish up, so let's check: no, I can't change the clock to read 5pm no matter how I wish for the business day to end, and I do appear to need my nose to breathe.

Edit edit: as I keep posting what I am doing right and wrong in this effort to this thread, if anyone reading notices something I may have not thought about, please chime in.

Ok, I managed to question reality around eight times today thus far, and I am not quite going to sleep yet, not bad for first day. I noticed that I was much more aware in hindsight of being on autopilot, but I was still functioning on autopilot a lot of times. I also noticed that I rarely actually questioned reality when going through a door today, but rather would suddenly become aware that I had missed a whole bunch of doors and than I reviewed mentally where I had been and how many doors I must have passed between there and where I was, etc.

After an exhausting first part of the day which was due to my mother deciding what my priorities for this morning should be and me letting her because she has been a huge help lately (ah the complications of adult daughter mother relationships), I lay down for a nap and my mother knew that I did. An hour later I get a phone call from her which woke me up, telling me that she is at Goodwill and that there is a dresser half off, I said that I don't know talk to my husband he had said something about wanting a dresser. My mom suggested that if he wants it we can go look at it tonight during our date night. I said that i won't tell him that because if he chose to look at a dresser during our date night I would kill him - I need a date night a lot, and that is definitely not my idea of one. When I hung up, first thought I can't believe my mom woke me up for this and made this suggestion. Second thought what if this is a dream, that would make perfect sense: my husband had mentioned a dresser, a sudden unexpected awakening, I had gone to bed in a bad mood and thus such a dream would logically follow. So I did a reality check, and ... Nope, wide awake, shucks! It would have made so much more sense as a dream!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JoannaB

So I am thinking to switch my focus for a while to questioning reality. Given how crazy weird life appears to me at times that shouldn't be too hard.

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Good idea! It always pays to be a little more aware and while doing this you can actually enjoy the situation even if it is sometimes a frustrating one, because you are kind of watching everything with some sense of detachment. I have put on my RC agenda to be critical about reality every time I get a phone call, and every time I see a person. I checked a few times with the first but should be more alert for the second one. :)

Again questioned reality around eight times today. Went through a lot more doors than eight and had lots more weird stuff I am sure, so there is definitely room for improvement.

Lost track of number of times I questioned reality today, but it was at least eight times. None of them connected to doors but that's ok. I did catch myself at some weird illogical rationalizing for why something is or is not likely a dream, I was thinking something along the lines of that something was just the sort of thing I usually do and in dreams usually reality follows one's expectations, so in dreams I would expect myself to do what I usually do. Luckily, my next thought was, nonsense, how would that differentiate waking and dream life: in both I am likely to do what I usually do and expect myself to do so. :) What I did not think next but should have: ah, but in dreams I am likely to do weird rationalizing, and this is very weird rationalizing, therefore need to suspect that this is a dream. Anyway, it was not, it was waking nonsensical rationalizing, which I luckily caught.

Yesterday, I attempted ADA. I was pretty aware on the drive to work. Then a very stressful day at work made that go out the window. But I did manage to reality check at work a few times, mostly an "I can't believe this is really happening!" instigated, followed by a hopeful "Maybe this is not really happening?", finalized with a disappointed "Nope, I am awake." after reality check.

It's nice to read your meta-awareness. Sometimes people just tend to work with what they know, and forget to include (the) unknown failures into the picture. You seem to be in the good way ^^ Also, it's another positive that you mention questioning your state not by association but also heavily from spontaneous moments, which is very handy since dream signs aren't always there. And since the majority of dreams involve some kind of anxiety, your "work" at work will produce some nice results. Do you dream about work and other familiar locations many times?

I do at times dream about work, although more often lately it has been about a new job not my current one, which makes sense given my job search. Alas my major problem right now is dream recall. That also makes sense given the amount of stress in my life, among others leading to less sleep. Even when I remember dreams they tend to be more often than not from the first or second sleep cycle and only rarely from the longer REM later in the morning. I do seem to be making good progress on awareness front throughout the day, although being hard on myself means that I tend to be disappointed about not checking at times when I should and going on autopilot or getting distracted. However, there are a lot of successes also: I just a moment ago was sitting in the cafeteria and focusing on food and my iPhone, when I remembered to be more aware, and actually study my surroundings for a while looking for anything weird, and that's good.

EDIT: Interesting thing that happened Saturday - yesterday - today: On Saturday I walked into the living room and saw that my younger son was progressing in the Wii exercise game using my Mii. I got a bit upset about that, telling him to not use my Mii because I want my progress to reflect my progress. My husband was there, and he took the Wii remote and exited the game. Yesterday I exercised with Wii, but noticed that my progress did not reflect the place at which I had noticed my son having left off. This made me question whether this was a waking memory or a memory of a dream. Today I remembered, and called my husband during lunch break to verify. He confirmed that this had actually happened in waking life, so the Wii must just not have saved that progress (which was good that it did not). It was interesting to me that for a while there I realized that this memory could just as easily have been from a vivid dream, and that the only way to differentiate whether it was a dream or waking memory at this point was to verify with my husband who had also been there if it was a waking memory.

Edit 2: I wrote in a reply to a dreamviews thread about a mirror metaphorically, and moments later I found myself making faces at myself in a mirror above the sink in the bathroom. Was this a dream mirror caused by association to previous mirror comment? I check reality. No the mirror is real, and I am really weird making faces at myself - posh! It was worth checking though.

This is quiet interesting, it's actually the first thing I ever tried when I started. I dismissed my idea because I thought I didn't know very much but it actually does work quite well, it just requires al ot of motivation and patience. It feels quite bad too when you forget to notice a door like 6 or 7 times in a row.

I have recently made a post about something like this. I was wondering why ADA wasn't doing much for me and then it hit me. I never questioned anything. If you keep it up with ADA and combine that with questioning what you are doing and your surroundings then you will most definitely become lucid more.

Yup, agreed: a lot of motivation and patience needed, plus a lot of questioning. Who knows whether I shall be successful and when, given my stress level and low dream recall, but this is the approach I can progress in for now, so I am.

There I was in the car waiting for the light to change at the beginning of my commute. I must admit I spaced out briefly. Then a thought crossed my mind "The world is on fire." I was about to dismiss it, but I caught it. What a weird random thought. What do I mean by that? It took me much longer than it should have to make the connection to the hot car due to unusually warm spring day (80s). So I thought a metaphor. Then I remembered that I tend to have metaphorical dreams, some with elaborate plots, where so many pieces fit. What if when I space out during the day, my subconscious is plotting such dreams, and occasionally it let's something slip. I said the intension "If I see the world on fire, I will realize it is a dream." Then I did a reality check, rereading a street sign, to ensure I was not already dreaming.

Edit: Did not count the reality checks today, but I have a sense that it was a lot more. It's becoming much more a part of what I do now. :) btw, today was a much more relaxing day with low stress and I was stressing out less about the questioning of reality, too. Taking it easy. I have higher hopes for a lucid dream tonight as a result.

Alas, much less dedicated to reality checks and awareness today, still doing some but much less. I was however spending a great deal of time interpreting last night's dream about the "use case of death" and I managed to figure out what that was about. Also I went though my dream journal and counted that in the last 40 days or so, I had 8 vivid long dreams, 1 lucid WILD, and about 40 dream fragments. That means that my concern that my dream recall is bad is a bit being too hard on myself. I need to be more patient and more forgiving with myself. I am doing ok.

Edit: Ok, here is my dilemma: I realize that I have not day dreamed in a while. Another thread reminded me of that. Day dreams have always been essential to keeping me sane. I believe that in order to bring down my stress, I need to start day dreaming again. problem is: daydreaming is likely to reduce my awareness and make me question reality less because I will be in reality less. However, the day dreams are very likely to reduce my stress, an I do believe that my stress being as high as it is is interfering with my success in lucid dreaming.

I am thinking maybe I can alternate the two: daydream some and be aware at other times. Alternatively, I wonder how much awareness I can have during day dreams, since the point of them is to escape reality and to clutter my mind so that I have less mental resources to stress with, I am not sure how aware I can be, without loosing the benefits of daydream immersion.

This morning I daydreamed, something I had not done in a long while. It was good. I did some reality checks, but my awareness was probably not high throughout the day. I will try to be more aware this evening for at least part of it. My stress level was not high today - it was not nonexistant, but manageable. Will I realize that I am dreaming next time that I am dreaming, and will I remember my dreams? I intend to.

Ok, so it has been about a week since I initiated this approach. While I have not kept up the initial level of meta awareness, but I have made reality checks a routine part of my life despite incorporating day dreaming back into my life. The day dreaming I think thus far has really made a difference in reducing my stress level. I cannot believe I had forgotten how important day dreaming is to my sanity, and how long it took me to realize that day dreaming had been missing in my life during this time of high stress. I should have been more aware of that since this is not the first time this has happened to me, and I had discovered the importance of my day dreaming years ago. Apparently I am much more comfortable with myself if I spend at least part of the day imagining I am a male vampire for example - go figure. :) Whatever works to reduce my stress, and yes, this complicates my self awareness a bit, but not too much, since I am never really confused about not actually being a male vampire in waking life.

Anyway, tonight I will realize that I am dreaming and I shall remember my lucid dream. It is time to do so. My awareness is up, my stress is down, and it is Friday night and I can sleep in tomorrow. The timing is perfect. The psychology is here: I will realize I am dreaming; I will realize that I am dreaming; I will realize I am dreaming, and I will remember my lucid dream. The chemistry is now much better thanks to stress reduction. No more excuses: there is no reason not to have a lucid dream tonight.

PS: Oh, and since I am going to have a lucid dream tonight I should also plan on what I will do with it. I was to do the task of the month, and taste something. And then I want to fly.

It did not work. And my stress level is up again. Had a fight with my mother over the phone over almost nothing this morning. Now I am eating chocolate for comfort. Will need to exercise in a moment, maybe some yoga will help. Will try to nap this afternoon, and intend to LD then. My phone's autocorrect just made me RC because it is too weird, but no it really is that weird. I wish magic were real and I could say a spell and make life less complicated.

Make sure, when you're "Questioning reality" that you pose the right question. Or else you're just confusing yourself. Notice how when you're stressed, your thoughts are pulled hear and there, without your control. Worrying, thinking about the future. What might happen? Will that hurt me? What if this happens?

"What if" "What if" "If this happens then"

Is a common stressful thought. Try to force yourself to quiet your mind. Of course, this is kind of impossible. Your minds voice is so persistent. Even when you're thinking of, quieting your inner voice. You inner voice is going "Quiet, shh, thought, oh gosh I'm thinking, damnit I'm still-" it's like, sheesh, be quiet already. But the point of "Quieting" your mind, is to realize how non-lucid dreams, particularly nightmares are not so different than our every day stressful situations. Our mind is being led around by thoughts that we don't need. Start trying to identify the "If's". The things you don't need. Normally if you start thinking like this, you can worry and stress about it for hours because you really can't come to a conclusion about them. Drown them out. Make sure your thoughts are intentional. Make sure you want to be thinking about the things you're thinking about.

In that practical sense, the more you think about what you want to think about, the more you identify falsified worries and things that you can't get past. In the dream, you'll start to realize things like... "I shouldn't be following along with this plot, it doesn't even add up."

Bam, lucidity. Bottom line, create lucidity and clearness in your waking life. Focus on the present to your most efficient capability. Weed out what is pulling your thoughts back and forth. Become centered, and it will center your dreams.

Ok what are the what ifs that stress me out: work related definitely most of them. And yet it is the weekend and my stress level increased today which makes sense in that my mind is less busy so it has more time to stress.

Another stress factor of course is my relationship with my mother or either of my parents really, which of course is not an unusual stress factor for an adult daughter. I need to move beyond petty squabbles with my mom. Trouble is that she and I will fight over something that may appear to be nothing, but it is a nothing that is the last straw - things accumulate: I try so hard not to fight with my mom so many times, but then some triffle causes me to explode not because the triffle matters; or sometimes it is not that triffle but a bigger issue that it represents.

Today I exploded because my mother has reorganized stuff so I cannot find it any more. In the past I had told her not to do that, but she believes she is helping me and expects me to be grateful because my home is less of a mess. And it is true that my home was very messy and I often do not have time to declutter it, but at least before I had noone other than myself to blame if I could not find something. The trouble is that I now will call her up and say "do you happen to know where this or that is?" and her first reaction is that she defends herself and says it is not her fault, she did not move that. And I was not calling her to blame her, just hoping she had seen it. But she makes such a big deal out of defending herself, that I feel I cannot call her the next time I am missing something which I knew before where it was, but now I no longer do. When I am stressed I do not need my home to be organized, but I do need to feel in control, and I no longer do in my own home if things are not where I expect.

My mom believe she did not move anything or if she did that she put it in a logical place. Trouble is the place was logical to her but not to me. During past visits I even had told her that I no longer felt like my home was my own, but she thought this time that because I did not wish to fight her and because I was grateful for her help with the kids that this meant that she could reorganize my stuff, and I did not protest because I was too stressed to do so, but now I feel like I need to relearn my home, and I cannot ask her where stuff is. And of course while I look for stuff I shall reclutter it, undoing her work probably. And part of me thinks that this is just about stuff, and now that my mom is once again on the other side of the Atlantic ocean I should not stress over this, but this is not about this stuff, it is about my being in control and my home.

I so wish my mother did not do that to me every time she comes here for a month long visit about twice a year, and I wish I had learned how to cope with this. I thought that this time around her visit had not stressed me out as much as usual, but no, the reaction was just delayed. And my mother means so well and she genuinely wants to help and believes I should be grateful and is baffled when we fight over the location of a few screws or something equally ridiculous. Sigh.

It occurred to me that all this stress might not be pesky useless stress after all. It may be growing pains of an opportunity to change my personality in some fundamental way. I know my personality has thoroughly changed before in certain times of my life, and I know I have had such periods of high stress before, but I do not recall whether these two tend to coincide. What I do know is that I tend to come out of periods of high stress a stronger person at the end as I overcome the stress. And it has occurred to be that this meta awareness and techniques toward lucid dreaming induction may be a fundamental part of how I am redefining myself now. When successful, I shall no longer be who I was before this crisis in many ways. This stress crisis has certain signs of that personality change opportunity: it started as a self esteem crisis, a fight against censorship and self censorship, which brought me to DV and back to lucid dreaming as a goal, then I had all those dreams questioning or confirming my moral values, then I switched to mostly dreams about dreaming, then mostly dreams about work. Changing jobs was an essential part of the previous solution to such crisis, three years ago. This time around I was so convinced that changing jobs is needed again, but I am beginning to question that. What this crisis is about is mostly self definition and self awareness. Who am I? Who do I want to be? What is essential to that? Is my job? Probably not, my work does not define me. Is daydreaming essential? Yes. Self awareness? More so than before, but in different ways.

In other words, I am beginning to think that I may not need a new job but may need a new outlook on life. I am not in mid-crisis, but in mid-opportunity to come out of this stronger and better. :)