Fear Initiated Wild Failure.

It's 3:05 a.m. here in California... I just awoke from a FIWF- a fear induced WILD failure. I will simply share my account of what exactly happened with you all, and then I will be open to your suggestions.

*Edit: I'm terribly sorry that this post is so long.*

I succeed at WILDS maybe 10% of the time that I am consciously aware of them as they happen. I'd say 50 nights out of 75, I am awake during the transition period of dreaming at least one time in the night. So I'm very very experienced with what to do. My WILDs never turn into dreamscapes or different scene's EVER. They ALWAYS take the form of the room I am in, and they're always very accurate, and simultaneously TERRIFYING.

My WILDs always start as the most intense nightmare feeling ever. I never have regular dream nightmares. My nightmares usually involve a sad event, never something scary. My WILDs (not any other kind of lucid) always start in a terrifying way. I don't know if it's because my very first WILD was like this, and I've been subconsciously conditioned to believe that they are always like this or what, but it's frustrating.

Here's what happened. I was asleep. I "woke up." I heard a loud rushing sound that seemed to be coming from an area about 10 feet away from me in my room. I reached for my overhead light. As I did so, I noticed that my arm was very very heavy (that is my dreamsign- I have dreamsigns for my false awakenings which I have every single night). Every time my arm is heavy, I know that I'm either recovering from SP, or I'm asleep. Keeping my eyes closed, I fished around for my desklight that hangs over my bed. Found it, flipped it on. Sure enough it turned on, and i saw a flicker through my closed eyes. I figured, oh, well it worked. Before I had time to conclude anything else, I the rushing turned into the sound of an erupting volcano rumbling. Very loud, and very scary, and I was already a little scared. I began to phase through the wall. I very calmly sort of said to myself, "Alright, damnit, this is it, I won't be afraid this time." I opened my eyes and decided that when my eyes crossed the threshhold, I would be in the dreamstate which is my default "landing spot", my old hometown of Lansing, Michigan.

Instead, I saw a black void that started to speckle- the same sort of visual you see when you wake up and quickly open your eyes in the middle of the night in a not-quite-pitch-black room. So I bolted out of bed (I'm still asleep) I walked over to the foot of my bed, passing my usual very dark and TERRIFYING hooded figure that is in every single WILD I have. I opened my eyes once more with resolve and tried to stare down at my hands for stability... though it was too dark to see them, it was working. I could feel my control gaining and the figures before me both turning more real, and fading away at the same time. I decided spinning was next. I spun. Again, in the last parts of a transition into a WILD, I feel very heavy and slow like molasses, so spinning felt just like that- molasses. As my bedroom scene began to fade, I yelled "Lansing!!!!!!!" but I failed to actually concentrate on where I was going, and I ended up back in a dark void of my room, at which point I yelled lansing again, but this time I felt it escape my physical mouth. Duality occurred, which caused me to wake immediately.


I cannot explain with words the absolute sense of terror I feel every time I WILD. However, I'm not novice at lucid dreaming, and am able to keep a relatively good grip on my fear and still do what I need to do. But I would be having successful WILDs every night if fear were not a factor for me. It hinders my ability to concentrate on getting to my dreamworld that I can control. I see the same figure in all of my WILDs. I dread to WILD. Sometimes I dread to sleep, because a WILD is inevitable for me. I can't NOT have them, I have them almost every night whether I want to or not.

I have improved greatly from where I was- I used to fall out of my bed, or fall through my bed, or through the wall, and as SOON as I stood up, I was too terrified to continue, and forced myself to wake. This has gone on for months. Any type of DILD is great! But for me a DILD is more rare. I mean I have them all the time, but I'm seldom FULLY aware, or aware enough to control the dream. What do I do?


Note to newbies- this is just my issue. Not everyone who tries to WILD will see what I see. I'm not sure why I do, but I hope no one is put off from WILDing. it's pretty amazing.

-Rainman

Fear is a great modifying factor for me too.
I'm not really able to control my fear when I have an SP.
I'm sometimes able to enter it more deeply, but everytime I don't fight it, the sounds get more loud and scary, and I'm starting to feel pain-like feelings, and heavy vibrations. I have never experienced the spinning, because I always force myself to wake up after it gets too scary. And sometimes I see very terrifying, evil creatures too. Like a dark homeless man lying against my wall looking at me, or a monster with giant teeth, and blazing eyes.